Carly glanced around before spotting the woman over in the corner with her own family. She glanced back at Pete. “Do you mind if I go over to speak to them? I’ll only be a moment.”
“Of course not.”
He watched the gentle sway of Carly’s hips as she walked across the room to the family perched around the heavy, wooden table. Karen danced by her mother’s side, in some ways the image of her mother, except the younger version seemed to be in perpetual motion.
When he’d watched for three or four minutes, Carly turned and motioned him over. He rose reluctantly, realizing they had been asked to join the other family.
It felt strange to be considered part of a family again, but when he tested the thought, he found it comfortable. He slipped his arm around Carly’s waist as he was introduced to the couple and their two children. Karen skipped over to the counter and informed the waiter where they were now sitting, and then returned to sit quietly beside her mother. Karen’s wide-eyed look at her teacher said it all; she obviously idolized the woman.
When the pizzas were devoured, the last beer had been ordered and the children were off playing video games, Pete leaned back and talked leisurely about football with Dick, the teacher’s husband. It was an easy conversation, one that allowed him to listen intermittently to Carly and her friend discuss the pros and cons of teaching at different levels.
Until he heard Carly’s conversation, he’d never been aware of politics in the teaching profession. It dawned on him that he’d never asked about her work and its difficulties. He’d just assumed that she taught, then came home and paid attention to her family and him. She had an entire life of struggles to be dealt with every day, and he’d never bothered to ask or learn about them.
It certainly didn’t make him feel very good about himself.
In the middle of his self-flagellation, he was also aware of Carly’s every movement. When she tilted her head back, he wanted to kiss the long length of her exposed neck. When she strolled across the room to check on Karen and her friends, he mentally recorded all the sweet subtleties of her walk.
It was a challenge to sit next to her and pretend to be a longtime couple, as Karen’s teacher and her husband seemed to think they were. Such couples didn’t lust after each other the way he lusted after Carly.
But that was the only way it was difficult for him to fit back into being part of a couple. In fact he slipped into the role as if he’d been with Carly for a very long time.
He wondered what she was thinking. Had she planned for this to happen? He didn’t think so, but he wasn’t sure of anything. His manipulative ex-wife had made him wary.
Just then Carly looked over at him, her gaze as soft as a doe’s and twice as shy. Like magic, all his inhibitions melted away, leaving the feeling that she had just touched his soul. Amazing.
He returned her look with one of his own, silently saying, “Your friends are nice, but I wish we were alone somewhere so I could make love to you.”
Her response was just as potent. Her smile, slow in coming, warmed him to his heart’s core.
Finally, dinner was over, the kids were tired and the adults were ready to end the day. Pete couldn’t wait to get Carly alone, but he knew he had to bide his time. The two couples shook hands and exchanged banal pleasantries until they reached the doorway and stepped into the darkened parking lot. When the others left and Carly turned to him, he automatically opened his arms and enfolded her in a warm embrace. She stood inside the circle of his arms under the parking-lot lamplight, resting her head trustingly against his shoulder. A wave of protectiveness washed over him and he wanted to tighten his grasp and hold her so close she would never want to leave.
Karen stood beside them, her eyes as big and luminous as the light above. “Mom, are you okay?” Her voice, usually firm and confident, was soft and hesitant. It took Pete by surprise.
“I’m fine, honey,” she reassured her daughter in low tones. Withdrawing her arms from Pete’s waist, she reached for her daughter and gave her a hug. “I’m just tired.”
The child buried her head in her mother’s stomach. “I thought maybe the pizza made you sick,” she said in a muffled voice.
Pete watched the picture the two of them made and realized he felt left out. More important, he found he wanted to be a part of it, part of a family again. Part of them.
Suddenly an emotional bucket of cold water washed over him. What in heaven’s name was he thinking? Hadn’t he promised himself that this would never happen again?
Clearing his throat, he got Carly’s attention. “Will I see you later?”
She looked down at her daughter, then back up at him. Her green eyes were wide and deep. “Yes,” she said simply.
Despite himself, he gave an inner sigh of relief. “I’ll see you, then.”
“Yes.”
“What time?”
“I’ll call,” she promised.
“Around ten?”
“Okay,” she said, nodding her head to confirm tonight’s meeting. Placing a hand on Karen’s shoulder, she turned toward her parking space.
It was time to retreat before he made a fool of himself. Without another word, he turned and left. He didn’t look back. He just walked away and kicked himself for being all kinds of a fool. With his luck, it was a miracle she didn’t think he was schizophrenic the way his emotions kept running hot and cold.
When he reached his Mercedes, he looked over the roof as Carly ushered her daughter into the passenger side, then slipped behind the steering wheel. Every motion was fluid and feminine. He’d dated a million women, but none had the grace, brain and sex appeal that Carly had.
So what was the matter? Why was he holding back?
He knew the answer. He wouldn’t ruin a great relationship with marriage. Marriage changed attitudes. It made couples argue about stupid, silly things that never would have been a topic of conversation if they’d simply lived together. Marriage bred hate. He’d learned that lesson twice—once from his parents’ marriage and once from his own. It didn’t take a genius to know it would probably happen a third time.
Carly gave a little wave as she pulled out of the parking lot, and he raised a hand in response. But inside, he was confused. He wanted her in every way a man could want a woman, except for the one way he knew she needed to be wanted.
In marriage.
To Carly, marriage was salvation; something that represented love and commitment.
To Pete, it was everything he despised. But that didn’t mean he didn’t hurt or didn’t have deep feelings of loneliness.
He would be with Carly for as long as he could. When she pushed for marriage—and he was sure it would happen sooner or later—he’d end the relationship. That way he was in control of the situation. In control of himself.
Meanwhile, Pete would take full advantage of every minute he had with her.
* * *
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU mean, I can’t visit at Christmas?” Pete demanded.
“Just calm down. After all, Peter, you’re going to see them this summer.”
“I want to see them at Christmas, too, and unless you’ve got a damn good excuse, I’ll be there.”
“Troy has a convention in Hawaii and the company is inviting families to attend, too. I’m taking the children with me.”
“Fine.” His voice was abrupt and direct. “I’ll see them in Hawaii.”
“I don’t think so. Wait until summer, Peter, when they have nothing to look forward to. But to take them away from all the fun and excitement the other kids will be having isn’t fair. The company is having all sorts of tours and experiences just for children.”
“That’s okay. They’ll still want to spend some time with me.”
“I don’t think so, Peter. Be reasonable. Don’t make them chose. You’d win, of course, but at what price? This opportunity may not ever come up again.”
Damn her! He should have known she’d find a way to keep the children from him during the ho
liday. And she was right; the kids would choose him but their hearts wouldn’t be in it.
“You win this time, Sandra. But the summer is mine.”
“Yes, Peter. Of course.”
Her voice was so demure, he wondered what else she had up her sleeve. Whatever it was, he wouldn’t let it get in the way of their summer visit. No matter what.
9
CARLY WAITED IMPATIENTLY for Pete to open the door. She was half an hour later than she’d planned. After putting Karen to bed, she’d had to sit for a while with the aunts before she’d finally excused herself, hurried out of the house and cut through the woods to Pete’s.
Would Pete think she was overanxious? It was too late to worry about that now. She was still trying to catch her breath when the back door swung open and he stood before her, a dark silhouette.
Gray cotton warm-up pants hung low on his hips and his bare chest emphasized the pure masculinity of him. Chilled breath caught in her throat as he slipped his hands into the elastic waistband of his pants and stood, daring her to enter. He could have been the devil incarnate, enticing her to hell, and she wouldn’t have been able to run.
She swallowed hard, tilted her chin defiantly in the air and forced herself to speak. “If you’re busy, I can come back another time.”
He didn’t move. She shifted on her feet uncertainly.
“You’re late.”
His accusing tone got her hackles up. She stood just a little straighter. “I am not. I didn’t state an exact time.” She couldn’t see his expression in the dark shadows. “But if you feel that way, then I’ll just leave the way I came.”
“No, wait.” He stopped her even before she turned. His voice softened, melting over her. “I’m acting like a jerk. It’s just that I was waiting for you and when you didn’t show up right away, I thought you might not come.”
She relaxed just enough to be able to tease him. “Here I am. Do I get invited inside or did you ask me over to decorate the tree and hang mistletoe out here?”
“I don’t celebrate Christmas, remember?” He stood aside, a sheepish grin on his face. “I’m sorry. I thought there was plenty of room for you to enter.”
With as much panache as Carly could muster, she stepped inside. “There was. It was the invitation I was lacking.” She walked through to the kitchen and waited for him to close the door before she spoke again. “You never told me why you don’t celebrate Christmas.”
“It’s a lousy season. Except for when the kids were little, I never celebrated it.” His voice grew distant. “Everyone pretends they’re happy and have a family to be proud of. Suddenly at Christmastime there are no alcoholics, no drug addicts, no wife beaters or child abusers. Everyone denies all the bad stuff in the world and is happy with that pretense. The truth is, a whole lot of people are lonely, and this is the season that emphasizes that feeling the most.”
Carly frowned, feeling indignant as well as sad. “Christmas is joyful and magical if you have friends with whom to share the wonders of the season.”
Pete’s cynical look told her he thought she was naive. “Did you know there are more deaths and suicides at this time of year than at any other?” He snorted derisively. “So much for the wonders of the season. It’s pure commercialism. All of it.”
It wasn’t difficult to guess the source of his unhappiness. “Your children aren’t coming for Christmas, are they?” Her voice was low and understanding.
“No.” Pete snapped the door closed and gave a twist to the lock. “And since they’re not here, I refuse to go through the motions of celebrating by putting up a tree and lights and all that other...stuff.”
“You don’t think your children sense that attitude? They need extra support and encouragement in their situation. Being shuffled back and forth across the continent can’t be easy on them.”
Pete frowned, then looked away with a shrug. “They don’t seem to mind,” he stated.
Even though the door was closed, she slipped her hands inside her jacket pockets and hugged herself. Now that they both stood in the kitchen, she could see his face clearly. His expression was strained and drawn, and his eyes were narrow slits aimed in her direction. Her heart went out to him. She wanted to comfort and love and help in some way, but she just didn’t know how.
“Pete?”
He didn’t answer. Instead, he walked toward her, not stopping until they were almost touching. For a split second, Carly thought that was as far as he would go. She was wrong. He enfolded her in his arms as if she were the most precious package he’d ever held. He rested his head against hers and closed his eyes, taking a deep, sighing breath.
She felt the tension in his arms and back slowly begin to ease. He’d been as tense as a double-wound clock. Now she wanted to coax him into relaxing, to comfort him so that whatever was eating at him would go away. Using her hands, she began to silently soothe away his anxiety.
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “It’s all right.” It seemed like hours that they stood in their embrace, held together by their mutual need to balm his hurt. It was much later when his clasp finally loosened a little.
His sigh filled the room. “I did think you might have changed your mind.”
It was just an excuse to talk. What was really on his mind was the subject he wouldn’t discuss: his children.
“Is that why you’re so tense?”
“No.” He pulled away from her and she felt bereft of his touch. He rubbed the back of his neck as he walked across the kitchen, putting distance between them. “It’s been a hell of a week.”
It took all her patience not to ask the questions uppermost in her mind. Although she wanted to know why his children weren’t coming to visit, she knew he would volunteer it if and when he was ready. All she could do was be there for him. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Yes.” He spat the word out as if it tasted bad.
She waited for him to continue. When he didn’t, she asked, “What is it?”
He turned and looked at her so intently, she could feel her body respond even before she heard his answer. “Make love to me.”
Heat flushed her body in reaction to his words. Heat and a longing so intense it nearly pulled her across the floor and into his arms. Nearly. Instead, she forced herself to stand still. “Now? Just like that?”
His intense gaze never wavered. “Any time you want. Now. Later. I don’t care, as long as you’re in my arms making love.”
“Is this some kind of test?”
“How?”
“You stand on that side of the room and taunt me with sexy talk to see what I’m going to do?”
“No. I’m just afraid to touch you without you knowing exactly what’s going to happen. Because once I hold you, Carly, I’m not letting go until we’re both satisfied.”
Did that mean he needed release or that he needed release with her? She didn’t know; and right this minute she decided she didn’t care. He was with her now and that was all that mattered. “I don’t see anything wrong with that plan,” she finally said, and his eyes seemed to bore into her.
She held her breath as he slowly retraced his steps to her. For a moment her imagination took flight and she imagined him as a jungle cat seeking its prey. But when his arms wrapped around her in tender possession, she knew he needed to receive the affirmation of love as much as give it.
His mouth molded to hers exactly. His hard body pressed solidly against her pliant breasts. Tongue dueled with tongue for supremacy and she allowed him to win, this time. He led and she followed as they silently declared their building need for each other. When he finally pulled away, Carly felt dizzy. Afraid of losing her balance in the swirling world he’d created inside her head, Carly gripped his shoulders for support.
“Come,” he said huskily. Holding her hands, he led her to the living area. The plush white couch wrapped invitingly around her form as he pressed her into the leather’s softness. He lifted her sweater to nibble at her swelling breas
ts. A low moan rose from her throat, and she heard him echo that same sound as he went from breast to breast. She held his head, her trembling fingers running through his hair as his caresses carried her away.
In moments he’d undone her jeans and slipped off his sweatpants. “Tell me,” he demanded, leaning over her and letting her see the intense need in his expression. “Tell me you want me.”
She raised her arms to him, sensually and unconsciously imploring him to hold her close. “I want you. Now,” she whispered. “Right now.”
The softly spoken words were barely out before he pulled her into his arms and kissed her again. This time there was a demand, an impatience that didn’t allow time to react. Willingly, she followed Pete’s lead. His hands cupped her buttocks, bringing the heat of her to his own throbbing need. She felt his hardness and reveled in her ability to make him respond. He pulled her toward him and they sank deeper into the marshmallowy softness of the couch.
His kisses were mesmerizing, his touch nerve shattering, his body magical against hers. She loved him so much that tears slid down her cheeks. She opened her eyes and stared up at him.
“Am I hurting you?”
She smiled. “No.” It was a lie. That he couldn’t return her love caused enough pain to last her lifetime.
His thumb wiped away the salty liquid. “Then why the tears?”
Unable to explain the real reason, she shrugged. “I don’t know. Happiness, I guess.”
The tightness left his face and a deep sadness returned. He pulled back, and only Carly’s hold on his waist kept him from standing.
“Don’t go,” she implored. “Stay with me awhile.”
Slowly, he lowered his body to rest against hers, and she thrilled at the feel of his weight on her.
The Twelve Gifts of Christmas Page 11
