by Natalie Dean
“Shall we go in?” he asked with that crooked smile of his.
“Let’s,” she said, taking his offered arm.
Together they walked in, and she tried not to ogle as they were greeted by the hostess and escorted to their table. It was definitely fancy inside, and she was beginning to wonder if her outfit was still far too underdressed for the situation.
If it was, Sterling didn’t say, and soon they were sitting across from each other, a filigreed, pretty menu below her fingers.
“Do you have any recommendations?” she asked, almost licking her lips before she remembered that she was wearing a ruby-colored lipstick.
“What, you’re telling me the professional Elizabeth Brown needs someone else’s advice?”
“Hey,” she said, grateful for him opening the floor with banter. She liked banter. Banter was comfortable. “I’ll have you know, I’m happy to get advice from someone when they’re more knowledgeable than me.”
“Ah, but that must be a rare occurrence.”
“You know, I’m very aware that you are teasing me, but I don’t even care. Please, feed my ego.”
He laughed again in that, not loud, but a low, rumbling sort of sound that flowed over the table like water. She liked it, but she wanted to make him tilt his head back like he had before and let out a real bellow. Maybe it was because he was always so composed, always so smooth, that she liked being able to take him apart like that. To make him show a true emotion, unfiltered and open.
“Bet you didn’t know this was going to be a meal that fed you in more ways than one,” he said.
“Ah yes, an inflated stomach and an inflated ego, the best of both worlds.”
“I aim to please.”
“I bet you do.”
He opened his mouth, smirking at her as if he was going to say something especially saucy, but suddenly their server seemed to pop out of nowhere and greeted them.
Elizabeth tried not to lurch back, but her adrenaline spiked. She managed to recover before it was her time to order a drink, but once the server was gone, she couldn’t help but blush a bit. Not for the first time, she was grateful that her darker skin stopped her complexion from ever going to bright pink.
“Maybe we should actually look at the menu this time,” Sterling said, looking rueful as well.
“Goodness, and here I was just getting used to you buttering me up.”
He laughed that quiet laugh once more, not enough for the feeling that was growing in her middle. “You know, you’re a lot less scary when you’re not saving an animal’s life.”
She cocked her eyebrow, leaning to post her chin in her hand. “So, I was scary, was I?”
“Terrifying,” he confirmed. “I think some of our workers fled for the hills and never came back.”
“Their bloodlines were weak,” she said without missing a beat.
And there it was, that big, bellowing laugh. One of his hands went to his chest as he tilted his head back and let it out. He startled a few people, but neither of them cared. In fact, if someone asked her, she would say that the world didn’t exist much beyond that sound.
“You’re something else, you know that?” Sterling said.
“Always have been,” she said before sobering slightly. “It’s just that so many people aren’t comfortable with what that else is.”
She didn’t know why she went there, but his face grew serious too. “What do you mean?”
“Ever feel like people expect certain things of you, and when you turn out to be different, you’re disappointing them somehow?”
“…I can’t remember the last time anyone expected anything from me. Maybe with Maddie and Val? And that was pretty mixed considering succeeding by them meant failing by my family.”
Elizabeth let out a breath. “Strangely enough, I think I know what you mean.”
“Do you?” he did look surprised at that, but she didn’t let that put her off.
“Yeah. I just… growing up a black, poor kid in the south, I felt like I was always disappointing someone. I was a book nerd, and I applied myself to school more than anything else. It was really my whole world. Some of my peers got it, but a lot of them mocked me. Called me an ‘Oreo.’”
“An Oreo?”
“You know, I may be black on the outside, but I’m really white on the inside.”
She almost expected him to laugh it off, but instead those incredible lips of his pulled down into a frown. “That seems pretty cruel.”
“It was. But I never really fit in with white folks either. I’m lucky that we live in the time we do, but there’s still… you know, plenty of stuff. Being told that I spoke so well, that I was surprisingly articulate. That I was an example for others. And of course, I remember I was in a tight competition for valedictorian with this other girl. She was brilliant, really. But her family was loaded—not compared to y’all, of course—and she could afford all sorts of tutors that I couldn’t. When I managed to beat her by a tenth of a percent, she said clearly I was an ‘affirmative action pick.’” She huffed. “Like that existed.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re alright. You weren’t there. Kids are cruel. People are cruel. I’m glad we live in an age where more people are loving and accepting than people aren’t, but man, the people who aren’t sure do seem to have a lot of the power.”
That frown deepened. “I guess I never thought about it.”
She shrugged, looking down at the menu. “I don’t know why I even brought it up. Not exactly dinner conversation.”
But then his hand was cautiously sliding towards her, resting over hers. It was strange, his tanned but comparatively pale hand over hers. She’d never really thought about how their tones contrasted, complementing each other in their differences.
“I know it’s weird, but I’m glad you did.” When she looked up at him curiously, he swallowed then explained further. “I’m used to manicured conversations and plenty of posturing. I can feel people measuring their words when they talk to me. I like that you’re not doing that anymore. It makes talking to you…”
“Yeah?”
Another pause before he answered. “It makes talking to you feel real.”
There was a slight flutter in her chest, one that made her glow with pride. “I like to think that I’m real. Or at least I’ve always tried to be.”
“I think you might be one of the most real people I know.”
She didn’t know what to say to that, which was also rare for her. Sterling seemed to be a series of new experiences for her, one right after the other, and she wasn’t used to being so off-center.
But she also was quickly finding that she didn’t hate it. It was new. It was exciting. She was so used to holding life with such a tightly dictated grip that it was almost a relief to relax her fingers and not know what was coming next.
“So, what do you recommend here?”
Sterling looked like he wanted to pursue it, push it further, but he must have changed his mind because he cleared his throat and answered her. “You know, you can’t go wrong with the veal cannelloni.”
“I’m not sure I’m really into sweets.”
“Excuse me?”
His strange response had her blinking at him. “What you said, isn’t that a dessert? With ricotta cheese or something? Fried?”
Sterling looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh. “Are you talking about a cannoli?”
She was still blinking at him. “Isn’t that what you just said?”
“I’m sorry, I’m not making fun of you. That’s just, just… really more adorable than it should be. I was suggesting the veal cannelloni, not a dessert cannoli.”
“Oh.” She felt that same flush to her cheeks. “Well this is embarrassing.”
“Don’t worry about it. I guess now I can say that I’m the one that taught the great Elizabeth Brown something.”
“I don’t know about ‘great.’”
“I do.”
And
she blushed harder. His fingers laced through hers and she relaxed her hand, allowing them to intertwine. There was a strange sort of sparking in her chest, a heat to her skin that she wasn’t familiar with. She felt… she felt… excited.
But with the same unfortunate timing as before, the waiter returned with their drinks, a bottle of wine that Elizabeth hadn’t even noticed that Sterling had ordered, and then asked if they were ready to order.
She haltingly got exactly what Sterling recommended, with him ordering something else that she couldn’t really pronounce, and then it was just the two of them.
She understood that a moment had just happened, with their fingers intertwined. And Teddy’s words played in her head.
Don’t fall in love.
Was that what was happening? She’d always assumed that kind of thing wasn’t for her, or if it was, it would be in her forties after some sort of meet-cute in a grocery store. She was dedicated to her degree, her father, getting financially stable, and of course to the animals.
But there was a strangeness in her that she couldn’t name. It was fizzing and sparking and terrifying and wonderful. Small, of course, so small, but she kept feeling it grow. Part of her couldn’t help but wonder if it was just because he saved her life. No one had done that for her, and she had sure seen plenty of movies dedicated to handsome heroes sweeping women off their feet. But it felt like more than that. Something deeper.
Something so very, very fragile.
But, as with all things that were delicate, it felt like whatever was growing within her could be crushed at any moment. In fact, if she wanted, she could probably crush it herself.
She didn’t want to, though, or at least… she didn’t think so.
Yet.
17
Sterling
Elizabeth was beautiful.
Like unearthly, unfairly, impossibly beautiful.
Of course, he’d always thought she was attractive, even covered in pig muck on the farm or with her face scrunched up in displeasure. But seeing her with her curls out all around her head, thick and shining, with ruby-red lips and darkly lined eyes… well, he had not been properly prepared.
And that wasn’t even touching on her outfit. It was demure, some would even call it prudish, but it had his heart beating impossibly fast. The ruffled blouse fit her in a graceful way, and the short sleeves showed off her toned arms. The skirt she was wearing clung to her figure, showing off the narrow cut of her waist that flared out into powerful and womanly legs.
It was all so much, and he found himself just appreciating the art of her more often than not. He didn’t want to seem like he was leering, or somehow reducing her to just her looks, but he was caught up in everything about her. Even watching her eat her dinner made his heart beat harder.
He didn’t know when he became so affected by the woman, and he hoped it wasn’t creepy. But something had shifted between them when he’d picked her up off the ground during the storm, and he wasn’t eager to go back to how it was before.
“So, once you save each and every animal on our evil ranch, what will you do next?”
Her eyes flew wide for barely a second before she reigned it in back into a neutral expression. He appreciated how much she schooled herself, but he also felt a swirl of pride that he was able to break through her impressive professional façade.
“I never called your ranch evil. I would like to think that I wouldn’t work for an evil employer.”
“Come on, if someone wrote a story about us, who would be the good guy and who would be the villain twirling his mustache?”
“Not you, I hope. You would look terrible in a mustache.”
He let out a disbelieving snort. “What? Are you kidding? I’d look dashing.” No, he wouldn’t. He’d experimented when he was in high school and first started sporting facial hair, but the handlebar thing and the full-beard look didn’t fit him. He looked good anywhere from a constant scruff to maybe an inch of growth, but that was about it.
“Uh-huh, your Ma tell you that?”
“You better believe it.” He let her take another bite of her food, happy that she seemed to like it, before he tried again. “But you never answered the question.”
“Oh?” She affixed him with that look that seemed to make all of his pulse points beat much harder than they should have. “Was there a question in that beyond terrible facial hair decisions?”
“Believe it or not, the mustache was not the crux of the conversation, no.” He loved her wit. She kept up with him just as much as Silas, but without the mothering his older twin always seemed to fall into.
“Huh, well I’m afraid I missed it.”
He leaned forward, pushing his plate away so he could rest an arm on the table. His mother would have been appalled at his manners, but he didn’t care. It was like Elizabeth was some sort of gravity well, coaxing him closer and closer with her undeniable pull.
“Once everything wraps up on the ranch, what’s next for you? Do you have any dreams? Ambitions?”
“I always have ambitions.”
“Well, what are they?”
She opened her mouth, but after a moment closed it again, her defined brows furrowing. “I… oh.”
That was an interesting response. “What is it?”
“I realized that, for the first time in my life, I don’t have a set goal I’m working towards.”
Sterling’s interest piqued at that, not that it wasn’t already at one hundred percent engaged. “What do you mean?”
“Well, growing up, I dedicated my whole life to making sure I had the best scholastic record I could so I could earn enough scholarships to become a veterinarian. Literally from the age of kindergarten on, I knew exactly what I wanted to do.
“And then, once I hit college—a year early mind you—I was focusing on filling out scholarship after scholarship while trying to maintain my perfect GPA. It wasn’t easy, and when my mother died, I let a few things slip.”
Right, he remembered her mentioning that once. Even if he wasn’t the most affectionate person, he couldn’t figure out what he would do if his mom died. She was a sweet lady, even if she was a little old-fashioned and a little too quiet when it came to standing up to their father, but he loved her.
“But I got back on track and graduated, then I was fighting to find a job. After I got a job, I was struggling to catch up on bills. Then I was fired, and now I have this job.” The look on her face grew considering. “Huh, everything is pretty much caught up on. I was able to give a nice chunk of money as a gift to my dad, so he’s not gonna have to worry about things so much this month. I’m even paying more than the minimum payment on my student loans, so I might actually get them taken care of in the next three years or so instead of a never-ending loop of interest.
“I’ve gotten pretty much everything I’ve been fighting for, everything I’ve been daydreaming about, and I don’t think I realized that until just this moment.” She took a deep breath, and the look she gave him was entirely open. “That’s really something, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is.”
The conversation stilled for a moment, but not out of awkwardness or anything like that. Instead, it felt more like they were both digesting that revelation as well as everything that it implied.
“What about you?” Elizabeth said eventually, pulling him out of his thoughts.
“Huh?”
“Your dreams. Your ambitions. Looking for more sisters to fake-date? Or are you hoping to run into another out-of-work professional out on the main road?”
He was tempted to just joke with her, cracking wise was his specialty, after all. But instead his mouth was shooting off on its own again, not waiting for the input from the parts of his brain that handled his pride or diplomacy.
“Being a Miller means having no ambition.”
That clearly took them both by surprise. “Wow. What do you mean by that?”
Well, in for a penny, in for a pound, as it were. “It’s just,
uh, I guess it’s—” What was it about Elizabeth that made his words go so screwy? He was the charmer, the flirt, but with her his tongue always felt like it was on a three-second delay from his mind. “My brothers and I, we’re all part of an empire. We were born to be the next generation, and our purpose is whatever is decided to be the most useful for our family.” He’d never put it in such plain words, but that was really how it was. “And if we’re not useful, then our job is just to exist and not mess anything up. That’s it.” No direction. No dreams. Just to sit there on the shelf until they were useful.
Was that why he’d always felt so directionless? Was that why he’d been so willing to go along with a plan that would irritate his parents? Ruin their plans a little?
Was that why he resented Samuel? For getting away and daring to want something that he wasn’t supposed to?
Was that the rift that was growing between him and both Silas and Solomon?
It hit him all at once and he found his breath picking up speed.
“That doesn’t sound like a very fulfilling way to live,” Elizabeth said.
“It’s not,” he answered, his mind spinning with the revelation. What a strange place to have it, over Italian dinners in a relatively inexpensive restaurant sitting across from an employee. It was crossing all sorts of boundaries and probably inappropriate, but he couldn’t stop what was rushing through his mind. “I guess that’s how this all started.”
“What all started?”
“Us.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I guess I’ve always felt like I was in the shadow of my brother, so when I first helped you that day you were stranded on the side of the road, it was just to outdo Silas. He helped Teddy with some things, and now she and his whole family look at him like some sort of hero. Even the people at the community center seem to have accepted him when they usually frost me out.
