“Relax,” he murmured. “Just let go, and let me love you.” He was finding it difficult to hold back, but he paused until he could feel the tension lessen in her body as he held her.
“That’s good,” he whispered. “That’s fine.” He dragged his lips slowly over the satiny surface of her belly. “You’re like silk, all over.” He put his tongue into her navel and she bit back a cry, covering her mouth with her hand. Then it fell away in abandonment as his mouth created a heated path that cooled the instant he moved on, making her writhe in frustration.
“What?” he muttered. “What do you want?”
“I don’t know,” she moaned.
“I do,” he said hoarsely. He slipped his hands beneath her hips and lifted her to his mouth.
The sensation was so exquisite that Karen couldn’t make a sound. She held her breath as he caressed her, curling one hand in the sheet that lay twisted under them, digging the fingers of the other hand into his hair. He drove her to a mounting frenzy and then lifted his head when she clawed at his shoulder, trying to pull him up to her.
“You want me?” he said softly, kissing the smooth surface of her left hip.
Karen nodded wordlessly.
He moved over her for the first time and embraced her fully, twining his fingers with hers and pinning her arms above her head.
“You sure?” he whispered, lifting himself on his elbows and gazing down into her eyes.
Karen turned her head. “You tease me,” she whispered.
“No, baby,” he replied huskily, kissing her lightly on the mouth. “Waiting makes the pleasure sweeter.”
“Enough,” she gasped as he relaxed and she felt the length of his body pressed to hers. “Take me now.” She shifted her legs restlessly, trying to force him into position.
He remained immobile, watching her with an intensity that bespoke his true feelings.
Karen put her head down against the pillow and gazed up at him, at the pale eyes that seemed to fill the world. His skin was misted with a fine dew of perspiration, and her fingers glided across the slick muscular surface of his back as she urged him closer. Acting purely on instinct, Karen reached down and enclosed him with her hand, feeling his pulse of life respond to her caress.
He gasped and shut his eyes. “You win,” he said hoarsely. He molded her to him and Karen surged against him. The movement thrust her shoulder into the wound on his chest.
Colter grunted and stiffened, rolling off her. Karen clasped both hands to her mouth in horror, staring at him. The silence was awful. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead, and he bit his lip with the effort of staying silent.
“My God, Steven, are you all right?” Karen wailed, when she had found her voice. She felt like crying. “We shouldn’t have done this. I told you it was too soon.”
She moved to rise and his hand shot out, grasping her wrist in an iron grip that belied his injury.
“No,” he said fiercely. “Don’t stop now.”
“But we can’t,” she protested.
“Come on to me,” he said urgently, drawing her toward him. “Come on.” She realized that he wanted her to take charge, make love to him.
“Please,” he rasped.
Karen crawled back into his arms, careful not to touch his chest. “I’m afraid I’m going to hurt you again,” she whispered.
He ran his hands down her back, pulling her across his thighs. She felt his muscles tense to receive her and the friction of his leg hair against her bare skin.
“You won’t,” he answered, drawing her closer. He put his face against her breasts and held her tightly, then slipped his hands beneath her, guiding her onto him. An involuntary sound escaped his lips as she enclosed him and he threw his head back, exhaling sharply. Karen fell forward onto his shoulder and neither of them stirred for a long moment, lost in the intense pleasure of their union.
“You can’t imagine how you feel to me,” Colter finally murmured, lifting her damp hair and kissing her neck tenderly. “No matter what happens, I’ll never forget this night.”
Karen’s eyes misted, blurring her vision. He always talked as if all they could share was memories.
“I’m not going to move,” she whispered. “I want to stay like this forever.”
“Move, please,” he groaned, gripping her hips and lifting her. “I’m dying.”
Karen put her hands on his upper arms to steady herself, and they were rigid, tensed powerfully, expectantly. He held her gaze with his and guided her in a pace that soon had her breathless, frantic. Suddenly he held her still and arched her backward. Karen trembled as he thrust upward and she felt him move more deeply inside her.
He pulled her down to him and kissed her wildly, tangling his fingers in her disordered hair. For the first time he seemed to be out of control, and Karen was exhilarated by her effect on him. She pulled back and he let her go reluctantly, watching with intoxicated eyes as she sat astride him, taking his face in her hands.
“Has it ever been like this for you before?” she asked, running her thumbs over his lips, his bearded cheeks.
He closed his eyes. “No.” The word was barely audible, an admission.
She bent and kissed him again, gently. “I understand, Steven. You don’t have to say anything more.”
He lay back and allowed her to continue, but they were both too carried away by their mutual ardor to last much longer. Impelled by Colter’s forceful hands on her hips, Karen drove them to a frenzied completion, and then collapsed against him, spent.
There was no sound in the room for a long while except their breathing gradually returning to normal, and the hiss and crackle of the fire.
“Hmm,” Colter finally said drowsily, “did I underestimate you.”
“I hope that’s a compliment.”
“It certainly is. When you told me two years, I thought I was really in trouble....”
She jabbed him in the ribs.
“But you did very well.”
“I surprised myself. With Ian, it was a lot different.”
“Your husband, you mean?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“No fire, huh?” he said.
“No. No fire.”
“Well, we may have our problems, but that’s not one of them,” he said quietly, kissing her temple. Then he asked, “Were you with anyone else before your husband?”
“Never.”
“So you were disappointed with him?” Colter persisted.
Karen shrugged within the confines of his arms. “I had no basis of comparison. I’m not sure that I felt I lacked anything, but I always wondered if there wasn’t something...”
“More?” he suggested.
“Yes, that’s right. More.”
“And now you know,” he said. There was a long pause, and then he added, “The only problem is that sometimes you can strike sparks with the wrong person.”
“Steven Colter, if you start that now I swear I will do something violent. I’m too happy for that lecture tonight,” Karen said firmly.
He fell silent. Karen listened to the rustle of the fire for a while and then said, “I didn’t mean that you couldn’t talk at all.”
He sighed. “What would you like to hear?”
“Something that won’t spoil the mood.”
“Fairy tales?”
She twisted around to look at him. “That isn’t funny.”
He kissed her brow. “I’m sorry.”
She studied him until he said, “What are you thinking?”
“I was remembering the first time I saw you, in Almeria.”
He grunted. “Not exactly like meeting at a garden party, was it?”
“I was afraid of you.”
“I guess that’s not too surprising,” he conceded, “considering the circumstances.”
“I thought for a minute that you were with them, the rebels.”
He snorted mirthlessly. “Not much real difference between us when you get right down to it. Which side you’re
on doesn’t matter a whole lot in the end.”
Karen sat up and he reached for her as she left his embrace.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“To put some more fuel on the fire,” she replied. Retrieving her nightgown from the floor, she pulled it over her head and padded barefoot to the fireplace to add several logs to the dwindling blaze. It smoked, then shot up, and she waited until it was burning steadily before returning to him and sitting on the edge of the bed.
“What is it?” he asked quietly, touching her shoulder. “Something’s wrong.”
Karen shook her head.
“Come on. Tell Uncle Steven all about it.”
“Why did you say that you were a gun for hire,” she blurted, “working for anyone who would pay you?”
His hand fell away and he turned his head. “Because it’s the truth.”
“No, it’s not. Linda told me that you’re a rescue expert brought in to break up hostage situations, like you were in Almeria.”
He didn’t answer for a moment, then said, “Who’s Linda?”
“My friend from Government House; she worked there with me.”
“Oh, the British gal.”
“Yes.”
“And how does she know so much?”
“She has her sources. Was she correct?”
He shrugged negligently. “It’s all in the way you look at it. I’m still hiring myself out, right?”
Karen folded her arms in annoyance. “Why do you persist in describing your life in the worst possible terms? It’s like you’re attempting to drive me away, or something.”
“Could I?” he asked, watching her carefully.
“You didn’t answer my question,” Karen said patiently. “Why didn’t you tell me the whole story?”
“Because you’re trying to make me out to be something I’m not!” he replied angrily, rolling away from her. “You don’t want to face the fact that you’re sleeping with a mercenary, so you’re changing everything around in your mind to fit a prettier picture. I’m not Lancelot rescuing Guinevere from the stake or St. George slaying the dragon. I’m a man who takes money to do a job, and that’s all. The Lone Ranger rode off into the TV sunset a long time ago, Karen; there are no more white hats.”
She was silent for several seconds, then said softly, “I don’t want to fight.”
He rolled over onto his back and looked up at her, reaching out and running a strand of her hair through his fingers. “Neither do I.”
“I want us to be close.”
“We are,” he answered quietly. “You don’t get any closer than we just were.”
Karen shook her head. “No, I mean emotionally. Like friends.”
He dropped his hand. “I guess I don’t know how to do that.”
She smiled slightly. “It’s easy.”
“Not for me.”
“I’ll show you.”
He had to smile too. “Okay, show me.”
She leaned forward eagerly, moving the sheet aside and taking his big hand in both of hers. “Well, the first thing is to share confidences. You tell me things, and I tell you.”
He was looking very suspicious but he said, “All right. What do you want to know?”
“Tell me what it’s like to be shot.”
His brow furrowed. “Why do you want to know that?”
“I’ve never been shot.”
“You haven’t missed anything.”
“Steven.”
“Okay. Well, it’s kind of like a bee sting.”
She stared at him. “A bee sting?”
“Yeah, you know, that sharp, hot jolt, so sudden, but magnified about a hundred times.”
“Is it very painful?”
“Not at first. It’s just a shock, like—wow, what hit me? The pain sets in later, after you realize what happened.”
“How many times have you been shot?”
“Three. No, four. This makes four.”
“Is this a scar from one of the bullets?” Karen asked, touching an irregular lump of pinkish flesh on his upper arm.
He glanced down at himself. “Nah. That one’s from a knife fight in the army. Did three weeks in the brig that time.”
“Oh. What were you fighting about?”
“A girl,” he said levelly.
“I hope she was worth it.”
“I don’t remember.”
Karen made a face.
“What do you want?” he said wearily. “I was eighteen. I would have fought over the weather report.”
“It doesn’t appear to me that you’ve changed very much.”
“Yeah, I have,” he replied. “I’ve gotten more selective about the fights. I want to be paid for them now.” He cast her a sidelong glance. “How’m I doing at this friendship stuff?”
“Not bad.”
“Isn’t it your turn to tell me something now?”
“Yes.”
“I’m waiting.”
“I’m falling in love with you, Steven.”
He looked at her for a long moment, then dropped his eyes. She could still see a circle of blue iris through the screen of his lashes, focused on nothing. He was motionless, as still as a portrait.
“I must say you don’t seem overjoyed to hear the news,” Karen observed nervously. Her heart was beating so hard she thought he should be able to hear it.
“It’s not news,” he said softly.
“Oh, you knew?”
“Yeah.”
“And here I thought I was making a dramatic declaration,” she said, striving for lightness. If he didn’t say something significant soon she was going to get very upset.
“I figured a girl like you wouldn’t go away with me unless you’d made a commitment,” he said. “I mean, you could have come over here when I was hurt because you felt sorry for me, but you didn’t have to stay and do this, too.”
“You thought I felt sorry for you?” Karen asked him wonderingly.
“The idea did occur to me,” he said tightly.
“Why?”
“Well, you’re so tenderhearted. When you heard that I was alone and in the hospital it wasn’t hard to guess your motivation.”
“I’m not that ‘tenderhearted,’ as you put it. I came because I care about you.”
He lifted her hand and placed a kiss in its palm. “I believe that now.”
“But you’re still not happy about it.”
He gestured helplessly. “I just don’t think this has much of a chance to work out in the long run.”
“Because we’re too different?”
“That’s one reason.”
“What are the others?”
He hesitated. “Karen, I’ve done things that I’m not proud of, things that would make you run from this room and from this relationship if I told you about them.”
“Then don’t tell me,” she said evenly.
“Don’t you care?” he said hopelessly.
“I care that you’re with me now, and that’s all.”
“But my life was all wrong from the beginning. How can it match up with yours at this late date?”
“What do you mean ‘all wrong’? How can anybody’s life be wrong? Is there a set of rules? You’re talking nonsense, Steven.”
“No, I’m not,” he said stubbornly.
“What are you saying? Because we didn’t go to high school together we can’t have anything now?”
“I didn’t go to high school, Karen,” he said dully. “I got an equivalency diploma in the service.”
Karen sighed, cursing herself for reminding him of yet another disparity in their backgrounds.
“But don’t you want someone to love forever, someone who’ll be yours alone?”
“More than anything,” he said quietly, his head bowed.
“Then why are you so certain she isn’t me?” she whispered.
He wouldn’t look at her. “Because I’m not destined for that kind of an existence. I’ve known it from the beginnin
g. Life isn’t fair, Karen. Some people just don’t fit the happy pattern of wife and kids and a house with a dog. I’m one of them. I’m on the outside, a square peg in a universe of round holes. I always have been and I always will be.”
She was amazed at how convinced he sounded, as if this were a conclusion he had reached a long time ago and never found reason to doubt.
He finally met her eyes, reaching up to touch her cheek. “I just don’t want to make promises I can’t keep,” he said softly.
Karen put her arms around him and snuggled into his good side. “We’ll just take it one day at a time, okay?” she whispered.
“Okay,” he responded, just as quietly.
They lay together for a long while with no need of further conversation. Then Karen felt him stir and draw her closer.
“Are you cold?” Karen asked him, pulling the sheet up to cover them both. “There’s a heavier blanket in one of the chests.”
“No,” he answered. “You feel like a little bonfire right here in bed with me.”
“I wonder,” Karen said teasingly, “what happened to that clever little plan calling for me to sleep in the other room?”
He chuckled. “Don’t remind me. I got one look at you in that transparent nightie and all bets were off.”
“Transparent!” Karen said, shocked. “I beg your pardon. I do not wear transparent negligees.”
“I don’t care what it’s supposed to be; when you stood in front of the fire I could see right through it.”
“Oh,” she said, chastened. “I didn’t think about that.”
“But I did,” he said, rolling her under him. “I thought about it quite a bit, especially while you were posing five feet away from me, as good as naked.”
“I was not posing,” she protested. “I didn’t think you could see me.”
“Oh, no?”
“I thought you were asleep.”
“A likely story,” he murmured, kissing the tip of her nose, then her lips. “And while we’re on the subject of this lousy nightgown, why the hell are you wearing it again?” He took the collar between his teeth and dragged it away from her neck, then dipped his tongue into the exposed hollow at the base of her throat.
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