by Honest Lee
With each new animal, he knocked another wish off his wish list. Pygmy marmosets in his shirt pocket? Check. Walking a miniature horse on a leash? Done-zo. Teacup puppies nestled safely in his gym bag for halftime cuddles? Mission accomplished.
Benji invited Classroom 13 to his miniature zoo. He reminded everyone, “Be careful where you step!”
His fellow students lost their minds. Everyone wanted one. And Benji wanted everyone to be able to have the same kind of strange love that he had. So he planned to open his zoo to the public and give one animal away to anyone who wanted one. Unfortunately, before he could start giving away his tiny animals (and help the world to find love and happiness), several things happened all at once:
1. The local pet stores got together and sued Benji for making impossibly cute animals. They couldn’t compete with that. Local law enforcement took away Benji’s shrink ray until the trial was settled.
2. PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) protested his new zoo and his giving away animals to anyone who wanted them. They thought everyone should be screened. Their lawyers also sued Benji. His zoo was closed to the public until the trial was settled.
3. His parents sat him down when he came home. They also had their lawyers with them. “You’ve shrunk enough things for now,” his mom’s lawyer said. “Time to grow your bank account.”
“Your parents put the rest of your money in a savings account,” the lawyers said. “That way, it can collect interest.”
“But what about helping the world find love through miniature pets? It could bring world peace!”
“Your dreams will have to wait until you’re older,” his mom’s lawyer said.
“When?” he asked.
“When you’re eighteen,” the lawyers said.
Benji was upset that he couldn’t help the rest of the world find miniature happiness. But for now, at least, Benji was happy. When the cops and lawyers weren’t looking, Benji managed to sneak a handful of plum-sized pets into his pockets.…
CHAPTER 25
Preeya
Preeya is best friends with Olivia Ogilvy. (You know, the girl who put all her money in the bank for college instead of having fun with it.)
Sorry. I mean: Preeya was best friends with Olivia. (Past tense.)
Why aren’t they best friends anymore? Well, Preeya’s mom is friends with Olivia’s mom, and you know how moms like to share everything. At their weekly poker night, Olivia’s mom said, “Oh goodness. I am so proud of Olivia for putting all her lottery money away for college.”
That night, Preeya’s mom went straight home and said, “Preeya, give me your lottery check. We’re going straight to the bank to deposit it into your college fund—just like Olivia did.”
Preeya was not happy. She didn’t want to save her money for college. She wanted to spend it now. She planned to use her money to become famous so that she could win the heart of a certain famous male pop star—you know the one: super cute, super talented, sings love songs that make your heart swell (even though you tell everyone you don’t like his music, even though secretly you do).
Preeya was furious.
But maybe—hopefully—she’ll be more appreciative when she’s older.
(I doubt it.)
CHAPTER 26
Liam
The students of Classroom 13 have always wondered: How is it that little Liam is able to make such big farts?
Liam’s gas ranged from silent-but-deadly to trombone-loud-but-without-a-smell. It was quite the talent.
Mason guessed he ate chili for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Triple J guessed he trained with an order of butt-blasting monks in Tibet. Ximena guessed he was simply born with a gift for gas.
The truth was… practice. After all, practice makes perfect. And Liam, the class prankster, worked very hard to create controlled farts, which he used for comedic effect. His favorite phrase was: “Pull my finger.”
If he tells you to do this—trust me—don’t.
Liam tried to get laughs to distract others from how small and short he was. He did not like being the smallest student in Classroom 13. He dreamed big. In fact, he’s always dreamed of being in the Global Book of World Records.
So when he won the lottery, he decided to spend his $1,037,037,037.04 on making his dreams come true. How? Well, he liked pranking people, but that was no way to get a world record. But he did like eating. (No matter how much he ate, he never gained weight thanks to a very fast metabolism.)
Finally, he decided on a worthy world record—Most Desserts Ever Eaten by a Human Being. Liam planned on spending his fortune devouring every kind of sweet treat imaginable and going down in history for it.
Liam phoned the Global World Record office and informed them of his plan. They sent two representatives to join Liam on his world travels. Dan and Dana would follow Liam with a camera and a journal to document his progress.
The journey began in Switzerland, home to the world’s finest chocolatiers. Liam sampled thousands of varieties of chocolate in one sitting and washed it all down with molten liquid cocoa from a chocolate fountain.
Dan and Dana gave a thumbs-up and said, “Good start.”
In Russia, Liam ate truckloads of Kiev cake. In South Africa, he spooned malva pudding down his throat. In Brazil, he consumed tres leches cakes. In Belgium, Liam devoured chocolate chip waffles. He licked up liquid nitrogen ice cream in Manila and ais kacang in Malaysia.
In Australia, he forked in lamingtons. In Japan, he inhaled trays of green tea mochi. In Turkey, Liam swallowed pans of baklava. In Hawaii, he ate haupia delights until he couldn’t take another bite. He ate deep-fried candy bars in Scotland and then chocolate-covered chapulines in Mexico. (You should probably not look up what chapulines are…)
(I told you not to look them up.)
Finally, Liam went to Paris to eat the world’s most expensive dessert: a seventy-seven-scoop sundae covered in gold dust and real diamonds. Once he finished, he would be a Global World Record holder.
He began to shovel the dessert down his throat. Four spoonfuls from finishing, Liam got light-headed and his stomach began to rumble. “Can I have some water?” he asked Dan and Dana. “I’m not feeling so—”
Liam keeled over and died.
It’s okay. It was only for a few seconds.
Dan and Dana were not just judges. They were also certified paramedics. They zapped Liam with heart paddles. Twenty thousand volts of electricity surged through Liam’s veins—along with massive amounts of sugar and dairy.
As Liam came back to life, he let out the loudest, most powerful, earth-rumbling fart a human body had ever produced. The entire restaurant shook.
As the Global World Record reps helped him to sit up, Liam said, “I think I’m done with sweets.”
Liam did not break the record for Most Desserts Ever Eaten by a Human Being. But he did break the record for Most Powerful Fart Ever Farted by a Human Being.
Dan and Dana noted: “The shock wave of the fart was felt as far away as Spain. It was seismic!”
Liam could live with that.
CHAPTER 27
Isabella
Isabella Inglebel loved horses.
To no one’s surprise, Isabella bought herself the biggest horse ranch in America. How many horses can $1,037,037,037.04 buy you?
Well, it depends on the age, health, fame, and breed of the horse. But all in all, Isabella bought exactly 312,462 horses.
Now Isabella Inglebel owns 312,462 horses.
Or, I should say, owned 312,462 horses. (Past tense.)
You see, Isabella’s hired horseman—an old cowboy named Old Blue—told her she needed a fence for her horses. But Isabella didn’t want her beloved pets to feel fenced in. She wanted them to run free.
And they ran free all right.
All those wild horses galloped off into the sunset, never to return. No amount of carrots or apples or hay could lure them back. Isabella should have listened to Old Blue.
CHAP
TER 28
Hugo
Hugo Houde est né et a grandi à Paris. Quand Hugo avait dix ans, sa famille a dû partir vivre à l’étranger pour le travail de son père. C’est ainsi qu’Hugo a atterri dans la classe numéro treize où personne ne parlait français.
La France lui manquait énormément. Comme il ne pouvait pas y retourner, il décida d’amener la France à lui. Alors, avec son argent, il acheta la tour Eiffel et la mit dans son jardin. C’est la vie.
CHAPTER 29
Zoey
Unlike her classmates, Zoey was not in a hurry to spend her winnings. She was already rich, so all she wanted to do was cash the check and bring all the money back to her house. She wanted to be surrounded by the cash.
So Zoey did just that.
An entire fleet of armored cars full of cash followed her home from the bank. When they pulled into her driveway, the guards asked, “Where do you want this?”
Zoey hadn’t thought about it. Then she remembered seeing a cartoon about a greedy duck. He had so much money, he could jump off a diving board and swim around in it, like a swimming pool.
Zoey liked that. She wouldn’t have to spend the money, but it wouldn’t just be sitting around gathering dust either.
“In the backyard,” Zoey said. “Put the money in the pool!”
The guards unzipped the bags and dumped the stacks of cash into her swimming pool—right into the water.
“You’re going to ruin that money,” her dad said.
Zoey ignored him.
Her dad shrugged and let Zoey do as she wanted. After all, it was her money.
She ran inside to put on her bathing suit and swim goggles.
Once Zoey’s entire fortune was in the pool, she somersaulted off her trampoline and into the pool of money.
Ker-splash—CRASH!
With so much soggy paper, the water didn’t feel very good when she dove in. In fact, it felt like diving into the shallow end of a pool. Zoey knocked up her elbows and knees rather badly.
She didn’t care, though. She wanted to swim in money. But swimming through the cash-filled water was like swimming through oatmeal. If that weren’t bad enough, all the dollar bills made it tough to see underwater. Zoey swam right into the pool’s wall and bumped her head.
After a few minutes, she noticed that her red hair was turning green. But worse, the cash was dissolving into mush. Her fortune was melting.
“Dad! Dad! What’s happening to my money?!” she screamed.
“I told you it would ruin the money,” her dad said. “This morning, the pool man treated the water with special cleaning chemicals—chemicals strong enough to destroy the leaves at the bottom of the pool.”
Or anything else paper thin for that matter, I should add.
Zoey leaped out of the pool and watched her fortune disintegrate into green soup. She stormed inside, upset and penniless.
She cried as she took a bubble bath—in regular, plain old water—just like normal (poor) people.
CHAPTER 30
Really Unlucky Ms. Linda
Lucky Ms. Linda’s luck was about to change. (Again.)
Ms. Linda was having a wonderful day. She’d had a very pricey brunch ($2,000 for scrambled eggs and toast). Her anti-bird shampoo made her hair shine and bounce like a supermodel’s ($20,000 a bottle). And she was about to buy her dream house—the most expensive estate in the state ($200,000,000).
“All you have to do is sign here,” the real estate agent said, “and the mansion will be yours.”
Ms. Linda looked at the sky to see if there were any thunderclouds. (There weren’t.) It was a beautiful and sunny day. She breathed a sigh of relief. She signed the contract and shook the real estate agent’s hand.
“Congratulations on your new home!” he said.
Ms. Linda stepped into her beautiful dream house and squealed a happy squeal. She was unaware of a slight rumble beneath her.
Ms. Linda spent every last dime of her fortune to make the house perfect. She hired Emma’s parents (the “interior decorators”) to tell her exactly what furniture to buy. They helped her order rugs from countries she could not pronounce and purchase silverware from the fanciest stores in New York City. She even purchased the famous Mona Lisa painting by Da Vinci and hung it in her living room.
The house was everything Ms. Linda had dreamed of and more…
…which is why Ms. Linda tried to ignore the odd things. For example, no matter how many times she got them fixed, her floors remained uneven. The countertops were also not right. If she put a plate on the counter, the dish would slide off and shatter onto the floor.
She called the real estate agent. He said, “Oh, that. It’s just the house settling.”
One day, Ms. Linda nearly broke her leg, falling into the driveway. It seemed her front porch had risen six feet above the sidewalk. This made getting in and out of her house a real challenge.
She called the real estate agent. He said, “Oh, that. Watch your step.”
When she tried to host a dinner party for some of the other teachers, her house began to creak and shake. It was so noticeable that her friends asked, “Is it haunted?”
“No, no,” Ms. Linda said. “My house just has a lot of personality.”
One sunny day, Ms. Linda decided on a quiet game of croquet in her front yard. She raised the mallet and hit the ball. When the ball struck her house, the ground caved in and swallowed her house whole.
Ms. Linda peered into the pit in the ground. She saw her fancy furniture and beautiful dishes and the Mona Lisa—all destroyed. Her dream home had been swallowed up by a sinkhole.
Good thing Ms. Linda was smart enough to get insurance.
“I’m sorry, ma’am,” said the insurance adjuster. “The sinkhole that destroyed your home is not covered by your insurance.”
Several birds dove at Ms. Linda to pull at her hair. She tried to swat them away but quickly gave up.
Everything in Classroom 13 returned to the way it was before Ms. Linda won the lottery. Life was normal again. Well, as normal as Classroom 13 gets.
Ms. Linda was still late to class, Santiago was still sick, Hugo was still French, and Earl was still a hamster. Triple J may or may not have had clones running around. Yuna still didn’t know where her fortune was. And Mason’s best friend was still a crossing guard that gave him fresh milk every morning.
The truth be told: Winning lots of money—and losing lots of money—hadn’t changed anyone’s lives all that much.
In fact, no one in Classroom 13 had really learned anything.
What a shame.
Did you learn anything?
No? I didn’t think you would. Honestly.
That’s right—it’s your turn!
Grab some paper and a writing utensil. (Not a fork, silly. Try a pencil or pen.) Or if you have one of those fancy computer doo-hickeys, use that. Now tell me…
If you won the lottery what would YOU do with the money?!
When you’re done, share it with your teacher, your family, and your friends. (Don’t forget your pets! Pets like to hear stories, too.) You can even ask your parents to send me your chapter at the address below.
HONEST LEE
LITTLE, BROWN BOOKS FOR YOUNG READERS
1290 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10104
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