Any chance of his dick springing to life was totally lost now. He shook his head in amazement.
“What’s your name sweetheart?” He chuckled.
“Lucy. And yours?”
“John.” He lied, not sure why, but did so nonetheless.
“Well John,” she moved closer to him and bent just enough so that her ample cleavage was eye level. “I get off at eleven—no pun intended. What do you think? Maybe we can hook up. I know Beckam will be more than happy to join in later. He could meet us when he gets off. Again —”
“I know, no pun intended.” He finished her statement.
“Only if you want it to be,” she laughed.
“You’d leave with me just like that?” Simon snapped his fingers.
“Sure, why not? We think you’re…nice.”
“I could be a dangerous man, sweetheart.” He reached inside his jacket and pulled out a wad of cash.
“Then it would be a chance we both would be taking. Let’s flip the switch for a minute. I could be a dangerous woman. Ever thought of that?” She was serious. Simon saw it in her eyes and heard it in her voice. “Right when you close your eyes in the throes of ecstasy I could stab you in the back, so don’t try to scare me. Either you’re interested or not.”
“You’re right.” He laughed. “I never looked at it like that.” He stood up and placed a couple twenties on her tray. “Thanks, sweetheart. Who would have thought I’d find the answer to my dilemma from a pretty little thing name Lucy in a dank little pub in Indy.”
“Thank you…I guess.” She stepped back to let him pass. “So are you going to meet me or not?” Simon ignored the challenge in her voice and moved around her, pausing momentarily to look in her eyes.
“Not. But thanks, anyway.” Simon studied her searching for a sign of disappointment that he hadn’t taken her and Beckam up on their offer, an offer—had it been any other night—that would have been a welcome diversion, an offer he would have gladly accepted. But not tonight.
He knew what he was going to do.
Glancing around the bar at the other patrons, Simon figured she and Beckam wouldn’t have a problem replacing him for the night. Some other fortunate guy would luck out with them. As appealing as the thought was, that a good fucking would alleviate his anxiety, there was no way he could be with the duo tonight. His dick had spoken what his mind and his heart knew to be true.
Lilly was back and no one else would do. Lucy had simply—unbeknownst to her—made it crystal clear. Which led to his next thought. Was this a sign from God? And who was he to ignore the Lord’s will? He had enough problems without invoking the wrath of the man upstairs.
“Do you believe in fate?” He asked earnestly of this stranger, who had managed in seconds to help him see the light. She frowned. “Well, do you, Miss Lucy Divine Interventionist?” he prodded.
“Sure. Why not? Doesn’t everyone?” She shrugged.
“I didn’t before, but I do now. Thanks Lucy.” He touched her shoulder, squeezed, and then turned away from her, his eyes landing on the bartender who returned the gaze with disappointment.
“For what?” She was obviously dumbfounded by his remarks.
“For being my epiphany,” Simon replied. He walked toward the exit with a newfound determination, mindful to wink at the bartender as he made his exit.
Once in his car, he punched in the number of a reliable friend who Simon was sure would be able to access the address of Lillian Rouilard of Indianapolis, Indiana in a matter of minutes on the internet.
Ethan Dennaud III was a computer genius and the security and technological expert at Dennaud & Crane Securities and Investigations. The company was co-owned by Parker’s younger brother, Jason. Simon had helped Ethan and Jason with the start-up by investing heavily, financially. He also referred many of his business associates to the firm. If Ethan displayed any hesitation toward obtaining the information Simon was about to request, he would nullify any and all objections by reminding Ethan of debts owed. The stakes were high, and no one was going to stand in Simon’s way.
“What’s going on man, you sound…upset.”
“What do you think?”
“Lilly?”
“Who else?” Simon rubbed his forehead. “How did you find out about it?”
“Who else? Jason. You know how close he and Millicent are. How in the world did Lilly and Millicent work together for so long without connecting the dots? How the hell is it possible the three of you existed in the same spectrum, ignorant of the relationships you shared?”
Totally ignoring the question, Simon imagined Ethan scratching his head while dogmatically assimilating how the events came about. Nerdy little anal bastard was always trying to figure out the logical what’s and why’s of everything.
“What the fuck, Ethan? Who gives a shit about that? Jesus! I don’t know, and I really don’t give a damn about probabilities, statistics, chances or any of the rest of the type of shit that gets you off in the wee hours of the morning. Jesus, Ethan, this is my life here, and you’re tripping on nerdy shit.”
“You’re a prick, you know that.”
“A prick in need of an address, and I’ll give you three guess whose.”
“I’m a step ahead of you. I anticipated the reason for your call and I am staring at it now in black and white on my computer screen. You sure you want it?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” Simon waited through the pause that seemed like hours rather than seconds, and finally Ethan spoke.
“You have something to write this down?”
“I don’t need anything. I won't forget,” Simon said.
Ethan rattled the information off and Simon relaxed. The Broad Ripple area was perhaps twenty minutes away if the flow of traffic cooperated. The streets were, for the most part, empty, and Simon figured he could be there in less than ten.
“Thanks Ethan. I’ll remember this favor and I’ll owe you one.”
“No problem. That’s what friends are for. Besides, I know what you’re going through. I understand completely wanting someone and not being able to have them. Good luck, Simon.”
He pressed end on the phone and sped ahead. Simon smashed his foot down on the clutch and shifted the gears of his BMW, navigating almost recklessly the curves in the road that would lead him to the Broad Ripple, which of course would lead him right into the arms of Lilly.
“You’re so full of shit, Simon Lane
,” he murmured. “You’ll never learn.”
He knew he was a liar.
Chapter Ten
“What should I do, Teresa?” Lilly sat on her sofa Indian style, clutching her phone. With her free hand, she swiped at her tears. “What do I do?”
“Dry your tears, for starters. Then get your skinny little ass in your car and drive over to McKenna County. Come home, Lilly.”
“But if I run, I may never have a chance again.”
“Is that what you want? Do you really and truly want another chance with him? Are you absolutely sure?”
“I don’t know.” Lilly really wasn’t sure how she felt. She couldn’t help but think about Millicent’s words, and she cringed. Was she simply reacting to Millicent’s spiteful and nasty comments? Was she masking her real feelings? There was no denying the chemistry between her and Simon. Did she want him now more than ever because of an old emotion she thought was dead and gone, or was it for the sick thrill of putting it to that wacko he was engaged to?
“Listen to what you’re saying. He’s engaged, Lilly. It’s not just about you and Simon anymore. What about Millicent?”
“What about Maris?” Lilly countered.
“We’re talking about you and Simon, not me and Sean. Don’t compare me and Maris to you and Simon’s fiancé. Millicent is a good person. Simon has moved on. Besides, Sean never left me and I never left him.”
“I know that!” Lilly closed her eyes and leaned back against the cushion, imagining the smug I told you so expression that her sister probably wore.
Teresa had been, and always would be, the pragmatist of the three Rouilard girls. Everything was always black and white for her, including her handling and acceptance of the triangle she lived in with Sean and Maris.
“You have to be sure of your feelings,” Teresa continued.
“Millicent Rogers is not all peppermint and cream. That bitch is nutty in the head. She’s —”
“You don’t even know her.”
“You’re right, I don’t.” Lilly knew a losing battle. For whatever reason, Teresa saw Millicent as some sort of wounded person to be handled with care. Millicent was tagged in the role of the potentially injured party, and Lilly was the executioner. Lilly knew from their meeting earlier that there was nothing innocent or sweet about Simon’s fiancé. She was an actress, and she had everyone fooled, including Simon.
“A part of me hates him for what he did; I hate him for not fixing it, and I hate the way he still makes me feel. After everything…it’s not normal.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You can’t help how you feel. However, you must be sure, Lilly. You have to do what is right for you. I’ll support you like I always have, you know that. You also have to think about Millie.”
“Believe me, Teresa, I am thinking about Millicent, and trust me, she’ll be just fine. Can we avoid discussing Millicent Rogers? I want to be sure I don’t make any more stupid mistakes. Harping about Millicent is not helping me out here, Teresa.” Lilly rose from the couch, walked over to the window and looked out on the deserted and quiet street.
“Okay, what is it you really and truly want, Lilly? Forget about what you think you should want, or feel, or do. Do not factor into your answer what other women in your position would do or feel. They can do their thing, but you have to do yours, what makes you happy. This is your life, not theirs. Right now, forget the saying ‘no man is an island’. What do you want?”
“Him. I want to talk to him…I want to ask Simon why he didn’t fight for us. I want to know why he gave up so easily. I want to know how he could love her. Of all the women in the world, why her? I want him to acknowledge what he did; to say he’s sorry. I want to hit him for doing it. I want to hear that he cried every minute he was away from me, just like I cried for every minute I was away from him. I want to hold him close and look in his eyes and tell him I forgive him and that it’s okay.”
“Then there’s your answer.”
“I can’t do that. How can I look myself in the mirror if I just excuse everything that went down?”
“I don’t get women like you. Tell me—when it’s cold at night, does your pride keep you all snugly and warm? Do you know what I say to those meddling hens in McKenna County who look at me like I’m trash because of my relationship with Sean? I tell them to kiss my ass. They can say whatever they want about me; I’ll never leave Sean. I swear, sometimes I think you and Cassie were adopted. At the first sign of trouble, the two of you turn tail and run. Or maybe I was adopted. It doesn’t matter.”
“I’m nothing like Cassie.”
“Sure you’re not. Forget that the both of you are spending the best years of your life separated from the men you love—for Cass, because of outside forces, and for you, because of what people would think and what morally unbendable women and men would consider unforgivable.”
“Teresa, you don’t get it!” Lilly felt defeated and helpless talking to her sister. “You just don’t understand.”
“Oh, I understand. I mean, only in a soap opera will a woman fall in love with her attacker, right? The thought of such a thing grosses people out and is morally reprehensible, right? If you did that, then Simon would no longer be the bad guy, you would. In the minds of those self-righteous people, you would be worse than him. You’d be the cause of more pain for other victims of the same type of crime if you forgave him. For the life of me, I don’t understand why you give a shit about them, because they only care about you when you’re doing what they want. Or have you forgotten what it was like when the moral majority of our home town passed judgment on our parents and the living hell that resulted?”
“You make it sound so damn easy, Teresa! Everyone isn’t as strong as you. Cassie did what she had to do, and I did what was best for me at the time. Everyone isn’t capable of living outside the norm like you.” Lilly held the phone and braced herself for her sister’s next clipped response, only to be shocked by Teresa next words.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Lilly. I sounded way too cold, so please forgive me for that. I’m sorry, sweetie. I’m not minimizing or excusing what he did. And believe you me; I wanted to beat the crap out of Sean for stopping Chase from breaking every bone in Simon’s body. But Lilly, I sat with you that night and every night of the following week. Honey, I know he hurt you. I’m not saying he didn’t. But the hurt he put on you that night is nothing compared to the hurt you experience without him. You were all over the place and…”
“Do you blame me?”
“Of course not. Now, let me finish. Your emotions bounced from those of a victim, to those of a woman losing the love of her life, and back to a victim’s just as they are now. You questioned what he did that night, and your participation in it. Trust me, when you first started down that path—excusing his behavior—your words disgusted me. It was like you were looking for a way to justify what he did.”
“A part of me was and still is, thus my internal conflict.”
“Honestly, the more you talked to me about it, the more I began to see things differently. Or more to the point, the way you were seeing it. But then Chase and Sean would reel you back in. They did it because they love you, I get that. They hated what happened, especially Sean, because he introduced you to Simon. But I saw how much you loved Simon and I knew you felt betrayed and violated physically and mentally by him. There is no denying that. The way I see it, this is your biggest problem; you still love him and society says that only a stupid woman or a weak woman or a desperate woman stays with a man that does what Simon did. We grew up shunned by society, Lilly. You weren’t strong enough then to tell those old biddies to fuck off. Are you strong enough now?”
“I don’t know,” she answered honestly.
“Can you step outside yourself and examine the situation without those conflicting emotions you’re feeling.” Lilly groaned. Teresa’s words mimicked Millicent’s. Lilly was tired. She was tired of talking and thinking. She was tired of listening to her sister’s less than helpful spouting, and damn tired of replaying in her mind Millicent’s theatrical performance and zany one-liners.
“I’m going to hang up now. You’re no help.”
“Wait a minute, Lilly, and listen to me. Years ago, I told you to follow your heart and to stop listening to Chase and Sean. You allowed them to screw with your mind and reduce you to that poor little sickly girl that you hated being. The three of you vilified Simon.”
“They were protecting me.”
“I know, and their hearts were in the right place. Maybe what you’re really looking for is closure. Think carefully before you do anything, because there is someone else involved that does not deserve to have her heart ripped apart. You’ll create more problems for yourself if you hurt her in the process.”
“Isn’t it funny how it always comes back to Millicent? I don’t know why I called you. I must to have been nuts to think that you would understand what I am feeling.”
“You are my sister and I love you, but you’re right, you should not have called me if you were looking to hear someone tell you what you want to hear. Call Chase. He’ll say everything that a loving big brother would say. He’ll coddle you, so dial him up.”
“God, Teresa you piss me off! Why can’t you be on my side for once?”
“Why would Simon walk away from Millicent for you? Even now, you don’t know if you want him or not. Leave him alone, Lilly. You hear me? You leave him alone; leave him to Millicent. At least she accepts him, all of him, as he is and not what she thinks or wants him to be!”
“How
dare you insinuate that she is better for him than I am? How would you feel if I advised you to leave Sean alone because Maris is right for him? He did marry her instead of you.”
“Put away your bitch gloves, Lilly. Sean belongs to me and that so called marriage of his is a joke. Maris can go to hell and no one would miss her except Sean’s daddy. It’s like I said, this is not about me, Sean, and Maris; this is about you, Simon and his fiancé. Millicent Rogers and Maris McKenna are as different as night and day. Millicent is a good person. Leave them alone, unless you’re capable of going all the way.”
“I’ve met the real Millicent, and she certainly isn’t the Virgin Mary, more like a bitch fucking grand diva!”
“Jealousy rears its ugly head and it looks like you! It really doesn’t matter what you think of her. She has Simon and you don’t. You’re not looking for advice, Lilly. You’re looking for someone to say it’s okay to want him, despite what went down that night. Okay, honey, you got it. It’s okay to want him, and good luck with trying to get him back.
“I don’t know why I bother with you.”
“And vice versa,” Teresa said. “Unless you plan on wiping those tears away and finding the backbone you used to have years ago and stake a claim on your man, then to hell with you, and don’t call me with this crap again!”
The next sound Lilly heard was dead air. She glanced at the clock on the wall and smirked. She and Teresa had spoken a record of ten minutes. Inevitably, one would hang up on the other. Although Lilly’s finger was poised over the end button of her cellular phone, Teresa had gotten the pleasure by disconnecting first. Lilly loved her sister, but Teresa had such a haughty attitude when it came to relationships. Perhaps it was because Teresa’s relationship with Sean was perfect. Well, perfect in that she had a man that desired her as much as Teresa desired him. Together her sister and Sean were like Taylor and Burton. They fought hard and loved just as deeply. Lilly envied Teresa, and at one time—before that night—honestly thought she and Simon were as devoted.
Education of Simon Lane Page 9
