She giggled. “Craft and artsy? Is that what I am?”
“You’re so much more than that and you know it.” Jason’s eyes glistened with love. The intensity of that look nearly stole her breath. “I don’t know anything about it, so you would have to do most of the research, but if you need money to get started or get the word out, I can help with that.”
That funny feeling bloomed in Amanda’s stomach again. She was thankful for his offer, but again, Jason’s finances, their finances, were a huge question mark in her mind. She shook off the tight feeling in her chest, determined not to ruin the very nice offer she’d just been presented with.
She turned and stared up into Jason’s face. “Really? You would do that for me? Do you think people would actually buy this stuff?”
“Not the ones of our cabin. I want to keep those, if you’re okay with that. Everything else, I’m sure anyone would be proud to own.”
“You’re just being nice.”
She slid her hand up Jason’s chest to rest on his shoulder. His plaid jacket chaffed her hand, the wool far too coarse, but it suited him. The cold of the outside still clung to the folds of the fabric. She knew if she pressed her nose to it, the fresh, pine scented air would linger there as well.
“I’m not just being nice,” he insisted. “I’m serious. I think that it could be a good source of income and it would clean the place out.”
Amanda laughed softly. “So that’s it. You’re just concerned that your guest cabin is getting quite full of useless art.”
Jason laughed heartily, a deep rich sound that shook his broad shoulders. “Yes, that’s my whole intent.”
He was about to say something further but the sound of tires crunching down the driveway, the unmistakable crunch of snow and gravel and frozen ground colliding and disturbing each other, brought them both in a quick turn.
Amanda faced the window. Jason stiffened beside her. It wasn’t often they had visitors to their cabin. And often meant almost never.
A newer style cherry red pick-up pulled down the driveway and stopped beside where their own truck was parked. It was impossible to hear the exact second the engine was shut off since it was so quiet to begin with, but the clouds of exhaust from the tail pipe ceased and faded away, stolen by the brisk winter breeze.
“Who on earth could that be?” Amanda scrunched her face into a frown. “No one ever comes here. Most people can’t even find the place.”
“No,” Jason said softly beside her. There was something strange in his voice that brought Amanda’s head around. “Not unless I give them directions.”
“What? Are they the people for the internet? Is this another surprise?”
“Uh, not for the internet, no.” His eyes tracked to the window quickly in an evasive measure.
Amanda’s heart thudded inside her chest. Her stomach clenched tight. “What are you talking about?” She didn’t like the secrecy in his voice nor the measure of guilt in his tone.
“Just watch.”
Jason stood beside her, one arm resting on the small of her back. Amanda went rigid, but her eyes stayed glued to the window and she watched, as he’d told her to.
The truck’s driver side door eventually opened and a slim, flaxen haired figure emerged. Amanda went cold all over. Goosebumps raised the hair on her arms and the back of her neck. A hard shiver of shock ripped up her spine.
“Jason?” She finally croaked out past her dry, closed up throat. Emotion welled there, tight, uncontrolled. A wild panic was taking over, filling her chest, making her hands shake.
“It’s alright, Amanda. I know you’ll forgive me for this as soon as you’ve talked to her.”
Amanda spun, amazed that her frozen body could once again move. “What do you mean forgive you? You did this?”
“Yah. I called her two nights ago and invited her. I thought you would be happy.”
Another hard, audible swallow was forced down her throat. The tremors spread from her hands to her entire body as she turned back to the window and watched the solitary figure climb the steps and walk across the small porch. She disappeared out of sight a second later but the dull knock echoed through the cabin.
Her mother, the woman she’d thought about, dreamed about, hoped and wished and longed for countless times over the years was now standing on her doorstep.
“You really had- had no right to call her,” she stammered, not daring to look at Jason. “This is my life. My mother. It was my problem.” She didn’t know what to feel. Her entire body and mind was a tangled, jumbled mess. She couldn’t even begin to sort through the tight knots wreaking havoc on her insides.
His hand moved up her back to her shoulder and he gave a gentle squeeze of reassurance. “It’s not anymore.” His breath was hot at the side of her neck as he bent to speak gently in her ear. “We’re a family. You. Me. That baby inside of you. I called her for all of us.”
Amanda let out a hard exhale. Her breath reached the window, making a little frost spot where it hit. “You’d better let her in,” she whispered shakily. “I’ll go put on the kettle.”
Chapter 9
A Tearful Reunion
As anyone who has ever lost someone, not to death but to the cold reality of life, to time and circumstance, the long awaited reunion could be a strange, awkward thing, full of undefined, undecided emotion.
Amanda blinked hard. Her hand circled around a mug of hot tea, still unable to believe that she was really sitting there, across from her mother. It felt like a dream, a little unreal, foggy, like at any second she’d wake up and realize that none of this was truly happening and her deepest desires had just manifested themselves once again in her unguarded moments of sleep.
The urge to pinch herself was so great she barely restrained her hand from moving to her arm to grab up a little flesh and twist. She knew it was real. The heat seeping through her fingers, the scent of her Joan Rath’s lilac perfume, her shining green eyes and flaxen hair, so like her own, the red cardigan and the pair of high waisted, old fashioned jeans, the matching red socks and gold chain at her mother’s throat… it was all real.
“So…” Amanda tried to speak, but the false start left her breathless. Words eluded her. What could one really say after four years?
Her mother, as she had her entire life, was there, so very quick to save her. The older, almost identical set of emerald orbs never left Amanda’s face. “I’m glad Jason called me. It was late. He said you were sleeping.”
“What- what exactly did he say?” She wished desperately that she’d had time to ask that question herself. After Jason let her mother into the cabin, he’d taken off outside, obviously to give them privacy, but Amanda wished he was there beside her at the table even if it wasn’t truly his place.
Her mother smiled gently. She was still as beautiful as ever. The passing of time hadn’t left a single gray hair at her temple or another line on her face. She was still trim and fit, as tall and lithe as a woman half her age. Amanda could only hope for a quarter of her mother’s grace and beauty as she aged.
“He told me that you’d left Phil. That you’d found love where it was least expected and that you are now going to be a mother yourself. He said you wanted nothing more in the world than for me to be here during this time. Or at least know that the line of communication was open. He said he wanted his son to have a grandmother and it has to be me given that he himself has no one left.”
No one left. Amanda always assumed, for some reason, that Jason’s parents were dead. She’d never dared ask as it, along with the rest of his past, was something that was off limits. She was surprised he’d divulged so much to her mother. No one left could mean he’s estranged. They don’t have to be dead.
“Yes,” Amanda whispered, aware her mother was waiting for a response. “I left Phil. I finally saw what you and everyone else had warned me about.” She dared raise her eyes to her mother’s face again. The gentle expression there, free from judgment or harsh condemnation nearl
y melted her heart. She blinked back the hot sting of tears and cleared her throat loudly. “I- I was alone. Looking for a job so I could support myself after I left. I didn’t think I could come back home…”
Joan’s hand trembled on the table top. Her eyes filled with tears. She didn’t bother to blink them away. “I’m not proud of the part I’ve caused in this,” she admitted on a near sob. “Oh, Amanda, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you. I’ve wanted to call, picked up the phone so many times, but I thought you wouldn’t forgive me. I thought you hated me for what I said. As your mother, I should never have uttered those words. They were spoken in anger and as soon as I said them I regretted them. I’ve regretted them for over four years.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” Amanda choked out, scalding tears starting down her own cheeks. “I’ve lain awake so many nights, thinking about you. You’re my mom. It was only ever just us. I missed my partner in crime. You were always my inspiration. Every time I picked up a paint brush, every time I did anything at all, I thought about you.”
“I gave birth to you. You were and always will be my baby. All I could do was hope that you were well, that you were loved, and that one day this moment would come, where I could tell you how sorry I was for being harsh, for being proud, for being a coward.”
“I was just as afraid. I was just as proud and stubborn. Mothers and daughters never have it easy do they?”
Her mother offered a watery smile. “No. It’s a good thing that you’re having a boy.”
Amanda laughed softly. Once the giggle came out of her throat it was like the floodgates opened up and she was laughing and crying all at once. She shoved back her chair at the same time her mother scraped hers back. They rose together, wrapped their arms around each other and held on tight.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” Amanda said raggedly. “So glad.”
“Me too, honey, me too.” Her mother pulled away. She reached out and wiped the tears from Amanda’s cheek. “Don’t be angry with your man. He seems like a good one. I’m glad that you found happiness. It was all I ever wanted.”
“I’m not angry. I was just shocked. If he hadn’t called I probably never would have done it. I don’t know what was wrong with me. I picked up my phone, I thought about you all the time, especially since I found out I was pregnant. I just couldn’t do it. I don’t know what was worse. My pride or my fear that you wouldn’t want me. At least if I didn’t know I could still assume you did, that one day we would be happy, like we were before. That one day I could come home or you would be here. I couldn’t give up on that dream and it was like if I called you and you wanted nothing to do with me, I would have shattered.”
“I know. That’s a good way to put it. I felt the exact same way, I just could never really put into words what it was exactly that I felt. Now that you say that, I know that’s it. The fear that you wouldn’t forgive me.”
Amanda smiled gently and her mother’s own face reflected her happiness and joy. “I’m glad you’re here. I’m so glad. We have to use this, to make a promise that nothing like this will ever happen again. We have to love each other more and appreciate each other more now that we know what it’s like to not have each other there.”
The love and pride shining in Joan’s eyes was unmistakable. “My daughter is all grown up. A woman now, a wise, beautiful, intelligent, talented woman.”
A rush of heat flooded Amanda’s cheeks. “That’s very kind of you to say.”
“I mean it. I really do. I know that this Jason, the man you’ve chosen, is a good man. I didn’t trust your judgment years ago and I’m sorry. Your life is your own and I’ll leave you free to decide how to live it.”
“I want you here, mom. Can you stay for a couple days?”
Her mother’s eyes sparkled. “Yes. I planned on it. Now, I think you should sit down. What I’m going to tell you is going to sound shocking and unbelievable. I couldn’t believe it myself when Jason gave me directions.”
“What?” Amanda let her mother lead her back to her chair. She sunk down slowly, staring up in wonderment. “What do you mean?”
Her mother swallowed audibly. “I never believed in fate or destiny or any of that nonsense until I got here this morning and saw for myself that it was real. That the directions weren’t just same by mistake.”
Amanda’s hands were taken and held firmly in both of her mother’s. She stared raptly at those hands, hands that had taught her almost everything she knew. Taught her to paint, encouraged her to keep going, corrected her mistakes. Those hands had picked her up as a child, comforted her, cared for her, ushered her into womanhood. And they were here now, at last.
“What do you mean destiny?”
“I mean, you’ve been here before, Amanda. Both of us. When you were just a couple years old. This cabin used to be a vacation rental.”
“No…” Amanda sat dazed, sure her mother was mistaken.
“Yes,” Joan whispered. She squeezed Amanda’s hands. “You’ve been here before. I guess that all along, you were meant to find your way back. You were meant to be here.”
Chapter 10
Into The Future
Amanda dabbed a swatch of red oil paint onto her brush. She carefully applied it to the canvas. She was trying something new. Her mother was into painting cheerful scenes with fields full of flowers. They were more abstract, but always included a woman. Amanda was currently working on a scene with a young woman, hair flying out behind her in the window, meandering through a field full of flowers on a bicycle. It wasn’t practical and there was nowhere in the world where she imagined it to be. Her mom encouraged her anyway, to use her imagination and have fun.
It was nice, having her mother there. Even though Joan had joined them just a couple days ago, her presence already lifted a huge burden from Amanda’s shoulders. They’d cleaned up the smaller cabin, got the stove working again and her mother was happy in there. She’d borrowed one of Amanda’s canvases and some paint and got to work, showing off her latest style. Amanda had been so inspired she’d wanted to give it a try too and her mother had encouraged her wholeheartedly.
The front door opened and shut, blowing in a gust of cold air. Amanda shivered, nearly smearing paint out of the bike’s frame. She lifted her hand and turned around, expecting to see her mother in the doorway. She was surprised to see Jason. She knew her wrinkled brow and parted lips gave away her astonishment. Jason had left not more than an hour ago. She hadn’t expected him home until after dark.
“You’re back already?”
“Yup. The roads are terrible. I turned around and came home. Decided to give it a go tomorrow.”
“Oh? Do you have to reschedule your meetings?”
“I’ll call them now.”
Jason kicked his boots off onto the small boot tray and hung his plaid jacket on the peg by the door. It looked so right and sure there that Amanda had to smile. She followed Jason into the bedroom. He dug in the top dresser drawer and produced his ancient cell. He switched it on and looked up; giving it a minute since the thing generally took half an hour to get to a ready state where he could actually make a call.
“That’s disappointing. I know that you were looking forward to meeting with the trades.”
Jason had an appointment planned with a plumber and a few carpenters. It was part of his earlier suggestion to modernize the cabin. She hadn’t let him forget and once her mother arrived, she and Joan got busy drawing out sketches of a new and improved cabin. Since he was the one who had brought the idea to life, whether he truly meant it or not, he had no choice but to go along with their plans.
“I actually am disappointed. I know how much it means to you to have some plumbing in here, especially before the baby arrives. Having some more space is crucial too.”
He set the phone down on the dresser top and walked quickly across the room, enveloping Amanda in his still cold arms. She shivered, but let him hold her.
“Ha, me! It’s not just me who w
ants the extra room. When the baby comes you’ll want to have privacy. It won’t matter for the first couple months, but after that, I’m sure you’ll want our bedroom just for you and me.” She leaned back and looked at Jason just in time to see his huge grin.
“I’ll admit your right. That kid officially gets his eviction notice out of our room when he’s six months old.”
“Six months? I thought sooner than that.”
Jason slowly shook his head. “Minx. Anyway, I was actually going to meet with a power company and see what was cheaper. Installing a pole or using solar. I think we could benefit from some real lighting as well.”
“Indoor plumbing, sewer, power, more room, and the internet, which we already have… anyone would think you’ve gone soft!”
“Maybe a child does that to a man,” Jason chuckled.
Amanda let her arms fall around Jason’s waist. She smiled up at him. “Yes, well, I’m glad for it. I’ll be honest and say using the outhouse when it’s this cold is just about the worst part of my day. And it has to happen multiple times.”
“It could be worse. At least it’s well insulated.”
“Ha, well I’m really looking forward to being able to pee inside.”
“I was thinking of doing a composting toilet.”
Amanda wrinkled her nose. “Ew. That sounds gross.”
“I promise it’s not at all. It just uses no water so we would really only need a sewer for the shower and for the sink and washer.”
“For the gray water.” Jason blinked in surprise. “What? You don’t think a woman has the capacity to understand those terms? I’ll have you know that ever since you installed the internet I’ve made myself busy not only watching birthing classes, but watching a whole bunch of home renovation videos that people have posted.”
“Lord save me.”
“Lord save you? Lord save you?” Amanda echoed wryly. She reached up, twisted her hands behind Jason’s neck and brought his face down to hers. “Lord save you from this?” She said heatedly right before she crushed her lips to his.
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