by Pirateaba
“They ran.”
“The Fearless?”
“Yeah. False advertising, I call that. Anyways, how are things?”
He ignores me and walks over to a map. The Blighted King is standing over it, plotting the Demon’s advance. Nereshal flicks his fingers, and a corridor clears. One corridor. Most are red, showing Demon-controlled territory, or contested. I lean on the [Mage] who teleported me until he falls down.
“Hey King, what’s up? Are we losing? I bet we are.”
The Blighted King stares at me as I bounce over. Isodore, standing at his side, stares at me. At my stomach.
“You’re bleeding.”
“Am I? I barely noticed. Wait a second, how bad is it?”
I turn, and the people at the table gasp. I look at my back.
“Huh. I could have sworn I had flesh there. Is my spine supposed to look like that?”
“Healing potion!”
There’s already one coming this way. I grab it. The [Healer] babbles something about using it slowly, not straining my body, and so on. I wrestle with her for the bottle.
“Come on, come on, I’m wasting time here. Give me that!”
Potion, meet back. Back…so that’s what it’s supposed to look like. I giggle and turn back to the Blighted King. And the map.
“Let me see. There’s a clear corridor here, an empty one here…and I just cleared that one.”
I trace a line down the map. The Blighted King stares at me.
“Do you have what is needed to complete this plan you refuse to speak of?”
“Just a minute, needy! I think…yes! Now I just need some things from you, my good pal Nereshal here, and…the Fool.”
I glance sideways. The banquet hall has been transformed. Tables have been upended, places made ready for people too wounded to fight to rest, and guards are standing at all the entrances. But hey, some things never change.
The Fool’s face has definitely changed. I think someone stepped on it. Or kicked it. Repeatedly. Princess Erille is standing in front of him, tears in her eyes, trying to defend him from further abuse. Touching. I grin and walk over to her.
“Stand back.”
Isodore pushes past me. She drags Erille away; the girl kicks at her, fighting, shouting for the Fool. I bend down. The Fool barely looks at me. He’s still under a spell. I think he can’t move.
“Hey buddy. Want to go for a walk?”
“I must know what you intend.”
The Blighted King stares at me as I drag the Fool with me. Nereshal has a wand in his hand. He looks so grim! I shrug.
“I’m going to do the hostage negotiations thing.”
“With the Fool?”
The Blighted King looks incredulous.
“Just wait and see! Nereshal thinks it’ll work, don’t you, buddy?”
The mage glares at me, but nods.
“I am aware of what he wants. I believe it may work, your majesty. I will teleport myself back in case of trouble. But we are running out of time.”
The King stares at me and his mage. He nods shortly.
“Go, then.”
He stares at the Fool. The Fool glares back. I sigh.
“Get a room, you two.”
They stare at me. I scowl.
“What? It’s hard to be funny. You want to make a better joke? You try coming up with it on the spot.”
“What do you call a King who slaughters his own people?”
The Fool mutters, spitting blood. Nereshal hits him. I grin.
“Not bad.”
—-
“This way. Down this corridor, left here…you know, this would be a lot easier if I didn’t have to drag you.”
“I know.”
The Fool and I move down the corridors I’ve cleared, me pushing and carrying him. He seems determined not to move. Not that he can. Paralysis spell or something Nereshal used on him. I laugh.
“I wonder where Nereshal went? I guess he’s busy killing Demons. He’s cool like that.”
“There is nothing noble about it. There is nothing about this war that’s worth admiring.”
The Fool mumbles around swollen lips. I laugh at him. I do that a lot.
“What, you think the Demons are right? Is that why you did all this?”
The Fool is silent. I round a corridor. Now, was it left, or right? Wait a second, up. I drag him up the stairs. He speaks as I reach the top.
“The Demons are willing to kill for their survival. I don’t think they’re right. But they aren’t wrong either. They fight to live. While the Blighted King—do you know what he has done? All the horrors he has committed in the name of defeating the Demons?”
“Nope. Want to tell me? I could take notes.”
The Fool glares at me as I drag him by his feet down an empty corridor. You know, for variety.
“Why didn’t you walk away? If you had, I could have gotten Erille to safety, and Isodore! Now they’ll both die, more likely than not. You’re on the wrong side, Tom.”
“Side? Side?”
I kick him. The Fool groans through gritted teeth. I pick him up by the feet and glare at his knees.
“You’re an idiot, Fool. The Demons, the Blighted King—they’re just sides. There’s no right or wrong! I didn’t choose to help these idiots because I thought they were right. I just thought both sides deserved a funny man helping them. It makes things more entertaining that way.”
He doesn’t respond. I drag on. Okay, now I’m up another flight of stairs. I go up, listening to the Fools’ face smack on every step.
He’s barely conscious by the time I get to the top. He mumbles and I have to lean down to listen.
“It could have ended all today. It could have. Why did you have to speak? Why…?”
I blink at him. Shrug.
“Because, Fool, it’s in my nature. It’s in yours as well. Why do you think people stare at us? We, the two sad idiots who dance around for them. It’s because this war is like a performance, Fool.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Of course you don’t. So I’ll make it simple for you, Fool. Here’s why.”
I pat him on the head and lean down. I whisper in his ear.
“I want to see what comes next.”
He looks up at me.
“That’s all?”
“Pretty much.”
“Damn you.”
“So they say. But here I am. And here…we are.”
I drag him the rest of the way down the corridor. There’s a man waiting for us there. Nereshal’s got some cuts down one arm, but he looks pretty good considering he took an alternate route here.
“Hey.”
I wave at him. Nereshal stares at me.
“Are you ready?”
“Sort of. Hold on—can I go to the bathroom first? No? Fine, I’ll just go off the edge.”
Nereshal drags the Fool upright. I push him towards the end of the corridor, and then out. Out, through a door, and into the battlements of a tower. High up. I stare down at the courtyard below. At the Demons standing down there, fighting with people at the gates, protecting the [Mage].
They haven’t spotted me. Oh wait. No, they have. One of them, the [Archer] with the big frickin’ bow, is pointing. The Demons look up. I wave.
“Demons!”
Nereshal’s voice thunders down at them. He stands back, away from the battlements, hands raised as he concentrates on a spell. I edge over, using the Fool as a shield. My voice, made incredibly large by magic, echoes down at them.
“Hi! How are you all doing tonight? Good? May you drink from the blood of a thousand Human skulls and all that. Hey, what’s with all the soldiers these days? It’s like you can’t even assassinate a Blighted King without tripping over them.”
They stare up at me. I grumble.
“No one likes observational humor. Okay, see this guy? This is your friend. The Fool. Wait, what’s your real name?”
I stare at him. The Fool holds still. He
’s staring down at the [Mage] specializing in teleportation magic, far below. Now I finally get a good look at her and…
“That’s a lot of tentacles.”
“That’s her hair.”
“What’s with her arms?”
“She was hurt in war.”
“She’s looking right at us. Hey you. Mage lady! Hi! Do you know this guy?”
I point to the Fool, balancing him on the edge of the battlements. The [Mage] does seem to know him. She’s staring up at him. And what a stare. I look at the Fool. He’s doing the same kind of stare back at her. Another piece of the puzzles snaps into place.
“Hey, wait a second…you like her! And she likes you! You said you were talking to your true love back in the courtyard—fancy that!”
I slap my hand to my forehead and nearly drop the Fool. Nereshal hisses at me and I grab him just in time before he goes over the edge and falls a few hundred feet below.
“Whoops. Sorry. Now, that makes me feel awful about what’s going to happen next.”
“Kill me. She won’t betray her mission for me.”
The Fool looks calmly at me. I shake my head.
“Don’t be so negative. I believe in true love. And you see—”
I call down at them. The Demon [Archer] is aiming at us, but the Fool’s in the way. I laugh down at them.
“Give up! Surrender or the Fool gets it!”
“You’re an idiot. Do you really think that they would all give up their lives for a single Human? For me?”
That really hurts, coming from the Fool himself. I glare at him.
“No? Maybe I should throw you off. Well? See, she doesn’t like that, does she?”
The [Mage] is pointing at me, arguing with the [Archer]. He’s aiming at us. I see her raising her mangled arms to strike at him, shoulders tensing up, and then sagging. She turns away, and then looks at the Fool. The Demon [Archer] draws back on his bow.
“Uh oh. I think she’s giving up on you. Don’t do it! Stop! In the naaaaaaaaaaaame of love!”
The Fool ignores me. So do the Demons below. The [Archer] looks like he’s lining up for a good shot. I scowl at him. He’s whispering to her.
“Goodbye.”
“You suck. I came here for true love, and what do I get? Sacrifice. Heartbreak! Who ever heard of a love story like that?”
The Fool doesn’t answer. He closes his eyes, waiting. I turn to Nereshal. The [Mage]’s brow is creased in concentration. He nods at me. I scowl at him.
“You suck. I just wanted to say that to you. You suck, and your kingdom sucks, and you—”
I turn to the Fool.
“—Suck. And all you Demons suck. You hear me? I’m done with you all! Let’s end it now! Goodbye, cruel world! This is it!”
I see the Demon pulling back the arrow, ready to loose. I grab the Fool. He looks into my eyes, unafraid to die. I grin, push him—
And jump.
—-
This is what they see. The Demons, looking high overhead. The Blighted King, watching from the banquet hall. The people of Rhir, staring up at the palace below. They see a body falling from the tower, a laughing man. A fool.
But not the Fool. A [Clown] falls through the air, laughing, his voice echoing. He laughs and laughs as the ground rises to meet him, laughs at the disbelief on the Demon’s faces, laughs at the cry of surprise from the Fool.
And high above him in the tower, the great mage Nereshal casts his spell. As the ground rushes up to reach Tom, he blurs. He doesn’t stop falling, but a shield of magic appears around him, a bubble of energy. And he teleports.
Not far. Not to the ground, or vast distances like the [Mage] below him is attempting to do. Nereshal’s spell is simple. It teleports Tom a few hundred feet forwards and to the right. He falls and lands on top of the Demon with the bow.
“Oof. Hey, that actually hurt. I almost…oh, hi there buddy.”
The [Clown] bounds to his feet. The Demon beneath him twitches. His body is broken. Tom stabs him in the head and he stops moving. He turns to the escort of Demons surrounding the [Mage]. And grins.
“Hey there. Want to play catch?”
One runs at him. Tom throws something. A sword. It hums through the air and slashes through the Demon, and the one behind him. The other Demons move, a second sword slices into one’s chest, cutting through magical armor like paper. Tom flicks his hand, and a sword shining with bright light appears.
“They call this one Blightbane. Or something. I borrowed it from the Blighted King. And now you get it! Catch!”
He throws it. The sword whirls through the air, cuts through a Demon’s head and another’s arm without slowing. Tom pulls another artifact out of the air. Grins.
“It’s all in the wrist. Who wants a scimitar? You? Here!”
The Demons fall. The elite guard drop, and the [Mage] backs up. She raises her staff, points at Tom, cries out. One of his knives sticks from her shoulder, another in her arm. Tom kicks her before she can move.
“Ah, ah. I don’t want to learn how to fly today. Turns out I’m no good at it. Now, what shall we do with you?”
He grins at her. The [Mage] gasps. Tom raises a hand.
“Wanna see a magic trick?”
He reaches for her face, ignoring the scream from above. He touches her face, reaches behind her ear and pulls out…a gold coin. She stares at it.
“See? You should always wash! Now, let me see. Do I have a hat? No I do not. And a bunny? No I do not. But I can pull a knife out! How about a slightly rotten apple? No?”
She stares at him and utters a word. It sounds like despair. Her body vanishes underneath Tom and he sits down.
“No one’s a fan of my tricks. Oh well.”
He gets up, brushes himself off, and looks around. The Demons remaining in the courtyard stare at him. Tom looks up, and grins as Nereshal floats down. The [Chronomancer]’s eyes burn like fire, and magic crackles from his fingertips in the form of lightning.
“Well, it looks like I have an assistant for today. Ladies and gentlemen, Demons all.”
He bows as the soldiers of the Demon King ready their weapons, hearing their comrades falling from the palace. They rush towards him, and Tom straightens. A sword appears in his hand, a dagger in the other. He laughs.
“Let’s begin the show.”
—-
This is how it ends. Boring. I sit on a Demon’s body and hum. Nereshal turns and stares at me. I raise my hands.
“If you don’t like the song, you pick a better one.”
“Do you enjoy acting insane, or is this madness genuine?”
I pause, stare at him. The [Mage] is pretty undamaged for a guy who just killed a few hundred Demons. I shrug.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
He grunts and turns away. I get up as I see people streaming out of the palace.
“Hey! I think I win!”
The Blighted Queen ignores me as she walks out of the courtyard, her beloved Blighted King by her side. Her mace is drenched with gore, and the soldiers around her look wounded and bloody. I see Richard helping Emily out.
“Aw. No one important died.”
“Hundreds lie dead within the castle and thousands more in the city!”
Nereshal snaps at me. I raise my hands.
“Yeah, but no one important died. Let’s be honest.”
He turns away from me. I whistle a tune as the Blighted King approaches. He stares at me.
“You let her go.”
“Correction: she didn’t like my magic tricks.”
I’m offended, really I am. The Blighted King stares at me, and looks at the crushed Demon archer guy I landed on. He looks satisfied as he stands over his corpse.
“One more of the Demon King’s limbs taken away. It will suffice.”
“We will claim vengeance for this.”
The Blighted Queen’s eyes blaze with battle fury. Nereshal nods. I yawn.
“Maybe. Or maybe we all let bygones be bygo
nes?”
They stare at me. I raise my hands.
“Fine. Fine. I guess we do it your way.”
“We must begin to reconstruct. Find the wounded—and whatever Demon soldiers remain in hiding. It will not be safe in the palace, your Majesty. I recommend caution and staying under guard until—”
Nereshal is speaking to the Blighted King as the people stream into the courtyard, and the King is staring around when it happens. I hear the scream. Erille’s voice. She’s pointing. I look up.
“Huh. I didn’t see that coming.”
A body falls from the tower. The same tower Nereshal and I fell from. This time, it’s the Fool. He tumbles through the air, only there’s no magic to slow his fall or break it. He lands on the ground, headfirst.
Thump. The impact makes people run back. I see the Fool’s neck twist, and then his body spring upwards. He tumbles forwards, mows down two of the people closest to him, and then comes to a stop, legs comically dangling in the air. I blink as the Fool flips onto his feet. He looks unsteady, but grim. And he’s no longer held by magic.
I begin applauding.
“That was probably the best pratfall I’ve ever seen in my life. Bravo! Do it again!”
“Fool!”
The Blighted King snarls. He points, and Nereshal moves, quick as lightning.
“[Hold—]”
He never gets to finish the spell. The Fool flips backwards into the air, doing a double backflip and throws something. A ball bounces off Nereshal’s face and he staggers. I hear a crack and see his nose bend out of shape.
“Hail to the Blighted King, the murderer of innocents! Your Majesty, you and I have unfinished business. I am the world’s greatest [Fool], and a fool deserving of the title! And today I seek your life, my King. For your sins. And mine, for letting you continue. No more. I will put an end to it today.”
The Fool’s voice booms throughout the courtyard. He lands on his feet and points at the King. I sit back.
“Oh man, this is going to be so good.”
The Blighted King looks down at the Fool. His eyes are cold, distant. He turns his head.
“Kill the traitor.”
The soldiers rush at the Fool. And the Fool— fights. He cartwheels into the first man, sending the man in armor tumbling comically to the ground. He spins, and two blades appear in his hands. He slashes a [Knight] in armor across his helmetless face, bumps Emily over with his hip, and tosses the second dagger through the heart of a [Mage] fifty feet away.
