J.D. plunged his hands into my hair but didn’t push my head down. He seemed to need something to hold onto as I worked him with my mouth. He was moaning loudly, and I felt powerful knowing that I caused him such intense pleasure. I was a sex goddess and he was putty in my hands.
Looking up at him through my eyelashes, I saw that he was watching me intently. The lust in his stare was potent and I felt my body responding to it, heat pooling in my stomach. Pulling my mouth off of him, I swirled my tongue. J.D. let out a gasp
Then, before I could even register what was happening, he had pulled me up and thrown me down on the couch. Hovering above me, J.D. ripped open my jeans and yanked them off in one swift motion. Pausing to look at my matching lingerie, his expression softened.
“So beautiful,” he murmured before sliding my panties off as well.
I spread my legs as he positioned himself between them. Pressing a kiss to my lips, he buried himself inside of me and I let out a small scream of pleasure. Using the front clasp, J.D. opened my bra and latched onto my nipple as he rode me in a slow, steady rhythm.
The sensations were mindblowing, and I felt my stomach clench. I was close already. J.D. bit down lightly on my nipple and my breath hitched.
“More, J.D. Harder,” I demanded. I reached around and grabbed hold of his ass, trying to pull him in even deeper.
“Judy, I’m…I’m-”
“Yes. Do it,” I exclaimed, bucking under him. I was completely overwhelmed as we came together, holding on to each other for dear life.
J.D. was in the shower. He had tried to get me to join him, but I had declined. I told him I was too sore for another round, but the truth was that I needed a few minutes alone to collect my thoughts.
It had only been two weeks ago that we had agreed to keep things casual. I had meant it at the time, but I had already broken the no emotions rule. I was falling hard.
A part of me wanted to ignore it, but I had tried to ignore my attraction to him all this time and look where that got me. I had to lay my cards on the table now, before getting even more invested in this thing between us.
I was sitting on the couch, fully clothed, when J.D. walked back into the living room. He had a white towel wrapped around his waist and was using another to dry his hair. There were water droplets running down his chest and I suddenly regretted declining his shower invitation.
“You hungry?” He asked, perfectly relaxed. Meanwhile, I was a bundle of nerves. I shook my head.
“We need to talk,” I said shakily.
“What’s wrong?” The concern in his voice encouraged me.
“I can’t keep doing this. I just, I need more from you,” I told him a rush. There was no point in beating around the bush.
“What do you mean?” he asked, but his frown told me that he understood exactly what I meant.
“I can’t do this casual sex thing. I have real feelings for you.”
“You said that it was fine. You agreed to it.”
“I know I did. I wanted you so badly that I decided to take you any way I could get you. But it’s not enough anymore. The sex is incredible, but I care about you way beyond that. I know you care about me, too.”
“You don’t know anything,” he said, refusing to meet my eyes.
“Don’t be like that. You think I don’t see what’s happening here? You want to have your cake and eat it too. You want the sex and companionship without actually admitting you give a damn about someone else.”
“Or maybe I really don’t give a damn. Did you ever think of that? Maybe you’re just a good lay.” He shrugged and leaned against the wall behind him.
I knew that wasn’t true, we had been good friends for over a year, but the words still hurt. I tried to push that aside and have a rational conversation. I stood and walked forward until I stood directly in front of him. I was close enough to reach out and touch him, but I kept my hands at my sides.
“Why not give it a try? I know that you don’t want to open yourself up to anybody, but you can trust me,” I wanted to be that person for him.
“No, I clearly can’t. You told me sex was all you wanted.”
“You don’t have to be so shitty. I can’t help how I feel.”
“Are you sure? Did you even try?” He finally looked directly at me, his expression remote.
“Are you fucking serious?” Okay, the time for that rational conversation had passed. “Of course, I tried. You think I wanted to have this conversation with you? I knew you’d deny having feelings for me. I knew that you’d end this to protect yourself.”
“Well, don’t you just know everything.”
“Okay, I’m leaving. This is done,” I said, glad that I sounded strong. I didn’t want my voice to reflect the shaky feeling I had inside.
Standing still, I looked into his eyes for a second before turning away. I was silently pleading with him to stop me, but he didn’t. He just stood there as I walked out the door.
Chapter Fourteen: Shattered
My mind was reeling as I stood in my living room, staring at the couch where Judy and I had devoured each other just half an hour ago. It felt surreal now, as I heard her car start up and she tore down the driveway. She was running, and I couldn’t blame her.
How did everything turn sour so quickly? I thought about the things I had said to her, and I cringed.
I’m a piece of shit.
Turning away from the empty couch I couldn’t stand to look anymore, I stomped back into my bedroom. Ripping the towel from around my waist, I threw it in the hamper and collapsed onto the bed.
I rubbed my eyes roughly with the palms of my hands. I hated the image of Judy’s hurt face that was implanted behind my eyelids. I had never seen her look like that, never seen the light in her eyes dimmed so much. It rattled me.
Okay, so I overreacted. I was self-aware enough to know that I had been too defensive. Her words had taken me by surprise, was all. I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me. We had such a good thing going. Why did she insist on making it into something more?
I need a drink.
Tugging on a pair of sweats, I went to the kitchen and pulled out a new bottle of Lagavulin. Pouring myself a generous helping, I tipped the glass back and savored the smoky taste before it slid down my throat. Warmth immediately spread from my stomach and I poured myself more.
It was difficult to categorize my feelings about the situation with Judy. I knew I was angry. Angry with her for changing things by bringing emotion into the equation, and angry with myself because I knew better than to start things up with her again. I had been aware that it could only end badly, but it was like I lost my self-control and better judgement when she was near.
Now I had surely lost one of my closest friends. Just fucking great.
It’s better like this, I told myself. Better to end it now. If she was already getting attached, things would only be worse later. I didn’t want to hurt her, and I was already ashamed of how I spoke to her, but I couldn’t change feelings, hers or mine.
My glass was somehow empty once again. Without hesitation, I poured myself one more, choosing to ignore the fact that it was already making my head spin. I shouldn’t have skipped lunch today.
Taking my glass with me, I walked out of the kitchen. Avoiding the living room like the plague, I wandered aimlessly through the house. From room to room I walked, not sure what I was even doing. I wanted some kind of distraction but found none. I found nothing but white walls and modern furniture that I didn’t even pick out myself.
This house was so empty, I thought idly. So big and impressive on the outside but hallow within. I chuckled darkly at that thought. It was just like me.
The sound of my front door opening brought me into consciousness with an unpleasant jolt. I had ended up on the couch, apparently trying to torture myself, and passed out in a drunken stupor.
“Judy?” I called out stupidly. Of course it wasn’t going to be her.
“Did you sleep in h
ere?” Hayden asked, walking into the living room and looking around.
I didn’t want him to know that I was hungover, but the half empty bottle of Lagavulin on the coffee table was pretty damning evidence.
“Yeah, the couch is really comfortable,” I said, contradicting my own words by rubbing my sore neck as I stood.
“Rough night?” Hayden asked, following me down the hall to the bathroom.
“Just a quiet evening at home,” I replied, opening some aspirin and swallowing the tablets dry. It left a nasty taste in mouth and I grimaced.
“What’s with the hangover?”
“Why are you here?” I asked. I wasn’t in the mood for company.
“I told you I’d be here at eleven to pick you up for the game.”
“Game?” My mind was sludge, I had no idea what he was talking about. The pounding headache wasn’t helping much.
“The Giants game. Starts in two hours. Aaron’s meeting us there.” Hayden was speaking slowly, and looking way too concerned about me.
“Right. Yeah, the game. Of course. Can you wait for me in the kitchen?” I asked, walking toward the toilet so he’d take the hint.
When I was alone, I splashed cold water on my face and looked in the mirror. Yikes. Dark circles under red eyes were a clear sign of the alcohol I had consumed. I had a long day ahead of me, but I wouldn’t cancel my plans.
Hayden would drive me crazy trying to figure what was wrong if I skipped this game. Besides, life had to go on. Without her.
Chapter Fifteen: Girl Talk
My doorbell was ringing incessantly. I grumbled with annoyance as I shuffled down the hall in my slippers to answer it. Couldn’t a girl wallow in self-pity for one day without being disturbed?
Pulling open the door, I wasn’t exactly shocked to see Gigi standing there. Naturally, she would come check on me since I texted her claiming to be sick.
She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, making me think that she didn’t go to work today either. Her hair was piled high in a messy bun and her face was free of make-up. I stepped aside to let her in.
Only then did I notice the grocery bag hanging down at her side. I could see the logo of my favorite ice cream clearly through the bag and smiled. It was good to have a close friend with the same taste in ice cream.
Without asking, Gigi made her way into the kitchen, grabbing two spoons. I followed.
“Here,” she said, handing me my own pint of moose tracks ice cream, the perfect medicine for a break-up. Though I wasn’t sure that this even counted as one. We weren’t a couple in the first place.
“Talk.” Gigi demanded, digging into her own pint. I sighed.
“Well, I’m not sick,” I began.
“Clearly.”
“You knew?”
“I had a hunch. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“J.D. and I have been sleeping together again.”
“Well, yeah.”
“You knew that too?”
“First of all, I’m your bestie. I notice things. Like the spring in your step lately and that you’ve been more relaxed. I also noticed the two of you sneaking out of the boardroom two weeks ago, clothes wrinkled and hair a mess.”
“You saw us? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“At first I was waiting for you to tell me. When you didn’t, I figured you had a good reason,” she shrugged.
I loved this girl. So many women would be upset that their best friend kept something as big as this from them. Gigi understood.
“It seemed like a good reason at the time. I didn’t want J.D. to feel pressured into making us an official couple. That’s what happened between us last year, I think. We started out with sex. Great sex. We never talked about being exclusive or anything like that, but I really liked him and I think he liked me. Then, it was suddenly over. I think it just started to feel too real for him.”
“And you thought that wouldn’t happen this time?
“I don’t know what I thought. I wasn’t thinking at all, actually. It was all emotion. Lust first, then caring, then maybe even more. My head knew this was a bad idea, that we wanted different things, but I it was like I couldn’t stop myself. I got swept up and was helpless to stop it.”
“Do you love him?”
“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. Unreciprocated love is wasted.”
“Eat your ice cream,” Gigi said.
I picked up my pint and walked into the living room. I could hear Gigi’s footsteps behind me. Taking a seat on the couch, I folded my legs up underneath my body. Flippin on the television, I settled on reruns of an old sitcom. We watched for a while before I turned the volume down and spoke.
“You know I haven’t seen anyone since we dated before.”
“Yeah, I noticed that.”
“Why can’t I move past him?”
“You tell me. What draws you to him?”
“Well, he’s hot as hell for one thing. And great in bed,” I sighed. “But he’s also smart and funny, mostly in a sarcastic way. He laughs with me.”
“You sound smitten.”
“Yeah, that’s the problem. He treats me like a queen, worships my body, but he doesn’t want me as more than a friend.”
“Then he’s crazy. You’re the best and if he can’t see that, there’s something wrong with him.”
“I don’t think that’s the problem. If I did, it’d be easier to get over him. I’d say, ‘to hell with him. He just can’t handle my awesome.’ Then, I’d ride off into the sunset with my head held high. I refuse to get hung up on a guy that doesn’t appreciate how great I am.”
“But he does appreciate you?”
“I think he cares about me more than he wants to. This is the one situation where it’s really not me, it’s him.”
“And there’s no changing his mind?”
“I don’t think so.”
Gigi fell silent after that. I looked down at my ice cream, deep in thought. It was no good. I couldn’t force a guy to get over his commitment hang-ups. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the sunlight streaming through the window reflect off Gigi’s engagement ring when she lifted her spoon to her mouth.
There was a big party taking place in less than a week. A celebration of love that I had planned with J.D. Gigi and Damian were supposed to be preparing to celebrate. They were supposed to be planning a wedding and their future lives together.
Yet, here she was with me. And I was being a huge downer. When was the last time we talked about her wedding plans? Had she found a dress yet? I couldn’t believe I didn’t know the answers to these questions. I had been so wrapped up in my J.D. drama that I hadn’t exactly been a good friend.
This ends now, I told myself. I’d given it my best shot with him, and it wasn’t going to happen. I wasn’t going to spend days or weeks pining to be with a man that rejected me. I had never done that, and I wouldn’t start now.
It was time to let him go. Finishing my ice cream, I turned to Gigi and changed the subject to the wedding, asking about her plans. I knew I had made the right call as her face lit up and she launched into a rundown of the dress she wanted, the over-the-top things Damian had planned, and her favorite destination wedding options.
I listened, interjecting with my thoughts here and there. I also slid my phone out of my pocket. There was a party coming up and I couldn’t go alone. Gigi would spend half the night worried about me if I did.
Besides, J.D. was going to be there. This would be my chance to show him that I was okay with the way things went down between us. He had been upfront about his intentions from the very beginning. My feelings weren’t really his fault.
As Gigi debated between types of flowers, I came to a decision. When she went to the bathroom, I opened my text messages and pulled up Keith’s name. Not allowing myself any second thoughts, I began to type.
Chapter Sixteen: Party Time
I stood in front of the mirror, tying my tie. I had used the internet to teach myself to do this years ago.
My father hadn’t been around to show me when I was younger. Now, as an adult that attended tons of formal events, the skill was both necessary as well as handy.
The big party was tonight, and I hoped everything went off without a hitch. After my last conversation with Judy, the one that ended in her storming from my house, I hadn’t spoken to her directly. We had exchanged a few emails, which was probably the least personal way we had ever communicated in at this point, and they were all about the engagement party. When the caterer would be arriving, had the fireworks been set up, had accommodations been made for the entertainment, that sort of thing. Anyone that read those emails would think Judy and I were mere acquaintances, if that, for all the distance portrayed in them.
I would see her tonight, of course. It was sure to be awkward, but that wasn’t what concerned me. Tonight would be the indicator of whether she and I could ever be friends again.
Despite the harsh words I spoke to her, Judy was important to me. I already missed the light she brought into my life. It would be devastating if I lost her altogether just because I couldn’t keep it in my pants. I wanted to kick my own ass for putting myself in this situation.
I buttoned up my jacket stood back from the mirror to check myself out. In my grey tuxedo, I knew I looked good. But I wasn’t looking for any female attention tonight. Probably wouldn’t be for a long time.
I arrived right on time, but the party was well underway already. I looked around the garden. I knew that Judy had set everything up earlier in the day.
Round tables were set up near the pond, crisp white tablecloths covering them. There were pillar candles of various sizes in the center of each table, the glow of their flames dancing across the faces of the guests seated there. The wine tasting was set up to one side with several people gathered there. Two long tables were filled with finger foods and the cupcakes we had chosen.
The small stage that I had commissioned to be built was standing between two large trees. There were only a few instruments set up there for now. The music would start later, after sundown.
Hard Copy: A Billionaire Second Chance Romance (Tech Titans Book 3) Page 7
