by Helen Conrad
“I try to.”
Suddenly his hand was in her hair, sifting through its silky darkness. “I admire that in you,” he commented. Then he grinned. “But why not? Rancho Verde does that to people. Makes them care almost as much about the past as the present. And breeding will out.”
She was shivering and she knew she had to get away quickly. “You should know,” she mumbled inanely. “You’re the horse-breeder, aren’t you?”
“Right.” His hand tightened in her hair, holding her prisoner. “I’m the expert. Ask me anything about breeding. I know all about it.”
She bit her lip, confused and defensive. “Is Megan Reilly an expert in breeding, too?” she asked, then blinked, wishing she could recall the words.
“Megan?” His grin was devilish. “I don’t know if I should answer for her. Why do you ask?”
“Aren’t you . . . aren’t you and she dating or something?” That was a lame question but she couldn’t seem to say anything right.
“Or something,” he agreed good-naturedly. “Are you suggesting I should be looking her over for breeding qualities the way I look over a good mare for my stock?” He nodded as though considering the problem. “She does have good bone structure, doesn’t she?” He put a hand to his chin as though really thinking it through. “Can’t you just see the beautiful children we would have, she and I?” His voice was light and teasing, but there was something smoldering in his eyes. “They’d be long and lean and elegant, don’t you think?”
“Absolutely,” she snapped. “Perfect little gods and goddesses.”
“You and I, on the other hand . . .” He hooked his clasped hands behind her head, pulling her slowly towards him. “We’d have tough little devils, wouldn’t we?”
“Mongrels,” she agreed, feeling a bit breathless. “Hardly worth imagining.”
“I can imagine them,” he said huskily as he began a sensual assault on the tender skin of her neck. “I can imagine them just fine.”
The sun was hot but it had nothing on the feel of his skin against hers. She thought she was fighting, fighting so hard, to push him away, but when she opened her eyes, she found she hadn’t moved a muscle. He was kissing her, kissing her like she’d never been kissed before, and she was floating above the clouds, hoping it would never stop. His mouth on hers was sweet persuasion and she opened to his caress, meeting his ardor with a burst of her own desire that seemed to spring out of nowhere.
But it was wrong, and she knew it. As suddenly as she had succumbed, she began to withdraw.
He released her mouth but still held her in his arms, his slightly rough face rubbing gently against her cheek. She gasped, fighting back against the sizzling sensuality.
“Oh, Shawnee, you’ve got so much passion simmering inside you, you’re going to explode if you don’t let it out,” he whispered near her ear.
“No!” Her voice sounded strangled and she said it again, more forcefully this time. She pushed him back, though she had to fight herself as much as him to do it. She stared at him, shaking her head, trembling. Every time he kissed her it got harder and harder to resist him. This had to stop.
“Don’t do this again, David! I can’t handle it. You’ve got to stay away from me. Just stay away!” She pulled back without looking into his face. She wasn’t sure what she would see there. Derision? Amusement? Anger? She didn’t want to know.
Swinging up on Miki, she pressed her knees into his sides. The big horse sprang into action, carrying her out over the hills and far away from the man who tore her heart into pieces and left her limp with confused emotion.
She couldn’t sleep that night. Turning on the light and pulling out the book and papers Reid had given her, she began to read more about the Santiagos and their influence on this valley—her valley. Her home. She read long into the night and when she slept, she dreamed about Spanish caballeros, and every one of them had David’s laughing dark eyes.
She had to force herself to go back the next day. If she hadn’t been sure that Miki was gaining a lot from the practice, she would have avoided having to see David again. But when they did come face to face, his eyes showed no memory of what had happened the day before. She sometimes wondered if she’d dreamed that, too.
She stopped Miki near Petra’s horse that morning and swung down to stand beside the girl and watch her mother perform a particularly difficult gate-opening.
Petra let out a long, yearning sigh. “I’ll never be as good as she is,” she said softly. “I know she’s disappointed in me.”
Shawnee looked at her pretty face and she couldn’t help but like her. “Sure you will,” she said comfortingly. “All you need is the desire. You can do almost anything if you want to badly enough.”
Petra shrugged. “Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I don’t want to enough.”
Shawnee lifted her face to the hot sun, closing her eyes against the glare. “What do you want?” she asked idly. “What do you want most in the world?”
There was a long silence and finally she turned towards the girl, opening her eyes in time to see the silver tear that slid down the tanned cheek before Petra brushed it away.
“What I want most in the world,” she said in a strangled voice, “is for my mother and father to get back together again.”
Shawnee’s heart twisted painfully and she wished desperately that she’d never brought the subject up. But it was out in the open now. She was stuck with it. “Is there . . . any chance?” she asked carefully.
Petra shook her head, blinking back more tears. “No. Oh, my mother says she stills loves him. But she can’t accept the things he does.”
Shawnee shifted her weight uncomfortably. She didn’t want to pry, but she did want the girl to feel free to confide if that was what she wanted to do.
“You see,” Petra went on, her voice suddenly strong and brave, “my father went out with other women. And my mother couldn’t take it. She wasn’t used to that. In the circle she married into, such things are common practice. But the Santiagos don’t do it. They never have. Commitment and honor are very important to them.”
She pulled out a tuft of grass and threw it to the wind.
“My grandfather lived for my grandmother. Uncle Stewart is devoted to his wife and he would never think of looking at another woman.” She shrugged. “It will be the same when David marries Megan. That’s just the way it is for the Santiagos.”
When David marries Megan. When David marries Megan.
Petra was still talking, but those words were echoing in Shawnee’s mind and she didn’t hear another thing. So it was true. Perhaps a date had even been set. And here was Petra, telling her that the Santiago men were always true to their women.
Then what—what did David want with her? Why was he making her come here to train? Why was he always looking at her as though there were some secret between them? She had to know.
She started towards home, then stopped, turned back towards the ranch, and forced herself to enter the yard where she could see David sitting with Megan at a wrought-iron table beneath the pepper trees. David’s horse was standing nearby, as though he’d just ridden in from working on the ranch.
She rode up close and they both watched her approach. They each held tall, cool drinks in their hands. From the looks of it, they were enjoying a nice drink before a long, lazy lunch. Megan looked light and cool in a white organdie dress. Shawnee felt grubby and hot in comparison.
“I’d like to talk to you for a moment,” she told David shortly.
He met her gaze and seemed to read a challenge in her eyes, then spread his arms wide. “Talk away,” he said softly.
Shawnee looked significantly at Megan. “Alone, please.”
David’s glance had a devil’s gleam. “Megan is one of my dearest friends,” he said. “You can talk in front of her.”
The blonde smiled vacuously. Shawnee glanced at her, then back at David. There was no way she could broach this subject in front of the woman who might be marr
ying him. No one had even bothered to introduce her to Megan, and though it was probably just an oversight, she wasn’t going to act like some humble vassal in the presence of the lord and lady. That was the position he was putting her in. Anger flashed through her veins.
Let him marry Megan. She hated him anyway!
But she calmed down quickly. There was no way she was going to let them see how this made her feel.
Instead, she forced herself to smile at the blonde and shake her head. “Some other time, maybe,” she said airily. Without another glance, she dug her knees into Miki’s sides and urged the big horse towards the long drive that led to the highway. She was going to ride home and never come back.
She hadn’t gone very far before she heard David’s horse coming up behind her and she wanted to let Miki run as fast as she knew he was able. But she’d tried that before. It hadn’t worked then. Why would it work now? Besides, when you came right down to it, she’d got what she wanted —a chance to talk to David alone. She pulled Miki to a halt near the far fence and waited for David to stop beside her.
“That was very rude,” he said when he’d brought his horse next to hers.
“Rudeness begets rudeness. Didn’t your mother ever teach you that?” She wasn’t going to let him bully her.
His eyes were hard and his mouth was thin. He was angry with her, but she didn’t care. She was even more angry with him. Was anger really the word? Yes, but there was more, too—confusion, fear, pain. It was time some things got settled between them.
She wanted to ask if he was going to marry Megan, but she couldn’t do that. He would see it all if she did. He would read the desolation in her face.
“I don’t think I’ll come here any more,” she said instead. “I’m not comfortable training with your sister.”
He raised one black eyebrow. “Surely you can handle Allison’s temper,” he said mildly.
“It’s not that.” She hesitated, then burst out, “I don’t know why I’m here! Am I supposed to be providing competition for Allison? What if I get good enough to beat her? That’s what I’m going to do, you know.”
His disdainful smile showed what he thought of that claim. “You’re here because I want you here,” he said softly. “Isn’t that enough?”
“No!” Miki moved, upset by her tone, and she reached out to quiet him with a stroke along the neck. “No, it’s not enough. I need to know why you want me here.” She lost patience. “Is it just for torture’s sake, or what?”
“Torture?” His wide mouth curved speculatively. “Why would it be torture for you?”
She could have bitten her tongue. It was torture precisely because watching him with Megan Reilly cut her heart like a knife. She’d never really admitted it to herself before, but she knew it now. She wanted to be the one who put her hand in his to walk across the blooming meadows, she wanted to be the one he bent over to explain things to, the one he handed drinks and smiled to lovingly.
She loved him. Oh lord, she loved him. She was truly lost.
Her breath was coming very fast and she couldn’t meet his gaze, couldn’t answer him. She leaned down over her horse, sliding her hand back and forth across the shiny coat, wishing she could disappear into the earth.
“We have a bargain, Shawnee,” he said when the silence had stretched too long. “Don’t you remember?”
“A bargain?” She straightened in the saddle. “What exactly is this bargain all about?”
“I’m working on what you want. And in return, you’re doing something for me. Isn’t that the way you see it, too?”
She looked at him, wide-eyed. Was it really true, then? Was he finding a way to let Granpa Jim have his land? Oh, if only she could be sure of that! But what was she doing for him? That was still unclear.
“You’re doing what I want?” she repeated questioningly, and when he nodded, she went on. “And I’m to do what you want?”
He nodded again. “You’ve got it.”
She took a deep, shuddering breath. “But what exactly do you want, David?” she asked, her gaze locked with his.
His grin was wild as a wolf’s howl. “I thought you understood that, Shawnee. I want you.”
“Me?” Her voice came out as tiny as a squeak.
The humor left his face. “Yes, you. I want you around.” He made an impatient gesture with his head. “I want a lot more, but for now, we’ll have to leave it at that. There are certain . . .. obstacles to be overcome.” His dark eyes narrowed. “But it won’t be much longer. And then I’ll want all of you.”
He glanced back to where Megan sat, waiting for him under the trees. “I have to get back,” he said as though reminding himself. “You come tomorrow, just as you have all week. Agreed?”
She nodded, not knowing what else to do. Confusion still swirled through her. He’d said words that made her think certain, very scary, thoughts. But what had he really meant? Why couldn’t she be sure?
She watched him start back towards the house, then turned and headed for her own home. With every step of the way, her confusion grew. He’d said he wanted her, but he turned back to Megan. Was he really going to marry the blonde girl? Was he planning to use her business connections, and Shawnee’s love at the same time? That would make him the first Santiago to break the family tradition of faithful devotion, wouldn’t it?
No, she must be mistaken. He hadn’t meant what she’d taken from his words. He was only playing with her, manipulating her, fascinated still by a woman who didn’t swoon into his arms so easily as most. It didn’t mean a thing. She’d be a fool to take him seriously.
But at the same time, if there was any hope of getting David to let her grandfather keep his land, she’d play along for a time and see what happened. Because more than anything else, she wanted her grandfather’s heart to stay unbroken. More than anything else.
David had the luxury of being able to watch most of Shawnee’s workout the next day without interruption. Petra had a toothache in the night and Allison had taken her down into Destiny Bay to their dentist for repairs. Horst had an excuse of his own and David had readily let him go. So it was just the girl, the horse, and him. He sat back and enjoyed the show.
The horse and the girl moved like a dream. The more he watched, the more curious he became. How was it that they seemed to have such a unique, magical connection? It only seemed to confirm his original judgment: she was special. So special that he couldn’t get her out of his mind or out of his system, no matter how hard he tried.
It was almost like being in love. That wasn’t a serious thought, just an old remembered refrain from some song he’d heard years ago. But it seemed to fit his mood today. He was thinking long term thoughts with philosophical strains.
It was probably all his uncle’s fault. Uncle Carlos had come to stay over on his way to a fishing trip in Baja. That morning he’d taken him through the stables and shown him the orchards and the view from the hill. Uncle Carlos had been impressed, but being who he was, he felt he had to give David a fatherly lecture.
“Your father would be proud of you,” he’d said, talking about his own brother. “But it’s not enough anymore. It’s time you stepped it up a bit. Are you going to be a man, create a family, create a life? Or are you going to be a playboy?”
David’s first response had been anger. “I’ve done a lot around here,” he’d said, trying to conceal his emotions. “You can see for yourself. The place is in better shape than it’s ever been in. Even… .” His voice choked for a moment. “Even when Father was alive. I’ve done what he asked. I came back, and I’ve worked hard.”
Carlos nodded. “You have indeed. You've done a wonderful job.” He put an arm around his young nephew’s shoulders. “But it’s not enough. Where are your children, David? Where is your wife? Where is your standing in the community? What doesn’t grow, dies. You must grow. It’s time.”
He’d rebelled, feeling bitter that his uncle didn’t seem to see his accomplishments. But it didn’t
take long for those feelings to fade so that he could see the truth in the words. Old fashioned. Yes, what his uncle had counseled sounded almost as though it came from another age. But there was wisdom in it. David’s instincts cut through to the core of the issue and he knew his uncle was right.
Shawnee looked at him and he threw her a careless smile, enjoying the way her hair shined in the sunlight, the way her form fit her horse like a glove. They were beautiful together. She was the so good at this. She flashed him back a defiant look instead of smiling, and that made his grin widen.
The two of them—he and Shawnee—were opposing players, deeply committed to their own sides, deeply dug in and emotionally tied. Funny though—what they were each tied to was a vision given them from the past—his of a Rancho Verde in the hands of its natural owners, she of an imaginary past of her own where Carringtons ruled and she was a princess.
He shook his head and held back a chuckle. That wasn’t fair. She wasn’t a pampered daddy’s girl by any means. She just loved the fantasy her grandfather had woven in her head, and who could blame her?
After all, didn’t he and his family halfway live in the same dream, just peopled with a different set of characters? His father and his father’s vision reached out from the past just like her grandfather’s did to her. He frowned. Maybe it was time to start living life as they found it instead of trying to fulfill visions formed fifty or a hundred years ago. He had to think about that a bit more.
In the meantime—he could watch this beautiful, graceful woman and imagine her in his arms and in his bed and begin to plan a path for getting things his way—just the way he liked them. Was this love? Maybe. Maybe not. But whatever it was, it burned inside him and he knew he had to have her.
Still, when she saluted him from the other side of the field and began to ride off toward home, he let her go. It wasn’t time yet. She wasn’t ready. But he already thought of her as his.
