“Why you so touchy about her anyways? Maybe she’d like to try someone a bit more experienced.”
I don’t know what I’m thinking and I barely say it, but I say it, “Ask your pal Trent.”
He flinches and belts out a laugh.
“No way! Whoa are you saying…holy shit, I can’t believe it!”
Every ounce of color drains from my face and I turn, wide-eyed in alarm at what I may have so carelessly divulged.
“What’s true?” Tristan jumps into the conversation and I swing my attention out to Piper, so carelessly having fun and totally oblivious to what just slipped out of my mouth.
“Trent and Evan’s gal out there did the deed.” He points out to her; Tristan’s eyes widen as he looks at me, but I just snap.
“They’re kissing cousins, man…”
I lunge at my brother, fury engulfing me and taking over every limb in my body as I pound my fist into his chest.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.”
Tristan rips me off of my brother, but Mitch just laughs, wiping at his busted lip. “Come on, Evan. Just go down to the beach. Mitch is just screwing with you,” he says in a sympathetic tone while pulling me down off the porch.
My chest heaves in and out and the air in my lungs feels like fire as I fight to calm myself.
“Don’t ever talk about her. Ever!” I shout and pull myself away from Tristan.
He puts his hands up in surrender as I turn my angry eyes to him for a split second then back to my brother.
“If you ever, ever talk about her like that again, I swear I will kick your ass…I don’t care if you’re bigger than I am or not. I will kick your ass and make sure you look like the biggest pansy there is.” I pause and turn to walk down to the beach, behind Tristan.”…and tell your friend, Trent, to keep his damn hands off her!”
Flicking my eyes back open, I stare at her, hoping she understands that it was just a sense of protectiveness I was feeling over her when I said it. It was a reaction and I’ve regretted it ever since.
“I know I should have kept my mouth shut. I had no right to say anything, I know I didn’t, but believe me when I say, I have kicked myself for it every day since.”
Her defensive stance doesn’t give way at all. Her hands remain balled at her sides, where they fell shortly after I refused to hand her the keys.
“No, you didn’t have a right to tell him. So Tristan knows too?”
I drop my head, my chin nearly slamming into my collar bone as I realize what I just told her. Wow, do I ever learn. Looking up sympathetically, I nod my head slowly, the dread of my words catching up to me and biting me in the ass harder than that dog did.
“Perfect!” she snaps, all her of fury, is now blazing through her at full steam.
“So it was just some sort of game I guess…macho talk, huh?” She raises her hands into the air and deepens her voice, mocking much as I do, but she’s dead serious and fuming. “Just go ask your pal, Tr…” she stumbles her words, stopping at his name as if her tongue will not finish that particular one.
“What?! No, it wasn’t a game! Did you even listen to me? He was putting you down and pressing my buttons. All he was doing was egging me on to get me to say more. He knew what he was doing. He’s my brother; no one knows better how to piss me off to where I can’t control my damn mouth and even form a reasonable thought. I didn’t tell him intentionally; it was more to protect…”
She raises her hand to stop me. “Yeah, yeah…I got it. Protective, right! You told two guys who are the biggest assholes in the world that I’m damaged goods.”
This infuriates me. “I did not and I’ve never thought that. How the hell do you figure you are damaged? It happened, Piper; it happens to people, but you have to find a way to get past it.”
“Oh spare me the therapy lesson. Do you know that after that day, my parents fought day and night?! Mom refused to believe me until Dad could not take it anymore. They filed for divorce, we moved and I had to change schools. Everything in my life changed because of you opening your mouth,” she stops, the whites of her eyes bright red. Clearing her throat, she regains her composure and straightens up. “Besides, I am perfectly fine now, and getting through it.” She glances around, caution and hesitation suddenly taking over the anger and bitterness. “We had sex didn’t we and I’ve even said that I wanted to again. You’re the one that keeps putting on the brakes, not me,” she whispers through a tight jaw with all anger reappearing.
I lower my tone before speaking, respecting her casual way of pointing out that she doesn’t want to draw attention right here in the middle of downtown. “Hell yeah, I’ve put on the breaks, because every damn time you cry after we fool around, it’s like shoving a knife through my heart. It’s like a reminder of what happened and it makes me think that you feel in a way like I’m taking advantage of you. I hate myself after, don’t you understand that?”
“Oh great, so now I find out that you hate yourself after we do that?”
“Oh.my.gosh…no! Would you stop being such a damn girl, Piper. Stop trying to turn this into a fight!” My temper flares. It really doesn’t matter what is said at this point, it’s going south one way or another if she has her way; she’s in flight mode and I don’t think I can do a damn thing about it. I go on, trying to finish everything I planned to explain, “…and the thing with Abby…”
“Oh yeah, you opening your mouth again?”
“Dammit, Piper!” I huff out, about to prove her big mouth theory right if I don’t cool it. Geez, she is frustrating the hell out of me! How the hell did this night go so wrong? Shaking my head at her stubbornness, I go on to explain the situation with Abby, “…and no, I never said a word to Abby. She was talking about what you told her I assumed and it sounded like she knew. I was just telling her that I was glad you had someone.”
“Piper, he’s right. I just came to my own conclusions.”
We both swing around seeing that we have drawn Judd and Abby outside with the way we ran out. Judd hangs back by the door, his head hung low, focusing on the ground as if his ears can’t hear a thing as long as he doesn’t make eye contact with us. Abby, stands only two feet away, behind me, nervously fidgeting her hands together. She looks straight at Piper, the sympathy and remorse in her eyes plain as day. No doubt, I’ll catch slack on that too.
I pivot back around to face Piper, who swings her gaze from Abby to me, without saying a word. She slides her hands up, folding them over her chest and dipping her eyes low into a penetrating frown that makes it clear that this shit is not making a turn for the better.
“Wonderful…so now everyone knows I guess…” she mutters, keeping her voice quiet, but direct.
“Oh yeah, because I’m the one that stormed out of the restaurant and wanted to argue on the sidewalk…”
She jumps back in, “…and everyone thinks I’m some sort of filthy, damaged…” tears begin to stream down her face and her words come out with more anger the more she talks.
Any amount of frustration and irritation that had made its presence known melts away. What she’s saying is aggravating as hell, but not so much at her, more so that she can’t bend her thinking on it.
I lower my voice to a near whisper, “Ok just stop it. Piper, that night should not define you. It happened and it sucks ass…bad.” She shifts her body, looking even more defiant than before, her jaw flexing and a deep crease embedded between her brows as she glares at me through misty eyes, but I keep going, “That was then, this is now. The past needs to stay where it was or there is no hope for…”
“Evan, just stop! Just stop! Give me the keys…”
I snap my mouth closed, clamping my teeth together and taking a perturbed breath as I close my eyes for a second. There is no getting through to her; none.
“…now! Just give me the keys please…” what started out as a bitter, enraged attitude in her stance and voice, dissolves into a painful plea. “Please…” she whimpers as huge droplets of water spill from
her eyes again.
She shivers, running her hands up and down her arms and it’s then that I notice she didn’t even grab her jacket. My fingers lock on the keys, hesitating for a second. Will she come back if I let her go? I don’t know if she will; it took so long last time that if I let her walk away now, it could be goodbye.
“Please…”
Her pleading whispers reach my ears and everything inside me goes numb with what I may be giving up as I pull the keys from my pocket and hold them between us. I could say the same to her; please…but I won’t. If this is what she needs; if this is what will heal the broken parts inside of her, then I’ll let her walk away. Squeezing my eyes shut out of dread, the metal ring gripped between my thumb and index finger slips away and I, without a doubt, will be kicking myself for this later.
I reopen my eyes and look right at her. “Piper…”
She holds her hand up immediately, stopping any attempt I have to turn this around. “Evan, just don’t.” She clicks the locking mechanism dangling from her keychain and a red light flashes in my peripheral vision. “For once, just keep your mouth shut,” she says it gently with not one trace of anger or resentment in her tone, keeping the level of her voice low and calm, but she might as well have thrown a fast ball right to my chest, because it nearly knocks me down.
No amount of explaining myself can undo what happened when I told Mitch her secret. I screwed up so bad that day. I press my lips together and take a step back, signaling that I will do just as she says. However, every bone and muscle in my body is hollering at me to stop her, to rip the keys out of her hand and say, ‘Screw this shit! It’s time to get over this and stop running from the pain and from what has always made you feel good; me’. I don’t move an inch, though.
“Piper,” Abby calls out, running past me. “I’ll go with you.”
Piper doesn’t say a word as she walks around to the driver’s side and jumps in. Abby pulls at the handle of the passenger side, twisting her head to the side to look over her shoulder at me. I can’t even force a smile and neither does she, instead she scrunches her face up, crinkling her nose and creasing her brows together in a remorseful expression.
I have no desire to watch her leave. After turning, I look around quickly making eye contact with Judd, who also stands in the freezing cold without a jacket. I cannot think of a shittier night.
“Man, is everything ok?”
I don’t even know how to answer that and I don’t really want to. “Hey, I’m just gonna take off. I’ll catch you tomorrow and ummm…would Alyssa mind taking Piper’s jacket back to her? She might have her purse hanging on the back of the chair also.”
Judd looks down the street, swinging his eyes side-to-side to take in where we are as if he didn’t already know. “Where you going? I can drive you home at least.”
I point forward down the street, shaking my head. “The jobsites just a block away, figured I’d walk it. I can do with the fresh air anyway.”
One foot in front of the next, I start the trek to the work trailer, for the first time not a bit fazed by the cold air blowing right in my face. Judd opens his mouth as I pass, but clamps it shut before saying a word. It’s not often that I’m at a loss for words; he knows I don’t want to talk.
The trip goes fast and all I can think about the whole time is where I made my first mistake. Was it the arrowheads? The stupid ass gag gift? How did we end up here? Why and how do I get back to where we were, if we were ever even there in the first place? She will never get over that part of her life and I don’t know how to move forward if she can’t. There’s no way to make her; there’s no way to help her and as much as it hurts her, it hurts us and it pains me to see her like that. She was so wrong when she said I don’t care. I care to the depths of my soul; I care.
Once I get to the fence, expecting it to be locked tight and free of visitors, I look up and see a work truck in the parking lot and the light on in the small trailer. Shit! That’s all I need is someone that wants to talk tonight. I move fast continuing in on my initial plan to just stay the night at work, not that I’ll sleep at all.
As soon as I fling the door open, my eyes land on someone I did not expect. Turning his head just as quick as I opened the door, his expression shifts damn near to the same one I’m probably sporting at this moment. He looks about as unhappy to see me, as I do to see him.
“Well here I came late at night, hoping I’d have time to myself and put in a little overtime uninterrupted,” Tristan’s annoyance comes across loud and clear
I glance around to the wall beside his desk where one crutch rests. Heaps of papers are strung all over his desk, which took up residency once Grandpa gave him the job. I look to Judd’s desk chair, sitting empty and calling my name only a couple feet away.
“Well I was thinking about the same thing. I guess great minds think alike. You know you don’t have to keep taking on so much. Most of the jobs aren’t even scheduled for this year.”
Walking over to the chair, I grip it in my hand and pull it out before plopping down. My ass hits the firm, uncomfortable cushion and a truck load of regret is pushed from my lungs on a heavy sigh; everything that happened tonight suddenly bites down on my heart.
“I like to keep busy.” Tristan keeps his eyes down on his work, shuffling two papers back and forth. Glancing over with his brows etched with curiosity, he studies me for a second before speaking. “Well that looks familiar. You get dumped?”
I chuckle, knowing this expression should be very familiar to him considering he was there the day it took place or the first time it happened at least.
“Ahhh, don’t act like you know so much about it. Who’s ever dumped your ass?”
Tristan face never changes, keeping a somewhat bland unemotional expression and a vacantness in his eyes that is usually lit with the desire to pester and aggravate everyone around him.
“I don’t usually give anyone the chance to dump me. Rough day?”
I raise my brows. “Do you really want to know about this? Is it share time?” I say it sarcastically, but honestly, I could probably go off like a woman right now, minus the emotional outburst of tears. Although, the walk here, I did get a bit misty eyed just thinking over the fact that she may blow me off for another couple years. This sucks.
He blows out a breath, staring forward past the dim lit desk lamp to the jobsite map tacked to the wall with a million different small colored ball-tipped pins stabbed into it in various spots.
“What the hell, try me. It’s better than sitting here and sulking about my own life.” He turns his head, remaining tucked beneath the desk.
I look down at the base of the chair, hesitating on laying any of my garbage on him, when he’s dealing with much more, I’m sure.
“Yeah, don’t go there,” he snaps.
Swinging my sights back up to him, a pit forms in my stomach. He must get that shit all the time; dumbasses staring. I did the first day he came onto the jobsite.
“Ok,” I snap out of it, going right into rambling mode. “I’m not good at girly-ass heart-to-hearts, so you’ll have to bear with me. Let’s see…” Rolling my eyes up to my lids as if I’m searching my brain for the words, I come up empty. I am not a talker when it comes to this crap. “Plans for a mind-blowing exciting evening turned to the shittiest night ever with an extra scoop of shit and a cherry on top to round it off.” I bob my head in victory of a well explained evening. “Yep, that about covers it.”
Tristan leans back in his chair, raising his arms to fold behind his head into a relaxed position.
“You don’t say. So you did get dumped.” He glances over from the corner of his eyes. “…and I suppose she stormed off and left your ass and you had to huff and puff it all the way here.”
I jostle in my seat on a laugh. “Correcto,” I say, bobbing my head again with my lips pressed together and my eyebrows raised in surprise of his quick assessment. Right on the damn money. “Good job, Freud…and here I always took you fo
r an arrogant asshole that never knew the difference between a heart and a hemorrhoid. I just figured you considered them both a pain in your ass.”
He spits out a laugh-type sigh, looking back towards the map. “Yeah, well today’s a joke anyway. I never took you for the type to ring in overrated holidays like today. Please tell me you didn’t go buy your gal roses and a box of chocolates.” He glances over and I look at him sheepishly, holding back an all-knowing smirk. Swinging his eyes back to the wall, he shoves another sarcastic breathy laugh from his nose. “Figures. Well I guess that didn’t help, huh? Should’ve saved your money.”
I twirl a quarter of the way around in my seat, keeping my heels pressed to the same area of the floor as I anxiously finger a pencil, picking it up and dropping it down and repeating.
“Nahhh…” I start, then stop what I’m doing and snap my attention back to him. “Today’s your birthday, isn’t it? Judd mentioned it this morning when we went to get Piper and Alyssa’s flowers.”
Even from the corner of his eyes I can see I-don’t-give-a-damn fester up in his expression as he rolls them and bounces up subtly on a sarcastic laugh, before turning to look at me.
“Piper, huh? So you guys are still a thing? I thought you two were history years ago. So what happened this time?” His tone turns serious.
Holy shit! Finally, someone that knows. “We were…” I stumble, tripping over my thoughts and veering from the obvious topic of what happened to her even though he knows. I’m keeping my damn mouth shut this time, regardless. “I thought some things could be forgotten, but she chose to dredge them up and punish me for them again.”
“Ahhh, well, I don’t know the whole story, but that has to be a tough one.” For the first time in years, he sounds sympathetic to a situation.
“Well Abby seemed to help it along this time.”
His sarcastic, down-played chuckle from before moves to an all-out laugh as he jolts forward, lowering his arms. “Well hell, she just seems to have brightened everyone’s day, didn’t she?!” I frown in confusion, but he goes on, “She looked giddy as hell carrying around that ridiculously huge bouquet of flowers today. Hmmm, maybe I got her in a pissy mood,” he goes on practically talking to himself, then suddenly snaps out of it, turning back to me. “Probably better off.”
Breathe With Me (The Breathe Series Book 3) Page 33
