“I don’t know. The inevitable?” There wasn’t a plane of existence where it made sense for Cade and me to have actually worked out. It wasn’t that Cade and I were radically different, but we didn’t share the same beliefs.
I would have fallen in love with him if he’d stayed the night. I knew that now, that I’d been hovering on the precipice of that admission for a while. That would have been a huge mistake. Cade was as immune to me as if he’d been vaccinated.
I wondered if I could put that I hadn’t fallen for him in my plus column, but then my breath caught in my throat as a crack split my heart.
Because I had fallen for him.
I loved him right now, even after the awful things he’d said to me.
“What if tell him he’s being a pussy?” Devlin asked, pokerfaced. “That worked when you did it to me.”
I smirked. He wasn’t kidding.
I had stomped into the Wilson residence when Devlin lived there and told him he was a pussy for not contacting Rena. My insult spurred him into action.
“Somehow I don’t think that would inspire Cade in the same way,” I said glumly.
Devlin surprised me by coming to my side and palming my shoulder. “He’s come a long way with you, Tash,” he said, delivering a gentle squeeze. “Don’t underestimate your power.”
He winked and I understood instantly why Rena had fallen so hard for him. But even under his steady blue gaze and dark good looks, I still thought of Cade. Cade’s amber eyes and the wicked twist of his smile. The stammer that had shifted to the cadence of his speech now—less clumsy than before but not perfect. Yet, in its own way, perfect. The way he made love to me from head to toe. The way he made me feel beautiful. The way he made me believe I was beautiful.
Then I remembered the last thing he’d said to me.
“He told me I’m a stuck-up rich girl. He thinks I’m shallow,” I told Devlin, not ready to let go of the hurt. “Whatever power I had over him has vanished.”
Devlin didn’t have anything to say to that, but Rena did. “Well, if he thinks that about my best friend, then I say you don’t need him.”
I lifted my wine, gazing into the golden liquid. I had finals to pass. I had my Z4 back. I had an understanding with my father. I had a job I loved.
I didn’t need Cade to be complete.
I would heal. It’d take time, but I’d heal.
Cade
I spent most of the day under Ice Blue’s hood, making sure she was running smoothly. I wanted her purring like a kitten.
At the thought of my nickname for Tasha, reality interrupted the daze I was in, and I purposely pushed it away in favor of thinking of my car—the only girl I needed.
I changed the Camaro’s name to Ice Blue from Blue 2. I liked to think Ice Blue was the color of my heart. That it was an impenetrable, cold block, safe from women who sought to shatter it.
Under my car, the day flew. Time ceased to exist. And for those dreamlike hours, I temporarily forgot I had a hole in my chest where Tasha should be. By midafternoon I climbed behind the wheel and drove until I ended up on Alley Road.
Now I sat in an idling Ice Blue and stared at the fire hydrant and the telltale scrape of navy blue paint from my former Audi. My life changed irrevocably that night. I’d been angry when I learned Joyce wasn’t my mother—that my entire life I’d been lied to by the two people who were supposed to love me the most. I’d wanted my father to go back to being the man I remembered—the supporter of the family—instead of a guy in deep with gambling.
A few mornings ago when I woke and Mom—Tasha was right, in my heart Joyce was my mom—was standing next to my dad making pancakes, I wanted her to stay. Too soon to say if it was going to work out between them, but she’d gone on a “date” with him last night, so I took that as progress.
I had what I wanted—my dad was back. My mom was literally back.
Almost everything you want.
I ignored the dart of pain in my chest when I pictured Tasha. Healing was a bitch.
Alley Road, I thought, focusing on my surroundings. The wreck had been the physical setback of a lifetime. At least, I hoped so. I’d like to believe terribly unfortunate circumstances limited themselves to one per person per lifetime. Like the moment I’d slid sideways into the hydrant that rattled my brain, destroyed my car, and sealed my fate.
The clouds opened up and splattered rain onto the top of my head and the seats through the open car’s roof, and a realization settled in. The accident had given me things I’d never had before. Arguably, things I wouldn’t have had without it.
Dad stopped gambling and his job became his new addiction.
Tasha showed up to help and didn’t let me push her away. Until the end. I’d pushed hard, too hard. I broke her.
My heart lurched and the fast-food lunch in my stomach kicked my gut.
Tasha had been trying to help me. She’d been trying to get me to attempt those stupid ooo and puh exercises because she cared. Tasha cared about me. Even when I hadn’t deserved it.
Then I kissed her. Man. What had happened in the whirlwind weeks since that happened? It was like there was a tear in reality and I ventured behind the curtain and embraced what was on the other side. I’d not only regained the ability to express myself, but I’d opened my eyes to a different future than I’d ever imagined.
I had been stuck in the past. Stuck with Brooke, stuck in law school. And my friends who purchased the building that would someday be our firm? A law firm with my name on it wasn’t my future. It was theirs. I was an interloper. A passerby.
It’d been nearly two weeks since I walked out of Tasha’s apartment. Devlin had mentioned her once, and Rena had said nothing, but she sent me my fair share of dirty looks.
I’d ignored them both.
I wasn’t compromising the future I wanted for anyone. Not ever again. Earlier this week, I’d dropped off an application at a car dealership. I wanted a job in the garage, but they offered me a sales position.
I accepted it.
I could talk, and better yet, I was an asset because I understood what was wrong with any trade-in someone drove into the lot. I proved it when I identified what was wrong with a transmission just by hearing the grinding/humming sound it made.
Since I’d said yes to Lassiter’s GMC, I turned in my notice as busboy to Devlin and compartmentalized my breakup with Tasha as best I could. It helped to lump Brooke and Tasha together in my head, but it was a coping mechanism. They might’ve both hailed from wealthy families, but that’s where the similarities ended.
The paint scrapes on the fire hydrant seemed to morph into a wailing face. I wondered if Brooke would have stuck around through my injuries. But I knew.
She wouldn’t have.
Before she’d been knocked up by some other guy, she’d had her sights set on a future with a specific time line. I tried to wedge myself into her life even though part of me knew it wasn’t where I fit.
A new thought intruded, one I didn’t like. A voice suggesting I was in the wrong when it came to Tasha. Had I overreacted? Had I let my temper over the past speak for me when I accused her of plotting against me?
No. That was stupid. I’d had every right to stand up for myself. To be myself.
Right?
“Y-yes,” I said aloud.
My lie detector seemed to be back in business. That was the first stumble I’d had in weeks.
Don’t be ridiculous. There’s no such thing as a telltale stammer.
“I don’t c-care about T-Tasha,” I ground out. I gripped the steering wheel, the water causing my hands to slide.
I tipped my head back and let the rain splatter on my face as my eyelids fluttered. Then I tried something else. I tried the truth.
“I love her,” I said, blinking as a raindrop hit my eye. My chest tightened in that way it does when you realize you really, really screwed up. “I love Tasha Montgomery.”
Damn. I fucking knew it.
I had been
so determined to hold on to my being right and Tasha being wrong. I was good at holding grudges. Skilled at staying angry. And for what? I had only succeeded in making myself completely miserable. Not bothering to put the top up, I put Ice Blue in gear and navigated around the same corner where I’d wiped out one frigid, bleak, winter night.
The same night Tasha sat with me until the ambulance arrived, and then followed it to the hospital.
If I was lucky—probable, given my track record—Tasha had a forgiving heart and would let me come back to her.
But I knew her. She’d been burned before by Tony and there at the end I hadn’t treated her well either. Getting her back was going to take some groveling on my part. And maybe a little public humiliation.
“I can do that,” I said, blowing through a green light, needle-tipped raindrops hitting me in the face as I pointed Ice Blue toward my destination.
Not giving a shit about my reputation, or if I stuttered out every word I tried to say to her, I drove straight to Ridgeway University, formulating a plan on the way.
Chapter 19
Tasha
I stepped out into the waning sunshine, my only hope that a bombed pathophysiology final wouldn’t keep me from graduating. A fool’s hope, rang Gandalf’s sage voice in my head.
But that, as they say, was that. School was done and I couldn’t wait to stop going to class and get the hell on with my life.
Since my father’s heart-to-heart and my accepting the car, he’d made a call to Tony’s family. Mr. Fry wasn’t exactly receptive to the phone call. I’d overheard the tail end, my father’s warning of “Keep that scum away from my daughter.”
He cared. And that felt good.
Work had been going well, and despite feeling as if I might crumble at any moment, my life was moving forward. I’d indulged in a few clichéd ice cream and movie nights with Rena, who claimed Ben & Jerry were the best friends to have when going through a breakup. She didn’t bring up Cade, but I almost wanted her to.
Today I thought maybe she knew something and wasn’t letting me in on it. And I assumed the news was bad. Maybe she and Devlin had attempted to intervene and Cade had maintained that I was a rich bitch who didn’t deserve a second chance. If that’s what he thought of me…well, I didn’t see the point in being so in love with him I couldn’t see straight.
But I was.
My heart needed a lobotomy.
“Tasha Montgomery.”
What sounded like a speaker overhead called out my name, and my heart skipped a beat, fearing for two seconds I was in trouble.
“Has anyone seen the beautiful blonde who owns me wandering around?”
I cast a horrified gaze left, then right, before spotting a megaphone and the guy behind it. A guy with a trail of tattoos down his arm.
Cade stood on a park bench under a huge oak tree in the center of campus. The brick paths and walkways had been built around the tree to preserve it years ago. The moment Cade started speaking, students stopped in their tracks.
“Fox!” a guy shouted. Cade held up a palm and high-fived him.
Silver-tongued fox.
Still standing on the bench, wearing jeans and a gray T-shirt, Cade’s stance was casual with one hand in his pocket. Even from far away, I could tell his eyes never left mine.
“I figured you would respond better to a public announcement than a text,” he said into the megaphone, broadcasting to the growing crowd loud and clear. I gazed around at several people who dotted the walkways on all sides of the tree. Their eyes were on Cade, then on me.
“You’re wrong,” I called out. “Text would’ve been better.”
“No. I don’t think it is,” he announced into the megaphone.
“Put that down.”
“Not until I’m done.”
A few chuckles were punctuated by one whistle.
“I haven’t been able to find my voice for months, kitten,” he said, with the most perfect enunciation. “You found it for me. You uncovered it. You unraveled me. You ripped my chest open and climbed inside.”
I didn’t trust my voice. So I pressed my fingers to my lips and listened.
“I followed Brooke Clayton here because I loved her. She broke my heart in two and I was really pissed off for a really long time.”
“Hell, yeah!” some guy yelled in support.
“What a bitch!” someone else called out.
“Love sucks, man,” Cade said. “Especially when you majorly fuck up with the girl you’re gone for.”
Oh, God. He meant me. My heart took a dive.
“You guys know the story,” he said to the crowd, but he was looking at me. “I took a header into a fire hydrant and ended my rather illegal after-school activities.” When he waggled his thick brows, a whistle sounded behind me somewhere.
Cade’s eyes smiled.
He hopped off the bench and started in my direction, holding the megaphone to his lips and depressing the button. “I lost everything I cared about. My future, my car, my family.”
He walked closer, bringing himself within a few feet of me.
“But I gained something, too,” he said. “I gained a friend who was determined to pull me out of the pit I had happily buried myself in.”
He took another step closer and I stopped glancing around. Our gazes were locked, his brown eyes lit by the sun and by a healthy dose of confidence.
“I didn’t deserve her loyalty.” His voice rose, addressing the crowd again. “Then she kissed me.” Wolf whistles sliced the air and Cade smiled. “The clouds parted!” he announced theatrically. “I fell hard for that girl.”
My nose tingled with impending tears.
Cade erased the space between us. “I still love her and I’m hoping like hell she’ll forgive me for the shitty things I said. I’m a giant coward.”
I nodded my agreement.
“I also am not going to be a lawyer.” The students around us were split on that statement. Some clapped, others booed. “I’ll be starting at Littman’s GMC next Thursday, and”—he held a finger into the air, broadcasting to the crowd—“I can get you a really great deal on a used car with cut-rate, low, low financing.”
In spite of my skittering pulse and the blood rushing through my veins, I laughed at his attempt to break the tension. There was a lot of it. He might be putting on a show, but he was also nervous. I could see it in the thin sheen of sweat decorating his temple. In the way his eyes darted to his shoes before he lowered the megaphone and looked me in the eyes.
“Will you please forgive me, Tasha? For accusing you of being something you’re not? For pretending for one second I could live without your voice in my ear or your lips on mine?”
He dropped to his knees and my gasp was echoed by a choir of others.
“I love you and I’m sorry.”
That sincere pronouncement was for me. Not the crowd.
I looked down at the guy I still loved, feeling unsure, confused, and wanting to believe him—to be happy. To grasp what he was offering with both hands.
“Why are you doing this?” I said, my voice low so only he could hear.
“You are more important than my pride, my reputation, or the chance that I could stammer in front of one hundred people who know me.”
“I’ll forgive you, Cade!” a girl shouted from the distance.
“You’re the only one who matters.” He kept his eyes on mine.
“I’m not shallow because I have nice things.”
“I know.”
“I kept the Z4.”
“You should. It’s yours.”
“Are you really a used-car salesman?”
“Yes, but I also signed up for business classes. In case BMW needs a new CEO someday.” He swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I’m so damn sorry, Tasha. I never should have said so many mean words to you. I was mad at myself and scared shitless you’d leave me. And then you did, and I—God, I can’t breathe. I swear as I kneel here, this is the first full b
reath I’ve taken.”
He swallowed again and asked, “Can you forgive me?”
“Yes,” I answered.
He stood.
I backed away a step when his face came close to mine—“But…”
He palmed the back of my head. “But what?”
“What will my dad say?”
“He’ll say, ‘If you hurt my baby girl, Caden Wilson, I’ll castrate you.’ ”
I blinked. “That…actually sounds like him.”
“It’s a direct quote.”
My eyes went wide. “You talked to him.”
“I told him I was an asshole, but I’d never be as big of an asshole as Tony Fry.”
I laughed, because how true was that?
“You close this gap and kiss me, and I promise no matter how angry I am in the future, I will never, ever walk away from you on account of my stupid pride. I’ll listen to everything you say, even if you’re yelling at me. You can even tie me to the bed to ensure I don’t go anywhere.”
That made me smile.
“Yeah, kitten, I like the sound of that too.” His eyes twinkled with mischief and love. “I don’t want to lose you. Not over something I should’ve been over a long time ago.”
I took a tentative step closer. “You’ll never walk away again?”
“Not as long as you let me stick around,” he said with a shake of his head.
I looped my arms around his neck, then pressed my lips to his. He returned the kiss, wrapping me in his arms and tucking me close. When his fingers slipped into my hair, our connection deepened, our tongues sparred, and cheers and shouts and clapping rose to a crescendo from the crowd.
When we parted, I was smiling, happy instead of devastated for a change.
“All aboard the Cade train?” I asked.
“There’s room for one.” He pushed my hair away from my face. “You, Tasha Montgomery. I loved you the moment I opened my eyes and saw you hovering over my hospital bed. I was just too stupid to realize it until it was too late.”
“It’s not too late,” I whispered, my eyes going blurry from unshed tears.
Shut Up and Kiss Me: A Lost Boys Novel Page 19
