Jax gnawed on his bottom lip. He did want to tell Faith about the saloon. He wanted to tell her everything. But did he dare?
The truth was, he didn’t really know her. She hadn’t even been in his home for a week. Jax felt it was better to tread slowly. Ryder’s reminder that Cleb had ties to Boston had sent up warning bells for Jax—Faith had come from Boston. It was silly to think there could be a connection, but maybe he should be safe instead of sorry. Or maybe he was just stalling, trying to put off letting Faith into his heart fully … because to do that would mean to let go of Mary.
He would at least tell her about the saloon. He would have to because it was going to become a reality very soon if what he’d heard about Kendrick Saunders voting in their favor was true.
Ryder noticed his hesitation. “Oh, come on, Jax. You have to tell her. You have to let her in—you are married to her now.”
Jax’s temper flared at Ryder’s constant harping. He realized he’d mourned Mary for longer than he probably should have, but he’d loved her. In Jax’s world, you just didn’t replace something like that overnight. It took time to let someone else ‘in’.
“You seem to be so set on the institution of marriage. Why don’t you get married and share our plans with your wife?”
“You know me, I’m no one-woman man. I like to have a different one every night.” Ryder leaned back in his chair, the easy smile spreading across his face. Ryder liked to pretend that he never got attached, but Jax knew the real reason. Under Ryder’s easy smile was a world of hurt.
Jax still remembered how crushed Ryder had been when his mother had run off with an outlaw. They’d only been ten years old at the time and Jax could still remember how helpless he felt to see his friend crying to Maisie in their kitchen night after night. Ryder’s dad had been crushed, too, the poor man taking to drink and dying five years later. That was why Ryder doted on Bessie Mae so much—she was all he had.
When Jax had found Mary, he’d wanted that same happiness for his boyhood friend. But Ryder hadn't been ready. The truth was Ryder never stayed with one woman long enough because he couldn’t. He was terrified of becoming attached to anyone for fear they would run off, just like his mother.
Jax sighed. He knew it was a losing battle. Maybe someday he could help his friend, but right now he had his own problems with Faith. His heart was telling him to share everything with her. How could he expect her to trust him if he didn’t? But his brain was telling him to go slowly and be cautious. And cautious he would be. Too much was riding on this for him to be anything else.
His thoughts turned to the afternoon and his blood rushed with excitement at seeing Faith. Would she hate the idea of her husband owning a saloon? It wasn’t really something many wives aspired to. He didn’t think she would, not when the reason was to help give women like Rosie a job where they didn’t have to worry about being mistreated by someone like Cleb.
He remembered the look on her face when she’d asked why he didn’t do something about Cleb, and his heart warmed in anticipation of Faith’s approval.
He was excited to show Faith the saloon, tell her about his ideas and dreams. To spend time with her. But there was one part of him that couldn’t help but worry if he was taking a step in the right direction, or making a huge mistake.
Chapter 16
Faith had nearly finished repairing and patching one side of the book cover when she heard Jax ride up on Indigo. She shoved the book under her mattress and ran out into the hall. She wanted to keep the book repair a surprise.
Through the front window, she watched Jax dismount, her heart kicking as he came around to the front of Indigo and stroked the animal’s muzzle. Did he not know how dangerous horses were? Thankfully, the horse did nothing aggressive and Jax handed him off to Robertson, then spent a few minutes pointing at the barn while Robertson nodded. Giving him instructions, Faith assumed. Then he turned and walked toward the house, the noonday sun highlighting his square jaw and long legs.
She felt his presence like a magnet as he stepped into the foyer. Their eyes locked, causing a strange fluttering in her chest.
Jax seemed uncertain, as if he was nervous about what to say to her. The sunlight slanting in the window lit his eyes with golden color. Faith had to work to rip her gaze away.
“Were you out riding?” Faith glanced out the window towards the barn.
“I had business with Ryder. Actually, I want to show you what that business was about today if you are willing to go for a buggy ride with me.” Jax’s brows raised in question.
Faith looked down at her gray dress, suddenly aware that she didn’t look nearly as good as she had the night before. Where was Jax taking her? She wasn’t sure if he would want to be seen with someone in such a deplorable dress.
Jax must’ve sensed her thoughts. “I mean to give you a shopping budget. You can buy yourself a new wardrobe. Whatever you like.” His eyes drifted from her face down her body. “Though you do look good in that.”
Faith laughed, pulling at her worn, twice-turned cuffs. “Well, I doubt that. Though you are kind to say so. I don’t feel right about spending your money on clothing, though.”
Jax waved his hand. “You’re my wife. It is your money now, too.” As if to prove the point he pulled a small packet out of his pocket. It was clear and inside she could see a small pile of golden flakes. He held it out to her. “Here, take this. You can have Robertson take you shopping anytime you want. You can buy clothing in Coldwater Creek or you can go to Golden City.”
Faith held the packet in her palm. “It’s gold.”
“Yes, you can use it as currency. They can weigh it at the mercantile, or you can take it to the bank. I don’t have any coins, but if you prefer I could get those …”
She waved her hand. “No, no. I’ve just never seen gold before. Do you have a lot of it?”
Jax smiled. “Well this is gold-mining territory.” He held out his arm for her. “Now, if you will accompany me, I have much to show you.”
Faith took his arm. She was excited to be going on an adventure with him, but that excitement was overshadowed by the gold in her pocket. The gold all but proved there was a gold mine. Was Jax going to show to her the entrance of the mine today, and if he did would she relay that information to Lefty?
* * *
The trip to town didn’t take long. Jax had dismissed Robertson, preferring to drive Faith himself. He almost laughed when the old man’s brows shot up to his forehead at the dismissal. Jax hadn’t wanted to have anything to do with the buggy since Mary’s death, but now his desire to be alone with Faith overrode his trepidation about the buggy.
He’d been careful to keep Faith away from Buttercup. Even though he knew Buttercup was a sweet and gentle horse, Faith’s aversion to the creature was obvious by the way she trembled and gave the animal a wide berth. Jax was somewhat relieved he wouldn’t have to worry about her taking to riding around in the buggy on her own.
He parked the buggy in the middle of town, then helped Faith out, taking care to make sure no one was watching them. Though it wouldn’t matter for much longer, he wanted to keep his interest in the building at the end of Main Street a secret at least until the town officials had met and approved all of his permits and licenses.
“This is what you wanted to show me?” Faith looked around her.
“Not exactly. What I want to show you is at the end of the street.” Jax walked slowly down the wooden sidewalk, relishing the nearness of her. Even though they weren’t touching, Faith walked close to him. He kept wanting to get even closer, as if she was a magnet and he a helpless piece of metal. When they reached the building, he stopped and turned to face it.
“Remember at the party when you asked me why I couldn’t help Rosie and the other girls?”
Faith’s pale blue eyes were wide with interest. She nodded her head.
“Well, the truth is I do want to help them. But the only way to do that is to get them out of the saloon. And the onl
y way to do that is to open up a second saloon.”
Faith’s eyes flicked from his to the boarded-up building. “You plan to open one in here?”
Jax nodded. He pulled her closer into the inset doorway of the building so that no one could see them. Taking the key out of his pocket, he opened the door and then gestured for her to precede him inside to the dark interior.
A look of uncertainty flitted across Faith’s face. She glanced at him then out to the street, then into the dark building and stepped inside.
Chapter 17
Faith stood just inside the doorway, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the dim light. It was dark, the only light filtering in through the slats of the boards covering the windows and the front door which Jax was now closing.
As her eyes adjusted, she could see that the interior of the building wasn’t in as dilapidated a condition as the exterior. A long bar ran across the back wall, the mirror behind it reflecting shards of light from the windows. Dust motes floated in the shafts of light like fairy dust.
It smelled of old wood and lemons. Someone had been busy cleaning.
She took a tentative step forward, the boards of the floor creaking as tables, chairs and barstools started to take shape before her eyes.
“You’ve been working on this all along, haven’t you?”
Jax nodded. “Me and Ryder and Bessie Mae. Even Rosie has helped out a little bit.”
“Is this where you sneak off to at night?”
Jax’s brows snapped into a frown. “At night? What do you mean? I don’t go anywhere at night.” He looked away from her, feigning interest in arranging the chairs around the table next to him.
That was strange, Faith thought. Why would that make him nervous and if this wasn’t where he snuck off to at night, where did he go?
There was only one other explanation. The gold mine. But she didn’t dare ask about it. It was obvious he didn’t want to share that information with her. Any hope she had of their becoming close enough to share their secrets faded. But what did it matter? It was not meant to be, anyway.
“We need to keep this secret,” Jax continued. “We don’t want Cleb getting any advance notice that this is going to happen. We're afraid of what he might do to the girls.”
“Couldn’t you just open the saloon and have the girls come to work right away. That would put Cleb out of business, wouldn’t it?”
Jax shook his head. “I wish it were that easy. But the town officials need to approve a second saloon and permits and licenses need to be acquired. Cleb has friends in high places. It’s taken us four years to woo the town officials into signing off on the various permits and licenses that are needed. Cleb had many of the officials in his pocket and apparently even all my money couldn’t persuade them to vote in our favor.”
Faith had made her way over to the bar. She ran her index finger down the edge of the smooth mahogany wood. “So what changed?”
“One of the reasons our proposals were not accepted was because the town now wants only solid businesses with respectable owners.”
Faith snorted. “Really? You mean like Cleb?”
“He was running the saloon back in the early days when the town was first founded. There were no rules back then, but now the town has grown and there are bylaws and ordinances and officials to oversee them. I wasn’t always a respectable member of the community, so it’s been an uphill battle for me.”
“And that’s why you sent away for a mail order bride,” Faith said. “You needed me for business purposes. That’s what you said in your letter. You didn’t really care who came as long as it was someone who could make you look respectable.”
Faith stared down at the surface of the bar, fighting back tears. She didn’t know why the realization hurt so much. She’d known what she was getting into in the first place. Jax had been honest in his letters—it was she who had been dishonest.
Jax crossed the room to stand beside her. He tilted her chin with his thumb so that she was looking up into his eyes. They were bright with emotion that made Faith’s heart flutter.
“That’s why I sent for you initially, yes. But now that you are here, I feel that we have … something. I can’t help but hope that our marriage could be more than just a business arrangement. Do you feel the same way?”
A fist lodged in Faith’s throat. She desperately wanted their marriage to be something more, but how could it be when she had her sisters to think about? They would always come first over her own wants and needs. And now that she knew there was a gold mine, how could she not try to seek out its location so that she could pass it on to Lefty?
“Yes.” The word slipped out from between her lips before she could stop it. And then Jax was leaning toward her, his lips pressing lightly against hers.
Faith’s head spun as Jax slipped his arms around her waist. She shouldn’t be kissing him like this, but she couldn’t help herself. Her arms wound themselves around his neck as he slanted his lips against hers, her mouth parting in a sigh of contentment.
He pulled her closer, his lips more insistent, needy. She melted against him, a coil of heat pooling in her lower belly. Faith was almost beyond all reason when Lefty’s words about making her sisters miserable drifted up into her consciousness. Her heart plummeted and she stiffened in Jax’s arms.
* * *
Jax lost himself in the kiss. His brain was cautioning him to back off before he lost control, but his heart was urging him forward. It seemed as if Faith was enjoying it as much as he was, judging by her contented mewlings and the way she was pressing her body against his.
He pulled Faith closer.
She stiffened in his arms.
A shock of realization ran through him and he ripped his lips from hers. His heart sank.
Had he gone too far? Been too rough? Dammit, why hadn’t he listened to his own common sense!
He opened his eyes and looked at her. He could see her pulse pounding in the delicate vein on the side of her neck and he had to resist the urge to kiss it. Her breath was coming in short gasps and her lips were swollen from their kiss. He wanted nothing more than to keep kissing her, but he was afraid to scare her off.
He didn’t know what had happened to Faith before, but he knew she’d been mistreated in some way. He didn’t want to be the one to bring back bad memories of that and he certainly wasn’t going to take things further when she stiffened up as if she was terrified.
“I’m sorry. That wasn’t very gentlemanly of me.”
Faith’s hand flew up to her mouth. Jax saw emotion smoldering deep in her eyes. Regret? Passion? But she turned away before he could figure out what it was.
“Oh, that’s okay. We are married, after all,” she said.
The words sounded sad and Jax's heart pinched. He wanted to take her in his arms and make the sadness go away but, judging by the way she’d stiffened earlier, he sensed that might not be a good idea. He would have to wait until she was ready.
“Well, what you think?” he asked.
Faith seemed relieved to turn the conversation to less intimate ground. She looked around the saloon nodding her head slowly. “It looks good. And if it will help the girls, then I approve wholeheartedly.”
Jax's heart warmed. At least, in this, he and Faith were of the same mind. “Excellent. I guess we should be getting back.”
“Of course.” Faith started toward the door and Jax followed, taking care not to follow too closely. She was a fast learner, he thought, because she opened the door and peered out onto the sidewalk. She knew enough to make sure no one would see them leave the building.
She turned to him. “The coast is clear.”
They slipped outside and Jax locked the door, then they started back toward the buggy. Jax cursed himself for his impulsive behavior in the saloon, but he hadn’t been able to control himself. He wanted her.
But now Faith was acting distant. Aloof. And it was all because he’d moved too fast. As he helped her up into the buggy she turned
those luminescent blue eyes on him and said, “You’re a good man for doing this, Jax.”
His heart was warmed by her words, but her eyes had a sad, haunted look in them that almost made Jax weep.
He’d do anything in his power to get rid of that sad look and for the first time in many years, Jackson 'Jax' Blackburn allowed himself to dare to hope for the future.
* * *
Faith’s heart warred with her head on the ride home. Her stomach still fluttered and her lips still burned from Jax’s delicious kiss. She wanted more, much more, but Lefty’s threat loomed over her like a dark cloud.
She was grateful that Jax didn’t try to make small talk. Perhaps he sensed her mood. She was learning that he could be very perceptive and she liked that about him. Charles had never seemed to care much about what Faith was feeling. In fact, Jax appeared to be almost the opposite of Charles—kind, perceptive and a good kisser.
The key he’d given her on that first day so that she would feel safe and secure in her locked bedroom pinched her skin under her tight corset. She wondered if there would ever come a time when she would not need that key, or would they continue to walk in opposite directions down the hallway to their separate bedrooms at night.
She had a feeling that the day when they walked in the same direction might be coming soon. At least she certainly hoped so.
But first, she would have to find out some way to satisfy Lefty. Her thoughts drifted to the gold mine. Now that she knew all the talk at the party about permissions and approvals had to do with the saloon, she felt a little better. At least Jax was not about to make anything public, and Lefty would not do anything rash.
But what if there was no mine?
All the secrecy that she’d thought had been about the gold mine had really been about the saloon. If no mine existed, how would she pay off Charles’s debt?
Faith (Goldwater Creek Mail-Order Brides 1) Page 9
