by C. C. Gibbs
‘I want the baby clothes!’ she shrieked.
‘We’ll have the clothes sent,’ he lied.
‘No! Damn you!’ She pounded him with her fists. ‘I want them now!’
‘Later. We don’t have time now. We’re going to the airport.’
‘God, Dominic, please, please!’ she frantically implored, like a martyr in extremis pleading for divine intervention. ‘Let me just take a few! I’ll be quick! I won’t keep you! Please Dominic! Don’t do this to me!’
He took a deep breath. He’d never heard Katherine begging with such anguish. ‘Sorry, baby,’ he murmured. ‘I’m probably doing this all wrong, but we’re getting out, moving on, leaving this misery behind.’ He knew about soldiering on no matter what. She hadn’t had the practice in her family cocoon of unconditional love. ‘And if crying would help I’d say go for it. But it doesn’t. Not. One. Single Bit. I know.’
‘Shut the fuck up,’ she sobbed. ‘You don’t know what you’re – talking about so just – shut the fuck up!’
‘I’m not going to. We’re going to pick ourselves up and keep on going. I’ve done it ten million times, baby, so I know it works. We’re going to have a good life. This isn’t the end of everything. You have to figure that out.’
‘It feels like the end right now!’ she cried, and slapped him hard.
He didn’t so much as flinch or miss a stride. ‘Everything’ll look better tomorrow.’
‘No, it won’t, it won’t, you unfeeling bastard!’ Her voice was ascending into hysteria again, the green of her eyes flashing with temper. ‘God dammit! I’m not going! Put me down!’
‘I’m sorry, baby. I really am.’ He felt powerless against her pain. His he could manage. He’d had years of practice shutting down his feelings. He’d learned long ago how to lock them away. He was good at it. ‘Maybe Nana can help. They’re on their way to Heathrow now.’
‘No one can help.’ Kate’s voice was suddenly soft with defeat, the energy draining out of her as if she’d finally resigned to the empty futility of the struggle. ‘Not Nana, no one. It’s really over, isn’t it?’
‘This part is, baby. I’m sorry.’ He kissed her gently. ‘We’ll feel better at home, right?’ When she didn’t answer, he dipped his head again, so their eyes met. ‘We’ll try at least, OK?’
Her lips clenched tight to stop the trembling, she sniffed, then nodded.
‘Thanks, baby. I knew you wouldn’t let me down.’
As they approached the front door, he was grateful her hysteria had passed. Although, he had no compunction carrying her out to the car screaming bloody murder either if he had to. Fuck the world had always been his tried-and-true maxim.
On exiting the flat, they found Jake standing by the car, the back door held open.
A look of understanding passed between the two men.
‘Heathrow?’ Jake asked, as if he were a mind reader.
Dominic nodded. Another exchange of male glances. ‘Quickly.’
‘Gotcha.’
Dominic stepped into the car with Kate, seated her in his lap, the door was shut and seconds later, Jake was sliding behind the wheel.
‘I’m sorry for being such a hard ass,’ Dominic whispered. ‘I’m a little out of my depth here. Fuck – more than a little. But I figure we just tread water till we get it right or somehow make sense of this fucking tragedy.’
Kate exhaled in a great rush of air. ‘It’s all super sad and pathetic. I’m not sure it’ll ever make sense.’ She lay her head on his shoulder and softly sighed. ‘It doesn’t feel like it will right now.’
‘Maybe we should talk to a therapist.’
She lifted her gaze. ‘Do you want to?’
No. ‘I will if you want to. Whatever you want, I’ll do. You know that, baby. Just tell me.’
‘I don’t know,’ she mumbled. ‘I don’t know how to deal with this pain. Nothing’s ever hurt like this before – it’s like there’s no end in sight.’
‘I could get us some books about’, he stopped, not wanting to say, baby, or miscarriage, ‘what we’re going through,’ he finished instead. ‘Others have suffered this loss too. It might help to read about it.’
She wrinkled her nose. ‘I’m too selfish. I don’t care about anyone else. I know what I feel and it sucks.’
‘Then it sounds like you’ll just have to rely on me for your therapy,’ he said, gently teasing.
She giggled, the teeny tiniest feeling-better sound.
‘Hey, don’t knock it,’ he said, playfully, taking advantage of that small opening. ‘I have years of experience. I’m so fucking qualified I’ll fix us up in no time.’
‘I always like your fixing up,’ she said, softly. ‘And thanks for trying to make me feel better.’
‘That’s my job, baby. I’m your husband. Making you feel better is top of my list,’ he said, gently. But he was going to buy some books and read them because he preferred being informed, particularly with a serious problem like this. ‘We’ll get it right next time, baby. So let’s just stay positive and use all our Zen energy to engage with the circle of life and all that surreal, supernova shit.’
She smiled faintly. ‘How can you always be so reasonable?’
‘It’s better than the alternative.’ He held up his scabbed knuckles. ‘Your tears and my fists. Come on, baby, let’s just fix this goddamn mess.’ Bending, he kissed her flushed cheek. ‘We’ll go back home, regroup and take it from there. Gimme a yes now and a smile. I know you can do it.’ He grinned. ‘You’re perfect. That’s why I married you.’
Her smile was almost normal that time. ‘It’s not as though you need the flattery with your history, but you’re perfect too. I’m very lucky.’
‘We both are, baby.’ He grinned. ‘And it’s only gonna get better.’
CHAPTER 23
Nana came to San Francisco with them and, with her usual ease, settled in with Dominic’s family and staff. The second morning after their return, Nana brought Nicole back with her from Melanie’s. Kate was in Dominic’s small upstairs office, at the computer – her comfort zone in good times and bad.
Nana waved Nicole into the office. ‘Nicole was wondering how you were doing, so I told her to come and see for herself,’ Nana said. ‘I’m getting a coffee. Anyone else?’
Kate raised her hand, Nicole said, ‘A coke for me,’ and dropped into a brown leather club chair sizes too large for her. For an irresolute moment, she ran her fingers over the smooth chair arm, then looked up at Kate with the same blue eyes as Dominic’s and the same concern. ‘Nicky said we’re not supposed to say anything ’cause it’ll make you sadder but I want you to know how sorry I am about the baby. Mom says—’
‘Jesus Christ,’ a low growl interrupted. ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’
Nicole swivelled around and stared defiantly at her uncle standing in the doorway, scowling like the wrath of God. ‘You don’t always know what women want, Nicky, even if you think you do.’
‘Don’t tell me what I know, you brat,’ Dominic snapped.
‘It’s OK, Dominic, really,’ Kate said, observing the matching scowl on Dominic’s niece, stepping in to avoid an uneven fight. Even with her teenage assurance, Nicole was out of her league against Dominic’s fury. ‘We’re just going to visit. I’m fine. Nana’s bringing us coffee and cokes.’ Kate smiled at her overly protective husband. ‘Don’t you have something to do?’
He took a small breath, held Kate’s gaze. ‘You sure?’ His voice was as tight as a drum.
She smiled. ‘I am, thank you.’
Dominic turned a grim look on his niece. ‘Mind your goddamn manners now,’ he said, curtly.
Nicole’s eyes narrowed, and she was about to retort, when Kate said, quickly, ‘She always minds her manners, Dominic. No worries – OK?’
Nana returned at just the right moment, and Dominic stepped aside to let her into the office.
‘Coffee, Dominic?’ Nana lifted the tray an inch as she walked past
him.
‘He was just leaving, Nana.’ Kate smiled at her husband who didn’t look as though he had any intention of leaving.
A taut five count passed.
‘I’ll be right next door,’ Dominic finally said, brusquely. ‘In case you need anything.’
That morning Kate and Nicole became friends. The young girl was charming and warm, like her uncle, Kate thought. Unlike her uncle, however, she was completely open about her life, boyfriends, school, her BFFs, siblings. And in the course of the next few days and weeks, Nicole became Kate’s therapist of choice, slowly bringing Kate back into the world with her cheeky, adolescent, anything-is-possible outlook.
Before long even Dominic understood to whom he owed a gift of gratitude.
His took the form of a new silver Porsche convertible.
‘Told you,’ Nicole said to him in private, flashing him a sassy grin.
He gave her a teasing look right back. ‘I guess you know what you’re doing every once in a while. Now don’t go and kill yourself. That’s an order.’
She lifted her chin. ‘I don’t take orders.’
‘You do from me, baby girl. Or I’ll take the keys back.’ But he saw even then a little too much of himself in that lifted chin. And he made sure that a governor and tricked-out roll bars were put on the car.
Nana stayed in San Francisco for almost a month. She was there for the wedding reception that Melanie arranged at Dominic’s restaurant Lucia. She waited until Kate was ready to go back to work; she admired the adjoining office suites Dominic had ordered set up at corporate headquarters in Santa Cruz. She mostly stayed until Kate could talk about losing the baby without crying.
Then she said, ‘It’s time for me to go home, sweetie. You have a husband who loves you and a job you enjoy. Not to mention a world of privilege that’s in the Cinderella category. Don’t forget to keep your feet on the ground though. There’s nothing wrong with living in a fantasy world, so long as you remember how to do the dishes.’
‘I never did dishes at home, Nana.’
‘That’s because Gramps spoiled you.’
‘You did too, Nana.’ Kate smiled. ‘But if you think I should learn to do dishes, I suppose I could.’
‘Waste of talent, sweetie. Just don’t let all the money go to your head, that’s all I’m saying. Dominic wants to give you the world.’
‘He’s been unhappy for a long time. He’s grateful, that’s all.’
‘I know. I talked to Mrs B. I heard.’ The two ladies had bonded like twins separated at birth. Both the same generation, both ardent anti-war supporters, Mrs B’s husband had endured the hell of Vietnam too. Both had been married to men who understood their wives marching to end the war while they were fighting it. Roy had always said, ‘We’re both trying to end this god-awful war in our own way. So keep on marching, Lori. I might get home sooner.’
‘And you know what Dominic’s house is like, Nana. It’s nice and in a good neighbourhood, but Dominic’s still living like he did at sixteen. He doesn’t care about stuff just for the sake of having it. So don’t worry, I won’t become a prima donna.’
‘If you do, I’ll be the first to tell you to knock it off.’
‘There you go. My voice of reason.’
‘So you’re OK if I go back home? No breakdown, no going off the deep end?’
‘Nah. I’m pretty good now. Reconciled. Looking to the future. Dominic’s OK with having more children soon.’
‘That’s nice,’ Nana said, politely, although she knew better. Mrs B had heard from Dominic’s sister that he was opposed to the idea. Or at the very least, unsure. ‘Well, call me when you can. That way I don’t have to bother Dominic for news.’
‘I will, Nana. When I didn’t call before that was just because everything was like super crazy. Now it’s just normal busy. I’m looking forward to going back to work.’
With promises to visit again, Nana returned home the next day.
While Dominic had been keeping up with work late at night after Kate fell asleep, once Nana left, life for the newlyweds settled into a normal headlong pace of long work days and full-steam-ahead involvement in Knight Enterprises.
Dominic still picked out Kate’s clothes in the morning because he knew what he was doing and she wasn’t wired for coordinating outfits. And anyway, she liked that he dressed her, even if they didn’t have time in the morning to do more than exchange kisses.
Jake drove them to work each day while both read reports and answered email on the hour-long ride. Dominic woke earlier than Kate to swim his fifty laps, but Kate had begun lifting weights again in Dominic’s private gym at work. They always ate lunch together and the door between their offices was never closed.
After a week back at work, Dominic walked into Kate’s office, holding a spreadsheet aloft. ‘How the hell did you catch this? It went through six layers of management. Do you realize how much money you saved us?’
‘Twelve million, three hundred and forty-six thousand, seven hundred and twenty-five dollars, and fifty-two cents.’
He grinned. ‘What are you, a savant?’
She shook her head, flicked her finger at the account review in his hand. ‘I happen to have an intimate relationship with numbers and letters.’
He smiled. ‘I’m not sure I like the sound of the word intimate.’ Tossing the spreadsheet on her desk, he dropped into a chair. ‘Enlighten me.’
‘Relax. It’s cerebral, not sexual.’ She hesitated briefly, having learned the topic was best left out of conversation. ‘Now don’t get alarmed, but I see numbers and letters in shapes, colours, textures – I even feel and hear them.’ She smiled. ‘Kinda like you can see clothes and I can’t. Anyway, there’s a name for it – I read an article about it once, although I don’t know all that much otherwise. Since I’ve always been this way, it’s just normal for me. When I was younger I thought everyone saw what I saw. I discovered in middle school they didn’t. And I learned not to talk about it ’cause it can freak out people when you tell them you can hear the letter C singing – not every day,’ she added with a small grin. ‘Sometimes another letter barges in. But I can shut it down if it gets too distracting, lock it down – like you learned to do with your feelings.’ She gave him a teasing look. ‘Although you’re getting better, aren’t you?’
‘I think the word is trying.’
She smiled. ‘Whatever you’re doing I like.’
‘Did the twelve mil strike up the chorus then?’ Never comfortable talking about his feelings, no matter the adjustments he’d made to please Kate, he redirected the conversation.
‘Not exactly.’ She politely picked up the cue. ‘When I’m working all the mental portals are wide open so I see flaws, aberrations, shifting visual patterns in the flow of even high-speed data. It’s intuitive, independent of reason, fun. That’s why I love computers.’ She jabbed her finger at the spreadsheet. ‘The twelve mil error happened to flash by pitch black in a multi-coloured pastel field. It was impossible to miss.’
He didn’t look startled, but he was staring. ‘Jesus fucking Christ, baby, you’re amazing.’ He laughed softly. ‘As if I didn’t know.’ Then a thoughtful look suddenly invaded the brilliant blue of his eyes. ‘Even if I didn’t love you madly, I’d make sure you never got away. You’re one helluva asset to Knight Enterprises.’
She put up her hand and met his gaze. ‘Just an FYI. I may not want to always work.’
‘Not a problem,’ he quickly said, instinctively alert to that watchful expression in a woman. ‘I don’t give a shit whether you work or not. In fact, you know I’d rather you didn’t.’
‘I know. And you know I have reservations about leaving the workforce. But when our children are young, I’d like to be home.’
It took him a fraction of a second to stifle the gut-deep panic he now had when she talked about having children. ‘Your schedule’s completely up to you, baby. It always will be.’ He waved his hand at the spreadsheet, intent on getting off the subj
ect of children. ‘I just wanted to come in and say thanks for this major bonus.’
‘Glad to be of service, Mr Knight.’ She leaned back in her chair and winked. ‘Is there anything else I can do for you?’ Her voice was soft with insinuation. ‘Seeing how it’s almost lunchtime.’
She hadn’t made any sexual overtures since London and he’d politely let her decide when she was ready. He smiled. ‘You sure?’
‘Why don’t you lock the doors.’
That sounded sure. ‘Happy to, baby.’ He was unbuttoning his suit coat as he walked first to the door to her assistant’s office, then to the one between their suites, locking them as he went. Shrugging out of his coat, he tossed it onto a nearby chair, and started unbuttoning his shirt cuffs.
Seated at her desk, Kate could feel the heat rise through her body, warm her skin, coil with a piquant flutter deep inside. Dominic’s skin was dark against the whiteness of his shirt, his long fingers deft on the cuff buttons, his strong wrists flexing easily as he rolled up his shirt sleeves. ‘What are you doing?’ It was a rhetorical question, breathy, soft, shimmering with an underlying excitement.
His long lashes drifted downward slightly and he smiled. ‘Getting ready for lunch. Don’t move. You’re fine.’
‘Do you know how long it’s been?’ she whispered.
‘I do.’ If jacking off didn’t count. He flashed Kate a grin as he rounded her desk. ‘You deserve a little fun.’
She gazed at his strained trouser fly. ‘What I deserve is you and your really fine dick.’
Swinging her chair around, he smoothly dropped to his knees, ignored her comment. ‘I picked out a skirt today. It must be karma.’ Sliding her skirt up over her thighs, he nudged her bottom with one hand. ‘Lift up.’ When she did, he shoved her skirt up to her waist, then slipped off her panties with a finesse acquired long before he graduated high school. Gently spreading her legs, he brushed his hands up her inner thighs, slid a finger lightly down her pouty cleft. ‘Gorgeous as ever, baby.’
