by E. L. Todd
He leaned over the table. “Eat like a real person. I won’t tell anyone.”
It wasn’t about the food. It was about the money. But I would never admit that. “I have to watch my figure.”
“I watch it all the time. It’s perfect.”
That made my cheeks redden slightly.
“Now get the kung pao chicken. I’m telling ya, you’ll like it.”
“Thank you for the suggestion.” I looked across the room at all the other tables. People were eating quietly, hidden in the limited light of the room.
The waiter approached our table with his tab in his hand.
Flynn cleared his throat. “I’ll order for the both of us. I’ll have the garlic chicken with the hot and sour soup, and my lovely date will be having the kung pao chicken with a side salad.”
That bastard.
“Very well, sir.” He took the menus and walked away.
“Do you always have to get your way?” I asked.
He drank his water. “Yep. So, how’s the practice going?”
“It’s fine.”
“The show is starting soon. Nervous?”
“No. Once we start performing, we practice less. I’m looking forward to that.”
“Why is that?” he asked.
“It just gets boring, you know? And I hate being around the same group of girls for so long.”
He chuckled. “What did they do now?”
“Well, Vanessa, who’s never spoken to me in the year I’ve known her, confronted me about you and asked if I was sleeping with you.”
“Really?” He rubbed his chin. “What did you say?”
“What do you mean what did I say? No, obviously.”
“And her response?”
“She was clearly irritated by the thought of you and I being together.”
“Well, she’s not going to be happy as time progresses.”
What did that mean? “Is she one of your admirers?”
“She’s one of the girls I slept with. She’s been trying to get back into my pants for a while.”
I felt the jealousy well up inside me but I didn’t show it. I wasn’t sure why I cared. I shouldn’t care.
“So, you don’t have a boyfriend, right?”
“You’re the one who said I didn’t have a social life. What do you think?”
He smirked. “I can usually read people pretty well. And no, you don’t strike me as someone who’s currently in a relationship.”
“Uh, thanks.” Was that supposed to be an insult?
“Because if you were in a relationship, you’d be happy.”
“I am happy,” I said defensively.
He shrugged but didn’t say anything.
“I’m not exactly pleasant company when I’m at work because my feet hurt, the girls are annoying as hell, and I’m starving. When I’m with my friends, I’m a totally different person.”
“Tell me about these friends.” He rested his elbows on the table.
I wasn’t expecting that question. “Well, Cortland is one of the greatest guys I know. He’s a computer geek but he’s sporty and outgoing. Monnique is gorgeous like a supermodel. Ryan does tattoos for a living and he doesn’t bullshit about anything. Janice is a sweet angel but can turn on you in a second. Scarlet is mother Theresa, and Sean’s only hobby is Scarlet. Mike is the life of the party, until recently because his girlfriend left him. They are a good group of people.”
“Well, that’s a lot of people.”
“See? I do have a personal life.”
“Wow. I’ve been proven wrong—for once.” He leaned back in his chair and gave me an intense look. His eyes scanned my face, lingering on my lips longer than normal. I was uncomfortable and wanted to look away but I held my ground.
“Why do you do that?”
“What?” He didn’t avert his gaze.
“Stare at me.”
“I like looking at you. You’re beautiful.”
Beautiful? No one ever said that to me before, at least not in a context like this. I squirmed in my seat, feeling awkward. What do I say? Thank you?
“You aren’t used to getting attention, are you?”
I felt like a lab rat with this guy. He knew my every move before I made it.
“Well, you’re going to be getting a lot of it from me.”
I wished I could think of something witty to say back.
“Tell me about your family. Do they live in the city?”
“No. Jersey.”
He nodded. “Just a train ride away. That’s good.”
“I haven’t seen them in over a year.”
“Oh. Why?” He seemed genuinely interested.
“They don’t approve of my career choice. I’m an embarrassment to them.”
“What’s wrong with dance?”
I shrugged. “It’s not secure, or something like that. I’ll retire before I’m forty and then I won’t have a way to support myself.”
“Life is about the journey, not the ending.” He drank from his water again. “I’m sorry your parents aren’t supportive.”
“My brother is a lawyer, so he’s their shiny gem.”
“I admire you for pursuing your dream despite the disapproval.”
“Sometimes I wonder if I made the wrong decision.” I blurted that out without thinking. Flynn naturally dragged stuff out of me that I never told anyone else. I didn’t even tell Cortland that and he was practically my best friend.
“Why do you say that?” He leaned over the table, giving me his monogamous focus.
I didn’t want to dump all my personal bullshit on him. I wasn’t going to complain about not having money, food, or an apartment that wasn’t ridden with cockroaches everywhere I went. That wasn’t me. If I really wanted to change it, I should stop complaining and just do it. “Nevermind. Forget I said anything.”
“Tell me.” The need came out of his throat. “Please.”
The desperation in his eyes made me flinch. He met my look without wavering. I wanted to open up and tell him everything, but I wasn’t sure why. “Let’s be real; I’m never going to make it into something that’s going to be secure. I’ll always be working for less than minimum wage. I’ll never have a retirement and I’ll never have enough money to live off of. I can’t even afford groceries right now. My feet kill me every day and sometimes I wonder why I’m even there. I fear I’ll get hurt and break something then can’t afford a visit to the doctor. Sometimes it feels pointless.”
The silence stretched between us. I looked out the window because I couldn’t look at him. Now that I said everything I wanted to say, I wished I hadn’t said anything at all. How would he react to that? All I did was make him uncomfortable.
“I know why you’re still there.”
Slowly, I turned back to him.
“Because you love what you do. Period. And that’s why you’re the best dancer in that production.” He gave me a firm look, telling me he meant everything he said. “I know it’s hard right now. But it will get better. I promise.”
“You can’t make a promise like that.”
“I know I can’t. But for you, I will.”
I looked at my silverware because I didn’t know what else to do. He somehow made me feel warm and uncomfortable at the same time.
The waiter deposited the plates in front of us. As soon as I got a waft of the smell, my stomach rumbled. Everything smelled so damn good. Since he already ordered the food, I may as well eat it.
Flynn picked up his chopsticks then ate his bowl of rice like he’s done it a hundred times. I picked up my fork because I wasn’t as cultured as he was.
He smirked while he watched me. “Don’t know how to use chopsticks?”
“What gave me away?”
He grabbed my hand and placed the sticks between my fingers. His hand was warm and twice my size. He gently placed the sticks where they needed to go and told me how to move them. After a few failed attempts, I finally got it right.
“Now you’re cultured too.” He winked then ate his dinner.
I was so hungry that I was practically throwing the food in my mouth. If Flynn noticed, he didn’t let it on. I ate everything on my plate. The salad was demolished and so was the main entrée. I didn’t have any leftovers to take home and neither did Flynn.
“Did you like it?” he asked.
“It was the best thing I’ve ever eaten.”
He chuckled lightly. “I don’t know about that, but it was pretty good.”
I hadn’t felt full like this in a week. Now I didn’t care about my bank account.
The waiter dropped the check and I grabbed my purse.
Flynn threw the cash inside then shoved it back at the waiter. “No change.”
“Thank you, sir.”
I stilled as my wallet remained open on my lap. “You paid last time.”
He waved his hand away. “I definitely don’t let my date pay for anything. Now put your wallet away.”
I didn’t bother fighting it. I was relieved I didn’t have to pay. I couldn’t afford to pay for my share. “Thank you for dinner.”
“You’re very welcome.”
We left the restaurant then headed to the sidewalk.
“Dessert?” he asked.
I touched my stomach. “I don’t think I can eat another bite.”
He smirked. “Me too. That rice is filling.”
I guess that meant our date was over. And that made me sad.
“Can I walk you home?”
I didn’t want him to see my ghetto apartment. I wasn’t ashamed of where I lived and how much money I had, but I didn’t want to show it to someone on the first date. “I’ll manage.”
He leaned close to me, making my skin prickle. “Let me rephrase that. I’m walking you home.” He gave me a firm look, like he dared me to defy him. “Now lead the way.”
I wanted to dislike him but it was getting difficult. His crystal blue eyes were irresistible and his chivalry was appreciated. He was easy to talk to and not judgmental. I didn’t like knowing women were so smitten with him, but he was honest about the person he was and what his intentions were.
But Kyle came to my mind. We’d only been broken up for a year. He already moved on and had a fiancé so I shouldn’t live in the past, but it was hard to move on. It wasn’t him that I missed, but I guess I was scared the next guy would do the same thing to me. And I just couldn’t go through that again. Plain and simple.
When we broke up, I became a person I despised. I was bitter and angry, calling him just to scream at him even though the damage had been done. I stalked his girlfriend just to get a look at her. And when I saw how beautiful and graceful she was, it made me sick. I locked myself in my apartment and cried for days.
No, I couldn’t go through that again.
We reached my apartment and walked down the noisy hallway. A TV was blaring loudly, and people were fighting. The noise didn’t bother me because I was used to it. We reached my door at the end of the hallway and I fiddled with my keys in my hands.
Flynn leaned against the doorway, blocking the lock on the apartment. I suspected he did it on purpose. “I had a good time with you tonight.”
I nodded. “Me too.”
“And I’d like to take you out again.” He stared at me, waiting for me to agree to it.
I didn’t know what to do. I liked Flynn but he had danger signs written all over him. Could I be with someone that was wanted by everyone else? He had a plethora of girls he could turn to. Wouldn’t he exchange me for someone new when he got bored with me? My heart was shattered so I had to be selective with the people I spent time with. “Flynn, you’re great but—”
“I’ll be here on Tuesday at seven.” He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.
I flinched at the unexpected affection. His warm lips felt heavenly. I wanted more.
He moved from the door. “Good night.”
I didn’t put my keys inside. “I don’t want to see you anymore.” It took all the energy of my body to force myself to say those words.
“I don’t care.” He stared me down, not insulted by my words. “You know why?”
I waited for him to answer.
“Because I don’t believe you. Don’t push me away. Give me a chance.”
“You don’t understand…”
“No, I do. You think I’m a playboy who’s just interested in getting in your pants before I move on to the next girl. It’s not like that. I keep my purely physical relationships separate from the women I date. And I haven’t been on a date in three years. You’re special to me, Hazel. And I want to see you again. I will see you again.
How could I make an argument against that? I already felt connected to him and that scared me. “If you’re serious about me, then I should be honest with you…”
He put his hands in his pockets and waited for me to elaborate.
“I had a bad relationship recently and I just…I’m not ready.”
“When?”
“We broke up a year ago.”
He raised an eyebrow. “That seems like plenty of time to get over it. What happened?”
“He left me for someone else…” My throat burned as I said the words. It still hurt. I felt used and cheap. I felt insignificant, ugly, useless, worthless, undervalued. I felt like I didn’t mean anything. I was cast aside like an old part for a car, only to be replaced by a better and shinier piece.
“I understand now…” He stepped closer to me, his hands still tucked away. I looked at the floor because I couldn’t meet his gaze. He inched to me, his face getting closer to mine. His hand moved around my waist and he pulled me close to him. I didn’t fight it and let my face rest on his chest. “I’m sorry he hurt you. But please give me a chance anyway. I can’t promise I won’t hurt you, but I promise I’ll do my hardest not to.”
It felt so nice to be held by someone. Cortland only did it once, and even then, it didn’t mean anything—on his end. Feeling tucked away in someone’s arms felt heavenly. Flynn smelled like faint cologne and masculinity. I breathed in his scent and savored it. I liked feeling the closeness with someone else. My heart thawed slightly.
He pulled away slightly then pressed his face to mine. “Please give me a chance.”
“But you deserve better.”
“You’re right. I deserve better—which is you.”
I took a deep breath.
“I’ll be here on Tuesday. Will you?” His hand squeezed my lower back, begging me to say yes.
It was hard to resist him. I hardly knew this guy but I was already falling for him. He came out of the sky like a falling star. It happened so fast that I didn’t catch a glimpse. But here he was, holding me in his arms. “Okay…”
He smiled then kissed me on the cheek again. “Thank you.” He dropped his arms and gave me room to get into my apartment.
I fiddled with the keys then finally got the door open.
“Good night.” He nodded to me then walked down the hallway.
Once I was inside, I locked the door then slid to the floor, leaning against the wood. I processed what just happened, and I noticed something odd. I felt happy. It was distant and vague, but it was there nonetheless. And I hadn’t felt it in so long I almost didn’t recognize it.
I sat in the darkness for a long time before I finally got to my feet. I was hungry again but I didn’t have any food in the house. I was getting desperate. I would have to apply for food stamps the next morning. If I were rejected, which I had a feeling I would be, then I would have to resort to Cortland’s charity.
A knock on the door made me flinch. It was almost midnight and I had no idea who would visit me at this hour. I looked through the peephole but didn’t see anyone. My curiosity got the better of me so I opened the door.
There were grocery bags on the floor. Milk, bread, cereal, frozen meat, fruit, veggies, and a few boxes of junk food were stuffed inside the bags. I looked at everything and felt my eyes burn. I was drowning
and no one had a clue. But one person did.
And I knew exactly who he was.
16
Ryan
Razor looked at me like I was crazy. He stood at his station while his needles and equipment sat on the table, sterilized and ready to go. Besides me, he was the best tattoo artist in the shop. “You want me to ink you?”
“Yes.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Are you sure, boss?”
“I just asked you, didn’t I?”
“But it’s your first one. You really want me to mark your virgin skin?”
I rolled my eyes. “Do we need to be girls about this? Just do it.”
He took a deep breath. “Alright. Let me get ready.” He washed his hands then double-checked his equipment. I sat down and rested my arm across the table. My heart was beating fast but I wasn’t nervous. I knew this is what I wanted.
He patted his hands dry then sat down. “What do you want?”
“A ring.”
“Where?”
“Around this finger.” I held up my left hand.
His eyes widened. “You’re married?”
“Almost. Now do it. Plain black. Dark.”
He nodded his head and got to work.
The pain was negligent. I watched him and made sure he did everything right. The obsessive and compulsive part of me needed the artwork to be perfect. I knew the ink would mark my skin until the day I died, but that didn’t scare me. I wanted it to be there forever. There was never a doubt in my mind that Janice was the one. Sometimes we argued like we’d kill each other, but nothing could break us apart. Even when she should have left me, she didn’t. She was loyal and trusting. I wasn’t going to let her go for any reason. She made me the happiest guy in the world.
When he was done, a few drops of blood leaked. “There isn’t much padding here,” he explained.
“I know.” I’ve been inking for almost a decade. I knew how skin worked.
He stared at it for a moment before he wrapped a pad around it.
“I want a Band-Aid on top.”
“The gauze will be enough.”
“Just do it.” I realized I was being a jerk. “Please.”
“Whatever you want, boss.” He placed the Band-Aid around the digit. “You’re all set. Just give it a few days and it will be perfect.”
