“What’s your deal? Why don’t you have a girlfriend or a wife? You’re a SEAL. All my sorority sisters would always go SEAL hunting in Coronado and drop their panties in seconds if there were any sightings. You’re gorgeous, sexy, selfless…. Any girl would be lucky to have you.”
Tell that to my ex. “I’m just not interested. Not until I retire. I can’t be responsible for anyone else when I’m thousands of miles away. And I could die. I wouldn’t want to leave a kid without a dad, like mine did to me.”
“He was a SEAL, too?”
“No. He was a piece of shit who couldn’t take any responsibility for his actions.”
She put her hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me. But I pushed it off. “I need to get some fresh air. I’ll be on the deck if you need anything.”
She shrugged her shoulders and just lay back in the bed and pulled the covers over her head.
I needed a break from her, from this intensity. I just wanted everything to be normal, my normal, before I’d ever set foot in that brothel.
Safe on the deck, Vic handed me a beer. “You good?”
“Yup.” I took a sip and sat down. I didn’t even know how to process all the emotions I was going through. It had been so long since I’d had to think about a woman’s fucking feelings.
Kyle grabbed his own beer and sat next to me. “So have you hit that yet?”
Vic just shook his head. “What this fucker means is that you aren't getting too close, are you?”
“Fuck that, Vic. I just want to know if he’s gotten laid. We’re trapped out in the middle of the ocean, with only one girl and three of us. If I’m not getting any, at least he should be. I mean, you’re sleeping in the same room with her every night. Those walls are thin but damned if I don’t hear any headboards banging.”
“You’re both fucking idiots. I’m not in love and I'm not going to fuck her. Not now, not ever. She’s got someone waiting anyway. Probably. He says he is.”
Kyle laughed. “That chump girly-man surfer? Please. He can’t compete with you. You’re a motherfucking SEAL, asshole.”
Vic motioned his hand toward me as if he was my fucking therapist. “So you are trying to tell me you have no feelings for her? At all?”
“That’s what I’m saying. I don’t know her, really. I mean, half the time she’s out of her mind crazy, detoxing. The other half she’s all moody and withdrawn. She’s hot, for sure, but I don’t have a clue who she is. I don't even think she knows who she is.”
“So you haven’t slept with her?” Kyle asked.
“Are you deaf? What the fuck did I just say? I mean, I fucking met her at a brothel and paid her to blow me. I seriously doubt she’s interested in any man after what she’s been through.”
Vic put his arm around me. “You’re a good man, Walsh. When you get back to San Diego, you guys can meet up again and see if you have any common ground.”
“Not going to happen. I don't want to remind her of this. I was one of her clients. She needs someone stable. And that's sure as hell not me."
“But you deserve to be happy. Not all girls are going to cheat on you like Marissa did.”
“Whatever, man. Your wife cheated on you too. I don’t know anyone in the Teams with a good marriage. And it’s not just about that. Annie is so messed up. She’s going to need a man who can be with her, take care of her, protect her. I can never be that man.”
Kyle pounded his beer and looked toward the guest quarters. “That’s the thing. You rescued her. You’ve been taking care of her. You’re already that man, whether you like it or not.”
Shit. I came up here to relax. Now I just wanted to jump overboard. Fucking idiots.
The three of us had spent so many hours together in silence, watching targets, waiting for action. They knew me better than I knew myself. I couldn’t deny the connection I had with Annie, the sense that we were meant to find each other. I wasn’t talking about some crappy romantic movie insta-love, just this intense feeling we were destined to be in each other’s lives. I saved her. That was enough for me.
The gentle waves rocked beneath me. I lay down under the stars and drifted to sleep.
13.
A few days later, I woke when I heard the thump of Annie throwing herself out of bed. I shot straight up, adrenaline pulsing through my veins and putting me on high alert. She rolled on the ground from her back to her feet and looked around, her hair and eyes wild from sleep and haze.
“I can't fucking do this, Pat. Her nails raked at the skin on her forearms. She rubbed a palm on her thigh. “I can't. I can't. It's too hard. You can take me back, I don't fucking care. I need it. It hurts.”
She crumpled to her knees and I winced at the sound of bone grating against the rough wood floor, the sound of her breathless sobs. I crouched beside her and laid a hand against her back that was clammy with sweat. Annie shrieked at my touch and cringed backwards.
“Don't fucking touch me!” The sound of her scream echoed off the walls of the room, rang in my ears. “Don't touch me. I don't want anyone to touch me.”
But I didn’t give up that easily.
She shivered. I wrapped her in a blanket and held her. She resisted at first but relaxed in my arms. Her eyes seemed to roll back in her head for a second, which made me nervous, even though I’d done my research and knew that it was normal. I kissed her forehead and rocked her to sleep.
She had her rough days, days where she didn’t want to get out of bed, screaming, crying, and pleading for her next fix. But she got through it. It was brutal to watch her suffering, her body quivering. But the heroin had finally left her body, like a ghost of her nightmare.
Tonight was our last night together. Tomorrow, I would walk her into the embassy when it opened, and then Kyle, Vic, and I would return to our navy carrier. To our life. To our next mission. Without her. Without Annie.
For our last night we had ported in Curaçao, though I wouldn’t let Annie get off the yacht and risk her being seen. Kyle and Vic had gone into town. They’d both be back later, but for the first time since this ordeal had begun, Annie and I were alone.
Matchmaker Vic had brought in food from a local restaurant, since he figured she hadn’t had a good meal in years. A bottle of merlot, two New York strip steaks, mashed potatoes, and chocolate cake for dessert. I guess it was kind of a celebration. A toast to getting her life back.
We sat at the tiny table in the corner of the room. I plugged in my phone so we had some music—classic rock not classical. I wasn’t trying to set a seduction scene however much my dick wanted me to—for now I just wanted to have a nice dinner. Annie sat across from me, her hair pulled back into a low bun. I felt like I was on a first date.
I poured her a glass of wine. Time to make small talk. “What’s the first thing you’re going to do when you get home?”
She lifted the glass to her mouth and pressed her lips onto it. I wanted her lips to press on me. “Oh, I don’t know. Sounds weird, but I don’t want to see my friends for a while. I’m sure they’re all going to act weird around me, or ask me all sorts of crazy questions that I don’t want to answer. Nicole used to joke that if we ever got rescued, it would be like winning the super bowl. You know, ‘You’ve just won the super bowl. What are you going to do next? I’m going to Disneyland.’ But that’s not really my thing. I’d love to go to Lake Tahoe, rent a cabin, hike around the lake. Something outside. I’ve been locked up for so long, just get out, walk, hike, stroll on the beach. Be free.”
Funny. That’s exactly what I liked to do in my free time. Anything out in nature, hiking, camping, exploring. I loved Lake Tahoe—my mom made sure that even though money was always tight, she would save up enough for us to spend a week in a crappy motel there every summer.
“Oh, I also want to adopt a dog.”
“I’ve got a dog, Trigger. He was one of our military dogs in Iraq. He’s a German Shepherd. Retired. Great dog.”
“That’s cool. I wish I could meet him.” She
pushed her food around her plate. “Pat, I’m scared of going home. I just wish I could stay here on this yacht.”
“That's not what I would call freedom, being stuck in the middle of the ocean. Why are you scared? Your parents are going to be thrilled to see you. I can’t imagine their pain.” I paused. “And your boyfriend has given interviews about how he’s still in love with you. I’m sure you two will run off and get married. Live happily ever after and have two point five kids with a mini van.”
“Chris? Please. I mean he’s a good guy. He’s a surfer, used to high all the time. I feel really bad about everything he’s been through, people thinking he killed me and all. But I’m so different now. He’s not the type of man I can see myself with. I want to be with someone strong, caring, brave. Someone like you.”
Two out of the three ain’t bad. “I’m not caring.”
“Yes, you are. You came back for me, you care about me. You’ve nursed me back to health.”
“You’re a job to me, Annie. A mission. An American. I’m a SEAL, this is what I do. Any of the other guys on the Teams would do the same thing. It doesn’t make me special.”
“Have you ever been in love?”
This was a fun meal. I should’ve gone into town with Kyle and Vic. “Yup. Once. She cheated. End of story.”
“Not all girls cheat. I never cheated, on Chris, I mean. Though I doubt that sounds reassuring coming from a former hooker.”
I winced. I felt bad. She was just trying to connect with me. She was probably scared to go home. “I don’t think being repeatedly raped counts as cheating. I admire your strength. I don’t know how many women could go through what you went through and still be able to smile.”
She took a sip of wine, her eyes twinkled. Her eyes wandered around the room, then fixated on me. “Pat, I have one favor to ask.”
I didn’t hesitate. It was our last night together. “Anything. Shoot.”
Her mouth widened into a smile, and she moistened her lips. “Make love to me.”
What the fuck?
I shifted in my seat as I thought about what to say—she was fragile and I didn’t want to reject her. I needed her to be strong for tomorrow. “Annie, you’re beautiful, and in any other situation, any other situation, I would love to fuck the shit out of you. But we can’t go there. I don’t want to hurt you. And I’m incapable of offering you any more than that and you deserve more. I deploy nine months out of the year. When I’m home, I’m so tired from training. Your first experience after this nightmare should be special. You've had enough assholes use you, debase you and treat you like a piece of ass. You don't need that. You don’t need me.”
Her lips parted, she stroked her hair. “I know what I want. I understand your job. For the past five years, I’ve been forced to have sex with strangers, do unthinkable things. Drugged out of my mind.” She leaned in to me and put her hand on my thigh. “Don’t let the last memory I have of being with a man, be with someone who paid for me. Someone I had no choice to reject. I want you. I choose you. Make me feel good.”
Her fingers sent a shiver down my leg and pleasure swept through my body. This was wrong. She was a recovering addict, a former prostitute. Sleeping with her could only confuse her, set back her recovery.
She inched her hand up my thigh and across the front seam of my jeans, gripped my growing erection. I growled in my throat, widened my legs and slumped backwards in the seat. God, I wanted this. The nights I'd suffered with her tight little ass pressed against my cock were unbearable.
Her fingers teased at the zipper, but it wasn't her touch that snapped my control. It wasn't the soft panting breaths that escaped her lips or the way her breasts teased at the neckline of her dress. It was the trust in her eyes, the hope. It called to me like she had when she first asked for my help. And I so wanted to fucking help her. Craved it.
I waited a beat, studying her eyes, my face an impassive mask despite my earlier reaction to her touch. Could I do this? Fuck her and leave her. It’d be the cruelest and kindest thing I'd ever done. Giving her back her freedom, her right to choose what to do with her own body. Reclaim her sexuality for the first time in over five years. I was already in deeper with this girl than I'd ever allowed myself to be. Could I let her go after this? Could she?
She deftly unbuttoned and unzipped my pants and her hand dipped inside to pull out my cock. I sucked in a breath at the feel of her small hand against me.
She moaned and my control snapped. I surged to my feet, her hand still tight around my cock, which put her in a vulnerable position in front of me. She didn't stop, kept gliding her hand up and down the length of me, her grip surprisingly potent. I stepped close enough that I could feel her breath on the head of my dick and my stomach tightened in anticipation.
I locked eyes with her and pulled her to her feet. The fabric of her dress pressed against me and I could feel her shallow breaths and rapid heartbeat. I smiled and pulled her closer with a hand on her neck. Between us she continued to jerk me off with slow, measured pulls.
I pressed my lips against the curve of her throat and my tongue lapped the line of it to her ear. “Are you sure this is what you want, Annie? You want me to fuck you? Say it?” I pulled her hand away, though it cost me and lifted her legs so they wrapped around my waist, her wet panties pressed right where they would do the most good.
She moaned and her head fell backwards. With a hand pressing against the small of her back so she rubbed against my cock, I walked us slowly towards our bedroom. My lips teased the shell of her ear. "Do you want me to make you come, Annie? Make you scream?"
Annie angled her head and whispered through a throaty laugh, “Yes, babe. Please.”
I kicked the door open with a foot and stutter stepped until I hit the bed. I set her on her feet and watched her response as I drew the dress up using the tips of my fingers to trace her skin as I went. Up her thighs, over her hips and the dip of her waist, the side of her breasts. She was left in a simple bra and panties and easily the sexiest woman I'd ever seen. She moved to take off my shirt, but I blocked her hands.
“No, tonight is for you. All for you. Lie down.”
She did, but her lips had pulled to a frown of uncertainty. I smiled inwardly as I knelt beside her, my knees by her hip and my hands on either side of her body. She watched me intently. I moved closer, sliding down onto my side next to her. I could smell the soft perfume she'd taken to wearing, a scent I knew I'd never forget. Her body strained closer as I hovered over her, lowered my lips to hers. She tasted like the wine we'd drunk, heady and intoxicating. She opened her mouth slowly, hesitantly and I forced myself not to be too enthusiastic. To go slow when I wanted to plunge my tongue into her mouth and take. Take it all. Take her.
Her body trembled and it was a feeling so sweet it made my heart hurt. How long had it been since she'd even felt an orgasm? Since she even wanted to orgasm? It was a vulnerable act, especially for a woman. Doubly so for this woman. It was about trust, not technique. Suddenly, in that moment, making this woman come was my mission.
Even though her soft mouth and sweet taste was incredibly inviting, I forced myself to pull away. Her mouth was red and swollen. Her tongue darted out to taste her lips and I followed the careful movement. She watched me with hooded, lazy eyes.
I smiled down at her as I lifted a hand to move the hair off of her forehead. She closed her eyes at my soft touch, her back arching off of the mattress with a loud creak. I trailed the hand down her face and along the soft line of her jaw. She sucked in a sharp breath as my hand continued down her neck to follow the soft material of her bra over the rise of her breast.
Her fingers grasped at the scratchy material of the polyester comforter when I dipped a finger under the cup of her bra to tease at the budding nipple. She whimpered at the back of her throat and it was so fucking hot that I shoved my face in her neck to drown out the sight of her rapt with pleasure. When I got my bearings back I moved the finger to pull the strap of her bra down he
r shoulder to bare her pretty pink tipped breasts. I trapped her arm under the strap and moved my head to take one into my mouth. Her other hand pressed my head closer, urging me to suck and nibble until she was panting in my ear. She drew long, deep breaths punctuated by breathy moans.
I kept at one breast, then lavished attention on the other until she was a writhing mess of need under my hands. A fine sheen of sweat covered her body and I lapped it up as my tongue traveled from her chest, down the centerline to dip in her belly button. I nibbled down her stomach to the line of her plain white panties. Nuzzling it with the scrape of my beard caused her to gasp in pleasure.
My breath was hot between her legs as I positioned one on my shoulder and held the other wide to bare her to my sight. With a finger, I moved the line of her panties and dipped inside to flick her hard clit with a practiced finger, then moved my hand just out of reach.
"Do you want me to touch you, Annie?" I pressed a light kiss just above where she was wet for me. "Where do you want me to touch you?"
"Patrick, please." Her voice was breathless with need. The look on her face was indescribable. Incandescent. The most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Her cheeks were rosy with lust. The blush spread down the gorgeous line of her neck and painted her chest pink. She'd undone her bra to bare her breasts and her black hair was spread across the pillows. She was so fucking beautiful it was agony not to cover her body and make her mine. "Touch me. I want you. Please."
I whispered a touch over her clit with the tips of my fingers. This wasn't going to be a quick rut in a dank room. This was going to be long, torturous. This would hopefully help her regain a small part of herself that she'd lost. Or at least I hoped that it did. If I couldn't be there for her, I wanted her to at least remember that I gave this back to her. A small part of me even hoped that it would be something she'd never forget.
Invincible (The Trident Code) Page 6
