by Nina Levine
“You do that to me,” he murmured pensively. He appeared to have something on his mind tonight.
“Do what to you?”
He sat forward and rested his elbows on his knees and cradled his chin in one hand. “Being around you calms me, baby.” His eyes held mine, and time stood still for a moment.
Memories rushed me.
Kick filled so many memories of mine, and his voice and presence triggered an avalanche I couldn’t stop. My body shivered as they hit me, as the emotions engulfed me.
I took a deep breath. “It doesn’t calm me,” I said softly.
He frowned. “In a good way or a bad way?” He seemed genuinely interested in my answer.
“I’m not sure,” I said softly and then asked, “What did you want to talk to me about?”
He raised his brow. “You’re not even gonna offer me a drink?”
“No drink. Just spill so we can talk, and then you can leave.”
He shifted to lean forward in his chair. “When are you gonna get that I’m not going anywhere?”
“When are you gonna get that I’m not interested?”
He smirked and said, “You talk a good game, baby, but you are more than fuckin’ interested.”
“Just start talking, Kick,” I said, impatient for him to get his words out.
He paused for a second and his face grew serious. “Can we put all the bullshit aside and be honest with each other for a minute?” His eyes implored me to say yes.
I hesitated. Honesty could lead me to trouble here. But after everything we’d ever been through together, he deserved that, at least. I nodded. “Okay.” My voice was anything but sure.
“I want to give us another go,” he said, “and I need to know if I’ve got a shot at making that happen.”
My stomach knotted. A mixture of desire and concern.
Before I could reply, he reminded me, “No bullshit, Evie. I know you’re still pissed at me, but do you think you can move past that?”
Sometimes in life you tell yourself you don’t want something that you really do. And if you tell yourself that for long enough you actually end up believing it. I’d been telling myself for three long years that I didn’t want Kick. And I’d grown to believe it. But sitting here with him now, and stripping back the bullshit, I knew deep in my heart I did want him.
Only a couple of minutes had passed while we sat in silence, but it felt like more. Finally, I said, “I want you, Kick, I’ve always wanted you, but I don’t know how we would make it work. And you know me, I’m a ‘how’ person. If I can’t get my head around how something is going to work, I can’t do it.”
“You think too much, baby,” he said, still staring at me, willing me to want the same thing he did.
“Well, you don’t think enough,” I accused, my voice rising.
“I do when it’s needed, but this . . .” he thumped his hand against his chest, and his voice grew more forceful when he continued, “this is in here. It doesn’t need thought.”
“You know what?” I said as I leant forward, moving my face closer to his, “I can feel it as much as I want in here,” I thumped my chest, “but that means shit if we go back to what we were and change nothing.”
He didn’t say anything, just sat quietly watching me. By the looks of it, he was thinking now. When his phone began ringing a moment later, he answered it with a look of reluctance. I didn’t listen to his conversation but rather left him to go and make myself a cup of tea.
When he joined me in the kitchen, I felt his presence behind me before I heard him.
“I’ve gotta go but I want to continue this conversation. Yeah?”
I faced him and slowly nodded. “Okay.”
“Tomorrow after you finish work?”
I was about to say yes when I remembered I had to keep calling around trying to find money for my dad. “Shit, I can’t after work. I’ve got stuff to do for my dad and then I think Maree is taking me out.”
He frowned. “Is your dad okay?”
I let out a long sigh. “No, he’s gotten himself in debt again.”
“Fuck,” he muttered.
“Yeah, that about covers it.”
Some of my hair had fallen across my face, and he reached his hand up to tuck it behind my ear. He let his hand slide down and then he curled it gently around my neck, his thumb rubbing over my throat. My breathing picked up as desire flooded me. I wanted this, but I had to go slow and make sure we figured it all out before we rushed into things.
His head dipped and when his lips brushed mine, need unfurled through my entire body, and I couldn’t stop myself even if I’d tried. I stepped forward and pressed my body into his. My hand landed on his chest and then slid up so I could tangle my fingers in his hair and at the same time pull his head closer to mine.
I needed him.
Needed him as close as I could get him.
As our tongues danced and our bodies came together, I knew there’d never be another man I wanted as much as Kick. God knew, I’d tried to find one, but kissing him now, I experienced that knowledge deep in my core and in my soul.
He slowly ended our kiss and rested his forehead against mine. “Fuck, baby, we need to sort this out because I fuckin’ need to be inside you.”
“I know,” I whispered, breathless from his kiss.
We stayed like that for another few moments and then he finally pulled away. “Tomorrow. I don’t care if it’s fuckin’ midnight or later, you and I are going to talk,” he said with certainty.
After he’d left, I let the excitement and anticipation work its way through me.
I allowed myself to hope that we could find a way to make this work once and for all.
Chapter Six
Kick
Peter Bishop and I had a strange relationship. I felt like my family owed him a lot for what my father had done to him, and I was sure he hated me for everything my father had taken from him. But I was also certain he hated the fact I knew every dark secret he had and that I had bailed him out on more occasions than he cared to admit.
I stood in his living room and watched the broken man in front of me. Fuck, he’d finally hit rock bottom. I’d never known him to admit he had a problem and that’s what he’d just done.
“Who do you owe this time?” I asked, hoping like hell it wasn’t the same guy he’d owed last time. I had nothing on that asshole so would struggle to dig Peter out if that was the case.
His eyes held fear when he gave me the name. “Jonathon Gambarro.”
“Fucking hell!” I yelled, “Why the fuck did you go to him?”
He hung his head for a moment before looking back up at me with regret. “I was running out of options.”
I grabbed the back of my neck and muttered, “Jesus, Peter. How long you got to come up with the money?”
“One week.”
Fuck.
I dropped my hand and stalked into his kitchen. Reaching into a cupboard, I grabbed a glass and then grabbed the bottle of bourbon I knew he had stashed in another cupboard. It had been a while since I’d been to Peter’s house but he was a man of habit, and, sure enough, the bourbon was still there. I poured myself a drink and downed it in one go.
Peter followed me. “I fucked up, Kick.”
I turned my head to look at him, a scowl on my face. “You did more than fuck up this time. Gambarro isn’t known for his compassion.”
“I don’t know what to do. Evie told me she would take care of it, but - ”
I cut him off, “Evie’s not fuckin’ going near this shit fight. I won’t have her involved in this. Do not fuckin’ tell her who you owe or I swear to fuckin’ God I will take you out myself.” Anger spread through me at the mere thought he’d even think to involve Evie in this. Did he not have a clue who he was dealing with?
He didn’t say a word. A good fucking idea because anything he’d say would be the wrong thing at this point. My fists clenched and I slammed my hand down on the counter in frustration.
I stared at him for a long moment, trying desperately to contain my rage, and when I couldn’t rein it in any longer, I picked up the glass in front of me and threw it at the wall. “This is the last fuckin’ time, Peter!” I yelled at him. “ If I drag you out of this, and then find out you’ve done it again... so help you God because I sure as fuck won’t be.”
He nodded but remained silent.
He knew he’d pushed me to the limit.
He knew I was done.
The debt to his family was paid.
***
Four hours later, I sunk down into a couch at the clubhouse bar. Hyde sat in the couch opposite me, his eyes questioning what was wrong. I still wore my anger at Peter plain for everyone to see. “What’s up with you?” he asked as he drank some of his beer.
I struggled with sharing my dilemma with him but decided I needed to. Any involvement of mine in this could potentially impact the club. I leant forward and rested my elbows on my knees. “My ex’s father owes ten grand to Jonathon Gambarro and the only hope he has of settling the debt is if I step in and help him.”
Hyde’s face clouded over with displeasure. “And what exactly would that involve?”
“I’d have to threaten him with something. I’d need the debt wiped with no payment involved, so that’s the only way to make that happen.”
“Fuck, Kick. This is dangerous territory. You really want to get mixed up with Gambarro? I can assure you once you’re on his radar he’ll have you in his sights and won’t rest ‘til he takes care of you in whatever way he deems fit.”
I blew out a long breath. “I fuckin’ know that, Hyde, but what choice do I have? If I don’t step in, her father is dead.”
“And if you do step in, you’re a target going forward.” He leant forward. “And the club’s a fucking target.”
“Yeah.”
He shook his head and stood. “Stay out of it, Kick. The club doesn’t need any more trouble. We’re still waiting to see if Silver Hell connects us with what you and King did the other night; this is more shit we don’t need.”
Fuck.
***
“Please, Kick. I’m desperate,” my sister begged me over the phone at three o’clock that afternoon. She needed a babysitter for a couple of hours while she attended her university lecture.
“I can do it, Lina, but fuck, where the hell is Dave?” Her asshole ex-husband always let her down and it pissed me off.
“He’s drunk again. He just called me, like five fucking minutes ago, to say he couldn’t make it now because he accidentally drank too much at the pub after work.” Not only did she sound angry, but I could hear the exhaustion in her voice. Fuck, that asshole would be answering to me.
“I’ll be there soon,” I promised. Hanging up, I eyed Nitro who I’d been talking to about bike engines again, and said, “Sorry man, I’ve gotta go help my sister out.”
“Sure, brother. We good for Saturday?” he asked, watching as I stood.
We’d planned to work on his engine. “Yeah, I’ll probably get to your place by eleven.”
He gave me a chin lift and I headed out.
When I arrived at Lina’s house twenty minutes later, she seemed even more frazzled. My brows knit together. “What’s wrong?”
“Dave just called again and said he’d be here after all.” She gave me a pained look. “Kick, I don’t want him anywhere near the kids, not when he’s drunk.”
I placed my hand on her upper arm. “I’ll take care of him, okay? I don’t want you worrying about it. You just go and do your shit and leave Dave to me.”
Tears pricked her eyes and she collapsed into my arms. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” she sobbed.
Fuck, things were worse than I realised. “What the fuck’s going on, Lina?”
She clung to me and sobbed for a good few minutes before pulling away and wiping her eyes. Sniffling, she admitted, “He does this often. And sometimes he turns up and gets aggressive with me if I won’t let him in the house.”
“Fuck, me!” I yelled, the anger punching through my body, “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I didn’t want this to happen!” she yelled back. “I wanted to try and sort it out without involving you because I knew you’d resort to violence to fix it.”
I scowled at her. “Sometimes the only thing that works is violence.”
She hung her head for a moment and then gave me her eyes again. Sad eyes. “I know you won’t get this, but I still love him. After everything he’s done, I still love him, and even though I know we aren’t good together and can never go back to what we had, I don’t want you to hurt him,” she said softly, her words pleading with me to understand.
I roughly rubbed the back of my neck. “Shit, Lina. You’re right, I don’t get it. The guy fucked around on you, he’s a shit father, and you want mercy for him? Even after he’s gotten aggressive with you?”
Her lips spread into a thin line. “Some people don’t know how to do better, Kick. For some, their best is our worst, and it’s not always their fault,” she said softly, calmly.
My eyes widened. “Don’t sprout that psych bullshit at me that you’re learning, ‘cause I’m not fuckin’ interested in excuses. How can you stand here and cry on my shoulder about him one minute and then turn around and defend him the next?”
She sighed. “If I went through life holding onto the shit people have done to me, I’d be an angry and depressed person. I have to let it go . . . for me, not them. And sometimes you can love and hate someone at the same time. I choose to let both in, to not deny my feelings and only concentrate on the bad. And as far as crying on your shoulder, yeah, I’ve reached a point where I’m feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes you just need a good cry and then you can keep going.”
I listened to everything she said, and while I didn’t agree with it, I respected her enough to try to follow her wishes. At least until that didn’t work and then we’d do things my way. Because I was sure as fuck that her way wouldn’t work. “I won’t hurt him, but I will make it clear that I’m watching him, and if he doesn’t pull his head in, I’ll be stepping in for you.”
“Thank you,” she said as she stood on her toes to kiss my cheek. “You’re a good brother, Kick.”
“We’ll see if you still think that after he fucks up again and I lose my shit at him.”
She shook her head. “You have so little faith in people.”
“It’s what happens when you’ve been fucked over by people too often, babe.”
Her face grew wistful. “We need to find you someone to love. Someone who will love you so much you might start to believe in people again.”
I ignored her and jerked my chin towards the front door. “Go. You don’t want to be late.”
She grinned at me and turned to walk away. “I’m going to start looking,” she threw over her shoulder as she left the room.
I shook my head to myself as I went in search of the kids. When my sister got an idea in her head she never let it go. She could try all she liked but I’d never be like her. She was too fucking compassionate and forgave too easily.
There’d only been two people in my life who I’d ever thought I’d be able to forgive if needed.
Turned out me and forgiveness didn’t get along well.
Chapter Seven
Evie
I slammed my front door and trudged down the hall. My efforts this afternoon to get hold of money for my father’s debt had been for nothing. No one had been able to offer me a cent and I’d run out of people to ask. Dread snaked through me at the thought of what would happen to Dad if I couldn’t find the cash for him.
The silence and heat of the house was suffocating. After spending the drive home completely in my own head, riddled with thoughts about my father, I needed music to drown them out. I dumped my bag on the kitchen counter and switched on the air conditioning and stereo before I headed to the shower. Maree would be here to pick me up in a couple of hours and I need
ed to clean the grime of the day off. I needed this night out tonight like I hadn’t needed one in a long time.
***
Maree clinked her glass with mine and indicated for me to take a sip. “Here’s to hot sex with Kick¸” she said, laughing.
I rolled my eyes. “I should never have told you,” I muttered. But the conversation about Kick had put my worry about Dad out of mind, and that was what I needed tonight.
Her eyes twinkled with mischief. “You should totally have told me. I wanna meet this man who’s got you all flustered.”
I shifted on my stool. The humidity in the outdoor bar we were at had caused my long hair to stick to my neck. Thank god I’d worn a sleeveless dress tonight. Probably didn’t help that the conversation about Kick was getting me all hot and bothered. I eyed Maree and decided to open up to her about Kick and my family. She’d only known me for two years and I hadn’t shared much with her so far. I’d had enough alcohol tonight to spill my life story, though. “I’ve known Kick pretty much my whole life,” I began.
Her eyes widened. “Wow.”
“His family and mine lived on the same street and our mothers were best friends. Kick was a year older than me and always kept an eye out for me at school, made sure I was okay and wasn’t being picked on.”
“I’m guessing if someone picked on you, he came down on them.”
I smiled. “Yeah, he did. And he had another friend, Jeremy, who looked out for me, too. The three of us were inseparable.” The memories swirled around me, causing butterflies in my stomach.
“So your families are best friends and you two grew up thinking you’d have a happy ever after together?” she asked, a tinge of hopefulness in her voice. Maree dreamt of happy ever afters.
She was so far from the truth. “No, our - ”
A voice from behind cut me off. “No, my father fucked it all up when he fucked Evie’s mother.” The bitterness in Kick’s voice could not be missed and I spun around in shock. I didn’t realise he still felt that way about his father.
As I stared at him, Maree said, “Well, that would do it.”
He tore his gaze from mine to look at her. “Yeah, it would.”
