“What?”
“Where do the kids come from?”
“What do you mean?”
“We know about them. Just not how they got there.”
“All the kids were once in a residential facility or group home. Some spent time in juvenile detention centers and others in mental health programs.”
“And they were released to Baxter?” There’s a small park and I lead Jenna over to the swings. It’s too late for any of the kids to be out. At least they shouldn’t be out.
“Each of them had reached a point where they could return to their families, guardians, or foster care. They would still continue to treat with their therapists or psychiatrists, but as an out-patient.”
“So their families, or whoever sent them there?” She sits on a swing and I pull it back before giving her a push. I can’t remember the last time I pushed someone in a swing. If ever.
“Not exactly. For most of these kids, going back home or wherever, is not the best option. A lot of times the home circumstances are why they ended up in trouble to begin with. Some had absent parents and got involved with people they shouldn’t, some were molested, others were runaways and ended up in prostitution. And, it isn’t just criminal activity. Some of these kids have serious emotional problems, and others, though functioning well, have been diagnosed with forms of autism, bipolar, or any other kind of condition out there, but whoever was supposed to be taking care of them, didn’t, or refused to think their kid needed some help. We have eating disorders and depression, former cutters…”
“Okay, I get it. But it still doesn’t answer how they came to Baxter.”
“Through different forms of therapy, their talents began to shine. Instead of sending them back to an environment that is more harmful than supportive, especially after they have come so far, they are given the option of attending Baxter.”
“But they still have problems. I’ve been on calls there so I know life isn’t suddenly perfect.”
“They’ll always have problems. But, they’ve learned control, take their medications and continue to meet with therapists. Some are still dealing with demons, and probably always will, but at least Baxter has the people equipped to help so the kids don’t completely backslide after leaving a more controlled environment.”
“When we were told about Baxter in training, I did expect to be called there more often.”
“Baxter helps the kids, for lack of better of a better definition, continue to get better. They can do what they love, finish out their high school education and have a shot at college.”
“Which is where you come in.”
“I try. God, I try, but sometimes I’m afraid it isn’t nearly enough.”
After delivering Nana’s dinner, Jenna and I get takeout from a Chinese restaurant and go back to her place. I’m glad. We can talk more freely and privately than we’d be able to in a public setting. There are half a dozen white cartons in the middle of the table and we’ve drank half a bottle of wine. I’m enjoying myself. A lot.
“You never did explain why we stopped into that clothing store. I assume it has something to do with your job.”
“I have a student who wants to go into fashion design.” And then she tells me what this girl, though no names are mentioned, needs to do to prepare. “I think I might have an idea of how to make it work.”
Jenna’s smiling up at me from across the table and all I want to do is kiss her. But, I don’t want to rush into anything. Especially since she’s finally having dinner with me. I feel lucky enough to have gotten this far and don’t want to push it.
Baby steps and patience. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.
“So, how did you decide to become a vocational counselor?”
“Because I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do.” She laughs. “My guidance counselor at high school was no help at all. Just gave me brochures to schools and told me to pick one and said to take the SAT and the ACT to better my chances.”
“You were in the top ten percent of the class. I’m pretty sure you weren’t rejected by any college you applied to.” She was crazy smart in school. Or at least, compared to me.
“I didn’t have a 4.0 and it was a struggle keeping my grades up. I knew I’d need to do everything I could so I had a shot at scholarships. Nana didn’t have the money to pay for college and I wanted to keep the loans at a minimum.”
I got that and wonder if I’ll ever pay off my loans. It makes me sick sometimes just thinking about how much I owe.
“Sometime by the end of my sophomore year, and when I had to decide a major, it hit me that my indecision is why I should be a vocational counselor. I could help kids figure out what they want before they graduate from high school, they wouldn’t be stuck like me.”
Most people come to their career because they have a passion for it, not backwards like Jenna. “Are you sorry?”
She sighs wistfully and leans back, cradling her glass of wine. “Best decision I’ve ever made. I love what I do.”
Jenna’s more relaxed tonight than I’ve seen her before. Maybe it’s the wine, or maybe just the talking. I could sit here all night, but that’s not possible. I need to be at work early tomorrow. I don’t want this night to end. But, we aren’t exactly at a point where I can spend the night either. Someday, hopefully, but not yet. “What are you doing Monday night?”
Fourteen
I can’t stop grinning and I really should, but can’t. Since I learned the truth about Cole and we had dinner and talked in my apartment, I really like having him around. Except I’m not sure where this is going. Does he just want to be a friend? Or does he want more? I’m not certain because he’s given no indication, which kind of scares me. What if I fall for him again and all he’s interested in is having another female friend? He did tell Alyssa that he simply likes women. All women. Is that what this is about? Should I try to keep my heart from becoming involved?
Damn, it’s almost like being in high school again. These warring emotions of trying to get his attention, but keeping my distance because I’m afraid of being hurt. And I hate that.
Yet, he is here. When he asked what I was doing tonight and I told him that every night I’m with Nana so I can fix her dinner, make sure she eats, and check on how she’s doing, he didn’t balk, and offered to bring supper. I’m glad he’s here.
Nana’s watching television while I clean up and Cole’s trying to fix Nana’s car again. I wonder how many times he and Dylan will have to do that before we can finally tow the thing away.
He comes in the back door and winks at me before going into the living room. “Sorry, Mrs. Ferguson. I can’t get it started.”
“Idiot.”
I sigh. She really shouldn’t call people names, especially that one, but I can’t make her understand that it isn’t right.
“I can take it to my friend’s garage and see what he can do.”
I pause, waiting for her answer.
“No!”
Blowing out a breath and go back to loading the dishwasher. It was worth a shot.
Cole comes back into the kitchen and takes a seat at the table. “I tried.”
“Thank you.” I glance at the clock. It’s already eight and I should get going. After putting the soap in and turning on the dishwasher, I grab my coat and go into the living room. “I’ve got to go, Nana. Can’t I get you anything first?”
“Nah.”
“I’ll be back tomorrow for supper.”
She just waves me away.
“Good night, Mrs. Ferguson,” Cole says as he follows me to the door.
Nana only frowns at him.
“She’s probably not going to like you until you fix the car,” I say once we are outside.
He laughs. “I don’t mind. I’d rather have that than her driving around town.”
Cole walks me to my car and opens the door. “Mind if I join you tomorrow night too?”
“Don’t you have better things to do? I’m with Nan
a every night. At least the nights that I can be. That can’t be enjoyable for you.”
He grins at me. “If you are here, it’s enjoyable.”
As much as I shouldn’t read too much into his words, I can’t help but get a little giddy. I don’t know why he wants to spend time with me at Nana’s, but I’m not going to turn him away. “Dinner’s at six.”
I wanted to go back to her place last night, but Jenna didn’t ask me. Maybe in time she will. Until then, I’ll keep inviting myself to dinner at her grandmother’s. She can’t really plan on spending all of her evenings there. Jenna does need to have a life outside of Nana’s home and work, but I’m not sure how to bring the subject up. Maybe once she’s settled there, she’ll be more open to dating. At least I hope so.
Jenna takes my plate and puts it in the sink.
“Car!” Nana points to the back door.
“Yes, Ma’am!” This is going to be a pattern. We’ll have dinner and while Jenna cleans up, I work on the car.
When I come back in from the garage, Jenna’s putting a large box on the table. “What’s that?”
“Stuff I need to get rid of,” she whispers.
“Why?”
“Because she’ll just put it back in my room if she sees it in the garbage.”
“What’s in there?” I try to peek in the top but she shoves the lid down tightly.
“Just things from my childhood.”
She’s very protective and I’m dying to know what she wants to hide. “Like what?”
“Old diaries, badly written poetry, things that need to be burned.”
“It can’t be that bad.” I’d love to read her diaries, not that I would sneak a look into them. That’s too much of an invasion of privacy. It’s bad enough that I stalked her on Facebook.
“Trust me. They are bad!”
I just laugh and as much as I’d like to see what’s in that box, I know I never will.
“I’m headed out Nana. Call if you need anything.”
“Sure,” she calls back.
I grab the box and carry it to her car and put it in the back seat. “You know, I can dump this in the garbage for you.”
“So you can read all the deep thoughts of a fifteen-year-old girl? I think not.” She shuts the door, blocking me out completely.
Jenna starts toying with her key ring. “If you want, you can join us for dinner tomorrow.”
There’s nothing I’d like better but it’s not possible. “I’d love to, but I have to work.”
“Oh, well, thanks for working on Nana’s car.”
Damn, the first time she asks me and I have to say no. I don’t want her to not ask again. “I can Thursday.”
A small smile plays on her lips. “See you then.”
Fifteen
It’s been a trying week, with little lights of promise. As well as some confusion. I’m still meeting with kids, trying to get them set up with colleges, scholarships and aid. There will always be that during the day and after I get home at night. It’s never ending and I could probably work on it twenty-four seven and still have plenty left to do. I’m still concerned with Nana and will feel so much better when I’m living there. Not that I’ll be able to spend more time with her, but I’ll be in the house from when I get off work until I leave in the morning. It’s best for her and I can work there as well as I do at my apartment.
Then there’s Cole! I’m not sure what to make of him or where our relationship is going. Are we just friends? He came to dinner on Thursday, but worked Friday because he traded with someone so he could be at the auction. We’ve talked and I’ve really enjoyed spending time with him. And, he pretends to fix Nana’s car when he could make an excuse and leave. But he doesn’t. Yet, he hasn’t asked to come back to my place. It’s not like we are at Nana’s late, but he seems content to go after dinner.
He hasn’t tried to kiss me either. The only sign that he was thinking beyond friendship was when he held my hand last weekend. He hasn’t even touched me since. Is it because I’m always with Nana or had he been thinking about dating and decided friendship was better?
It’s so frustrating and I wish I knew what he was thinking. But, I don’t dare ask. If all he wants is friendship, that’s fine. Though truthfully, if he wanted to kiss me, I’d be okay with that.
Hell, I’d be more than okay.
Shit! I’m falling for him again. Just like I did in high school and look where that led. Misery and brokenhearted and I don’t want to go through all of that again. I’ll just need to think of him as a friend and only a friend, like all the other bridesmaids. In time, all will be good.
“That’s everything,” he says from the living room. Everything that can be boxed has been. Or at least, all I have room for right now. There are still things to be packed away, but I don’t have room for more boxes right now.
“Thanks.” I lean against the counter, staring at all the boxes in my living room. They are all books and it’s strange to see the shelves so empty.
“Should I pick you and Nana up for the auction?”
Not knowing if she’ll be ready on time, or what I’ll have to go through, I don’t want to hold him up or make him late. “That’s okay. I’ll see you there.”
“Moon River” starts playing on my phone.
Cole raises an eyebrow.
“Nana’s favorite song.” I assigned it to her so I’ll know who’s calling without having to look.
“It’s tonight?”
“Yes, Nana, tonight.”
“Oh, goody.”
I almost pulled the invitation from her refrigerator earlier in the week, hoping she’d forget about the auction, but I felt too guilty doing so. She always enjoyed it in the past and it’s unfair of me to keep her from things. Besides, she might enjoy herself and she should get out of the house and do something other than go to the grocery store.
“I’ll get you around five.”
“Good, good, good.”
She doesn’t even say goodbye, but I’m okay with that.
Cole is looking at me with a mixture of sympathy and humor. “The auction?”
I sigh. “It should be an interesting night.”
I keep glancing at the door, waiting for Jenna and her grandmother to show up when I spot Alyssa and her bridesmaids standing at the bar. What the hell were they saying about me last week? It couldn’t have been bad, could it? It isn’t like I dated or even slept with any of them.
Alyssa sees me and motions me over.
“Cole Preston, you do look fine in that tux,” Morgan eyes me appreciatively.
She is the one who really wanted to have sex. Her blatant perusal of my body makes me a bit uncomfortable. She’s probably the most forward girl I’ve ever met. “Thank you.”
Shelby is looking around. “So, all the firefighters are in tuxes and they’re all single, right?”
“It isn’t that kind of auction,” Alyssa warns.
“A girl can hope, can’t she?”
I have to laugh.
Morgan takes the program and reads through it. “Which one is Dylan?”
“He’s in the red vest.” We all have matching tuxedos, with different colored vests. Mine’s pink. Not exactly a manly color to be wearing, but what the hell. It’s for a good cause.
“Oh, he can paint my walls anytime.”
“You rent,” Alyssa reminds her.
“That doesn’t mean I can’t paint the walls, and he is hot.”
Kayla grabs a program and starts flipping pages. “What are you offering up? A night at a diner?” She winks at me.
I laugh. “Auto mechanic, yard work, or both.”
“Ah, there she is,” Alyssa says. “Jenna, over here.”
I turn to see Jenna. She’s wearing a short, black party dress and two inch heels. The material hugs her breasts and rounded hips, and her legs go on forever. My mouth goes dry. Damn, she is smokin’ hot.
Her grandmother looks confused and then plops herself down at a table. Jenna
just waves in our direction and sits next to her.
“Excuse me.” I make my way over to their table. “You look lovely this evening, Mrs. Ferguson.”
“Coffee!”
Jenna rolls her eyes.
“I’ll be happy to get it for you.” I turn to Jenna. “Can I get you a drink?”
“Wine! White and dry, please.”
“Of course.”
She’s already tense. I remember the few times Dad took Grandpa out. There was nothing relaxing about it.
Dylan and Alyssa are at the table when I return.
“You’re still going out after, right?” She’s asking Jenna.
She bites her lips and looks at her grandmother. “If I can. I’ll still need to take Nana home.”
“Ah, the bachelorette party?” I set the glass of wine on the table and the coffee in front of Mrs. Ferguson.
“Jenna’s a bridesmaid and it’s a requirement she participate,” Alyssa scolds in case Jenna’s trying to get out of it. It did kind of sound that way.
“I’ll take Nana home,” Dylan offers before I can. If anyone needs a night out on the town and having fun it’s Jenna.
She frowns, dark eyebrows drawing together as if she’s concerned.
“It’ll be fine,” Dylan assures her.
“If you are sure you don’t mind.” She glances at her grandmother. “And if Nana lets you.”
“It’s no problem,” he assures her.
“Which leaves us with only one more problem,” Alyssa announces and puts an arm around me.
“What?” Jenna and I ask at the same time.
“My older brother loaned us his van, because it’s the only thing we have that’s big enough without renting a limo, but he got called into work and can’t drive.” She steps closer to me. “My bridesmaids were going to draw straws to see who would be the designated driver, but if we can find someone else to play chauffeur…”
“I’ll drive,” Jenna announces. “I’ll just have this one glass and since we won’t be leaving here for a few hours, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
Shadows of Memories (Baxter Academy) Page 9
