“Wow. I’ve never even found one, and we’ve been coming out here for forever.”
“I haven’t found one in years, but if I see one, I’ll get it for you.”
I look over at him, a tingle of color rising into my cheeks and flaming up over the bridge of my nose until I’m well aware that I’ve turned bright red.
“Ok,” I whisper hesitantly, my heart thumping over the fact that he would do something like that for me, while my hands shake and body floods with nervousness from acting so silly; it’s just a rock.
Evan drops his hand from the display case and turns to me, brushing his fingers over mine; maybe it’s not just a rock.
As soon as the memory comes clear to my mind, I straighten up in my seat and level him with a sentimental stare.
“I’ve never found one,” I squeak out in a quiet and gentle whisper, my heart still tripping over the fact that he remembered that small insignificant moment that I had forgotten. “You found one for me?” my voice barely rises above the sound of the engine and the wind buzzing by outside the windows.
Evan cocks a huge grin, twisting in his seat and putting his arm behind mine after he shoves the vehicle into reverse. I look up, realizing that we are at the restaurant and it only seems like one minute ago when we left.
“I found you nine, actually.”
Glancing down, my eyes take an exact tally of the arrowheads before I swing my sights back to Evan with a question in my head, but at a loss for words.
He goes on before I can say anything, “I’ll be damned if I didn’t look for one of those suckers every single time I helped Grandpa, when I’d be out at the beach, swimming, doing whatever and nothing for years.”
I finally speak up, interrupting his train of thought and story, “That was when we were fourteen,” I point out the absolute obvious, still stuck on the memory of the two of us standing there looking at rocks after we had snuck in to borrow some change out of this huge glass jug he had sitting in the corner of his bedroom.
Evan throws the van in park and looks to me with a nod. “I remember how old we were,” he chuckles.
“That was the same week you kissed me for the first time…” I keep up with pointing out unnecessary facts as if he wasn’t the other person in the memory.
He shrugs, “I had it all planned,” he says with a quick wink, his smile never fading as he glances from the arrowheads and back up to me.
I’m still sitting here in awe. “When did you get these?”
My eyes flick to his throat as he takes a large gulp before answering, “I found the first…” he moves his hand to my lap, pressing his index finger to a dark brown arrowhead no bigger than an inch in length. “…the summer I last saw you…and several after,” he pauses; I gasp, my mouth open wide as I stare down at the tiny thing which now looks far more significant than rocks. His fingertip hops two stones over to a creamy ivory stone that is much bigger in thickness and size and currently carving its way through the fruit roll up underwear. “This is the last one I found. I found it this summer down by the ninth cabin after I was cleaning up a mess of shingles from the roof we put on.”
My head is still set back to him finding it the summer he last saw me, “You looked after I left?”
He lets out a sigh, looking out the window and sitting very still in his seat, very un-Evan-like. “I combed every inch of those grounds for one of those for you and even more so after you left. I figured when school came back in session it would give me a way to break the ice; a reason for me to approach you and explain how stupid I had been.” He turns back to me, remorse and regret etched across every feature of his face as if someone had carved it out just like the stones. I start to speak up, to say I forgive him for whatever happened, but he beats me to it, “When the first day of school came though, I found out you had moved…that you had transferred to Fairview High,” he stops, pressing his lips together with a shrug as his mouth twitches to the side. “So I hung onto it and more found me.”
My mouth hangs open and my eyes feel as though they are drooping with sympathy and an ache in my heart for years wasted. There is no way to turn back time, to erase my stubbornness, but I want to say it; I want him to know I wish I would have just asked him what happened instead of acting so rash and reacting without giving him the benefit of the doubt.
“I should have called you. I should have…”
He shakes his head. “No. You had every right to leave. You didn’t owe me anything. I should have run after you and explained what happened. I really should have just learned to keep my mouth shut,” he smoothly tries to change the mood with his usual sarcasm and humor. “Someday, I will learn when to keep my mouth shut.”
“That’ll be the day,” Abby’s voice comes from the backseat and we both jump, looking back. “Oh yeah, I’m still here and can I just say…wow,” she hisses in a playful, dramatically sarcastic tone as she holds her arms across her chest, lounging back in the seat comfortable. “You’re a softy, aren’t you?”
Evan shakes his head again, a slow grin popping up over his lips and curving up to his cheek bones. “Yeah, you got me Abby. But, in my defense I did throw some edible undies in with it.”
Abby cracks up, leaning forward and spitting out a loud laugh as my body bounces in my seat, feeling every bit of her amusement, more so from nerves and a rush of emotion.
“Ok, yes and what was with that? Too afraid to just lay your heart out there? Gotta butch it up a bit to overshadow the sentiment and sappiness of truly loving someone?”
Abby’s words come out like bullets and it is written all over Evan’s face as he snaps his eyes to me, his grin dropped, but a serious expression cast upon his face with his lips motionless and his eyes a deep tone as if he’s looking inside me. She could not have said is better.
The seriousness flies away as Evan turns back to her, but not before giving me a small smile that whispers to my heart that every word she said was true.
“Well some people use tissue paper. I use edible undies.”
Abby spits out another laugh; so do I.
“Ok, whose hungry? I believe there are two appetizers each with my name on them.” Evan smirks, pulling the box out of my hand and placing it on the console between us.
“That’s what I’m talking about,” Abby says in agreement, throwing her door open as a rush of wind sweeps over my ankles and makes me shiver.
“We’ll talk about it all after dinner, ok?” Evan’s voice goes back to the tender tone he reserves for me and honestly now, all I want to do is skip the red carpet and go right back to his apartment. This night is already perfect.
He flings his door open and I release a sigh, my lungs screaming as I sit there on that breath before I’m forced to draw in more air. Maybe if I hold my breath, my heart will calm down and learn patience tonight. No sooner than Evan’s door slams, mine is opened with his hand outstretched before me. Ok, so maybe I’ll enjoy being spoiled and just let the entire evening build and build to the best part.
Stepping inside, arm in arm with Evan and on Abby’s heels, we quickly see everyone already seated at a table. I glance around for a second and laugh to myself, making a mental note that the entrance is adorned with a bright red runner along the floor and big plush red drapes swung to the side of the huge front windows. Through the doorway into the dining area, more splashes of red catch my eye from small droplets of red crystals that hang from the center of a huge glass chandelier in the center of the dome shaped ceiling, red napkins and candles strategically placed along each table and even a huge velvety rug in front of a large grand fireplace at the back of the room. The place is dripping with elegance and class.
“Wow…and you’re sure she said we’d be comped or was that just our waters we might want to order?” Evan mumbles through the corner of his lips as we walk to our table.
“Look, look, look what he got me…” Alyssa jumps up towards Abby, squealing and holding her wrist to show off a gorgeous diamond bracelet.
“Don’t worry, Lanie will come through. Her parents can afford it,” I whisper back to him as everyone says their hellos.
“Hey, what no tuxedo?” Evan points to Judd who takes a quick look down his body from his black dress jacket and button down white shirt and black slacks. “This isn’t prom, you know.”
“What?” Judd looks back at Evan, studying his attire and probably ready to rifle back over Evan’s much more casual wear of jeans, an untucked navy blue button down and a white tee peeking out near his neck.
Evan laughs, cutting up with Judd as I look back over to Abby and Alyssa, ‘oooing’ and ‘ahhhing’ over her most recent piece of jewelry.
“I should have gotten you some jewelry, huh?” Evan’s voice startles me as he whispers right by my ear, and I snap my head around, a dumbfounded feeling in my actions as if I’m expecting someone else to be standing there. “Whoa, I’m sorry.” Panic takes over his face, as he puts his hands out towards me.
“Oh no, it’s ok.” I brush off, refusing to let it ruin tonight. I have to learn to control it. I swallow any sense of anxiety that traveled into my consciousness just now, and respond to his last question, “And no, I love what you gave me.” I hold my arms out slightly and raise my chin. “Do I look like I wear much jewelry?”
Evan looks me over and chuckles. I probably look like a department store mannequin right now.
“Well, you’re not going to wear much jewelry, if you don’t own much.”
I shake my head again, completely disagreeing with where his thoughts are going. I’ve never been a big ‘diamonds and pearls’ person; simple and meaningful is the way to go.
“Oh my gosh, you’re kidding me,” Alyssa exclaims. “Ooooo, Piper,” she says quietly as Evan sparks up more chatter with Judd and Hayden.
I turn back and forth prepared to answer Evan, yet curious at what Abby is telling Alyssa. Oh no, she’s telling her about the underwear. Mortification sweeps over me.
We all take a seat and the chaos of several conversations all at once continues all around me, reminding me of Christmas Day at the cabin and many times this summer when there were a big group of us all clustered together; it makes me anxious and uneasy; maybe it was the wave of memories that hit me a few minutes ago.
“Red roses, huh?” Alyssa’s voice chimes from across the table as a pair of feet subtly kick mine.
I look up, a bit off on my social appetite.
“You ok?” Evan leans to my side.
“Yes…” I answer him, then pull my eyes across the table to Alyssa. “Yes,” I say with a smile. “He did.” I hope this is all the questions about my gifts.
Alyssa smiles, apparently pleased with my answer, then turns to join in on a conversation between Hayden and Judd.
The night goes by in slow motion, dragging on possibly to torture me or to draw out the turn of mood I’ve felt since we got here. I munch on bread sticks off and on, analyzing it all. I was happy, on top of the world and blown away with the arrowheads; my heart thuds on just that thought alone; then I walked inside, still thrilled to be coming here for the first time…
I pause in my thought process. It’s like I’ll never escape it. The letter surfaces in my mind and I have no earthly reason for thinking about it, but I do; just then every lively thought I’ve had for the night flies right out the window.
“Piper?” Evan says softly, leaning into the table and giving me a concerned stare. “You’re quiet? Is everything ok?”
I quickly grab my napkin, swiping it across my face, then toss it onto my half eaten plate of food. Doubt I’ll eat anymore.
“Yeah,” I assure him as I push off from the table to stand. “I think I might use the restroom. I’m just feeling a little…” I give him a regretful look, knowing I may ruin his night if I don’t get this in check. “Just a little off for some reason. I think I’m just tired. I’ll be back.”
“Ok,” he speaks softly, hesitant as if he’s blaming himself.
“Oh, wait…Piper…I’ll go with you.” Abby hops up and flies around the table to join me just as I give one last reassurance to Evan.
“I’m alright, really.” I smile, before joining Abby.
Five minutes later, my eyes are closed as my hands press against the cool flat surface of the granite counter, chanting to myself. Breathe, Piper, Breathe. What is going on with me?
I take a deep rejuvenating breath, my shoulders rise and my diaphragm tightens as I draw it in and slowly release. Breathe. Opening my eyes, my sight blurs with remnants of that night. The mirror, the reflection of me standing there in only my t-shirt and skinned up knees and hands, pale white in fear and nauseous. I’ve got to get past this…I have to, but every little thing takes me back to that day; back to square one. I squeeze my eyes closed with a pool of tears building behind them.
A swish of the toilet being flushed behind me brings me back to my senses and I instantly jerk my eyelids open as Abby flings the stall door forward, looking down at her feet.
She looks up, right at me as she straightens her dress in the back. “Toilet paper check,” she laughs. “I just know everyone would let me march down the street with it hanging out of the back of my dress or stuck to my shoe.”
Scrunching my brows at her joke, I give her a hint of a grin before looking back down to the sink.
“Especially Evan, right?” she chuckles again then pauses, sitting back against the counter so that she can face me. “Hey, did that gift make you nervous?”
I look up quickly, a little taken aback by her question. Why would the story and memory about the arrowheads make me nervous; that was amazing of him.
“The strawberry underwear…” she points out the obvious, which I clearly did not even think of. “You know, since you really haven’t had a whole lot of…” Abby trails off, but she has my attention now.
She’s my best friend and although I have pointed out to her that Chris and I never went all the way and never so much as played around, as I also did when she asked if I fooled around with Tyler this summer, I have not told her everything. I have kept a lot to myself and don’t indulge in much talk about sex and hot guys, and Abby has always got that about me. Granted, she does know that I lost my virginity to Evan. I needed someone to talk to after all that; the end of that day didn’t go like I had hoped and I had to play my depression off to everyone as something. Going all the way for the first time was all I had to give as an excuse and I hated even sharing that with anyone. After what Mitch said that day, I felt so violated. My body tenses and I cringe, regretting even going down this road.
“Piper?!”
Her voice shakes me out of my trance and I flinch, my shoulders jerking and jostling my upper body.
“What’s going on? You have been in la-la-land all night.”
Taking a deep breath, I drop my head and peer down at the sink, gazing at the browns and grays swirled through the granite in an untamed pattern. What’s wrong with me she’s asking. What is wrong with me? Why am I thinking about so much tonight? I should be living this night up with a smile that could outmatch anyone’s; I’m here with Evan, I got roses from someone other than Dad, he gave me the most prized present anyone could ever think of and I’m surrounded by all my friends; life should be grand.
“I don’t mean to pry, but you haven’t been real talkative on the whole thing…have you two done anything? I mean, besides just the basic messing around or did it go back to how you guys were when you were younger?” Abby flexes her jaw as I look her in the eyes, concentrating on figuring it out myself.
It’s all the stupid memories of that day. The fear of finding out how Mitch knew. Hesitation of whether I can get through and enjoy later tonight without it ending in tears. It’s a flood of overwhelming emotion from all the wonderfulness of this day, and it may even be a bit of nervousness brought on by considering to actually wear those stupid, red underwear and how that means Evan will get them off. A buzz of exhilaration zips through my entire body starting at my toes, zapping
up my inner thighs, swirling through my belly with a kick of flutters, causing an extra hundred beats of my heart and making my head spin with visions of him somewhere I’ve never imagined before.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but…”
I snap out of it fast on her words, remembering her comment about me being in la-la-land only moments ago. What the hell; she’s my best friend, if I can’t talk to her, I’ll never be able to talk to anyone.
Sucking in the deepest breath of courage I’ve ever taken, I turn and lean against the counter with my hands tightly clasped in front of me as a sort of barrier for my nervousness and the threat of a possible emotional outburst.
“Ok, well…” I suck in another mouthful of air, slowly releasing it before speaking again. “At first we just kissed. Well actually for the first month, that’s all we did.”
“Wow, you’re disciplined,” Abby says in an exasperated tone.
I may be in a sharing mood, but I’m not sure I’m ready to take a trip all the way to the beginning of memory lane. That’s a dark road; I’ll just stick to the present.
I snicker a little and continue, “Well, I’ve always been sort of cautious in that department, you know that,” I spit out so matter-of-factly as if she knows the whole story. All I told her years ago is that I had nightmares when I was a kid that made me have the blackout. In a sense she knows what happened, kind of, just in a simulated sort of way. “But the other week we did end up…” I look her dead in the eyes, suddenly uncomfortable to say the word sex out loud, like it’s such a dirty word; only with Evan it’s not. I still can’t say it.
“Ohhhh, wow. So you two had sex again for the first time since…” Abby looks down, squinting her eyes as she quickly calculates. “…since you were what? Sixteen or so?”
I nod.
“And?” She nudges her chin forward, hope and curiosity all over her face.
Stumbling inside to figure out what she could want to know, my mind comes to a screeching halt. This is Abby; she’s the female equivalent of a smartass male…basically Evan with a vagina.
Breathe With Me (The Breathe Series Book 3) Page 31
