by Devyn Quinn
She frowned at the uncooperative weapon. “Why won’t you work for me?”
Addison pressed a soothing hand to her shoulder. “It’s not important,” she stressed. “You just haven’t worked with it the way Tessa and I have. It’s always been a hands-off thing for you, I know. You can’t just expect to pick it up at random and use it perfectly. It took me forever to master it.”
Jowls sagging, Dr. Von Drak looked downright disappointed. “So you are not familiar with this item?”
Letting her hand drop, Gwen shook her head. “Really, I’m not.” She winced. “My talent seems to lie more on the kinetic side.”
A familiar voice interrupted the conversation. “Damn.” A low whistle followed. “Don’t use that thing on me.”
Gwen turned around.
Her breath caught in her throat. The moment her gaze fully settled on Blake, she experienced a small frisson of shock that shot all the way to her toes.
Whoa, he looked good. Impossibly tall, broad shouldered, yet with a wiry leanness that suggested he could move as fast as a puma on the prowl. There was almost an animal maleness about him that seemed to add an edge of danger to his look.
She dipped back her head to look into his beautiful eyes. His irises weren’t just blue-gray, they were the color of the early-morning dawn, just as the sun began to peek over the edge of the horizon to break night’s lock on the world.
I wish we were alone. The thought swept through her mind and she felt her cheeks flush.
“Don’t worry,” she reassured him. “I’m not the fighting kind.”
Blake caught her blush. “That’s not my experience,” he teased. His smile grew wider and his unabashed stare ranged over her in a more than impersonal manner.
Gwen’s blush grew hotter and she could barely meet his eyes with her own. Even though she wasn’t human, she was still a woman of flesh, blood, and bone. A woman who was finding it hard to keep head and heart separated.
I think I’m in love with him.
She froze at the thought, her mind whirling in panic. Did she really mean that? A desperate need to keep her feelings guarded and impersonal forced her to maintain a calm demeanor.
Snapping out of her reverie, Gwen gave him a care-free smile. “We were just finishing up here.”
Blake nodded. “I think I’ve seen enough today,” he said, addressing the scientists in a curt tone. His manner was more than a little strained, tense. “I’d like to take these ladies home.”
Dr. Von Drak waved his fat little hands. “Of course. It’s been a long, tiring day for all of us.”
Blake nodded again, polite but firm. “Good.” He looked toward Addison and Gwen. “Are you girls ready to go?”
Gwen quickly nodded. “I think I’ve had enough.” She brushed damp strands of hair off her forehead. Her arm felt more than a little weak. She was absolutely worn down to the bone.
“I’m tossing in the towel, too,” Addison announced. “And I’m starving.” She poked one of the doctors. “You do know you have to feed us or we die,” she groused.
“We’ll get some food in you as soon as possible,” Blake said as everyone walked down long corridors that were becoming way too familiar. The usual black sedan waited to whisk them back to their living quarters.
Gwen slid into the backseat beside Addison. She let out a sigh of relief. “I’m glad that’s over.”
Whittaker muttered under his breath, “Amen.” Instead of getting in beside her, he chose the front passenger’s seat. Why would he do that? she thought. He had openly flirted with her at the lab, but now she couldn’t fail to notice his desire seemed to have cooled off.
Addison gave her arm a light punch. “What are you thinking about?”
Gwen absently shook her head. “Nothing much.”
Addison’s gaze softened. “Don’t worry about the Ri’kah thing. At least your kinetic abilities are worlds beyond what Tessa and I can do.”
Gwen nodded absentmindedly. Not really wanting to talk, she stared out the window. The weather had been rotten these last few days, matching her mood perfectly. At least the rain had settled down, reduced to a light mist that made the damp air sticky. As the gloomy remnants of day began to descend into an even gloomier evening, clouds sank low to the ground, creating a purplish luminescent fog. It blanketed the land, giving the impression the A51 compound and its people were wrapped in a layer of gauze—a beautiful, if eerie, sight that perfectly suited her mood.
She didn’t like this place, not one bit. If she had her druthers, she’d just walk into the fog and disappear forever.
A few minutes later the sedan rolled to a stop in front of their assigned duplexes.
Addison got out. “You want to come over to Tessa’s place?” she asked. “We’re pulling out the Monopoly board.”
Stepping out beside her, Gwen shook her head. “I’m not in the mood for games.”
Addison shrugged. “Okay, be that way.” She flounced off without a second look.
Gwen sighed. Silence. It pulsed in her ears, throbbed in her temples. She felt sucked dry, emptied out, weak. The rain kicked up into a hard drizzle. She didn’t move.
Whittaker opened his own door. “You okay?”
Already soaked to the skin and feeling a little feverish, she shrugged. “I guess so.”
Hand on her arm, Whittaker hurried her toward the entrance of the duplex they shared. “Better get out of this rain before you catch a chill.” Since Kenneth had warned him off, he’d kept a polite distance. Never saying or doing anything that would hint he had put any thought into their single night together.
Fishing out her key card, she glanced toward him. “Would you like to come in?”
He shook his head. “Thanks for the invite, but no. I’m behind on my reports.”
Disappointment stung, but she masked the feeling. He was respecting her need for distance. No reason to lead him on by playing coy. “I would hate to think about what you’ve said about me in them.”
Blake reached for his own key card. “All I can say is it’s classified.”
She allowed a smile. “All that top-secret agent stuff, I suppose.”
He cocked his head. “Something like that.”
She couldn’t help lingering one more minute. If only she had the nerve to say what she really felt... “You know where I’ll be if you want me.”
Blake nodded and offered a brief, impersonal smile. “I know where you’re at.” Opening the door to his own place, he disappeared inside and shut the door.
Gwen stepped into her own place. The apartment was silent, stark, and empty. She turned on the lights and then the television. She hated the silence. Like a tomb, it creeped her out. For a moment she considered heading over to the neighboring duplex, spending a little time with the family she’d neglected.
No. If she couldn’t see Blake, she’d rather be alone. Misery would be her company tonight.
Feeling the chill all the way to her bones, she decided a long hot shower would be just what she needed to help her relax. In her bedroom, she kicked off her shoes and shimmied out of her clothes, all the while thinking about Blake.
If this is love, it’s miserable, came her vague thought. The upside-down feeling was tearing her apart inside.
Sighing, Gwen padded barefoot toward the bathroom. Twenty minutes later the chill was gone, replaced by calming warmth. Throwing on a sweat suit, she combed out her hair and arranged the damp curls into a messy chignon.
Needing to relax, she claimed a chilled bottle of wine from the fridge. It wasn’t her favorite, but it would do.
Bottle and glass in hand, she drifted into the living room. She began to arrange a quiet haven, turning off the television and lighting a few candles. The musky scent of sandalwood filled the air as the flames licked their way down the wicks.
Sinking onto the couch, Gwen poured herself a glass of wine. She drank it down in a single gulp, poured a second and drank it, too. She hadn’t had anything to eat since breakfast and
the alcohol went straight to her head. She was hungry, but couldn’t eat. Maybe later. She just couldn’t face another sandwich or single-serve microwave meal.
Closing her eyes, she plumped up a throw pillow and stretched out on the couch. Of course, she thought about Blake.
A little smile played around the corners of her mouth. She realized just how much she looked forward to his company.
The ringing of the doorbell jolted her out of her reverie.
Addison didn’t wait for her to answer. Pushing the door open, she stuck her head inside. “Tessa says to stop moping all by yourself and come for pizza.” She paused a moment, then added, “Saying ‘no’ is not an option.”
Releasing a sigh, Gwen reluctantly sat up. She had to admit that it was better than being alone.
“Sure.” She reached for the wine. “I’ll bring the booze.”
Closing the door to his apartment, Blake leaned back against it. Even though he’d wanted to be with Gwen, the day’s events had drained him completely dry.
Closing his eyes, he wiped a hand across his damp face. Damn, what the agency was doing to the hostile Mers was wrong, dead wrong. Instead of treating them like coherent, thinking beings, the A51 gave them less respect and dignity than a common dog. The cruelty had to be stopped. But how?
I’d have to blow the whistle.
The very idea made the hackles on the back of Blake’s neck rise. A barrage of impressions and images circled through his already cluttered brain.
Do that and he wouldn’t have a job. Do that and his career would be toast. Do that and he’d be betraying the oath he’d sworn to protect his country against all threats, foreign and domestic.
But did that oath also cover the Mer?
A larger notion loomed. Did that oath cover torture?
Needless to say, his orders were clear. And, of course, he could hardly question the intelligence of his superiors. That would be too dangerous to attempt. A man probing for answers instead of following orders was immediately a suspect, especially when seeking the answers wasn’t his job in the first place.
In the chain of command, he was many more rungs toward the bottom than he was toward the top. Right now, his only choice was to obey his supervisors.
“Mine is not to question why,” he muttered under his breath.
At least that was what he tried to tell himself.
Too bad it wasn’t working.
Breathing deeply, he quickly rubbed his sore temples with the tips of his fingers. The moral implications of dealing with alien life forms was getting muddier, not clearer. With each day that passed, scientists were getting more and more intrusive with their experiments and procedures. All in the name of science, discovery, adding to man’s knowledge of the world around him.
It all made sense, sounded logical.
And it was nothing he felt good about being involved with. The lies and deceptions, small and insidious, were beginning to gnaw on his soul. A piece here, a piece there. Pretty soon he’d be eaten down to the bone. He didn’t like the feeling. Or the guilt.
This has got to end soon. I can’t take much more. The low rumble of thunder punctuated his thought with an ominous finality that raised chilly bumps on his skin.
Leaving the door behind, he walked into the living room.
He shot a glance at the wall clock. Six thirty. Somehow he’d frittered away a half hour without even realizing it. He should sit down and catch up on his paperwork.
A quick glance at his desk and the laptop waiting there told him that was exactly what he didn’t want to do.
Gritting his teeth, he tried to distract his mind. It might help if he got something to eat. He couldn’t remember the last morsel he’d put into his mouth. The entire day had left him feeling numb and drained. Definitely brain-dead.
He drifted into the small kitchenette. It was barely big enough to turn around in. He checked the fridge. It was almost empty. The idea of food wasn’t very appealing anyway.
He needed a walk, a chance to clear his head and think things through. He had looked at all the angles before he made any irrevocable decisions. Whatever course of action he chose wouldn’t affect just him. It could possibly bring down the veil of secrecy surrounding the entire A51 and its covert explorations into alien life forms.
He flung open the door and stalked outside.
The covered porch offered a sanctuary from the rain. He cut across the lawn and was about to hit the pavement when he noticed the cheery glow emanating through the living room window of the apartment Tessa and Kenneth shared, which was cracked open a bit. There was movement inside, noise. The sounds of a family interacting with each other.
Feeling a bit like a Peeping Tom, he walked over to look inside. The four of them—Kenneth, Tessa, Addison, and Gwen—sat around the dining room table. Pizza boxes from the commissary were scattered around. A hot game of Monopoly was taking place.
He had to admire them. They were doing their best to maintain a sense of normalcy. Every one of them had shown grace under pressure. Even Kenneth, as prickly a pain in the ass as he was, was doing his best to cooperate. They seemed determined to prove that the Mer, far from being extraordinary creatures, were perfectly normal. Boring, even.
Not that there was any way he’d ever think of Gwen as ordinary. She was special. A keeper. No doubt about it.
He often thought about what it might have been like if they’d actually gotten to have the date he’d asked her out on.
If only. . . .
He started to back away from the window. I should leave them alone, let them have a night’s peace.
Addison glanced up. Her sharp eyes narrowed. “Hey, we’ve got company.” She pointed toward the window. “Someone let him in.”
Kenneth left his seat, heading toward the door. A moment later he came outside. “What the hell are you standing in the rain for, Whittaker?”
Feeling like an absolute fool, Blake shrugged. “Just standing,” he mumbled, having no good reason at all.
Kenneth frowned. “Looking in the window isn’t a very good way to spy on us.”
Blake shook his head. He hadn’t been spying. He’d been admiring the close-knit family and wishing he had something like it himself. Suddenly his life felt empty. Worthless. It was true he had Trevor. But a kid deserved a mom and a dad, living together under one roof. As much as he hated it, Debra was right. The move to California would be the best thing for Trevor and the family she was trying to build.
Maybe it was time to let his kid go.
That would leave him all alone, but there was nothing he could do about it. He’d just have to suck it up and endure. This was the life he had chosen. He was a G-man, whether he liked it or not.
“I was just taking a little walk to stretch my legs,” he lied. “I was thinking maybe I’d hit the commissary for something to eat.”
To his surprise, Kenneth Randall jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “We’ve got pizza,” he offered. “And beer. And if you can handle having your ass kicked, there are some moguls in the making waiting to take all your cash.”
Blake perked up, shaking off the dull chill of the night. It was the best offer he’d had in a long time. “I could surely use a beer,” he admitted. “Maybe even two.” It would also give him a chance to spend a little time with Gwen. That thought alone cheered him immensely.
Kenneth clapped him on the shoulder. “It’ll be easier to spy on us if you’re on the inside”
Blake nodded. “Yeah. I suppose it will. But don’t remind me I was whipped by a woman, please.” So far Gwen had pulled his ass out of the fire twice.
Kenneth scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “Sorry. Guess you’ve figured out those Mer can be fierce when they’re riled.”
Curiosity nudged. “So what’s it like, being married to one?”
Kenneth cut him a hard look. “Are you asking me as a spy, or as a man?”
Blake tried to laugh but didn’t quite manage. “Dunno. Maybe a little of both.”
“I’ll just say that’s something you’d have to find out for yourself.” He paused, then added, “I know you and Gwen had your moment. I probably shouldn’t say this, but I know it meant something to her, despite the brave face she’s putting up.”
“I wasn’t using her,” Blake hastened to say. “I never would—”
“For her sake I’m glad to hear you say that,” Kenneth said, cutting him off a bit awkwardly. Blake could tell feelings weren’t Kenneth’s strong suit as well. “For what it’s worth, if the circumstances were different I think you two would have been good together.”
Blake would have smiled if his nerves hadn’t been so frazzled. “Thanks.”
The rain started to fall a little harder, pelting them with hard fat drops. Light scratched at the gray belly of the sky.
“We’d better get inside before we’re soaked,” Kenneth urged.
Following Kenneth into the apartment, Blake peeled off his rain-soaked jacket. “I hope you don’t mind me joining you.”
The women all waved and smiled their welcome. “Of course not,” Tessa said, bustling around to find an extra chair. “Sit down and join us.”
Feeling more than a little out of place, Blake took the chair, which Tessa had made sure to place far from Gwen’s. She might welcome him to her table, but she wasn’t giving him easy access to her sister. He couldn’t say he blamed her one little bit. They most likely thought he was a total heel. Hell, he felt like one and probably deserved every dirty look they threw his way.
He sneaked a peek across the table at Gwen as he sat. Sitting in a faded gray sweat suit, her hair was freshly washed and pinned up. Without a lick of makeup, her skin was flawless, as fragile as porcelain.
“You look good,” he said, attempting to keep his tone casual. Inside his heart was racing a mile a minute.
Gwen’s hand self-consciously rose, brushing a few stray curls away from her face. “Thanks. You look drenched.” Her eyes met his and within their depths he saw the memories of the night they’d made love. She hadn’t forgotten.
