This is something I’ve had in my head on constant replay for years, imagining how it would go down again; fantasizing about what she would look like and always keeping in the back of my mind, that those dreams were probably all I was ever going to have. But here we are, so I’ll be damned if I’m not going to take it slow…
Savor every touch…
Relish in every brush of her skin against mine…
Consume her lips as if it’s the last thing I’ll ever taste…
And make the most of every single second as if it’s our last…
But with all that sappy sentimental crap aside, I sure as hell plan to get my freak on and show her what grown-up Evan is capable of. Then, we can reiterate our conversation from the shower house. Of course, I’m planning to do all of this in an orderly, calm, gentle fashion and as always, I’ll let her call the shots, because I’d never do anything to hurt or scare her.
Standing steady at the side of the bed, I search her face, not letting my eyes fall any further just yet. I am ready for that shirt to come off though; who am I kidding, I’d much rather see all of our clothes in a pile on the floor.
Grabbing up a healthy handful of the hem of my shirt, I rip it over my head and toss it aside with a swish, then pulse my brows as I look at her again. She laughs, dipping her chin down.
“Your turn. By my count, I’m quite a few articles of clothing ahead of you.”
Her eyes sparkle and broaden, as if she didn’t expect that remark from me. Has she forgotten who she’s dealing with? To my surprise, she doesn’t even hesitate. With a smile, she raises her butt off of the bed and shoves her tight black pants over her hips, and down her thighs to her knees.
The saliva glands in my mouth go nuts, filling it like a cartoon character drooling into a pool at its feet. I never knew fabric could be so damn arousing, but yet, as the thud of her shoes hit the floor and as she goofily flips her calves and feet back and forth like she’s paddling through water, her pants drop to the floor as well and my third leg suddenly feels like it may rip through my boxers. Holy shit!
She lays there only in a soft red knit sweater, with white lace panties barely peeking out like an invitation to a black-tie event that you know you’re not good enough to go to, but you also know that if you got the invitation you’d be stupid to pass it up.
The corner of my mouth rises into a smirk as I look her dead in the eyes. I put my hands out to the side, standing there proudly in a pair of navy blue boxers and white socks. Glancing down my own body and back to her, I quickly make note that the socks are not sexy by any means. One article of clothing would be best at this point.
“I’m still ahead here,” I say, using the heel of my foot to step on the opposite toe of my sock as I jerk it backwards, then repeat till both of them are off.
She leans up onto her elbows, taking in my attire one inch at a time, running from my face, down slowly and back up again. The whole thing probably took one second, but in my head it went in total slow motion.
The grin that’s already painted her face for the past few minutes since this exchange of clothing began, grows to a full-on smile. As if I’m the mirror image of her, my smile rises as well.
“Okay, you want to even the score?” She sucks in a deep breath, plopping back down onto her back and dropping her hands to the hem of her sweater faster than I can keep up. She tears that thing off and throws it over the side of the bed as if it just sprouted wings and flew south for the winter. I thought I was eager to get my clothes off.
My mouth drops open, un-hinging from my jaw with the rest of my face paralyzed in awe. I look her over, her soft delicate skin bare except for the white underwear. My hands twitch, wanting, no, needing to be all over her all at once. This is literally like dangling a juicy, mouth-watering rare steak four feet in front of a lion’s mouth, yet I’m not moving; where the hell did this restraint come from? I never knew I could be so disciplined!
My heart does a couple hundred laps, pounding like it may rupture at any point while my hard-on contracts in eager anticipation with the strain and motion of doing a 100-pound bicep curl. I suddenly feel like a little boy who has just discovered there’s a bone in his willy; I’m amazed, fascinated, confused and downright concerned. Why am I not making a move right this second?
I step forward, but stop in my tracks as soon as Piper’s thumbs tuck beneath the small itsy-bitsy straps of white fabric at her hips.
“And…” she draws out seductively, turning my mouth into Niagara Falls. “I’ll one up you.” Once again her hips rise off the bed, but this time as her fingertips flawlessly flow down her legs, over her knees and to her ankles, she does indeed beat me at this game. Her last article of clothing drops to the floor, delicately without a sound and she is left completely naked for my eyes to devour.
I draw my hands, patting at my boxers to make sure I didn’t end this show before it even got started. She giggles, no doubt knowing exactly what I’m checking for; luckily all I find are dry boxers and a steel crowbar ready to pry open Pandora’s box. Grabbing the waist of my boxers, I shove them down in a much more rushed, less appealing way than she did. I’m not aiming for swagger here.
I look down, kicking them off, then quickly back up to catch her eyes widening. She’s impressed.
“Looks like we are even.” Winking, I slide down, slowly on her, letting the erect portion of my body remain on her leg and away from where it impatiently wants to go.
She pulls in a shaky breath as her body trembles and tenses. I hope this isn’t a mistake. I freeze, keeping my arms where they landed, at either side of her head.
“Piper,” I practically mouth so that I don’t startle her anymore.
Her eyes close and her breaths stop. Here we go again.
THE MOMENT HIS SKIN SLIDES over mine, my body tingles and pulsates with a million sensations like an electrical board with circuit after circuit lighting up until the entire thing is illuminated. I shut my eyes tight; just feeling.
“Piper.”
His voice grabs me, letting me know it is indeed him, yet I’m already very much aware. I am sure he is sensing more than there is, but all I can do is lie here, silent and still, willing for the first time in a long time to venture further. I have no idea if I can keep it together, if a dark cloud will drift over me and pull me down, but I need to try; I want to. A rush of adrenaline circulates through me on that thought. I want him. I open my eyes.
“Is this too much?” he asks gently.
Letting a positively ridiculous smile overcome my face, I stare at him, more sure of myself than ever. I haven’t changed anything in my life, I still haven’t read that stupid letter and we haven’t even so much as seen each other naked until now; well, with the exception of Evan strutting out of the shower in front of my eyes a few times. Today…and now, a flood of courage has been released in my head and heart, pushing me forward. Maybe it’s him; he was the one and only boy that I ever let touch me. It’s like I have found my place again…with him.
“No,” I breathe out quietly and it’s then that I realize, the frenzy of passion I felt as soon as he was on top of me, stole my breath. “It’s not at all.” I try to smile, but I can’t. As excited and certain that I am, I’m still glued to the bed and unable to will my arms to feel their way over him.
He lowers his brows, looking at me questioning as if he doesn’t know whether to trust my words or my actions, which are definitely saying two different things right now.
“Really?” Smirking, he turns his head from one side to the next, glancing down at my immobile arms at my sides. “So I take it that it’s going to be me doing all the work?” he jokes, chuckling, yet having a hint of worry in his eyes.
“Yeah, ummm, well…” Here goes, a topic we have left out for the whole past month. We have never even breached half the things we need to talk about. There is little to tell on my end and I don’t even care to hear what or who he’s been doing in the past few years, but nonetheless, we’ve never
brought it up. Bad timing, I guess, but it should be said. “I haven’t done this.” I spit it out, slamming my eyelids shut; waiting.
“Piper?” he speaks so calm and even without looking, I can hear the smile in his voice.
I open one eye, still very aware of the hard mass on my left thigh which doesn’t make me too uncomfortable. More so, it makes me want to move around and squirm. Evan has a small grin on his face, looking as though he may laugh at me any second. Scrunching up mine, I make a quick mental note to relax, slowly slacking up all the muscles in my hands and pulling them both around to his back.
His eyes immediately light up and his grin widens, displaying a mouthful of teeth as I softly scratch my nails up and down. It’s just a backrub, just a backrub; not sex, not foreplay…all innocent. Breathe Piper, Breathe. God, I have no clue what I’m doing!
“Wow.” Smirking, he shifts, and at the same time I move my leg so that his crotch isn’t digging into me. His hips fall between my legs and parts of him graze areas of me that I had forgotten even exist.
Oh.My.Gosh!
“You still with me?”
I flinch, looking back at his face. For an instant, I was so caught up in my head with my heart hammering like a drum and my body vibrating like a washing machine, that it almost happened. I’m not sure I even know how to process all that I’m feeling. I want to scream, moan, whine and close my eyes tightly. My mouth goes dry and suddenly there isn’t enough moisture in the world to quench my thirst. Licking my lips, I look at him; he takes note quickly.
His lips fall to mine, instantly filling my mouth with his tongue. I move mine on cue, swiping it with soft tickling caresses as I run my hand hungrily up his back and into his hair, letting thick strands thread between my fingers. Gasping from an extreme mix of sensations, I drop my head back onto the cluster of tossed aside blankets. Evan’s mouth falls to my neck with gentle, wet, soft kisses before moving to a new portion of my skin. I open my mouth and whine as the rest of him moves, forcing my lower body to ignite into a fiery spasm.
As his moist lips continue to tickle across my skin, I seal my eyes shut prepared to enjoy the sheer exhilaration of this, yet, just then a disturbing vision flickers through my head. My blood freezes and I release a whimper as an unwanted touch slithers over my hip and painfully grips my skin. The sensations I was building only moments ago turn to an icy chill in my veins; I unseal my eyes in a flash, staring through the daze with my breath coming out faster and faster. A head of brown hair comes into my vision and I know it’s Evan. One kiss, two kisses, three, land along my collar bone as he descends further down my body with his hands to both my sides. I glance around, taking in my surroundings and trying frantically to ground myself. Breathe.
Slowing my breaths, I flutter my eyes, all in an effort to focus on where I was; it’s a euphoric state that I desperately want to return to, a place where it is just Evan and me again and no harsh memories or blackouts or ghosts of the past sneaking up on me.
“Piper,” the whisper meets my ears and my arms both stiffen, dropping to my sides like a pebble being tossed into a stream. It’s not him, it’s not him…it’s only Evan…Breathe. “Piper, hey, it’s me. Open your eyes.”
His voice pulls the black veil from my consciousness and I look ahead, making out his tan oval face and warm hazel eyes that stare back to me, encased in concern and doubt. Managing a small smile, I am completely happy to be here with him, comfortable being totally bare beneath him and annoyed that my mind will not cooperate with my body right now. I want this.
“Hey, there you are.” I smile deeper with his words. Yes, I am. “Did you leave me for a minute?”
he says that so matter-of-factly, like we never left this point and it occurs to me just why I could never let anyone else touch me like him.
“Right there?” I scrunch up my face as I feel him pushing; he grits his teeth in return. “No?”
I nod, unable to get any words out. Closing my eyes, it’s as if I have no control over my body, like I’m slipping backwards from an elevated surface, dropping…dropping into an endless shadow of darkness that assaults my body on the way down.
“Ok, open your eyes.” I hear his voice and I do as he says. I know it is Evan and that alone knocks the horrendous memories out of the way, as if he personally stepped into my head and shoved them aside. All movement from him stops, yet I can still feel that we have gotten further than we’ve ever attempted. “I’m not going on until I know you can keep your eyes on me,” he whispers, his eyes a mask of reassurance, covering up his worry for me, and maybe even the desire to stop before it gets like it has so many times before.
“Ok.” I take a deep breath, then push it out along with all the nasty thoughts that keep invading on this intimate time.
“Ok,” Evan mimics me, lying still above me and not daring to move a muscle or anything else of that nature. All I can think about is how this is it, we are actually going to do this. “Just listen to my breaths and keep your eyes on me, ok? Watch my mouth, I breathe; you breathe, remember?” I nod again, a flame of blush creeping over my cheeks as if he can hear my thoughts as he goes on. “Breathe with me, Piper and if I need to stop at any point, tell me…ok?”
Nodding, I tense up, waiting as he slowly moves his body, arching his back like a cat. A strong painful, yet amazing sensation rolls through my pelvis, electrifying my inner thighs and stomach. Drawing my mouth open in need of more air, my eyes intensify with the urge to slam shut on the feeling.
“Open your eyes and keep your eyes on me, ok?” Evan huffs out through a muffled grunt.
That sound alone, more so than his words, have me widening my eyes and looking at him in total fascination and curiosity. His chest moves up, sliding against me as small tingles spark through me and make me even more anxious, yet excited. Not even realizing it is on the tip of my lips, a gasping whimper makes its way up my throat and out my mouth before I can stop it. I’m not hurt; I don’t want him to stop, but I still could not help it. It’s as if the warmth of his body combined with the subtle, slow movement of his hips into mine, shove the air in my lungs up and out of my body in a whiney sigh. His eyes widen and he stops, keeping his body pressed firmly against mine and us locked together.
“Do you need me…
…to stop?” Evan’s voice is so close, yet slowly begins to pull away. “Piper…”
Hot breaths hit my ear drums, and a weight moves away from me. It’s a different feeling than I’m used to and my fear lessens.
“Open your eyes,” Evan’s voice comes through loud and clear, and until now I had no idea I had closed my eyes again.
Opening them as if I’m peeling a wrapper off a delicate package, I look up and see him kneeling on the bed with both of his knees between my legs. I pull my hands to my chest instantly, almost embarrassed and weirded out that I’m laying here with nothing on while he’s above me with a full-access view.
He smiles, scooping up one of my hands in his. A piercing, electrifying tingle moves over my skin as his hand brushes over my breast in the process.
“Ok, we haven’t even started and you are doing what you used to.” He presses his lips together, looking me in the eyes in a more serious manner than I’m used to. Linking my left hand with his right, he holds our hands suspended in the air between us as he continues, “I’m not sure this is a good idea as much as I want it.” He grits his teeth, but my heart is immediately up in my throat in a panic I’ve never felt.
“No, I’m fine. I’ll be ok. I can do it…” I plead, pulling my hand out of his and sitting up in front of him with both of my knees bent and on either side of his hips.
His face scrunches up with his brows dipped low and his bottom lip tucked into his mouth in thought.
“Honest, I can do it,” I throw out one more plea, nearly begging; I really want to laugh at how I sound like he used to when he’d beg for me to try, insisting that he may die a virgin if not. He always knew how to turn the moments when I was scared the m
ost, into a playfulness that took my mind far from the pain and tragedy. He’s always put me at ease and made me feel safe.
Squinting in skepticism, he opens his mouth to speak then pauses for a second. “You sure?”
My heart jumps, an intense palpitation like I just had paddle boards shock me back to life. “Yes!”
He chuckles with a sincere, adoring grin that makes his eyes glimmer as he cocks his head to the side and reaches his hands behind me to pull me closer. I look down, extremely aware that he is still plenty ready for what is going to take place.
He laughs louder. “Don’t worry, it’s not equipped to take matters into its own hands. I’ll have to do the work.”
My head snaps back up to look at him, humiliated that I was just inspecting the manner of his arousal when all sorts of things on my body have come alive including my nipples which could currently etch my name in a sheet of glass.
He goes on, making sure that my embarrassment is well deserved and fully pointed out, “He’s just an innocent bystander that is forced to take the plunge.”
I shake my head, dropping my chin as his hands tug at my waist until I am into his lap, straddling him. He shifts, pulling me along with one of his hands now behind him on the bed as he directs us to the headboard. I lift further into the air, sliding against him and his completely ready anatomy as he straightens his legs out beneath me. Now it seems like we may go somewhere.
He clears his throat and lifts my chin. I cannot believe it; I was staring at his penis again.
“I’m sorry,” I say quietly, now staring at the silly smirk plastered across his face.
“It’s ok. You were always fascinated with that.”
“I was not!”
“If you say so,” he snickers, pulsing his brows up in an adorable flirtatious way that makes my stomach bounce with laughter.
He’s right, but it’s time to knock that cocky grin off his face.
“Do you have a condom?”
Breathe With Me (The Breathe Series Book 3) Page 26
