“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. He has a girlfriend and he’s in love with her.”
“He told you that?” she asks, her face incredulous. “I throw the bullshit flag.”
“I can only believe that it's the truth.” I take another sip from my bottle and consider my options. There aren’t any. “I’m not a home wrecker so it's got to be the end. I’ll see him around but it will have to be as friends.”
“That’s so wrong.”
“I knew when I left that this might be the way it ended. I didn’t ask him to wait for me and he didn't. I gambled and I lost.”
“You weren’t playing a game,” she protests. “You did what you thought was right at the time. You guys weren’t talking and had shit you needed to figure out.”
“It was a gamble no matter what and I lost him.” I gaze at the skyline outside the window and wonder where Mateo is out there. I wondered this a million times when I was in Texas but being here in the same city with him makes the longing almost painful. “I wouldn't change it, I wasn’t in the right place to be with him but it doesn’t make it suck any less.”
Livvy scoots over to me on my big, new couch and cuddles up close and we hug, leaning back against the smooshy cushions. She brushes away my tears and kisses my cheek, holding me close as I let go of a dream I’ve carried around for ten months.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Mateo
The party in the Veranda Room at the Hermitage Hotel is the last place I want to be but Anne is excited enough for both of us.
“I have always wanted to go to a music industry party and I can’t believe my first one is here,” she gushes and squeezes my hand. “I hope I’m dressed up enough for it.”
I glance over her frame, admiring the pale blue cocktail dress that hugs her figure and sets off her blonde hair perfectly. Her cheeks are pink from makeup and her excitement and her smile makes me grin back at her. It is one of the things I like about her, her enthusiasm for life is infectious and she often pulls me out of my moods. I realize that I have been a shit boyfriend tonight and forgotten the most basic of moves.
“You look beautiful. Kit is gonna be pissed when everyone is looking at you and not her.”
Anne blushes but leans in for a quick kiss, her “thank you” a little breathless. I’m glad I brought her with me. I’ve been distant since seeing Carlisle three days ago and Anne has noticed but she hasn’t said anything. She wouldn’t, it's not her style. So when Kit and Max invited me and a plus-one to her tour kickoff party, I jumped at the chance to make it up to my girlfriend.
“Mateo!” I turn and see Max waving me over from across the room. We make our way to him, entering the Veranda Room with its barrel vaulted ceiling painted to look like the blue sky and the floor-to-ceiling windows that open onto Sixth Avenue. My cousin is dressed similar to me: dark suit with unbuttoned white dress shirt underneath and dark cowboy boots. Nashville formalwear.
“Hey man.” We give each other the one-armed bro hug and I watch as he gives Anne a full one and a kiss on the cheek. “Tell Kit thank you for not making us wear monkey suits to this thing.”
“God forbid you have to get out of your scrubs for anything,” Anne says, poking me in the side.
“You see me get out of scrubs quite often,” I tease with a wink and dodge her poking me in the side again. I laugh and leer at Max.
“The less I know about your sex life the better,” he says, leading us over to the open bar and placing our drink orders. “We’ve got a band later for dancing but Kit has a few things to do for the press here at the beginning.”
He snags Anne’s wine and my whiskey and hands them over and we all take a minute to look around the room. It's packed with band members, record executives, friends, family and the press. Anne spies a friend and leaves us to go and say hello at the same time I see Zane talking to a local magazine. I smile at how easily he rocks the bad boy guitarist thing with the dark hair, black leather pants and the tattoos. And if the way he’s smiling down at the cute little reporter, there’s probably a good chance I’ll see her at breakfast tomorrow morning.
“Zane is so excited to go on tour with Kit. He’s been driving me bat shit crazy.”
“Those two are going to be trouble on tour because she thinks he’s the greatest thing ever. She loves his playing and hopes they’ll get to write a bunch of songs together,” Max says. “I told him that if I have to bail them out of jail even once, that I will beat his ass and leave the parts for the buzzards to eat.”
I laugh and take a sip of my whiskey, starting to relax and suddenly I’m glad I came. I don't see my cousin as often with school and I miss him. “Where is your bride-to-be? She didn’t run off with some rock star and leave you hanging?”
“No, you ass.” He points over to the side of the room where Kit is holding court with a group of people. “She’s right there.”
She’s introducing a tall, leggy blonde around to the crowd but I don't recognize her, so I lean in to ask. “Who is that with her?”
Max levels a look at me and shakes his head. “That’s Emory Cabell... Kit’s half sister.”
“What?” I don't even disguise my shock. As far as I know, Kit is an only child. “How did that happen?”
“Well, when two people love each other or just get really drunk, they kiss and take off their clothes... ” He trails off when I punch him in the arm.
“Shut the fuck up and tell me how Kit suddenly has a sister.”
“Daddy Landry couldn't keep it in his pants and he had a whole other family on one of his regular trucking routes. With Kit’s mom gone or on drugs most of the time, nobody blames him but it’s still a shock.”
“Tell me you got a DNA test.”
“We did and it’s all legit.” He nudges me with his elbow and gives me a “but there’s more” look. “She sings like an angel and plays guitar like nobody’s business. Kit’s taking her on tour as a backup singer.”
“Of course she is.” And I’m not surprised at all. Kit has the biggest heart and it would never occur to her to shut out family. Anybody who knows what she did for her mom knows what kind of person she is. “I hope Emory is ready for her big sister. Kit can be a little intense.”
She’s like a fucking hurricane of energy and we all just brace ourselves and go along for the ride.
“They are thick as thieves. It's like they’ve known each other forever.”
I start to ask another question but I’m cut off by the sight of Kit’s record label president heading to the small stage and tapping onto the microphone. He welcomes everyone to the party and goes on and on, telling us what we already know: Kit is amazing and this tour is going to make a shitload of money.
He doesn't use those words exactly but that’s what we all know he means.
The suit finally gets off the stage and Kit jumps into his space and the room erupts into whistles, catcalls and applause and I join in, adding a loud whoop to the mix.
She rolls through her own speech, thanking her label and introducing her band, including Zane who looks like he’s about to explode with excitement, pride or both. Anne joins me again as Kit says she has one more announcement and I slip my arm around her waist. I catch Max giving me a significant look but I was sleeping in the day they gave out instructions on how to read his mind so I have no fucking idea what he is trying to tell me.
I didn't have long to wonder.
Kit is talking so I give her my full attention. “I am really excited to partner with a very special friend of mine on a project that has become near and dear to my heart. I'm going to ask our newest Nashville neighbor and twelve-time gold medalist, Carlisle Queen to join me on stage.”
I freeze on the spot, eyes glued to the auburn-haired woman slowly making her way onto the stage to stand next to Kit. She is using her crutches and dressed in a strapless gown the color of rubies and it matches her lipstick. She is fucking gorgeous.
“She really is,” Anne agrees with me and I realize that I s
aid it out loud. I bite back another curse at my stupidity. I need to be careful or I might hurt someone who has nothing to do with my history with Carlisle Queen. “I just want to cry when I think about all she’s been through. She really loved Aaron Daniels. You could tell by the way they looked at each other that they adored each other.”
I have nothing to say to that comment but I wondered if people thought that when we’d been together. I’d fucking worshipped the ground she walked on.
A t-shirt flashes up on the big screen. Black with stylized heart on the front, made of gold rectangles with words written on them: strength, community, hope. In the upper left of the heart is red block with the word “heart” written on it. The front of the tee flashes up and over the heart area is a familiar logo, the “A” and “D” interlocked with waves of water. It's the foundation Carlisle started to honor the memory of her dead lover.
“Carlisle and I designed this t-shirt and it will be on sale at every concert stop and every penny will go to support the Aaron Daniels Foundation and will provide financial support to athletes who wish to compete in the Paralympics.” Kit joins the clapping that rises up from the audience. She gestures to Carlisle to step up to the microphone and at first she refuses but she finally gives in and takes the two forward steps necessary to be heard. Her voice is clear, that honey whiskey sound that I hear in my dreams sometimes. More often than I care to admit.
“I want to thank Kit for supporting this project.” She pauses and I recognize the crease between her brows as a sign that she is gathering her thoughts. “As you can tell, my mobility has been impaired as a result of the bombing that injured me and ten more and killed twenty-two other athletes, including Aaron. I cannot express how much I have missed competitive athletics but I have wonderful memories of winning gold for my country. The pride I felt in that moment will stay with me the rest of my life. And so to have this opportunity to help other athletes to do the same thing is amazing. Thank you.”
Applause rise up again and then dies down as people return to partying. I watch as Kit and Carlisle pose for photos and press the flesh but eventually they leave the stage and a local band takes their place and begins the first set. Many couples spill out on the dance floor as the party kicks up a notch but I can't take my eyes off Carlisle. Every inch of my skin is hyper-aware that she is in the same room and I have to fight the urge to walk across the room and haul her into my arms and kiss the living fuck out of her.
I tense when I notice Kit and Carlisle headed in our direction and I scramble to find a way to pull Anne away when she notices the same thing.
“Oh my God, Kit and Carlisle are coming over here. Max can you introduce me, I have always wanted to meet Carlisle,” Anne gushes, her hand squeezing mine.
Max and I exchange a glance and I know he’s thinking that I could introduce them. I won’t... for obvious reasons.
“You bet,” he replies and steps forward to kiss his wife and hug Carlisle. She hasn't noticed me yet but I know the second she does because her whole body stiffens and she bites the bottom of her lip. I almost miss what Max is saying.
“... introduce you to a friend of ours, Anne Price.” He pauses just the tiniest second and I wonder how he’s going to handle this. “She’s Mateo’s girlfriend.”
Carlisle looks at me then, her green eyes widening with surprise and a tiny bit of hurt but she recovers quickly, her natural ability with people kicking in. She extends her hand to Anne with a warm smile.
“It’s nice to meet you Anne. Mateo has told me wonderful things about you.”
I haven't told her shit except the lie about loving Anne but I see what she’s doing. Keeping it classy and ensuring that Anne isn’t caught up in any awkward undertow pulsing between us. I am grateful for her kindness, the pit in my belly loosening a bit.
“I am so excited to meet you, Ms. Queen. I am a huge fan.” She turns to look at me with a confused expression on her face. “But I had no idea you knew Mateo.”
“I met him when I lived here last year.” She glances at me, uncertainty with how much I’ve told Anne all over her face. I shake my head. I’ve told Anne nothing. What would be the point? “He was my teaching assistant for freshman Spanish.”
I let out the breath I’d been holding. Excellent save Carlisle.
“Oh, Mateo didn't tell me he was a TA for that class but that’s no surprise since he grew up in a bilingual household.”
“He was a great TA.” She twists her lips in a self-deprecating grin and laughs. “I was a terrible student.”
“Is that true Mateo?” Anne places her hand on my chest and I watch Carlisle’s gaze lock on the place she’s touching. I’d have to be blind to miss the jealousy that skates across her features and the surge of adrenaline it gives me. “I don't believe it.”
“She has the worst pronunciation I’ve ever heard.” At my reply Carlisle’s eyes snap up to meet mine and I realize that my comment was a mistake because now all I can think about is that first night in my house, in the laundry room, our bodies moving together and the look on her face when she came. I flash hot all over my body and my cock gets hard in my pants.
Fuck.
“Can I get a photo with you?” Anne’s innocent question to Carlisle snaps us both back from the place we should not have been and I realize that my girlfriend is holding out her phone to me. “Baby, can you take it for us?”
I take the phone from her and tap the app to activate the camera, willing my body and my mind to get back under control. Carlisle and I are over. I moved on. I need to stay there.
“Say cheese,” I tell them and snap a few for good measure before handing the phone back to Anne and accepting a kiss on the cheek in thanks.
Anne excuses herself to go freshen up and Carlisle and I are left staring at each other in a room that is quickly filling up with people. The crowd has pushed us closer to each other and I try not to flinch when her arm brushes my torso. Someone jars her crutches and she pitches forward, into and up against me and I automatically reach out to steady her, my lips brushing the soft curl of her hair as I lean in.
“I think I need to get to a place with fewer people,” Carlisle says, her face tipped back to make eye contact with me. This close I can see the freckles on her nose, muted by the thin layer of powder on her skin. She still wears the same perfume; gardenias and sunshine. I’m not the only one feeling what is pulsing between us. Her pupils are large and dark, her neck flushed that pretty shade of pink that happens when she’s aroused. I know that if I lean in and touch my lips to the blush, she will be warmer there.
I remember it all.
“Let me get you away from the bar. This area will be mobbed the rest of the night,” I say, making sure she’s steady on her crutches and waiting for her signal before placing my hand at the small of her back and leading her away. I hover over her, trying to block her from the worst of the crush as I lead her away from that scene and into the area just outside of the Veranda Room.
It’s so much quieter here and the lights are dimmer. Along the hallway there are alcoves containing ornately leaded windows and built-in benches with cushions. I lead her over to the nearest one, releasing my hold on her body and giving her space to catch her breath.
The gold tone of the light here highlights the spun gold strands of her hair and the warm space amplifies her scent. I inhale deeply and clench my hands by my side. She’s right here in front of me and I could reach out and touch her if I wanted to.
Carlisle’s gaze is cast down when she says, “Anne is lovely. I’m very happy for you.”
I want to throw back my head and howl at the game we are playing. I don't want her to be happy for me. I don't want her to praise my choice in her replacement. I want answers.
“Why did you come back here? Why didn’t you just stay gone?” I ask, my voice gritty with anger and want. She hears it, I can tell by the way the muscles in her back and shoulders tense up but she refuses to make eye contact with me. She keeps her focus on her
hands as they smooth out nonexistent wrinkles in her skirt. She ignores me.
“Kit tells me that she’s a librarian. I think that’s wonderful.” Her voice falters and she clears her throat. “Wonderful.”
“Why didn’t you contact me? Would it have killed you to tell me where you were going?” I persist, determined to have the conversation I need to have.
We start the ping-pong of questions that only piss me off more and more.
“I love her hair. It’s that honey gold that people pay a lot of money to get but I can totally tell she’s a natural.”
“I waited months for you to call or send an email. It was killing me not to know how you were doing.”
“Kit says your mom introduced you two. Carmela has excellent taste.”
“I waited and waited until it became clear that you weren’t coming back, that you didn't give a shit about me or what I was going through.”
“I’m feeling better now. I think I’ll go back to the party.”
She stands up and I move in closer, blocking her body with my own. I’m a mess of anger, hurt, and desire so poignant that it actually hurts to be in my skin. I reach out a hand and tip her face up to me and groan in pain with what I see there.
Tears. Tracks of wetness down her cheeks and agony in her eyes that takes my breath away.
“I waited and waited for you to come back to me. I missed you... ” I swallow hard and try to breathe around the ache in my chest. “... I still miss you. Every second of every day and it’s killing me. I’m carrying around all this pain because I’m drowning with the weight of needing you so damn much. I need to feel nothing for you. I love you so much I can’t even hate you so I just need to be numb. But I can’t.” I tip her head back further, loving the feel of her fingers clutching my shirt, nails digging into my skin. We are so close, I feel the vibration of her soft moan against my lips. “So I want an answer to my question, why did you come back here?”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Redemption Page 17
