by Rose, Willow
“I knew you were still alive when I saw your body wasn’t among the others on the farm,” he said. “How did you manage to escape the bear?”
I stared into his grey eyes but never answered. The officer slapped me across my face. It burned but not for long. Our eyes locked. Then he smiled.
“My name is Officer Alexandru,” he said and smiled. Then he slapped me across my face once again laughing like he was enjoying himself. It burned yet again in my cheek, but I remained motionless.
“Don’t you ever forget that name.”
He took off his hat and touched his bald head. I felt numb, completely emotionless. I knew he could beat me all he wanted to and it would hurt, but only for a while. I would heal and become as good as new. It made me dangerous to them because it made me fearless.
I lifted my head and smiled. Then he hit me again. This time with his clenched fist. Blood spurted out from my nose and hit the floor.
“Tell me how you escaped from that farm!” he yelled.
I lifted my head and smiled without answering. I stared at Officer Alexandru. He punched me again, again and again. But as much as he tried he was unable to break me. After several hard punches I still showed no sign of fear. My jaw hurt but I could take it. I knew it would only hurt for a little while. I wondered if they could even kill me.
After a while of taking the heavy beating there was a small part of me that began to enjoy it. The part of me that thought I was evil and deserved this treatment. I was mad at myself for not being able to control myself, for not knowing what I did at night. I kept seeing pictures of the man that I had seen dead earlier that day. I knew him. I had seen him before. At night I had seen him in the village. I had met him. I knew I had. It was like a nightmare that I could only remember fractions of and it was painful to think about it. I was repulsed by myself for having done this, I loathed everything I was, everything I had become, for hurting another human being. But it was in my nature, wasn’t it? It was what I had become. A beast. A vicious creature lurking in the darkness for its next victim. I stared at Officer Alexandru who seemed to enjoy punching me. I wondered, if I was the devil, then what would that make him?
Eventually Officer Alexandru wore himself out. Panting, he stared at me and what I could imagine must have been a very bloody face. He grabbed my chin and lifted my face and stared into my eyes. I stared back. Something in my eyes caused him to let go of my chin immediately and stumble backwards. Then I spotted something in his.
Fear.
Chapter 12
Next thing they put me on a train. They told me they were sending me back to Bucharest to be further interrogated. I believed them.
I was driven to the station and placed in a line with several hundreds of people. They all had that intense look on their faces. Their eyes filled with fear, their bodies smelled of anxiety. I was pushed from behind till I lined up next to a woman who was holding on to her young daughter tightly while soldiers yelled at us and pushed and shoved us into the wagons.
Once in the wagon we stood tightly packed and whenever I thought they couldn’t fit any more people they pushed us yet again and made room for more. I was lucky I was close to the barred window, so I could breathe but I saw several fighting to catch their breath in the middle of the wagon.
The young mother and her child ended up close to me. The young girl was gasping for air after a little while. I smiled at her to try and comfort her. Our eyes locked for a second. She smiled back, her face torn in restraint.
All my wounds were already healing and I began to feel stronger and stronger as I realized the train was driving in the wrong direction. It wasn’t going south as they had told me. It was going east. I felt a slight panic rise in me. Where was it going? Where were they sending me? I looked at the faces of the other travelers and realized they were as confused as I was.
“This is not the way to Bucharest,” the young mother with the girl said looking desperately out the window at the mountains. “Where are we going?”
“Probably Transnistria,” a voice behind me said.
I turned and looked into the face of an elderly man. He was pale, his eyes filled with despair.
“I heard they have camps there,” he continued.
I stared at the elderly man. “Camps? What do you mean? What kind of camps?”
He didn’t answer. He just stared at me with anxious eyes. “I heard they send people there,” he said. “They separate children from their parents and kill them in gas chambers along with elderly people. The rest they force to labor till they die from starvation or exhaustion.”
The young mother next to me shrieked. Her daughter looked up at her. “What’s wrong Mommy?”
The mother shook her head. “Nothing darling. Nothing my dear.”
“I can’t breathe,” the daughter said.
I looked down at her. She was too pale. Her lips were almost purple from lack of air. I reached in between people and grabbed her. Then I pulled her out of the crowd. I held her in my arms while she breathed in the fresh air from the barred window.
“Thank you,” her mother whispered.
I smiled back. The girl put her arm around my neck. Then she put her head on my chest and held me tight. It felt nice.
We drove for many hours before the train finally stopped. People were screaming anxiously, some fainting from the lack of air, some screamed in panic while others just prayed quietly and cried.
I held the little girl tight in my arms as the train came to a stop at a station. Outside I spotted heavily armed soldiers waiting for us. I wondered where they were going to take us. A work camp? I looked at the sky above me. It was still about half an hour till sundown. What would happen to me when they found out what I was?
The door was pulled aside and people started jumping out of the train. Many were crying and sobbing, fear eating them up from the inside. The armed soldiers were pushing them with their guns and yelling at them telling them to line up. When we were on a line an officer walked down along it telling people were to go. Some were told to go left, others to the right. Some were separated from their families, crying, sulking, screaming, but received no mercy from the soldiers, some were even beaten for crying too hard. I felt the little girl’s hand in mine as the officer neared us. Her mother was standing on the other side of her holding her other hand. The officer looked at her. He told her to open her mouth then studied her teeth, then touched her arms and legs before he told the mother to go right.
“I want my daughter with me,” the woman said.
The officer turned and looked at her. Then he smiled before he hit the mother with the handle of the gun. The little girl screamed.
“Go right!” the officer screamed at the mother.
My heart started racing with anger. As he grabbed the young girl by the hair and looked at her I felt fury rushing through my veins. It was a feeling so forceful it almost overwhelmed me. It was like my entire body reacted to it, like adrenalin was rushing inside of me causing my heart to beat faster and my muscles to grow. I felt my clothes tightening around my chest and legs.
“Left!” the officer yelled and threw the girl in the direction where a flock of elderly women and small children were walking. I knew what that meant. We all did. We had heard about it. The elderly and children couldn’t work, so they were killed.
“NO!!!” screamed the mother and tried to fight the soldier that had grabbed her and started dragging her away.
The daughter screamed too, called for her mother, screamed that she wanted her to come back. But the officer slapped her across the face while yelling at her.
That was when it happened.
I had no idea how or why, but suddenly it was like my entire body exploded right there at the train station. I had to pull off my clothes, the heat coming from inside of me was too intense and my body was growing to the extent that I was unable to fit into it. My shirt ripped, hair grew out of my hands and on my neck. I felt pain as my hands suddenly changed and claws appea
red. Then I felt my face change as fangs grew out. Turmoil arose. I heard people around me scream and yell, trying to get away from me. Soldiers ran towards me pointing their guns at me while staring at me astonished and paralyzed, the guns shaking heavily in their hands. I growled and howled. The officer holding the little girl stared at me completely motionless and paralyzed. All I could see in his eyes was fear. Then I jumped him. I leaped through the air and with hardly any effort killed him with my claws. I heard a gunshot and saw people throw themselves on the ground screaming, afraid to be hit. I felt bullets tear into my fur, but they never harmed me. They felt like small needles on my skin, but never painful. I was growing stronger, I thought. For the first time I was fully aware after having turned.
I threw myself at one soldier at a time, ripped them apart, then on to the next, biting them, ripping them with my claws, even some of the ones who tried to escape were caught and killed by my ferocious claws.
When all the soldiers were dead or had run off I stared at the crowd surrounding me. I saw fear in their eyes as well when they stared at me. I couldn’t blame them. They feared they were the next victims of the vicious beast.
Still panting, I stared at the many dead soldiers when I sensed the fury in me slowly wear off, then evaporate and transformed back into a human. It was painful and I cried out while the hair disappeared, the claws and fangs withdrew. I lay on the cold ground when I returned to myself, moaning and groaning. A flock of people had surrounded me. All stared at me with astonished eyes. Only one face dared to come close.
The face of the little girl. She reached out and touched my cheek gently and carefully. In her eyes I detected no fear, only compassion.
“Wolfboy,” she whispered. “You’re a wolfboy.”
Chapter 13
Not knowing what else to do, whether they should fear me or not, people soon started to back up and run away. Soon the train station was almost empty and I realized we all had to leave in a hurry. It wouldn’t be long before more soldiers arrived.
I felt strange getting back on my feet, like my head was spinning, I was very dizzy. I kept staring at the dead soldiers and looking at the blood running from their bodies on to the ground beneath them. I felt drawn to them, to the bodies and I suddenly felt an incredible, almost overwhelming thirst. I snapped my teeth a couple of times like I wanted to bite the flesh, devour the meat. The hunger was unbearable.
The little girl and her mother helped me find the remains of my clothes and even if they were ripped I was able to get somehow dressed. We even found my hat.
The little girl kissed my cheek before they began their walk. They were going to try and hide somewhere in the countryside, the mother said and then eventually maybe one day get into Bulgaria that still remained neutral according to the rumors.
“Stay away from the main roads,” were my final words to them.
I watched them as they started to walk and soon disappeared in the distance. I would have gone with them if it wasn’t for my sack that I dropped in the snow when the soldiers had taken me. I had a strange urge to get it back. Not so much because of my own belongings as it was because of the small sack I had received from the old lady before I left her house. I needed to see what was in it. I wanted desperately to find this man who had left it there. He had to have the answers I was looking for. At least I hoped whatever was in that sack would bring me closer to him or to what I had become.
I stared one last time at the dead bodies and then walked closer to the soldier who had grabbed the little girl. I heard my own heavy breathing as I smelled the blood coming out of him, it was such a sweet smell it almost drove me insane. I looked at my hands and realized the hairs were starting to grow back. I inhaled the wondrous smell once again and bent over opening my mouth, caving in to the desire of tasting the salty flesh. Just as I was about to sink my teeth into it I stopped. I was panting heavily. Oh, the desire to taste one bite, to sink my teeth into the flesh and drink the blood like I had done to the animals in the forest. I really wanted to, but somehow knew it was wrong, knew I had to resist it.
This isn’t right, I thought to myself as I stumbled backwards, forcing myself away from the bloody body. Tripping, falling, stumbling I turned my back to it and began to run resisting the urgent desire to eat the flesh of my prey.
I ran till I couldn’t see the train station anymore, then I stopped, panting, gasping for air. I felt afraid, afraid of my own desires, afraid to lose control. I sat at the foot of a tree while catching my breath. The hairs were gone, my skin looked normal again. I looked around me. It was going to be a long trip back. I was scared of my own reaction afterwards, but at least the experience at the train station had given me something. An assurance of some sort. I had been fully awake for the first time while I was the wolf, I was somehow able to control who I attacked. Did that mean I would someday be able to control it? To control the wolf? At least it gave me hope and hope was exactly what I needed at this moment. It was what everyone needed to survive in these times.
I stayed away from the main roads and kept walking west until sunset was almost over me. Then I went into a forest and took off my clothes. I packed it all up and tied it altogether, then sat in the freezing snow and waited for the change to happen. I hoped and prayed that my being able to be fully aware of what I was doing while I was the wolf wasn’t a one time phenomenon. I hoped I could do it again. Being the wolf at the train station had been like being in a dream, a dream in which I saw everything in a strange light, a dreamlike light, but I was able to do what I wanted to do. I was able to steer my body, my legs and arms in the right direction even if everything felt so unreal. When I attacked those soldiers it felt good, it felt right and just somehow, even if it was killing. Yet somehow it felt like an instinct that I couldn’t control as if the anger inside of me took over and took control. It was hard for me to explain, to put to words. Sitting in the cold snow and watching the sun go down I tried hard to figure out what had been different this time, why had I been able to see everything, to feel everything and why did I remember it all afterwards? Then I was filled with a fear as well. My reaction afterwards had scared me. It was like I couldn’t control myself as a human, like the wolf was trying to take over and make me give in to my desires. Would there ever be a time when I would be able to control both? Or would it be a constant fight going on inside of me?
Darkness fell slowly upon the small forest and I looked at my hands as the hairs began to grow and soon covered my entire body. It was quite the spectacular sight, I thought and laughed a little. For the first time it actually felt good when the hairs came. Maybe because I was so cold that I needed the fur to keep me warm at night. I realized that I was still awake, I was still aware when the fangs arrived, when the ears grew out, when the tail came. I stared at my paws in astonishment. They were huge. So were my claws and fangs. No wonder I could kill with just one touch. I stared into the dark night when the transformation slowly finished and I had become the beast once again.
I bent down and picked up my bundle of clothes in my mouth, then leaped out into the night, knowing nothing could stop me, nothing could hurt me when I travelled as the wolf.
It took me three days to get back to Cluj-Napoca. I travelled as the wolf at night and slept in barns or small forests during the day. Slowly I learned to accept my new nature and even if I still considered the wolf as evil and untrustworthy, I figured that I might as well embrace this beast living in me and I was determined to be able to fully control it. There had to be a way, somehow. Running at night while still fully aware of what I was and what I did gave me hope that those nights when I lost control were over. But what I didn’t understand was what had changed? Why was I suddenly able to see everything, to somehow control my body? How was I able to control who I killed at that train station and who I didn’t? My biggest question was if it would stay this way. Would I continue to be able to control it, or would I regress? Would the wolf instinct be able to fully take over again? Was there something t
hat somehow tricked it? I was still so new to this that I didn’t fully trust myself as the wolf yet. So as I travelled I stayed far away from humans. If I saw houses, a small village or even just lights, I would turn and run in another direction, take a detour if I had to. I didn’t want to take any chances. A wolf was still a beast, a ferocious killer and if hungry enough it would attack anyone. I knew that much from my life hunting in the forest at my father’s property. So I not only stayed far away from humans, I made also sure the wolf wasn’t starved. I chased small animals in the forests, mostly mice and rabbits and devoured them before I picked up the journey. I made sure the wolf was fed and had satisfied its thirst for the hunt. Then I could run all night without a stop. My strong legs felt amazing as I ran hundreds of miles in one night. It was incredible, the closest I had ever come to flying.
Three days later close to sunrise, I came to the small village where I had met Camelia who had taken care of me and given me the sack I returned for. I stopped and remembered the man whose body I had seen in front the town’s church. I felt a sadness when I looked at the village from the top of a hill not far away. I hated myself for what I had done that night. But I had to live with it.
I turned away from the village and ran towards the forest and the fields where the soldiers had chased me across the snow. I was tired from a long run and had to push through using the last of my strength. I felt my heart racing as I came closer to the place where they had hit me with their car and I had been thrown into the air letting go of the sack. I sighed deeply as I stopped and looked. My sight as the wolf was incredible. I could spot even small insects in a treetop far away. The darker, the better I saw, it was like my blue eyes shone through the darkness and lit up the night for me to see. The blue light was always in front of me. But I couldn’t see the sack anywhere. I sighed and wondered if this great journey had been all in vain. It had been here for days. If someone hadn’t picked it up, then an animal might have found it or maybe it had even been buried in the snow.
