Chapter 19
Brian heard the slam of a car door out front, and put the album aside. He opened the front door and then the door to the porch, holding it for his mother as she came through to the living room. She had her coat collar up around her lower face and a scarf covering her hair against the wind, which was whipping up the icy air and falling leaves outside.
"It's getting so cold! I swear, it's getting colder earlier every year! This is not global warming."
"Hi Mom," he said, and took her wool coat as she pulled the scarf from her head and patted her blond hair to make sure it was in place. She dropped her purse in the chair nearest the door.
She was taller than he had pictured, maybe 5'8" to his six feet. She hadn't changed that much from the picture he'd been looking at, features a little heavier, and her hair had a more fixed look and was thinning at the hairline.
She looked up at him brightly. He caught a whiff of gin on her breath.
"Hello, Baby. My darling Brian." and then her smile crumpled and her tears flooded over. She flung her arms up and embraced him tightly around the neck, almost desperately.
He didn't try to say anything, but put his arms around her firmly and held her until her quiet sobs slowed down. Carrie came into the dining room and paused when she saw them. He loosened his hold and stroked his mother's back until she stopped crying and pulled away. He kept his hands lightly on her shoulders. He felt full, somehow, full of feeling. Impulsively, he kissed her wet cheek.
"I'm all right now." She reached for the napkin Carrie brought from the dining room table and dabbed at her face. "Thank you Carrie. I keep doing that. I just burst into tears at the drop of a hat." She shook her head as if it was inexplicable to her. "Yesterday in the supermarket I saw that the Hubbard squash was in. I always bought it to fix for your father. He liked it baked with sausage and apples and onions. He would have eaten that every night of his life if he could have. I started crying right there in the produce department. I should have made it for him more often."
Carrie touched her arm gently. "It's going to take time, Mom."
"All right, I've had my cry. How are you two?" Like quicksilver she had changed to a gracious woman in control of herself. She admired Carrie's stomach, but didn't touch her. "How is my grandbaby?"
They sat down to dinner and visited about this and that. Brian found that he could hold his own with the small talk. There weren't any questions asked that he couldn't answer with a generality, or turn back to her. It was beginning to seem to him that telling her now, and adding to her upset, would be an unnecessary burden for her. She seemed so happy to be with them. She and Carrie talked about Carrie's pregnancy, and she announced she'd had a letter from Brian's sister, Elaine, who had decided to bring the children for Thanksgiving. She was a little tearful about that, because it reminded her it would be the first holiday without Ed, but she recovered her equilibrium and went on about looking forward to seeing the children.
Brian collected up some dishes from the table and took them to the kitchen, catching Carrie's eye from the doorway and motioning with his head to come with him.
"I'll be right back, Sandra," she said, picking up the serving dishes. "I'll go get the dessert."
"Take your time, honey. I think I'll step out front for a minute." She slid back her chair and collected her purse from the chair by the door.
"What do you think?" Brian asked Carrie in sotto voice as she set the dishes on the counter. "I'd like to wait until after the hospital tests, when I know more. Then she wouldn't have to worry about the results until we have them. If there's even anything to worry about."
"I know. She's on an even keel now. Besides that, you could remember any time, maybe before she even has to know. It's up to you, Brian. She's your mother."
Sandra came back in and the smell of her cigarette with her. "I'm going to the ladies room," she said, and went down the hall. Carrie served up the fruit and sorbet they'd bought at the store and put the dishes around the table.
"Do you have company staying with you?" Sandra asked as she came back to the dining room.
"Company? No." Carrie looked puzzled.
"The door was open to your guest room and it looked as if someone was staying there. I just wondered."
Brian hadn't thought about explaining this, since he didn't even know the reason himself, so he improvised.
"Oh, that's just me in there. Carrie's been having trouble sleeping, and so I get out of her way sometimes. Some nights it wakes her up if I even turn over in bed and then she can't get back to sleep. And she has early classes some mornings." Carrie looked at him appraisingly. He wished it hadn't slid out so effortlessly. It wasn't his proudest moment. On top of keeping his amnesia from his mother, now he'd initiated lying to her. He could have waited to see if Carrie fielded the question. He might even have learned something.
"Oh I remember those nights. That's very thoughtful of you, darling."
As they sat back down for dessert, Sandra said, "Do you think I might have a small drink?" Brian wondered if Carrie had noticed that his mother had already had something before she arrived. Whether or not she did, Carrie was straightforward. She smiled at Sandra and shook her head slightly.
"I'd feel much better if you didn't, Sandra. You have that long drive home in the dark. I don't want to worry about you on the way home. You don't mind too much, do you?"
"Well, that's all right then. I was just thinking of a small one, but you're probably right. You're the sensible one in the family." There was the slightest edge in her voice that matched a tight little smile.
Clean Slate Page 19
