by Sara Brookes
His still-burning eyes took a few minutes to adjust to the dimmer lighting of the main seating area as he made his way to the waist-high bar.
Oscar Nakamura had already set a glass with a few fingers of bourbon in front of Kochran’s regular stool and waited until he’d downed half of it. “What has you so spun up?”
“Just working like always, Oz.” Kochran dropped the towels and his soaked half-finger gloves onto the counter. Oz whisked the towels away, replacing them with a fresh one that Kochran used as padding so his sweaty arms wouldn’t slide against the bar.
Oz shook his head with a smile as he spun a glass against a towel. “Working is what I’m doing, Duke. That up there? You were a fucking madman on some kind of mission. Seen you play a lot, man, but never like that.”
Kochran shrugged and tried not to think about the possible reasons why. “New songs tend to be a little consuming.”
“That wasn’t a song, that was a fucking elegy.” Oz eyed him as he moved off to fix an order one of the waitresses had shouted out to him.
From this angle, Kochran studied the man with a critical eye. No, not critical...curious. He wasn’t tall, but his build was proportional. Kochran knew from experience Oz didn’t believe in hours at the gym to keep himself in top physical condition, but he did subscribe to hard work. Oz also had the kind of charming personality women flocked to, which brought in a fair share of steady customers. With dark eyes, a full head of black hair, and golden skin, he had striking good looks. Unfortunately for the female population, he preferred more testosterone when it came to matters of love and sex. Kochran had only ever seen Oz dominate men at the club. And he was good at what he did. Remarkably good. Oz also played it rough, with most of his scenes ending with a very satisfied submissive who wore his marks for a few days afterward.
Kochran had just enough alcohol and adrenaline in his system to wonder if a quick fuck with Oz would clear his confusion about Ezra. Then he’d know his preferences when it came to sex had simply expanded a little again and he could move on with his life. But however impressive Oz’s physique was, however charming his personality and attractive those preferences were with sex, Kochran wasn’t drawn to Oz in the same way. There was nothing sexual, nothing visceral, between them. Broaching that topic with his longtime friend would only earn him a few minutes of embarrassment and a lifetime of heckling. Because that’s what friends do when you ask for absurd favors.
More than a few times he’d thought about jetting off to parts unknown to take care of the persistent itch. Lose himself in a binge of booze, sex and bondage. He’d never hidden his wild living from anyone. He was the sex-hungry, hard-living and hard-drinking owner of a fetish club. Add in the fact he was the drummer for Duality, and the two sides of his life carried the added perk of an endless parade of partners to choose from. Yet, lately, he hadn’t wanted anyone else but Maddy and that damn persistent ache whenever Ezra Snow was around. He kept pushing back the tenacious thrum of energy that pulsed through him when the other man came near. And damn the man if he wasn’t being an obstinate pain-in-the-ass. Always on the periphery, as though he was aware of the reaction he caused. And that damn stunt he’d pulled hacking the plug. Kochran was still trying to convince himself the climax he’d experienced hadn’t been one of the strongest he’d ever had in his life. Maddy may have been the spark, but he damn well knew Ezra had been the gasoline.
Kochran nursed the alcohol in his glass this time, thinking about what Oz had pointed out. Something had been different up there.
As he scanned the crowd from a different angle, his gaze landed on a booth near the front windows. His heart gave a solid thump against his ribcage as he saw the way Maddy was leaning toward Ezra, listening intently to something he said. The two were fully engrossed in a conversation despite the noise of the crowd. As though they were in their own little world. The second Ezra made eye contact with him, Kochran’s body came alive.
Yeah. You’re so fucked, Duke.
Kochran grabbed his stuff as he pushed away from the bar. He tucked the towel into his back pocket, noting he’d need it later once he got back under the stage lights. For perhaps the first time in his life, he was nervous as he approached his friends. He was genuinely interested in what they’d thought about the new song. Though he valued most of his friends’ opinions, it appeared to be especially true when it came to these two. He played for thousands of people, put on show after show for them as a Dom, but they’d all passed through his life with little fanfare. He’d never wanted to impress any of those strangers as much as he wanted to impress Maddy and Ezra.
As he slipped into the padded booth, he noted two beers on the table, both within Ezra’s reach. Immediately, his protective instincts roared to life. He studied the man with a more critical eye, noting the smudges were a little darker than normal, his eyes not as bright. Something was off again.
“Celebrating?” Kochran pointed to the bottles.
“We put the final touches on the sim tonight, so we’re celebrating no longer being in beta testing. The new simulator is officially open for business and lining your pocket. Next step—virtual reality.” Ezra picked the closest bottle and finished off the last of the contents. “Nice work up there.”
Kochran’s eyes narrowed. If he wasn’t mistaken, a few of Ezra’s words had been slurred. Not enough the average person would notice, but his diabetic buddy in high school had a bad habit of overstepping his bounds with alcohol trying to keep up with the rest of the teenage partying. He started to issue a warning to Ezra, but stopped when Maddy leaned forward and captured Kochran’s hand.
“I think I got a little wet watching you bang those drums during that last song.” Her cheeks flushed pink as she drew her bottom lip between her teeth. The forward angle of her position had pushed her breasts together so her shirt gapped at the neckline and gave him a perfect view down the front.
“Oh yeah?”
She nodded as her gaze darted to Ezra, who remained silent, though he was clearly listening. “Low-slung jeans, black tank, biceps all bulging every time you hit the drums. The way your eyes got all unfocused when you were singing about being someone who got off on delivering pain.” She paused, her own eyes going glassy. “It’s pretty damn clear you love what you do.”
Her giggle was music to his ears. “I’d warn you to be careful of giving a man a swelled head, but it’s a little late for that.” He shifted his pants, purposefully angling to draw her attention.
It worked. Her gaze darted to his lap, which she gave a long, lingering stare. Her smile fell, though. “Too bad I’ve already got plans for the rest of the night. A few of the girls invited me to come along for Grae’s bachelorette party.” She gathered up her cell phone and a light jacket. “Probably should have headed that way about twenty minutes ago, but I didn’t want to miss the rest of the set.” She pressed a lingering kiss to Ezra’s cheek, then to Kochran’s. “Walk me out?”
Something in her expression made Kochran slide out of the booth and follow her. He dodged the friendly greetings of customers with a smile, meeting up with Maddy again at the front door. “Everything all right?”
Her gaze flicked toward where Ezra sat. “Something’s bothering him, but he won’t fess up.”
“I noticed.” He remembered the conversation in his kitchen. Remembered the pale shade of Ezra’s skin when he’d been laid out unconscious right here on the bar’s floor over a month ago. “Did you know he’s diabetic? Wears an insulin pump?”
“What?” She gripped his forearm, her nails biting into his skin. “No. I knew about his wife and husband. I thought that was the reason he was drinking like he needed to escape. Like he needed to forget.”
He buried his reaction to the pain of her grasp. “He must have scheduled the times he changed his infusion site around whenever he was with you so you wouldn’t find out.” Careful calculation by a man who wouldn’t let anyone truly
in. Kochran knew that game well. He was a player himself. It was also damn dangerous since the pump should be worn at all times. Kochran hoped Ezra took care to monitor his insulin levels when the pump wasn’t in place.
“Judging how much alcohol he’s had, I suspect this is the anniversary of one of those events. About the time you came to work for the club, he was here. Went into diabetic shock just as our first set started.”
“That must have been the anniversary of when his wife died, and tonight...”
“When Kyle left.” Kochran glanced back through the crowd, catching fleeting glimpses of Ezra staring off into space. He turned back to Maddy, his heart clenching at the concern darkening her eyes. “Go enjoy your party. I’ll look after him.”
“No. I can’t go after what you just told me.”
“You can and you will.” He pried her grip off his arm, lifting her hand to his mouth. Her fingers shook against his lips as he kissed them. His voice had come off a little more demanding than he’d meant, so he softened it. “I can handle him.”
“Are you sure?”
He shot her a lecherous glare. “I know how to put him in his place if he gets too obstinate. In fact, I think I may enjoy it if he does.” He wiggled his eyebrows until the lines of worry between her eyes smoothed.
“Promise you’ll call me if things get too bad?”
“Always.” She didn’t appear convinced. He stepped closer, touching her chin to angle her face toward his. “If I don’t, you have my permission to sign me up for the dildo of the month club.”
She chuckled. “He told you about that?”
“Sure did. Excellent work, baby girl.”
“I know I overstepped there, but the asshole deserved something more than being kicked out of the club. He violated my trust. Your trust.”
“You mean like having a few sheriff’s deputies deliver a restraining order?” Maddy’s eyes widened as Kochran spoke. “I don’t take lightly to someone taking advantage of me. Or trying to get one over. He’s lucky I didn’t hunt him down.”
Kochran watched her go, waiting until she drove away before turning back to make his way to the table. Ezra’s expression didn’t change as Kochran arrived, so that was something at least. “Going to stick around for the rest of the set?”
A waitress came by before Ezra answered, far too bubbly for the sour mood settled over the table. “Get you boys anything?”
“Another round for us both,” Ezra offered before Kochran could dismiss her.
“You got it.” She cleared away the empty bottles and the glass before flouncing off with a wiggle of her hips.
Tension filled the spaces between them as they waited. Kochran wanted to curse at Ezra, tell him how much a fucking fool he was being, but it wouldn’t do any good. Ezra would just push back harder, determined he could take care of himself.
The waitress returned with a chilled bottle for Ezra. Her smile fell as she set a glass of water before Kochran. “Oz said you were cut off until the end of the second set.”
“That’s all right, thank you.” Kochran took a few gulps of the water. “Tell Oz I appreciate him looking out for me.”
When the waitress left, he gestured toward Ezra’s beer. “Sure you should be doing that?” He put as much consternation in his voice as he could without coming off domineering.
Ezra scowled. “Stop being my babysitter, Kochran.”
Kochran restrained his instinctual reaction to lash back at Ezra again. Instead, he inhaled deeply, as he took in the various smells permeating through the bar, his drying sweat and Ezra’s dismissive glare. There were thousands of things he wanted to scold Ezra for, but he knew every single one would fall on deaf ears. He’d have been better off trying to coax the sun out of the sky.
Chapter Twenty-Four
No matter how much Ezra tried to escape the past, it always found him, slamming into him with a force of a bullet train. Forced him to relive moments of his life he’d rather forget.
He’d thought the anniversary of Nora’s death had been difficult to handle, but recalling the instant Kyle had walked out the door reopened scars that made him deal with the pangs of abandonment over and over.
Kochran set his empty water glass down with a sharp bang. “Set is about to start.” He slid out of the booth, standing as he waved toward the stage. “See you when I’m done.”
“Not worried I’m going to take off?”
Kochran held up a set of keys. “Nope, not worried at all.” Ezra blinked as he slapped his hand over his pocket, found it empty.
Kochran swiped the beer in front of Ezra and exchanged it for the full glass of water a passing waitress had on her tray. He bent closer to her, flashing his most charming smile and kept his voice low. “Keep those coming for him, doll. Need him clear-headed and sober by the time I’m finished.”
She gave him a knowing smile and nodded. No doubt about what she was thinking. Ezra was sunk so deep in his bad mood, he wasn’t going to bother correcting her.
He watched her walk away and then turned back to find Kochran still wearing that damn smile. The one that made things inside Ezra flash hot. “What the fuck are you up to, Duke?”
“Guess you’ll find out at the end of the set.”
As much as he hated the cunning smile Kochran shot his way, Ezra knew the man had done the right thing. He would have imbibed beer after beer in an attempt to forget. To erase the pain of the past. The heartbreak of the present. He enjoyed playing with Maddy. Found a great deal of non-sexual fulfillment working with her. But there were emotions bubbling under the surface he didn’t want to deal with.
Then there was him. Ezra turned his focus to where Duality tore up the stage with their most popular hit among the locals. The song the band had debuted earlier struck a chord with Ezra as well. Made everything fuzzy come into clear focus. A focus he’d kept trying to dodge. He had feelings for Kochran that went beyond the typical boss/employee relationship. More than just a couple of buddies hanging out. The dance the two men had been playing with Maddy between them pinged all kinds of spots for Ezra. He’d been away from the lifestyle for so long he hadn’t recognized his needs at first. But now that he had, everything was remarkably difficult. Problem was, Kochran bowed for no one. And Ezra desperately wanted to see Kochran on his knees.
After the set was over, Ezra agreed to allow Kochran to drive him home even though he could have easily walked the few miles. However, when they blew past the turn for his house, Ezra’s annoyance returned tenfold. “You gonna tell me now what the fuck you’re up to?”
Kochran’s face remained impassive. The rest of the drive was conducted in silence and Ezra began to seriously rethink the situation. Annoyance continued to boil in his gut as Kochran parked the car and killed the engine. Since Kochran wasn’t interested in chatting, Ezra got out of the car and walked to Kochran’s front door. He waited there, listening to the soft hum of the locks disengaging as Kochran approached. By the time Kochran came to stand beside him, the panel had dropped and now slid back to reveal the stairs that would take them down into Kochran’s hidden house.
Ezra stormed down the stairs and headed directly for the kitchen. To give himself something to do, he busied himself making coffee. He figured there was no way in hell that he was falling asleep there again. Unlike last time, he would be awake and aware. He’d sober up the rest of the way, and call for a ride.
He leaned back against the counter, scowling at Kochran. “You don’t have to keep taking care of me.”
“You’re not taking care of yourself. Someone has to do it,” Kochran said calmly as he sipped his coffee. “You keep going like this, won’t be anyone to take care of.”
Ezra scowled. “The last thing I need is a babysitter.” He poured another cup before he faced Kochran again. “What I really don’t need is an overprotective boss looking over my shoulder every chance.”
Kochran lifted an eyebrow but said nothing. He drank again and again until he finished the contents. He rose, walked slowly across the kitchen space and came to stand by Ezra. Ceramic clicked together as Kochran set his empty cup in the sink.
“An overprotective boss may be the last thing you want, but a willing partner is what you need.” Kochran angled his body closer, leaning his weight on one arm. “I can be that. Do whatever you need, because you and I both know I can take it. Use it. Use me. No one else knows what you’re dealing with. That shit you have festering inside you is going to eat away at who you are. It’ll tear you up, Ezra. Make you into a hollow shell of a human being. I’ve been there. I know. Don’t let that happen.”
Ezra knew what Kochran had said, had heard every single word with absolute clarity, but he couldn’t believe the words. It was his wildest fantasies come true. Kochran Duke offering himself on a silver platter. He’d had suspicions, of course, but he’d kept writing them off as nothing more than his imagination. Chalked it up to Kochran’s fascination with Maddy. Ezra had been collateral damage. Something Kochran had to endure in order to spend time with who he truly wanted.
“You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Don’t dismiss me because you think I’m doing it out of pity.” As Ezra watched, Kochran went down to the floor. He looked at the man lowered before him on one knee. Not absolute surrender, but enough to show Ezra that the offer wasn’t empty or void of meaning, some hollow gesture born out of pity or contempt. “You inspire a lot of things inside my head, Ezra...pity isn’t one of them.”
“You ever gone this way before? Been with another man?”
Kochran remained silent, his gaze steady. The fact he was attempting to be something he wasn’t made Ezra’s blood boil.
