by K. Langston
“Cannon.” Her eyes found mine, dilated and heavy with a need that matched my very own. “Cannon, please,” she breathed and I swear to Christ my cock wept in agony just as my heart completely surrendered.
When I give I give myself.
~Walt Whitman
I floated on a cloud, my entire body tingling and buzzing with so much pleasure, completely overloading all of my senses. After he made me come with his mouth, he entered me softly, slowly making love to me in a way he hadn’t before. He looked deep into my eyes while he moved in and out of me at a leisurely pace. Then our breaths grew stronger, wilder. I circled my hips, encouraging him to move faster.
His lips caressed the shell of my ear. “Mine,” he said, increasing his pace. I cried out with each thrust, his unforgiving cock deliciously punishing my body with every stroke. Faster and harder we climbed, both reaching for something we thought was impossible to touch.
Cannon gripped both cheeks of my ass, pinching the skin painfully as he came on a low, feral growl. “Cora.” My name on his lips sent me flying once more, soaring across the blessed sky in a vibrant display of colors and sounds.
It took a while for the fog to lift, but the feeling of euphoria stayed with me. My next coherent thought didn’t come until I was standing in the shower in front of him while he washed me from head to toe, using only his hands and a bar of soap, a satisfied smile teasing his perfect lips the entire time.
Afterward, he dried us off and then tucked us both into bed.
The man had just fucked me like he wanted to destroy me, but I’d never felt more cherished or more safe than I did in that very moment.
“Is this what forever feels like?” I asked before I closed my eyes.
“I sure hope so.” I fell asleep in his arms with a blissful smile on my face.
And a deeper love in my heart.
* * *
“Landon!”
A ripple of fear washed over me like a tsunami and I could not breathe, only blink, grasping at the covers with all my might. I tried to suck in air, any air but nothing would pass. When my mind finally caught up to the moment, I realized why. Cannon had his hand wrapped around my throat in a death grip, his face hovering just above mine, eyes wild and wide.
Then beneath the shadows of the moonlight, he blinked. “Cora?”
Just as quick as his hand had closed off my airway, he opened it. I exhaled frantically, coughing and sputtering before finally inhaling a relieved breath.
Every cell in my body screamed for me to run, to get the fuck out of there, but when his head fell to my lap, I couldn’t move. His body trembled as my hands met the damp skin of his back. I could feel the tension pouring off him, his demons still close by.
He began to shake, a muffled sob tearing at the corners of my heart when he wrapped his arms tighter around me. “Cora,” he said, desperation haunting his pained voice.
My name was broken on his lips and the ache in my chest grew stronger. Tears stabbed my eyes, but I held them back. I had to stay strong.
For him.
“Shh,” I soothed, stroking his head.
After a while, he finally settled, so I slipped down the bed and cradled his face. His eyes puffy and swollen, I kissed each one in turn.
“I love you.”
He didn’t say it back, but I didn’t expect him to. His eyes stayed locked with mine as he rolled on top of me, his body entering mine slowly, gently. I held him tight, allowing him to chase away whatever had a hold of him.
* * *
Maddie sat calmly across from me, bringing the clear straw between her lips as she sipped on her glass of water. We’d met up for lunch. A casual lunch I thought considering we’d talked about everything from how the twins were doing, to how Holden fucked the bejesus out of her last night after they discussed renting out their old house to me.
“We’re never gonna sell it anyway. It’s too special to us. And we don’t wanna just rent it to anybody,” she said. “I need to know whoever lives there will love it just as much as we did. If we didn’t need more room for the boys, I would have lived there forever. The view is to die for and that lake…”
Maddie had a wistful look in her eye as she placed her half empty glass down on the table.
“Oh yes, you’ve told me all about that lake.”
“Well?”
“How much is the rent?” I asked, still curious even though I knew I could not afford it.
“$150.”
I gasped.
“$150 a week? No way, Maddie…I can’t afford that.”
“$150 a month.”
“You’re joking?”
“Um…no. Do you know how hard it was to get him to $150?”
“Exactly. That house is worth way more than that. Y’all just updated everything and like you said…that view. The place is gorgeous. I could never afford something so nice.”
“What I mean is, do you know how hard it was to get him from $0 to $150? That man has more money than we’ll ever spend in a lifetime and the house is paid for, Cora. We’d like someone to live there we know will take care of it.” Reaching across the table, she handed me a set of keys with a silver C on the ring. “We had it touched up over the weekend. You can move in right away.”
Holy shit.
So many good things were happening in my life.
My brother…Cannon…this.
I silently counted my blessings as I took the key, excited to start a new chapter in my life. Then I remembered what happened last night. It had been intense for both of us. I was still a little freaked out about what I’d seen in the mirror this morning. The bruises on my neck were faint thank God, and my hair was long enough to cover them up, but I had a hard time forgetting they were there. They were like a flaming red flag.
Maddie twisted her wrist to check her watch. “Shit, I gotta go. I need to be in court by 1:30.” She grabbed her purse and then reached for the check.
I caught her arm as she moved past and then stood up to hug her tight. “Thank you for everything, Maddie. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“Awe hell, don’t make me cry.”
I let her go to find tears in her eyes. “Love you, sweetie,” she said, kissing my cheek before rushing out the door.
“Love you too.”
When I arrived back home, Cannon wasn’t there.
Home.
This had undoubtedly become my home. I spotted my favorite fleece blanket draped over the back of the couch. My flip flops were by the front door next to his mud boots. My underwear were in his drawer and last night I officially placed my heart in his hands. How the hell was I going to leave him? I needed to reassure him that this wouldn’t change anything. But in reality, everything had already changed.
My own home.
I could hardly wrap my head around it. No, I did not want to leave Cannon, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t excited. I’d always wanted a place of my own. Something solid, consistent…an anchor of sorts. A place to always come back to. And when Winston gets out, it’ll be his sanctuary too.
Everyone needs a place to call home.
I was going to stop and check it out on my way here, but I decided I wanted Cannon to go with me. I wanted to share my excitement with him and then maybe he would understand more why I needed to do this.
There was a note on the fridge letting me know where he was.
Gone fishing.
C.
I smiled, deciding to take a long hot bath to loosen up the tension in my shoulders. Steaming hot water clipped my chin while Miranda Lambert played through the Bluetooth speaker on the counter. I got lost in the music, thinking about how much fun it’s going to be to fix up my new place.
The door inched open and I released a relieved breath when I realized who it was. A hesitant smile stretched across his sun kissed face.
“Hey,” he squatted down next to me, his eyes assessing me the same way they did this morning. He probably asked me twenty times if I w
as ok. “How was lunch?” he asked, concern deep in his voice.
“Good,” I shrugged. “Just girl talk. Thanks for lettin’ me borrow your truck,” he nodded, still studying me carefully. “Catch anything?”
He hooked the side of my neck, bringing my mouth to his, kissing me softly. “Not even a bite. Holden caught a shitload though,” he said, nipping at my bottom lip. Hot kisses rained down the length of my neck. Then abruptly, they stopped. “What the fuck?”
His mouth left my skin in a heated rush. “Shit. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s no big deal.”
“The hell it ain’t.”
“Cannon, I’m fine, relax.”
The pained look on his face when he left the room broke my heart. Water sloshed from the side of the tub as I scrambled to my feet and reached for my towel.
I found him pacing the living room. “Cannon, it’s ok. I’m fine,” I said grabbing his hand.
He gave it a hard squeeze, pulling me closer. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry, baby. I would never hurt you. You know that right?” Cannon kissed both sides of my neck before he found my eyes once more. “I’m gonna figure this shit out, I promise.” He tucked my head beneath his chin, wrapping his arms tight around me. “I can’t lose you, Cora.”
The first duty of love is to listen.
~Paul Tillich
I caught her gasp with my lips, kissing her hard and deep, trying to convey with my mouth what I felt with every single beat of my heart. There were so many other promises I wanted to make, so many other things I wanted to say, but I’d never been real good with words. And what happened last night hung between us like a thick dark cloud. I had to prove to her that I was good enough. Show her I was strong enough to fight.
For her.
Even if it meant going to war with myself.
“Cannon, there’s something I need to tell you,” she said tentatively, placing her hands on my chest.
I knew what she was about to say. I’d prepared myself for it. “I…I need to go put clothes on first.”
When she tried to pull away, I only held her tighter. “What is it?”
She shook her head, trapping her bottom lip between her teeth. “Today at lunch, Maddie offered to let me rent their old house.” Her tear filled eyes held mine. “Part of me was sad, I don’t wanna leave, Cannon. But the other part of me was really happy. I want this independence. I need it.”
Cora wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know. I knew two days ago when Holden asked me to do a walk through to make sure everything was still good to go since it had been sitting vacant for several months.
Truth was, I didn’t want her to leave either. But after last night, I needed her to. I was glad this was happening. I wanted to get us right and the only way to do that was to get myself right first.
I wiped an escaped tear, cradling her face with my hands. “Hey, this doesn’t change anything. You need to do this, for yourself, for your brother. I get it. I need to do some things for myself too. It’s gonna suck, not having you wreck my bed every night, but this is something we have to do. For us.”
Cora gave me a small smile and kissed my wrist. “She gave me the keys today. Will you take me to go see it?”
Warmth invaded my chest. “Yes, of course I will. Now go get dressed. We’ll grab a bite to eat on the way.” She smiled and then lifted on her toes to give me one of her sweet kisses.
* * *
“I still can’t believe it’s all mine.” Cora sighed in disbelief as we rocked in the swing on the back porch. With her bare feet in my lap, she gazed out at the lake while I gazed at her. She was radiant, fucking glowing. I couldn’t stop smiling. My cheeks were hurting from smiling so much.
When we arrived, she’d been blown away. Maddie and Holden had purchased all new furniture when they moved into their new house leaving their old stuff behind, which wasn’t really that old. Cora was on the phone with Maddie for a full thirty minutes sobbing. She didn’t have to buy a thing. After she finally let her go, I took her into the kitchen where she discovered the fridge and cabinets were fully stocked with all of her favorite foods. Including a never ending supply of M&M’s.
And bacon.
“Did you do this?” she asked and I shrugged.
“It’s no big deal.” Then I told her about how Holden filled me in on what was going down. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed the shit out of me. “You are so good to me.”
Then she went down on me in the kitchen before I fucked her against the sink. This relationship stuff is pretty fucking awesome.
“Think Winston will like it here?” I asked.
“I think he’ll love it. If he ever gets out.”
I reached for her hand, kissing her soft knuckles. “It’ll happen, babe. Maddie’s good at what she does. So is that other dude.”
“Barrett,” She corrected with a small laugh.
“Whatever his name is.”
She smiled weakly. “I sure hope so. I miss him so much.” I squeezed her hand, offering the only reassurance I could.
Then Cora scooted in closer, placing her free hand on the back of my neck where she began to gently massage the tension that had built up there. “Are you ok?”
I knew what she was asking. She wanted to know if I was ok from last night. I was surprised she was still here after that shit. I completely broke down when I realized what I’d done. There was no amount of comfort that could assuage the shame I felt from hurting her, even if it was unintentional.
With her hand still in mine, I guided her over my lap to straddle me. I loved having her this close, surrounding me with her warmth and comfort. I felt safe with her. I always have. I gripped her hips, digging down deep for the courage to tell her what happened. There was really no good place to start.
Maybe Holden was right. If I talk to someone, maybe it wouldn’t hurt so badly. But what if it made everything worse? The dreams, the memories, they were already so overwhelming. Then the incident last night.
Incident?
So that’s what you’re calling it? Stop being a pussy and man up! After what you did to her, she deserves to understand why your head is so fucked up.
Forcing the words from my mouth, I gave her what I could. “I always knew I wanted to be a SEAL. My father was on the first SEAL team in the early sixties. A true pioneer of the program. When I was growing up, he shared stories no child my age should ever hear. But I was fascinated by him and these men. These men he called brothers. I wanted to be a part of that. A part of something important.”
“What does SEAL stand for anyway?”
“Sea, air and land.”
Cora nodded, her small smile encouraging me to continue. “That’s just how we get to work though. We’re the ones they send in first. The ones the enemy is afraid of. The hit they never see comin’.”
“You’ve killed people.” She whispered knowingly, but there was no judgment in her eyes, only understanding.
“Yeah, I’ve killed lots of people. I stopped counting after the first five. I know I saved more souls than I took. But the shit I’ve seen, Cora, I just wish there was a way to unsee it.”
She laid her head on my shoulder, wrapping her arms tight around my shoulders. My arms banded around her waist, my heart surging with heat. “You don’t have to talk about it, but I think you should. If not with me, with someone.”
“I know. I’ve talked to Holden some, not a lot, but enough. I’ll admit it helped, but I have a feelin’ shit might get worse before it gets better. So in the meantime, I won’t be staying the night and you won’t be staying with me.”
“But Cannon.”
“No. I won’t risk hurting you. Fuck, I already have and it’s played hell on my conscience. This is just until I have my head on straight, ok? Then, you’ll never get me out of your bed.”
She lifted her head from my shoulder, seeking my eyes. “So does that mean we can’t have sex either?”
“Not a chance in hell.”
“Kinda?”
“Ok fine…I like it a lot.” Thrusting her hips, she pulled a groan from my chest.
“Fuck.”
Standing up, I spun around and planted her ass on the swing. Desire painted her cheeks as a giggle erupted from her mouth. “I especially love it when you go all caveman on me. It’s such a turn-on.”
“You love to taunt me don’t cha?”
“Is it gonna make you fuck me harder?”
“Oh goddamn it woman, you don’t know when to quit do you?”
“With you Cannon, there are no limits.”
Pulling her shorts off, I tossed them behind me before doing the same with her panties. “Well, I plan on testing all of yours.”
Draping one leg over each shoulder, I buried my face in her welcoming heat, losing myself in her completely.
Is it a crime, to fight, for what is mine?
~Tupac Shakur
Living alone was definitely something I had to get used to. The first night had been fine. I was so exhausted I fell right to sleep. But the following night, I was scared shitless. Cannon had stayed with me until around midnight before slipping out of bed to go home. He made the mistake of waking me up to say goodbye and after he was gone, I laid in bed for hours, analyzing every little sound. The old house made all these weird noises. I was too scared to even get up to go to the bathroom. So Cannon had a security system installed and brought me a pistol. I’ve been target practicing out back, and with Cannon’s help, I’ve become a pretty damn good shot.
Things with us have been good. We spend time together as much as we can. It’s hard with the hours I keep at the bar, but we try to make time for each other even if it’s just a text or phone call. I finally got my car back up and running, thanks to Holden. I swear the man can fix just about anything.
