She stared up at him. “I hear you.”
He pulled her to him now, and she held on. Tammy closed her eyes and knew that here with Rob was the only place in the world that she could feel safe right now.
Minutes passed, and Rob waited for her to pull away, to tell him to go, or ask him to stay. He wanted to hold her, he wanted to run from his own desire; he wanted to stay here all night; he wanted to leave before he did something that he wouldn’t be able to take back. But he’d do whatever she wanted him to do – none of this was about what he wanted.
Tammy finally pulled back. “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
“For being a fucking disaster area almost constantly. You must be so sick of it.”
He gently reached out and touched her cheek. “You are not. And I’m not.” He felt his cock harden now, just from that small touch on her perfect skin, and he took his hand away quickly.
Tammy was disappointed when he pulled back. Her whole body had warmed at his touch, and she wanted more. She wanted him to touch her, all over. She wanted everything.
Rob tried to focus on something else. “Look, it’s almost nine o’clock. Why don’t you lie down, try to rest?”
“I won’t be able to sleep, not if I’m alone.”
“I’ll stay.”
“You will?”
“Yes. I’ll sleep out here on the sofa.”
Tammy looked up at him. “I want you to sleep with me. Please.”
Rob’s gut twisted. Shit. The thought of lying next to her sleeping body all night was simultaneously terrifying and arousing. But this wasn’t about him and what he could or couldn’t handle – this was about her, seeing her through this awful night.
“Are you sure?” he said.
“Yes. I’ll sleep if you’re there. I know I will.”
With a sense of falling, he agreed.
**
“Julie? I’m so sorry to call so late.”
“Rob? Rob, what’s wrong? Is it Tammy?”
“Yeah. A cop from New York called, an Officer Jaruzelski. He told her that there’s been another attack in the same alley.”
“What? Oh, my God. How’s the woman?”
“She – she died. She was beaten and raped and she died.”
“Oh, no. No, no. How’s Tammy?”
“Not good, Julie. She’s sleeping now, but it took me a while to get her to even close her eyes.”
“I can come back right now… I can get to the airport and fly standby.”
“No. You need to get to that meeting in the morning – I’ll stay with Tammy tonight. I’ll be here.”
“Do you want Jake to come over later, so you can get some rest?”
“No, it’s OK. Let him sleep.”
Julie stared out of her hotel window, wishing that she were back home, right now. But she was stuck in Phoenix; it had taken her two months to get this meeting with the architect since he travelled almost constantly. He was off again next week, so this was her one shot. She sighed. Dammit
“OK, Rob. Thanks for doing this… I’ll call Jake first thing tomorrow, and he can come over and see how things are. And I’ll be back by about four o’clock tomorrow. OK?”
“OK.”
“Try to get some sleep, Rob. If you need me, just call.”
“OK. Goodnight, Julie.”
“Goodnight. Take care of our girl.”
“I will. I promise.”
Rob hung up the phone and walked back to the bedroom. Tammy was sleeping soundly, her breathing even and deep. He quietly climbed in to bed with her, trying not to disturb her slumber. She didn’t move. He lay down behind her, not touching her. Her slim back was to him and he resisted the urge to wrap his arm around her waist, pillow her head on his muscular forearm, to just hold her against the length and width of him. To encircle her, protect her. God, you have it bad, man.
He closed his eyes and willed himself to relax. He was almost asleep when she started to moan and move around in the bed. Her body stiffened and twisted, and she muttered under her breath.
“No. No. Don’t… no.”
He sat up, his heart in his throat, and knew that she was back in the alley, struggling with her assailant.
“Tammy. Tammy. Wake up.”
Large hands on her shoulders, shaking her gently. Large hands on her shoulders, shoving her to the cold ground.
Tammy pushed against the body that was behind her, trying to grab her, trying to hold her in place. She struggled, the fear rising in her throat. She twisted and kicked and hit, got free and scrambled to one side, trying to get her feet under her.
“Tammy. Wake up.”
She crashed down, hard, and her breath was pushed right out of her. She lay on her stomach, gasping for air, confused, not understanding what was going on.
Hands turned her over now, and she suddenly knew what was going to happen next: he was going to start hitting her. He would punch her in the face, and beat the back of head on the pavement, and pummel her in the chest until she was lying in the snow, whimpering and crying in the dark, dazed and helpless. Then he would start pulling at her clothes.
She fought harder, sure that she could stop it this time. But even as she had that thought, her body was weakening under his strength. Useless, useless. It was going to happen again. She felt him, hard against her leg, felt him fumbling with his zipper.
His face was above her: brown hair, brown eyes. A tattoo down his neck. A green knit hat, a blue coat. It was that guy from the bar, the one who had tried to put his hand on her upper thigh. The one that she had pushed off her, laughing, trying to make it a joke. She remembered the flash of rage on his face when she did that, the shiver of fear that went down her spine when she saw it. She’d been so relieved when he left the bar a few minutes later – which is when he went out to the alley and waited for her.
She raised her eyes to his and saw them glowing silver in the moonlight. Wolf eyes watching her, staring at her. Emotionless and cold and calculating. Waiting for her to give up and let him do what he wanted. She stared at him, stared him down. Then he smiled at her and she saw blood in his mouth.
She screamed.
Rob grabbed her flailing wrists in one hand, used the other one to try to shake her awake. “Tammy!”
Her eyes flew open.
“It’s OK. Tammy, it’s OK.”
She blinked, and he saw her eyes start to focus. “What –”
“It was a dream. You’re OK, you’re safe.”
She stared at him.
He let go of her wrists. “You’re safe, Tammy. You’re with me.”
She looked around, confused. She was on the floor next to the bed – Did I fall out? – and Rob was on his knees next to her. His face was very white and he looked angry and scared and worried.
“You’re awake now. It’s over.”
She started to shake as the memory came back to her. She looked up at Rob. “I remember. I remember everything – I know what he did to me. And I know what he looks like.”
He nodded, and reached for her. She went in to his arms, and let him pull her on to his lap. He leaned back against the wall, his arms around her back and her legs, her fingers clutching his t-shirt. He gathered her as close to his chest as he could, trying to absorb all that pain and fear in to his own bones and muscle.
She was cold. He wrapped her in the blanket from the bed and felt her burrow in to it, ducking her head and curling up in to herself; she was trying to disappear and he had to stop her.
He lifted her chin, forced her to look at him. Her eyes were wide and shocked and he wondered if she was fully aware of what was happening.
“Tammy? Tell me how you’re doing. Talk to me.”
She shook her head.
“Tell me what happened.”
�
��No. No.”
“You need to share this with somebody, otherwise you’ll keep carrying it alone. And it’s too damn heavy for you to do that. Let me carry some of it for you.”
“I – I can’t.” Her eyes were glazed.
He touched her cheek. “Hey, stay with me, OK? Tammy, stay with me.”
“I just want it to stop.” She was starting to cry now. “I don’t want it to keep coming to me when I’m sleeping. I don’t want it stalking me. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want it to be over. When will it be over?”
He couldn’t think of anything to say. For Christine, it still wasn’t really over, even ten years later, even though she was married and had a beautiful daughter named Grace. He wasn’t sure that fear would or could ever end – Christine and Tammy would be looking over their shoulders for the rest of their lives. They knew all too well what could come out of the darkness at them when they weren’t looking, what can sit calmly on a porch waiting for someone to slip up and open the door. Rob would do anything to erase that knowledge from their minds, but he couldn’t.
So instead he did what he could, and he rocked Tammy and felt her hot tears soak the front of his shirt. It was all he could do. It was nothing. It was everything.
**
Tammy slowly came back in to her body. She blinked once, twice. She was on the floor, curled up on Rob’s lap. How did she get here?
She lifted her head, felt Rob look down at her.
“How are you doing now?”
“I honestly don’t know.” She shook her head, trying to dislodge the fuzzy feeling. “I feel – spacy. Did I fall?”
“You had a bad dream and when I tried to hold you, you pulled away and fell on to the floor.”
“I did?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow, that’s freaking graceful.”
He stared down at her. Was she actually making a joke?
“I’m OK, Rob.” Her voice was totally normal. “Really.”
He peered at her. She did actually seem to be doing better. Her eyes were gleaming up at him, and she was curved in to his body like a cat.
Warmth was stealing over Tammy’s body as Rob looked down at her. She had never felt so alive in her entire life: she was aware of every nerve ending, every breath. She felt Rob’s large body under hers and next to hers, and she was aware of his muscles, his skin, his hair, his strength.
Rob saw the way that she was looking at him, and he almost closed his eyes in despair. All I’ve wanted to do for the past six weeks is make love to her, but I’ll be damned if the first time that happens is after she’s had a nightmare. She’s not herself.
He eased her away from him slightly. “Do you think you can stand up?”
“Yes.”
“OK, we’ll take it slow…”
“But I don’t want to.”
He paused. “What?”
“I don’t want to stand up. I want to stay right here. I also don’t want to take it slow. I want you.”
Now he did close his eyes, as he sent up a silent prayer to whatever higher power-that-be for strength. “Tammy, you’ve had a shock. You’re not in your right head.”
“But I am.” She rubbed his bicep, ran her fingers over his collarbone, across the hair on his chest. She touched his lips. “Open your eyes, Rob.”
He did. She saw the lust in them, smoky and hot and primal and she felt a fierce response in her stomach.
“I’ve wanted you to kiss me for weeks… but you’re such a goddamned gentleman. So much so, that you wouldn’t make love to me that night on the sofa, even though I wanted you to more than anything. You even got in to bed with me tonight and didn’t try anything… and I really wanted you to.”
“You did?”
“Yes.”
“Tammy, I don’t want to scare you, or take advantage of you, and I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret tomorrow, when you’re thinking straight again.”
“OK, fine. Don’t take advantage of me. I’ll take advantage of you.” She touched his mouth again, tracing his lips with her fingertip.
Rob’s breath was coming faster now, and he clenched his hands to keep himself from touching her.
Tammy saw his reluctance and decided to up the stakes a bit. She leaned forward, slowly, and kissed him. She moved her mouth over his, tasting him, coaxing a response from him, trying to get him to give in and do what they both wanted so much.
Rob groaned. She is trying to kill me.
She whispered against his mouth, “I want this, Rob. I’m not traumatized and I’m not asleep and I’m not making a mistake. I don’t care about leaving in two weeks. I want this. Even just for a little while, even if I’ll miss it like crazy when I go – I want it.” She wriggled on his lap, felt his response under her. “And I think that you do, too.”
“I do.” The admission came out in a rush of breath and wanting.
She smiled at him, that amazing smile that had shone out at him from Julie’s pictures for months before he actually met Tammy. And that was when he couldn’t hold back anymore: he kissed her now, holding her face in his hands, letting his weeks and weeks of denied passion break free.
She moaned in her throat and he felt a shock of desire at the sound. God, he wanted her to make that sound when he was buried deep inside her, thrusting and plunging, driving them both forward.
He pulled away from her, looked in to her eyes. “I am going to make it good for you, Tammy. I promise. But if you want to stop at any time, you tell me. OK?”
She nodded, breathless now. Oh, my God. This is actually going to happen. Her hot center moistened at the thought that he would soon be in there, filling and stretching her to breaking point.
Rob gently lifted her off his lap. She sat on the carpeted bedroom floor and watched as he slowly lay down. He stretched out on the floor on his back, his hands at his sides. “You’re in control here, sweetheart. You show me what you want to do. You take the lead.”
Tammy stared at him and felt weak with wanting. Never, ever, had a lover put her first. Suddenly shy, she looked down. She didn’t know where to begin.
He took her hand and put it on his chest. She laid her palm flat, felt his heart under the t-shirt. Almost without any thought, her hand started moving. She ran it across his chest, then down. She felt the groove of muscle of his stomach and her pussy twitched. God, he was just so strong. All she wanted now was to see his chest and she pulled his shirt up. He raised his back and shoulders slightly, making it easier.
Tammy yanked his shirt off and looked down at him. His chest was wider than she had imagined and it was covered in gold hair. Her mouth went dry with lust; all her other lovers had been clean-shaven, totally smooth. She had always thought that she preferred that, but now she knew different.
Her fingers stroked his chest, circled his nipples, ran through his hair. His eyes were half-closed, watching her face. She was biting her full lower lip, her cheeks flushed and warm and lovely. She raised her eyes and met his. Her hand moved lower, down to his boxer shorts and paused at the waistband. He was huge, she could tell. Something moved over her skin, something cold and chill. She hesitated.
He saw her face change and he sat up. “Sweet thing, we don’t have to. I swear, it’s OK. If you don’t want to, or you’re not ready, we can wait.”
She took a breath. “Lie down.” With her fingertips, she gently pushed him down again.
Rob lay on his back, suddenly not as sure as he had been a minute before. Then he saw her hands move to her own long t-shirt and he watched, mesmerized, as she lifted it up and over her head. Her perfect breasts were in front of him now, the nipples small and light rose. He wanted to lick them, rub his fingers over them. But he lay still, waiting for Tammy.
She took his hands and laid them on her breasts. He groaned and felt his cock harden even more. She lifted a leg
and straddled him. He gasped at the heat of her; her center was pressing down on him and he lifted his hips, helpless to stop himself from wanting to be closer.
Tammy looked at Rob. He was massaging her breasts now, running his hands over them, under them, thumbing the nipples gently, watching as they hardened in to peaks.
“My breasts are too small,” she said. More than one guy had told her that, and she was achingly aware of that fact.
“They’re perfect,” he said, his voice hoarse. “I want to taste them.” His eyes were hot. “Can I?”
Breathless, she nodded.
He sat up, his large hands splayed across her back, pulling her to his mouth. She arched, twisted her fingers in to his hair, pulled him closer. He was sucking her nipples now, tonguing them and nipping gently. She gasped at the sensations rolling through her, amazed at how he made her feel.
He captured her mouth again, kissing her more deeply. They broke apart and he lay down on his back, looking at her above him. Tammy smiled, her eyes shining in the half-light, and she rose up on her knees. She pulled at her panties, rolled them down her creamy thighs, down her slim calves. She was completely naked now, her warm pussy pressed hard against his stomach; he felt her heat and juices and he couldn’t stand another second of it.
He touched her stomach with a finger, ran it down her body. She watched as his finger moved down, down. He stroked between her lips, felt her hips jerk in response. He found the tiny bud between her thighs, pressed it, then circled it. She let out a small cry, and Rob paused.
“You OK?”
She nodded. “Oh, yes. Do it again…”
Rob smiled, slowly repeated the circles. She shuddered. He slid a finger just inside her pussy opening, waited. Her head fell back and her hands clenched on his chest.
“Rob… please. Please touch me.”
He slid in a bit farther, amazed at how wet she was. My God, she is going to feel incredible to make love to. Tammy gasped, started to move her hips, unable to stop the movements, trying to bring him deeper and closer. He thrust now, pressing on her knot at the same time that he worked his way inside her. She went rigid and he felt her muscles flexing, pulling his finger farther, taking him in. He slid a second finger inside her and she inhaled quickly, loving how it felt, her hips moving without any thought on her part now.
Open Arms Page 11
