by K. Langston
“Because I want to see what a man looks like when he fucks the woman he loves. I want to see what I’ve been missing. I’ve never had a man look at me with more than desire in his eyes.”
“This is fucked, Alexis. I’m not doing this.” Cannon said.
She laughed and it sent a chill down my spine. “You don’t have a choice asshole.”
I began to shake uncontrollably, terror invading my body. “Shh…it’s ok baby, it’s ok,” he soothed, kissing me softly.
Nothing about this would ever be ok.
My face between his hands, he held my eyes. “Relax, nothin’ is gonna happen to you.” I nodded, trying to slow my frantic breathing.
This was so far beyond fucked up. If we survived, I’d need therapy for the rest of my life.
“C’mon, Cannon,” Alexis hissed. “Show me who she belongs to.”
Cannon shoved from the floor in a move so swift and so well executed I questioned whether or not he was human.
Alexis retreated, holding the gun shakily between her hands. “Don’t fucking move, Cannon. I mean it. I’ll shoot.”
He didn’t say a word.
The only sounds I could hear were the breaths I took and the heartbeats I counted as he calmly picked up his underwear and slipped them on.
“Put the gun down, Alexis.” His demeanor had changed completely, movements controlled and methodical as he finished getting dressed. I’d never seen him like this before. It was kind of scary.
Alexis stood frozen, watching him with eyes that couldn’t see. “Would you die for her?”
“Alexis, please.”
“Answer the fuckin’ question, Cannon. Would you die for her?”
“In a heartbeat.” he said without hesitation. He collected two calculated steps. “I’m only gonna tell you one more time, put the gun down now before I hurt you. And I don’t want to do that.
It all happened so fast. My mind raced to process what was happening when she swung the gun to me and Cannon charged. Like a coward, I covered my eyes, terrified to face what was unfolding in front of me.
POW!
POW!
The sickening sound echoed throughout the room, and following it was a pained moan from Cannon. I finally found enough courage to look, and what I saw gutted me.
“Fuck,” he gritted, holding his chest.
“Oh God, NO!”
Blood.
So much blood.
Love has no age, no limit; and no death.
~John Galsworthy
“911, what is your emergency.”
“Oh my God, please hurry. He’s dying, please!”
“Ma’am, I need you to calm down for me. Can you tell me your name?”
“Please don’t die, Cannon!”
I broke down. Sobs wracking my body with such incredible force, I began to dry heave, my stomach rolling with nausea and regret.
Why didn’t I lock the door?
Why didn’t I set the fucking alarm?
I can’t lose him.
My strong man with his brave heart and beautiful soul, seeing him like this was pure agony. Blood soaked his shirt and the floor around us, his face pale and ashen. My heart ached in my chest, the need to take his place strong and constant.
In a heartbeat.
“Ma’am talk to me, please. I need to know what’s happening so I can help you. What is your name?”
I swallowed, searching for the words I needed. “My boyfriend…he’s been shot. She broke into my house and shot him!” I said, breaking down once more.
“Who shot him?”
“Oh God, please!”
“Is the intruder still in the home ma’am?” the dispatcher asked.
I hiccupped. “Yes, but she’s…she’s dead.”
“Where was your boyfriend shot?”
“I don’t know, there’s blood everywhere!”
“Ma’am, I need you to take a deep breath for me. You have to keep calm if you want to help him. Is he still breathing?”
I sucked back a deep breath, trying to rein in my emotions, but they were too overpowering. Lowering my head, his faint breath tickled my ear.
I sighed with fleeting relief. “Yes.”
“Ok, good. Tell me your name, sweetheart.”
“Cora. My name is Cora.”
“Cora, listen to me carefully ok?” Her voice was so calm, so steady. Almost like a mother’s voice.
I wondered if she had kids.
I wondered if they listened to her every word when she spoke to them this way.
My heart began to calm as I gathered my bearings and tried my best to pay close attention to her instructions. “Is there something nearby you can use to help slow the bleeding until the paramedics arrive?”
The blanket on the floor lay just out of reach. I tried not to pay attention to Alexis’s foot on the other end as I dragged the corner of it to his stomach. “Yes, I have something,” I said, an arrow of hope piercing my aching heart.
“Ok, very good. Now, I need you to locate the wound and apply pressure. We have the police and paramedics in route Cora, but it’s gonna take them at least thirty minutes to get there with the roads as bad as they are.”
It was as if she’d ripped the arrow straight from my chest. I released a panic sob. “It’s ok, Cora. Help is on the way. I have a friend who lives nearby. He’s a volunteer firefighter. He’ll be there in less than ten minutes.”
“Oh, thank God,” I breathed.
With a newfound sense of strength, I put the phone on speaker and set it on the floor so I could lift Cannon’s shirt. Blood trickled from the wound like a slow flowing tap. Closing my eyes, I covered the wound and gently applied pressure. “You still with me, Cora?”
“I’m so scared. I can’t lose him.”
“Everything will be ok. Lucky will be there any minute.”
Lucky?
The moment the comforting name left her mouth, salvation entered my front door. He didn’t look any older than eighteen. He had a baby face, but his manly body and confident stride left my mouth gaping. He knelt down on the other side of Cannon, dropping a backpack to the floor that he swiftly unzipped.
The dispatcher’s voice penetrated the pregnant silence. “Lucky, is that you?”
“I’m here, Edi.”
After a few more exchanges, words I did not pay attention to, he retrieved the phone from the floor next to me and ended the call. “You can go clean up. Medics will be here soon,” he said, retrieving a pair of scissors and cutting up the center of Cannon’s shirt. I looked down at my blood covered shirt, the only thing I was able to put on before I called 911.
The thought of leaving his side crippled me. “I can’t leave him,” I said, shaking my head. I didn’t care what anyone saw. I wasn’t leaving him.
His soft brown eyes locked with mine. “Do you want to ride to the hospital with him?”
Looking down at Cannon, I nodded.
In a heartbeat.
“He’ll be right here when you get back.”
Cannon coughed, his big body coming to life with a strong shudder. He blinked, his eyes heavy and weak as he lifted them to me. Lucky pulled a tiny flashlight from his shirt pocket, lifting each one of Cannon’s eyelids to shine the light inside.
His face was already covered in a sheen of sweat, and he was frighteningly pale. “I love you,” Cannon whispered before his body went limp, eyes closing once more.
For good.
Where there is love there is life.
~Mahatma Gandhi
There was no marker, nothing but a large mound of dirt as fresh as the memories flashing through my mind. The cold wind blew through me, howling through the trees and chilling me to the bone.
Why did it still hurt so much?
Why couldn’t I let go?
I knew I needed to move past this, but I just couldn’t figure out how.
Having Winston home helped. It had taken him time to adjust, especially after learning that his little sister was nea
rly killed for the second time.
Thankfully, Holden was generous enough to give my over protective brother a job, giving him something else to do besides worry about me. So between his income and mine, we could afford to rent an apartment in town. I couldn’t bear to stay at that house anymore.
It was just too painful.
Looking up at the man next to me, my heart clenched in my chest as his comforting hand squeezed mine. I looked back down at the grave, trying to search for one good memory. Something that would give my heart a little bit of peace.
My feet dangled from the bed as I watched her comb her long blonde hair. She colored her cheeks with that pink powdery stuff and painted her lips with that red lipstick I liked so much.
“C’mere, Cora,” my mother said and I hopped down from the bed. I stood in front of my beautiful mama, hugging my teddy to my chest, bathing in her attention. Something she gave very little of.
My mother never spoke as she brushed my cheeks, coloring them the same as hers. She smiled back at me as she lined my tiny lips in red.
“You’re so beautiful. Just like your mama.”
She turned her attention back to the mirror while I hugged my teddy tighter and smiled even bigger, because when I grew up, I wanted to look just like her.
I ran from the room, searching for my big brother. “Winton! Winton!”
I found him in the kitchen, making my macaroni and cheese dinner. I didn’t have a daddy, but if I did, he’d be just like my big brother. Scooping me up into his big strong arms, he laughed. “What is it baby girl? You hungry?”
“Yes!” I answered. “Guess what? Mama said I’m bootiful, just like her!” I exclaimed and my brother shook his head.
“For once she’s right. You’re so beautiful, baby girl,” he said, kissing my cheek. “But your beauty shines from the inside, and that’s the best kind of beauty to have.”
With teddy squished between us, I hugged his neck tight. I loved my big brother so much.
When I grow up, I want a heart just like his.
“Do you miss her?” I asked, looking up at my brother, my protector.
This was the first time he’d been here. Tears shimmered in his eyes and I found it difficult to hold back my own. I didn’t even cry at her funeral, but now being here with him, and seeing the effect her death had on him, I couldn’t hold back. His arm wrapped around my shoulder as he held me close. We stood there in silence, the past smothering us both.
After a while, he released me to place a bouquet of daisies on the grave and grabbed my hand, leading me to the car.
“You ok?” he asked, pulling away from the curb.
I gave him a weak smile. “No, but I will be.”
Life is the flower for which love is the honey.
~Victor Hugo
Growing up, we never had a real Christmas tree. Winston always made sure we had something, but it was small and fake and hardly had any gifts beneath it.
So this year, I was determined to have a real tree, with real decorations and plenty of real gifts. But the best gift of all was sitting across from me with the biggest grin on his face. For the first time in weeks, I was smiling too. This was our first Christmas together in seven years. I got emotional just thinking about it. All he’s been through, all we’ve been through together. He was still adjusting.
We both were.
It was Christmas Eve, and I was making a big dinner tonight. When I asked Winston what he wanted, he said he didn’t care what we had as long as there was mac and cheese. So I’d gone all out and baked a spiral ham, made all the fixings, green beans, corn, potatoes, and homemade mac and cheese. He’d also requested a chocolate cake.
Winston dipped his finger into the batter for the third time since I began mixing. “Stop that!” I scolded.
“This is my first chocolate cake in years, baby girl. I’m a little excited.”
“Well, can you at least let me finish cooking it first?”
“What time is everyone supposed to be here?” he asked, taking a swig of his sweet tea.
“Around 4 or so.”
“You nervous?”
I shrugged, butterflies thick in my belly. “A little. I’m not used to this, you know.”
He nodded in understanding. Neither one of us knew what it was like to have a big family Christmas.
Cannon’s lips met the side of my neck, and just like always, I melted in a puddle at his feet. “Don’t be nervous, baby.” One arm banded around my waist, while his other hand reached around to dip a finger into the bowl. I watched as he placed the tip of his chocolate covered finger in his mouth, moaning around it in appreciation.
I relished the sounds coming out of his mouth. Knowing how close I’d come to losing him, I appreciated the little things a lot more these days.
He’d barely had a pulse by the time the paramedics finally arrived that terrifying night. He’d gone into shock. Lucky had been a miracle. He’d traveled by ATV four miles in the snow to get to us, and had he not been there, Cannon would not have made it.
I was thankful to have him here, next to me, breathing and swiping licks of chocolate from my bowl. “Damn, that tastes good,” he grinned. His lips covered mine, stealing my thoughts and my breath in an instant. “Not as good as that though.”
“And I’m out,” Winston laughed, leaving the kitchen.
“Way to go, you ran him off,” I teased.
“He knows what’s up.”
“How are you feeling? You should be taking it easy,” I said, forgoing the mixing to place my hands on his strong chest.
It had been less than a month since he’d been shot. His parents arrived that very same night. We all sat in the waiting room, hoping and praying Cannon would survive.
And by the grace of God, he had.
It was touch and go for a while. Cannon had lost a lot of blood and he had to have emergency surgery to remove the bullet that had narrowly missed his heart. The doctors said he was lucky, had it been another eighth of an inch, he would not have made it.
My lungs still constricted when I thought about it. Ruby came to stay with him a week after he was released from the hospital, hovering over him like the caring mother she was, until he ordered her to go home. She would only comply if I agreed to stay with him, and give her regular updates.
As if she had to ask.
I hadn’t left his side much at all since that night, except to spend time with my brother. Ruby and I had grown closer over the last few weeks, her daily check-ins leading to conversations about how I was feeling, and dealing with the trauma we’d endured.
After an extensive investigation, the police discovered that Alexis Davis had never been sexually abused by her father. She suffered from severe bi-polar disorder, and according to her parents, had been admitted several times over the years because she refused to take her meds. Shortly after a failed suicide attempt, the third according to her parents, she escaped the treatment facility they’d admitted her to and that’s when she snapped.
Ruby had listened attentively and offered comfort when necessary, silence when required. Because sometimes, there are no words that can soothe the pain we feel. We just have to feel it, live it, and move on. I remember Ruby saying once, hold on pain ends. Those words have stuck with me throughout all of this. I repeat them to myself in the mirror every single day.
There’s a whole lotta hope in those four little words.
“I’m good, babe. Fuckin’ great actually. I’ve got my girl,” he said, his lips greeting my neck once more. They travelled from the base down to my collarbone, dropping small kisses and scrapes along the way. My skin heated, goosebumps dancing across my flesh. “I’ve got everything.”
“Cannon,” I whispered, my heart beating wildly in my chest.
“Dude, get off my girl,” Battle ordered, entering the kitchen.
“Fuck,” Cannon groaned, letting me go.
Battle shoved past his brother, pushing him out of the way. “Hey, what the hell do you th
ink you’re doing?”
Battle wrapped me in one of his sweet, brotherly hugs. “Giving my girl some love. Oooh…chocolate,” he said, dipping his finger into the batter.
Cannon mumbled as he walked out of the kitchen. “How are you Battle?” I asked.
“Good, starvin’ like Marvin though. When do we eat?”
“Another hour or so,” I answered, following Cannon into the living room. “Stay out of my cake mix!”
Battle’s mischievous laugh carried into the living room, mixing with Ruby’s sweet voice. She had Winston wrapped in one of her mama bear hugs while Titus and Cannon situated the gifts under the tree.
“Hey you,” she said, releasing my brother to hug me next.
I loved her hugs. She never let go first. She always let me hug her as long as I wanted. Something I’d grown dependent on during Cannon’s time in the hospital. “How’s my girl?”
“Good, how was your drive?”
“Too long. Being stuck in the car with both of them,” Ruby said, lifting her chin to Battle standing in the doorway of the kitchen, eating batter from a wooden spoon.
“Seriously? You do know there are raw eggs in that right?” I asked, shaking my head. Thank goodness I bought extra cake mix. I’d burnt the last one I baked, so I wanted to make sure I was covered. At this rate…I was going to need it.
When I turned back around, I found Cannon standing in front of me with a weird look on his face. Nervously, I looked around the room, wondering what the hell was going on. Winston held a secret smile while Battle continued to devour cake batter. Ruby’s eyes shined with unshed tears and Titus stood proudly next to her, his arm wrapped around her shoulder.
I looked back at Cannon, where I found him down on one knee with a confident smile on his face. He wrapped his strong fingers around one hand, while my other hand flew to my mouth.
Oh my God.
“Cora, you’re the fire in my heart. The love of my life. I want to spend forever with you. Will you do me the honor of being my wife?”
“Hurry up and say yes so you can get to bakin’ this cake,” Battle said and I laughed through my tears, my heart full of love and happiness.
