by Scott, Ada
“Yeah.”
I let the truck go and it started rolling down the slide, picking up enough momentum to get some airtime on the second bump, before briefly landing on the slide again and flying off the edge into the sand.
Sienna laughed. “That was cool.”
“Now you can slide down, check if the driver is OK, and do it again. I think the other slide will be even better because it’s bigger.”
Sienna slid down, dusted off the truck and gave the driver a pep talk as she climbed up again. I retreated to the bench and watched her do her thing.
The energy the kid had was like nothing I’d ever seen before. I tried to imagine how long I’d last if the playground was scaled up to my size and I was doing as many circuits from the top of the slides to the bottom and back again. Not as long as Sienna, that was for sure.
Even though I wasn’t setting the world record for downhill speed runs myself and it was incredible to be watching over my daughter for the first time, I was still on edge. For the first time in my life, I suddenly noticed how dangerous playgrounds looked. All those potential falls on to hard edges.
Not only that, but I had to keep an eye out for other threats like dodgy people or dangerous dogs. Speaking of dogs, it seemed I also had to play chaperone.
Thankfully, there wasn’t much to worry about in terms of other threats. For whatever reason, nobody else had shown up the entire time we were here. I guessed that most kids these days were busy with screens of various kinds.
It must have been somewhere on Sienna’s millionth speed run when I saw a woman and a boy approaching from the street. While the woman was still a good distance away, the boy raced ahead and entered the playground.
He saw Sienna pick up the truck and head back to the top of a slide, then waited at the bottom to watch the action. As soon as the truck hit the sand, he snatched it up and examined it, but Sienna was hot on its heels and arrived a moment later.
“That’s mine!” she said sternly, reaching for it.
The boy stepped back, keeping the truck out of Sienna’s reach, and then cocked his arm and unloaded a nasty punch on her arm. The world flashed red for me and when it cleared, I’d taken a step forward with my own fists clenched.
I forcibly unclenched them, I couldn’t murder a five-year-old, but it wasn’t easy to come up with a better idea. Sienna’s face contorted to a silent scream and then she ran away, behind some playground equipment. The boy started climbing towards the top of a slide with truck in hand as the woman arrived at the edge of the playground.
“That your son?” I asked, when she didn’t immediately run over and sort out that kid.
“Yes, we were just passing through town and decided to break up the car ride when-”
“You think that was acceptable?
“Huh?”
“He hit my daughter and stole her toy.”
“Oh… well, you know, boys will be boys. Sorry he can be a little-”
“It’s not me that needs the apology, and not you that needs to give it. He’s got to apologize to her and give her stuff back.”
“Er… let’s not overreact. I’m sure he will. Maybe she needs to learn how to share? He probably just likes her anyway.”
I could feel my fists clenching again, but I looked up at the sky and puffed out some air as I walked away, taking the long way around so I didn’t get anywhere near the boy.
Sienna was sitting on a little wooden platform at the bottom of a ladder that led up to a fort of sorts, which shielded her from the view, if not the sound, of that kid playing with her truck. She was staring at her feet, lip quivering, but no tears were coming down her cheeks.
When I sat next to her, I could feel it wasn’t merely her lip quivering, her whole body was shaking with stress.
“Are you alright?” I asked as gently as I could.
After a few seconds, Sienna gave the quickest shrug of the shoulders I had ever seen.
“It’s not OK what happened, you know.”
Sienna shrugged again.
“You must be very strong to not be crying after getting hit like that,” I said, trying to think of something to make her feel better.
“You d-don’t cry when b-boys h-hit you.” Sienna’s voice shook like her body.
“Who said that?”
“N-nobody said, but Mommy doesn’t cry.”
Icy hands suddenly grasped my heart and seemed to be trying to drag it down through my stomach, tearing up my organs as it went. I gulped.
“Somebody hits Mommy?”
Sienna nodded, still looking down at her shoes. “And you don’t cry,” she repeated.
“Who hits Mommy?” I asked quietly, through a throat that was threatening to choke up.
“James. Mommy says he’s not my daddy, but he might be. I hope not.”
A tear finally escaped the corner of Sienna’s eye. She pressed her fists against her eye sockets furiously for a few seconds as if angry with herself for the weakness.
Her head twisted in my direction when she caught a glimpse of my own tear falling. How could I not? I left my angels here in hell. I didn’t see my dad for the last five years of his life. I fucked up so much. It was time for things to go right for us. Starting right fucking now.
“He’s not,” I said, “and I don’t think he should hit your mommy anymore. And that boy shouldn’t have hit you. It isn’t right, it isn’t what boys are supposed to do, and just sitting here and being OK with it is not right either.”
“What?”
“You’re allowed to stand up for yourself.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Well, I don’t mean I want you to start fights or anything… but… for example, right now. That truck is yours, not his. You can go over to him and tell him to give it back right now and if he doesn’t, you kick him right in the balls.”
“The… balls?”
“Between his legs. It hurts boys… a lot. He hit you and I don’t think it’s fair if he isn’t going to apologize and give you what’s yours… well… I don’t think it’s fair for him to get away with it.”
“I can hit back?”
“Yes, Sienna. People aren’t allowed to hurt you like that.”
“I don’t know…”
“Well, think about it, OK? I have a feeling that boy isn’t staying in the playground long anyway. I’ll go back to the bench and let you think.”
I returned to the bench to see the mother standing there watching her kid play with my daughter’s toy with a smitten look on her face that pissed me the fuck off. She still hadn’t said a word to him about what he’d done.
Striding right up into what she probably called her safe space, I towered over her. She took a step back and I took a step forward.
“How the fuck would you like it if I liked you?” I asked. “Boys will be boys, you know.”
The fight, flight or freeze response overwhelmed her self-righteousness and I saw the blood drain from her face. Behind me I heard the solid thump of a shoe hitting a scrotum.
When a Sideshow Freak Loves a Princess
Hazel - After
Helga may have been six foot two and put together like a bodybuilder, but she had magic in her hands. A coupon had arrived in my mailbox a few months back offering a free 30-minute introductory massage and it would have expired next week, so having this unexpected time to myself was a welcome coincidence.
After watching Sienna, Jeff, Molly and Chopper walk down the street, I was at a loss as to what to do until I glanced over and saw the coupon pinned to the cork board. I called, found she miraculously had a free slot right away, and drove straight over.
Although I kept my phone beside my head on the massage table the whole time, dreading the thought of a call from Jeff saying Sienna had fallen and broken her neck, it didn’t come. Every time Helga touched my back, my bones let out cracks and pops of various volumes, her thumbs ground into tight muscles, making me almost want to scream in pain, until one by one they loosened up a
nd I was putty on her table. Drooling putty.
By the end of it, I wished that part of the service was to have somebody come in and dress me because it seemed like a waste to use my muscles again and start the tensing up process. I promised her I’d be back again and then went out to my car and may have even fallen asleep for a few minutes, using my seatbelt as a sling-pillow, before checking the time and figuring I had enough left to get to the grocery store and possibly still be home before Sienna and Jeff.
It was a light shop and I tried to carry the two bags as delicately as possible to hold on to the massage-buzz as I tested the front door. It was unlocked and I pushed it open slowly.
Immediately, I could hear Sienna jabbering away, talking about colors or something, then pausing and laughing along with Jeff. I closed my eyes and just let that sound wash over me for a few seconds.
It might have been the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard in my life. My baby girl laughing with her daddy.
Then Molly barked and I saw her emerge from under the kitchen table. A moment later, Chopper followed her out from under there, knocking over one of the chairs as he tried to army-crawl his bulk between the legs.
“Hello?” I called.
“Mommy!” Sienna yelled, scampering around the corner so I had ten legs all pitter-pattering towards me at the same time.
“Mommy, you have to see!”
Sienna grabbed me by the hand and dragged me to the living room door, where a sheepish Jeff was sitting on the floor with my makeup on his face. Tons of it.
“Isn’t he pretty?” asked Sienna.
“Wow… did you do this, Sienna-bear?” I said, a huge grin on my face.
“Yup.”
“I’d appreciate if you never told anybody about this,” said Jeff.
“Wow,” I repeated, “you’ve really brought out the red on his cheeks. And ears. Excellent work with the mascara in his eyebrows too.”
Jeff smiled and a dollop of concealer dripped off his nose. It was too much for me to handle, I had to crack up laughing, dropping the groceries as gently as I could under the circumstances.
Sienna saw the concealer drop too and laughed with me. It wasn’t long before Jeff joined in. I had to kneel by him to give him a hug, half to emotionally support him, and half to physically support myself.
“Don’t laugh too much.” Jeff’s voice was shaking with it. “It’s your make-up, so I hope this gives you an idea of how others see you.”
“Yeah, Mommy! It’s your turn!”
* * *
Sienna decided to eat her dinner of a homemade burger and fries under the kiddy-sunshade thing in our back yard, which was like a cross between a mini-tent and a mini-gazebo. Molly was staying close and looking her cutest in the hope of getting some scraps. Chopper was doing his best too, the old rotty had his head rested on his paws facing into the sunshade, and even though I didn’t have the right angle, I knew he was giving Sienna the puppy-dog eyes.
The two of us sat on a two-person swing chair on the back porch and watched Sienna and the dogs. Jeff made all the right sounds as he ate his food, sucking the grease off his fingers and leaving lipstick stains on them when he finished.
“Mmm, damn, that’s good stuff,” he said.
I shook my head and snorted out the tiniest bit of a giggle through my nose. “You look like you escaped from a circus sideshow,” I said, taking his plate and stacking it with mine before placing it off the side of the chair on the ground.
Jeff tried to give me a smug look that was impossible to pull off given the state of his makeup. “Oh yeah?” he challenged.
“Yeah.”
“Well, you look like you learned how to apply makeup from an audiobook.”
We laughed and I scooted half a foot closer to him. He scooted the remaining distance and put his arm around me, kicking up his feet on the table in front of us to rock the swing a little.
I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed contentedly. There hadn’t been a day like this in… ever. That insane sex last night, the time to myself for a massage today, hearing Sienna playing with her daddy and now here I was in my spot again. My home. My family. We should have had this for Sienna’s whole life.
When I stole a glance up at Jeff, he looked like he was deep in thought, staring out in Sienna’s direction, but not exactly concentrating on her. She may have needed some practice with her makeup skills, but there wasn’t enough concealer in the world to hide the fact that he was a gorgeous man.
I followed his line of sight, but stopped as far as Sienna as I rested my cheek against him again, no doubt leaving some blush-stains on his shirt. Our daughter forced down the last gulp of fries, sat for a moment, took a deep breath and let it out with puffed-cheeks, before flopping backwards on to the blanket.
Molly stood and sniffed Sienna’s plate, licking it a couple times but apparently finding Sienna hadn’t left anything, and then turned on the spot a few times before lying down next to her. Chopper tentatively poked his head into the shade and did the same with the plate before slowly creeping in and collapsing down next to Sienna with a “grrrr-umph.”
Sienna draped one arm over Molly and the other over Chopper so that it looked like she was sitting in a La-Z-Boy cranked all the way back. If I didn’t know any better, I would have said she was falling asleep.
“You really tired her out today,” I said.
“Hmm? She did it all herself. Man, that kid is a little Energizer Bunny.”
“You gonna pass out yourself?”
“Me? You think I’d get all dolled up like this and not hit the town?”
“Need a date?”
“You got a friend?”
“Hey!” I elbowed him in the ribs.
“Ooof!”
I settled back into my spot and Jeff silently nursed his injuries. After a while he sighed.
“You know…”
I gulped. “Don’t say it yet. Let’s have one night.”
“We’ve had one night. And a day.”
“Let’s have another.”
“Oh, cutie… you know what we’re up against in Shippensburg.”
“So, what’s your plan? You… just gonna leave again?”
Jeff turned and used a finger to tilt my chin up to him. “Come with me. You, Sienna and Molly.”
“When?”
“Tonight.”
“Tonight?”
“Yeah. I mean, we don’t know how long James is going to be away for. We get going tonight and they can’t come after us because it’s a big world out there, and outside of this town, they aren’t shit. We get away and they can’t touch us anymore.”
“What about my parents?” I asked.
“Don’t tell them until we’re gone. No offense, I know they’re your parents and everything, but they’re part of the problem, or at least your dad is.”
I frowned. This didn’t seem like the kind of decision that was supposed to be made on the spur of the moment. “Where will we go? Where will we live? How will we live?”
“Port Magnus for a start. I’ve got a little money stashed away, enough to keep us going for a while. In the meantime, I can arrange for my dad’s house to be sold. That’ll be enough to get us set up somewhere. I’ve got somebody who owes me a big favor too. You tryin’ to make some excuses, babe? C’mon. If you bring Sienna along with you… what else is there? What’s this town done for you lately?”
My brow knitted further. I didn’t have an answer to that last question. Not a good one anyway. Leave Shippensburg and have more days like this? Versus, what I was contemplating only a few days ago? What was it inside of me that was trying to put up a fight?
“I can be finished up at my dad’s in a couple of hours. Let’s do it, Hazel. Let’s hit the road and take our lives back.”
Slowly, I nodded. “OK.”
“OK?”
“OK.”
Jeff nodded and took a deep breath. “OK. I’ll go right away. Well… I’ll wash this stuff off my face an
d then go. Would it be possible… um… can I leave Chopper here for his dinner? I’ve run out at my dad’s place.”
“Uh… sure.” If anything, him leaving Chopper here helped ease my worries. He didn’t leave town without that dog before, he wouldn’t do it now. “We’re really doing this?”
“Damn right.”
Jeff pulled me in for a kiss, and I brought my hands up to feel the rough stubble on his cheek, to confirm to myself he was really here, but my hands were numb and I felt like my legs might not work if I tried to stand up.
We were leaving tonight. Together. And we weren’t looking back.
The Sheriff ‘Round These Parts
Jeff - After
My heart was racing, and as soothing as the hot water was, my excitement was beyond the abilities of a shower to calm. It turned out I was even closer to being ready to go than I had thought.
The Chevy was packed and ready to go and the car seat I’d taken from Hazel’s car was installed. When I texted Hazel to see if she was ready too, she called me crazy and said she was going to need at least another hour, so that’s why I’d decided to have a shower. Fill in some time, freshen up for an all-night drive. When we left here… I wanted to get as much distance between us and Shippensburg as possible.
Eventually, the hot water ran out, so I twisted the taps off and stepped on to the bath mat to dry myself. I figured I’d get dressed, turn off the electricity, and leave to help Hazel pack. The big challenge would be to do all that without pacing from room to room a million times to make sure I’d taken everything of importance.
That was easier said than done, when every single thing in the house held some kind of sentimental value to me. In the kitchen cupboards were bowls my dad had used to give me my cereal in the morning. There were no other bowls like them, even though they were cheap and mass-produced. On the fridge were magnets advertising businesses that had gone under years ago. Worthless, except they were right where my dad left them, and had held up all kinds of things over the course of my dad’s life, from bills, to photos, to shitty finger-paintings done by me. The house was full of things that were priceless to me, but the only treasure that really mattered was Hazel and Sienna.
