‘Your body language. Back in the kitchen when Noah told me how long I’d been gone for. Are you sure it’s been three years? It hasn’t felt like it.’
A flicker of tension flashed through his frame, quickly suppressed. ‘It felt like forever to me,’ he admitted. Something closed in his expression as he looked down.
‘See, you’re doing it again! You talk all the right words but your signs are telling me you’re cross with me. I don’t know what you want.’ In my frustration I was signing as well as talking and my waving arms made Alonso shy and bolt away across the paddock. Everything in this rotten world was ruled by fear and mistrust and I didn’t like it.
Bane rubbed his face and closed his eyes for a second to think. When he opened them again he sighed, as if he had decided on something. ‘Honestly? I’m not annoyed at you. I’m just a bit hurt. The last few years have been pretty awful. I guess it feels unfair that you hardly noticed it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not really surprised. I mean, you were in Paradise. My reaction is entirely selfish, and in no way am I cross with you, I promise.’
Finally his face matched his words in bleak honesty. It helped a lot. It made it easier to see things from his point of view.
‘But you should be cross. I left you alone,’ I pointed out. ‘After you told me what you wanted, I still didn’t really believe you. I’ve brought you nothing but misery right from the start and you deserve better.’
Grabbing my hands, he placed them on either side of his face and met my eyes with a look full of fierce passion. ‘For God’s sake, Lainie. For someone who can read people, you can be pretty blind. I know what you can do with your gift, so go ahead, read me. See how much I yearn for you, every minute of every day. I know this place is confusing for you but don’t you dare doubt me, or how I feel about you—not ever.’
No breath left my lungs for about five seconds. There was absolutely no need for me to use any of my whacko powers to read him. By his flushed expression and the fire behind his eyes it was pretty clear that when he used the word ‘yearn’, it really wasn’t an overstatement, so I pulled his face even closer and gave him the sort of kiss that showed him I felt the same.
It wasn’t until we were heading back and I saw the brilliant yellow spray of roses along the side of the cottage that another memory came crashing down. The cottage. Harry’s cottage. It had looked so different when we had walked down there the previous evening that my mind had chosen to just slip over what it meant. There had been too many other distractions. Harry wasn’t here. I had left him in the white hospital bed and he had been dying. Harry had been the closest thing I’d had to a father, and I’d left him to die and had barely even noted his passing. In Eden, every time I’d thought about him I’d put him among all the other people I’d left behind, somehow assuming that he was just going about his business without me, the same as everyone else. After all, they were all dead, in a way.
The vibrant roses waved their petal fingers in the air as if to mock my deluded thinking. What was wrong with me? I couldn’t just lose someone so important and not even grieve, could I? I would never let that happen—it had to be a mistake. Surely it was a sickening nightmare that I would wake from at any moment in a rush of clammy relief? Motionless, I tracked my conflicting emotions as they flooded through me. He was gone and I couldn’t see him anymore. I couldn’t talk to him. And yet he had chosen to go. Sort of. He had been sick, but he could have eaten the Living Fruit when he was in Eden. He hadn’t wanted to. And I wanted whatever he wanted. That was how it was supposed to work.
My shoulder was nudged, gently. ‘What’s wrong?’ Bane asked.
‘He’s gone. Moved across,’ I managed to choke out past the bile swirling through my gut.
Bane nodded, and put his serious face back on. ‘He died a few days after you left. How would you like me to refer to him? Noah calls him “Uncle” now.’
He was talking about the avoidance of using personal names when speaking about deceased Aboriginal people. It was respectful for him to ask.
I considered carefully, thinking out loud. ‘He’s crossed over and I don’t believe that he would be called back to this world now, but then what would I know? Also, he’s Cherub, not human, and I haven’t a clue how that changes things.’ Having the authority to wield supernatural powers didn’t mean I felt qualified to make such decisions. For maybe the first time in my life I decided to follow Noah’s wisdom. ‘Probably best to be cautious, just in case.’ And what did Cherubim do after crossing over? Where did we go? Same place as humans? What about Guardians? Something about that thought tripped me off track and I decided it would be unwise for me to dwell on the concept of death too much here, so I made myself stop fiddling with the end of my braid and turned back to face Bane. ‘He chose to go. It was what he desired most?’ That last part wasn’t supposed to have come out as a question.
‘I guess so, at least, it was his choice. He wanted to go, in the end.’
My stomach settled a little. I just needed to focus on that. Harry had done what he wanted. All was well. ‘He was Noah’s real dad,’ I remembered. Such a revelation had been hard to forget but it came with other thoughts, ones that my mind shied away from even faster than Alonso had bolted, so instead I kept my mind fixed on Harry. ‘They look nothing alike, but then why would they? Cherubim look like whatever people expect to see, so Noah has grown up looking like everyone expects him to look. Just like his brothers. He’s even got David Ashbree’s green eyes.’ An image of another face flashed before me. Her eyes weren’t the same vivid green, they were dark olive, and much more serious. I didn’t like thinking about her. ‘Noah bites on his tongue the same way Uncle used to, when he’s concentrating hard on something.’ I should have noticed that earlier. If I had, then maybe …
Blinking, I looked at Bane in confusion. What had I just been saying?
He watched me for a moment, and then asked, ‘Did you want to see the graves?’ His fingers squeezed mine in gentle concern.
‘The grave? What for? He isn’t there—he’s moved across. I miss him, but he isn’t … there.’ Where was he? What was he up to at that moment? When I had died, I’d gone somewhere. Somewhere real.
‘Not just …’ Bane’s long eyelashes caught the sun as he looked down at my hand in his. ‘Never mind.’
For a long moment he stayed quiet, as if he was trying to decide something.
‘Lainie, how much do you remember about what happened the day you left?’
I had a brief vision of Harry’s face on a white pillow. And of running through the bush, trying to go faster. Noah had made it there first. After that …
I snatched my hand out of his. ‘We need to find Dallmin now.’ For some reason my voice was trembling.
My Guardian didn’t speak as he followed me back up to the house.
Chapter 19
The happy couple must be about to return, Tessa realised, as Tim turned away from the lounge room window and pestered Noah again—with much less subtlety.
‘Please don’t take this the wrong way,’ he begged, ‘but I have to know before I leave. What’s the deal with Lainie?’
Tess rolled her eyes at Noah’s pleading look. Her husband was a terrible liar. She would have thought he would be better at it if it helped to keep Eden a secret, but he was just too obvious when he tried to hedge. She tugged Tim’s sleeve and drew him back to the kitchen to help finish cleaning up the mess from breakfast. Noah followed, throwing her a grateful smile.
‘Lainie’s been away for a few years,’ she explained, opening the clean dishwasher and handing Tim the cutlery basket. ‘She had a very traumatic experience not long after finishing school and didn’t come out of it too well.’ Out of the corner of her eye she saw Noah blanch as he started to wipe down the kitchen table. Okay, so ‘not well’ was a massive understatement, given that Lainie had died in a gruesome spray of blood.
There
was a knowing and compassionate feel to Tim’s nod. ‘Mental illness?’
‘Of a sort,’ she lied, her voice sounding only slightly squeaky. She was fairly confident that Lainie would forgive her for that, but Noah looked like someone had just stolen his ute. She knew that in his perspective, everyone outside of Eden was mentally ill to some degree compared with the people born of the Garden, who never so much as shed a real tear.
‘And she’s okay now? Bane seems to be pretty confident that she’s back for good. I’d hate for him to be wrong.’
Wouldn’t we all, Tess thought, grabbing a tissue. She was so emotional these days. It was like being back in high school. ‘We’ll do everything we can to help her. Don’t worry about Bane. Those two are meant to be together. It will all work out fine,’ she said with as much confidence as she could fake. Noah’s look was grateful. Those were words he needed to hear too. She hoped she was right.
‘So. You all went to school together?’ Tim asked, changing the subject. She supposed that crying pregnant women were not his cup of tea.
Noah nodded. ‘Nalong College. Best soccer team in the region,’ he boasted, showing Tim where to stack the clean plates.
‘If Bane was on the team, I believe you. He is one tough player.’
‘Tell me about it. I once had the bite marks to prove it.’
As the conversation deteriorated into the latest English Premier League gossip, Tess let the guys take over the cleaning while she put her feet up and appraised Bane’s friend. He was a year younger than they were, and had met Bane on his first deployment. His open friendliness must have been good for her fellow Guardian, who had been sullen ever since she had known him. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what Bane must have been like to hang around with over the last three years. Tim was obviously a loyal friend to have stuck by him all this time, let alone nurse him halfway across the country in the state he’d been in yesterday.
A tiny foot pressed against her ribs, making her wriggle around in her chair. Her ankles ached. She only had a few weeks to go before the baby was due. Of all the times to have to chase after a citizen of Eden, this had to be the worst. She was ecstatic to have Bane and Lainie back, but she was also terrified that Noah would be called on to help find Dallmin. She couldn’t let him go without her. That simply wasn’t an option, and yet how was she supposed to keep up? And what if it took too long? She narrowed her gaze at the eager soldier.
‘So what are your plans, Tim?’ she asked when there was finally a break in the conversation. ‘How long can you stay?’
‘I’m supposed to take the rental car back tomorrow, and I should really be back for work on Monday. I haven’t booked a flight yet though. I’d better get on with it, I guess.’
‘Is there any chance you could stay a bit longer? There’s something we could use some help with. It’s okay if you can’t, I just thought I’d ask.’
Noah looked at her sideways. She glared back at him. She knew what she was doing—she hoped.
‘Well, I do have a bit of leave owing, and it’s a boring enough job that I won’t be missed, sadly, so I suppose I could stay for a few days. What is it you need?’
‘We need to find someone. I was thinking that with your army training you might be able to help. Hopefully it won’t take long.’
‘Someone’s missing?’
‘Well, sort of. He’s a bit of a drifter. I’m sure he’s fine but we haven’t seen him for a while and I’d feel better if I knew he was okay. I was going to send Noah to search …’
The affable man smiled at her. ‘But Noah needs to stay around here. I understand. I’ll see what I can arrange, don’t worry.’
A smile formed and settled itself smugly in Tessa’s chest. She’d been right in thinking he was probably a decent bloke.
Chapter 20
The child’s mother had been very clear, so Dallmin walked briskly away. It was what she wanted. Apparently if he didn’t move quickly she was going to call someone else. That confused him because he would have been happy to have met someone new, but she made it sound like it was something he wouldn’t like. It was the second time he had heard the name ‘Thapolis’ and he was curious to meet him or her. However, the woman clearly preferred him to leave, so he did. He hadn’t even had a chance to hug the little girl. She hadn’t been smiling so he’d wanted to make her happy. Her mother had become very loud when he’d explained that to her.
He found a street he hadn’t seen before and turned into it, careful to stay on the smooth raised strip along its edge. There were at least ten other people on the path ahead of him; however, he didn’t try to talk to any of them. Perhaps his English was not as good as he had thought, but he was beginning to understand that it was more than just a language problem. The people didn’t want to greet him. Not even with a hug, and that didn’t take any words at all. They didn’t greet each other either. There were so many people here and yet they must see each other often if they didn’t feel the need to even acknowledge each other when they crossed paths.
Freezing gusty wind tugged at his clothes, and his fingertips ached from the cold. Annie had warned him that the place beyond the cave might be very cold or very hot. He’d expected his clothing to compensate for that, and had recently been given some warmer clothes to wear, but even they weren’t quite enough. No wonder the buildings here were so different. Even the largest shelter trees in the Garden would have had trouble keeping this wind out.
A new sound snagged his attention. It came from one of the painted stone buildings with the large glass walls. He smiled. It was music unlike anything he’d ever heard, so he followed someone through the doorway and into the shelter, and then paused. When no one told him to go away he proceeded to look around. The source of the music was not obvious, but there were beautiful things everywhere. Many gemstones glittered in the light from the tiny false sun. He could smell something burning, which reminded him of a bush that grew on an island he’d once lived on. He’d brought some dry branches back to the valley to add to the other scented plants that were used to make clothing smell nice. This scent was so strong it made him sneeze, which then made him chuckle.
‘Sorry, the incense can be a bit overpowering if you’re not used to it,’ a husky feminine voice called from the back of the shelter. Finally, someone who wanted to talk to him.
‘Can I help you with something?’ the woman asked, placing an animal carving up on a shelf with some others. Her hair was the colour of berries, and her skin sagged a little.
‘I’d like to fly,’ he explained.
The woman looked him over, her bright red lips pressed together. ‘Sorry buddy, you’ve got the wrong shop. I can help if you’re after spiritual healing or natural therapies but you’ll have to go somewhere else for the other stuff.’
So it was another shop. He was starting to figure out what those were. Every time he saw something he wanted it was in a shop. And every time he asked for it he was asked, in turn, for something called money. Annie had tried to explain it to him but he really didn’t understand how it all worked, and everyone seemed so disappointed that he had none to share.
He decided to tell her before she could ask. ‘I have no money,’ he said. Pity. Healing sounded interesting. He was curious to know what they did when they got hurt since there was no Living Fruit here.
The woman shook her head. ‘Then I’m sorry, I can’t help you. I don’t know what it’s like where you came from, but running a business in a country town is tough enough. I can’t afford to give hand-outs to every vagrant that walks in off the street.’
Dallmin looked around at all the beautiful things she had. It would have been nice to have been able to give something pretty to Annie. Perhaps it was time to find some money. Thanking the woman the way Annie had taught him, he turned and walked back out into the icy wind.
He was hungry again. He was always hungry here. The first few days
had not been fun. It was hard to even remember them very clearly, except that he’d been so hungry that he had been sick, and there was no Fruit to make him better. He had tried nearly everything he could find. The leaves were all bitter and some of the plants had refused to even stay down. No animals came near him at all, let alone any tired ones that wanted help to stop. How did people live here?
He continued to wander, passing shops where he could see steaming trays of food and bright cabinets stacked with bottles of coloured water, but he was reluctant to go in to any of them because it had not gone well the last few times. Eventually he started to walk back to where the white-haired man lived. The man had given him food a few times now. Annie had told him that people here would expect him to give them something every time they gave him something. Dallmin hadn’t found anything to give so had sung for him instead. The man had seemed pleased.
The ground was cold and hard and his bare feet were aching by the time he arrived back at the large shelter with the two crossed sticks on top, and he pushed open the double wooden doors and entered with some relief. The place still intrigued him. He had helped build a stone tower once, much larger than this. A grand project that had taken many seasons, and now the tower was always full of people. How many people must have helped to make this place? And yet it was usually empty.
Three of the walls had coloured windows that caught enough light to avoid the need for one of those tiny false suns that seemed to be standard in every other room. Pink and blue sunlight reflected the distorted window pictures onto the carpet. Dallmin sat down on one of the long wooden benches and stared up at the stories again, wide eyed, as he breathed in the scent of wax and polished wood. There was a baby in some of the pictures, so maybe the stories were in celebration of the precious child.
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