by Laurel Veil
♦ ♦ ♦
In the weeks that followed, life almost seemed to return to normal. It was a new normal, of course, not having Dani around, but things were once again quiet at school and around town. People talked about other things, like sports and the weather. That’s why we were surprised when we got an unexpected knock at the door.
16.
“I wonder who that could be,” said Grandma.
“Do you want me to get it?” I asked
“No, that’s alright, honey. I got it,” she said, as she set the scarf she’d been crocheting on the end table next to her chair.
Nolan, who was sitting very close to me on the sofa, frowned. “What?” I asked.
“It better not be Jace,” he whispered. I pushed my shoulder into his and he laughed.
Just then, Grandma stepped back into the den. Officer Harvey was right behind her. Nolan quickly stood and shook his hand. Once we were all seated, he began to speak.
“You’re going to see something on the news tonight, so I thought I would give you a heads up.” He had removed his hat before entering our home, and the way he moved it about in his hands made him seem nervous, and it made me fearful. “After we spoke, we did some further investigating into Dani’s mom.” My pulse quickened. “It’s not looking good for Ms. Moretti right now.”
Nolan and I looked at each then back at Officer Harvey. “Do you think she’s the one who—you know?” I said.
“We’re not certain. But like I said before, it doesn’t look good. We’ve discovered Ms. Moretti isn’t the doting mother everyone seemed to think she was.” My stomach sank. “It seems she spent most of Dani’s short life pretending Dani was sick and making money off sympathetic people. She hopped from town to town where no one knew them. They had multiple identities. And since she was a nurse, she knew how to fake symptoms that seemed believable.” The image of Dani lying in the hospital bed with needles protruding from all over her body was all I could think about. Officer Harvey shook his head in disgust. “Poor kid,” he whispered.
It was so hard to believe what he was saying. Dani’s mother had seemed so nice, so caring. I felt guilt wash over me. I had been so preoccupied with my jealousy; I didn’t even try to get to know Dani. If I had, maybe she would’ve told me about her mom, and I could’ve helped her. “So, do you think Dani’s mom went too far trying to make her seem sick again and she accidentally killed her?” I asked.
“That’s one theory. Another theory is that since Dani is older now, she simply refused to allow her mother to use her. They had an altercation and she was accidentally killed. We think it’s also possible Dani threatened to tell, and so her mom killed her on purpose to keep her quiet.”
“Unreal,” said Grandma. “She was such a sweet girl.” Grandma dabbed her eyes. “No one deserves to be treated like that. And by your very own mother.” She sighed and shook her head.
When Officer Harvey left, Nolan and I went for a walk. “Well, I guess that explains Dani’s red hair in that photo,” said Nolan.
“Yeah. And even my bizarre dream makes a little more sense now.” He nodded.
Unintentionally, we wound up at the cemetery. Even with Nolan standing beside me, I still didn’t feel brave enough to visit Dani’s grave. We stood at the fence and looked over at it. The mound of dirt, though no longer fresh, was still round and tall compared to the ground around it.
“Do you want to go see her?” asked Nolan.
I shook my head. “I’m not ready.”
“There’s still no headstone,” observed Nolan. “I wonder what’s taking so long.”
“Maybe by the time it gets here, I’ll be ready, and we can see her together,” I said.
♦ ♦ ♦
I was extra grateful that evening when I came home and saw the lights on in my grandma’s house. I told Nolan good night and went inside to spend some time with my grandma. It was so quiet, for a moment I thought I’d missed her, and she’d gone to bed early again. “Grandma?” I called out.
“In here, honey. I must’ve dozed off.”
“Do you feel like watching a little TV tonight?” I asked while leaning against the door frame.
“Sure. That sounds wonderful.”
“OK. I’m going to shower first, then I’ll make some hot chocolate.”
“Oh, before you go, I finished your scarf.” She reached for what looked like a clump of yarn and held it up proudly.
“Cool,” I said as I reached for it.
“You like it?”
“Yes,” I said as I wrapped it around my neck. It was wide and soft and made with sparkly gray and black yarn. “I love it.” She beamed. “Thank you.” I gave her a giant hug before heading to my room.
♦ ♦ ♦
“Here ya go,” I said as I handed Grandma a warm, red mug of hot cocoa. “I added marshmallows.”
“Yum- yum,” she said taking it.
We watched TV until late in the night. And only a time or two I wished Nolan was with us, sitting very close to me on the sofa.
“Well . . . this was fun. But I’m bushed,” said Grandma. “I think I better call it a night.”
“Good night,” I said when she patted my shoulder.
“Good night, honey. See you in the morning.”
♦ ♦ ♦
I was the first one up. I got dressed and decided I would surprise Grandma with breakfast. I fried some bacon first and then scrambled a half-dozen eggs. By the time the biscuits were coming out of the oven, I was starving. When I noticed the serving tray on the counter, I got excited. I would serve Grandma breakfast in bed!
I situated everything, just so, on the tray, then stepped out on the back porch and broke off a tiny bit of the only plant that was blooming. I put the flower in a bud vase filled with water, placed it on the tray as well, then headed to my grandma’s room.
I knocked and then entered slowly. “Rise and shine. I’m surprising you with breakfast in bed.” I set the tray down on her dresser and switched on the lamp. “Grandma?” I shook her shoulder gently. “Grandma?” I felt like the ground was falling away from my feet. I’m not sure how long I stood there before running next door.
I went straight to Nolan’s window and knocked. My heart was beating in double time. “Noelle?” I turned around. Nolan was stepping out of his garage. “What is it? What’s the matter?” My legs felt like lead. They wouldn’t move. Nolan stepped toward me and the closer he got, the more I came undone. By the time he put his arms around me, I was crying profusely.
“Hey.” He stroked the back of my head. “It’s OK now.” I buried my face in his shoulder and cried harder.
♦ ♦ ♦
I barely remembered telling Nolan that my grandma had died. I think maybe I didn’t. I think I took his hand and led him over there. I remembered him whispering to his parents and his mom hugging me, but the rest was mostly a blur.
I sat as close as I could to Nolan on the way to the funeral in the back seat of his parents' car. He held my hand the entire time. I couldn’t believe this was happening. How could my grandma be gone?
Nolan held the door for me then took my hand and led me inside the funeral home. My breath caught when I saw her casket. “Do you not want to see her?” Nolan asked quietly. I told him that I did, and we proceeded down the aisle. I looked down into my grandma’s face one last time. How could you, Grandma? was all I could think. How can you leave me? You know how much I love you. How much I need you. I wiped my eyes and Nolan put his arm around me.
We took a seat on the same pew where I had sat not so long ago for Dani’s funeral. I was surprised when my mom sat down next to me. It was only the second time I’d seen her since my grandma had died five days ago. She patted me on the knee and then Rick sat down and placed his arm around her. Was she sad that her mother was dead? Did she really need comforting? Rick was showing everyone what a good boyfriend he was. I wondered what they’d think if they knew he’d locked me out of my own house. Rick and I hadn’t spoken since
then, and my mom and I had never discussed what had happened either. It would have been wrong for my mom to not be there—it would've hurt my grandma—but I wished Rick had not come.
Nolan squeezed my hand to pull me from my thoughts. I looked up at him and he smiled. He knew me well enough to know I was sitting there letting myself be consumed with ugly thoughts of Rick and my mom instead of remembering all the great times I’d had with my grandma.
♦ ♦ ♦
I thought it was going to kill me when I saw the first scoops of dirt shoveled into her grave. It hit with such a thud, it made me wince. It made everything seem so final.
A group of women who volunteered at the church Grandma and I attended had food set out in a special room at the funeral home. People meandered in to hug my mom and me, tell us how sorry they were and that if we needed anything to be sure and call (even though we didn’t have most of their numbers), then they grabbed a sandwich, cookie, and some punch.
When the last person came through, my mom turned to me and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Well, I guess we’ll be going.” I knew that we didn’t include me. Not that I wanted to go with her, but it would’ve been nice to have been asked. “Everything turned out nice. You did a good job.”
“What?” Was she insane? “I didn’t do this. I don’t even have any money. How would I have paid for it?”
“Don’t be silly. I assumed you used Grandma’s money.”
“I’m like fifteen. I don’t know the first thing about arranging a funeral.” I suddenly felt angry. “If you thought I was doing this on my own, why didn’t you ask if I needed help? I mean, she’s my grandma, but she’s your mother.”
Though I’d been keeping my voice low, my mom looked around uncomfortably to see if anyone had overheard our conversation. No one had. They were all too busy stuffing their faces and talking about their own lives. “Now is not the time for this, Noelle.”
I decided it was the perfect time to put her on the spot. “Aren’t you going to ask me if I want to come home with you?” Her eyes got big. I waited for an invitation, but she said nothing. I now had my proof that it wasn’t just Rick who didn’t want me in their house; it was her too. I continued to press her. “Now that Grandma’s gone, I just figured . . .” She smiled nervously but still said nothing. I finally decided to let her off the hook. “Don’t worry. I’m just messing with you. I don’t really want to go home with you.” It pissed me off that she looked relieved. “You know, Grandma’s been gone for five days and you don’t even know where I’ve been staying.”
“I-I just assumed you were at Grandma’s.”
“I’ve been sleeping on Nolan’s couch. I was a little scared and upset to be at Grandma's by myself.”
“Oh, honey.” I resisted, but finally, let her pull me to her. “You should’ve called.” I almost laughed. My mom had to be the most non-maternal mother that had ever walked the face of the earth. She then gave me one last squeeze and as she was letting go, she said, “I mean it, Noelle. Call me if you need me.”
Nolan swooped in the moment she left. “Did you hear any of that?” I asked.
“Enough.” He took my hand. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.” Nolan told his parents we were leaving. It was a long walk, but it was just what I needed.
“I feel like I’ve been sleepwalking the last few days,” I said.
“That’s understandable,” said Nolan.
“I don’t even know who arranged my grandma’s funeral.”
“Your grandma did. She paid for everything too, and then she told my parents about it so they could help.”
“She knew she was going to die?”
“No. Well, your grandma was special, so I don’t know. Maybe she did. All I’m saying is, she made the arrangements a while ago. People do this kind of stuff all the time, so they don’t burden their family. Your grandma was like that. Always helping people but never wanting to bother anybody.”
I smiled. “That sounds just like her.” My eyes started to tear. “I’m going to miss her so much, Nolan.” He let go of my hand and put his arm around me as we continued walking. “What am I going to do without her?”
“I’m here. And my family is here for you too.”
“Thanks.”
♦ ♦ ♦
When we finally reached Nolan’s house, I said, “I think I’m ready.” He furrowed his brows. “To go inside my grandma’s house.” He smiled, but his eyes were sad. “Will you come with me?”
Without saying a word, he took my hand and led the way. When he opened the door, it felt different. I could’ve sworn it even smelled different. I was afraid of that. I wanted to feel my grandma’s presence and I wasn’t sure if I ever would again.
The way I looked around my grandma’s kitchen, I felt like I was a stranger there for the first time. Nolan walked toward the den and I followed. I stopped just before I got to my grandma’s bedroom. “Can you close the door?” I didn't want to see the unmade bed where I’d found her. As Nolan went to close it, I caught a glimpse of the room. “The bed’s made,” I said with surprise.
“Yeah. My mom came and washed everything. She didn’t want you to see it—well, you know. She wanted it to be nice for you the way it usually is.”
“That was really thoughtful. You can leave it open then, I guess.”
“You sure?” I nodded and we went to the den and took a seat.
We sat for a long time in the quiet. “Nolan?”
“Hm?”
“I need to do something. Just sitting here is starting to get to me.”
“I was just thinking the grass looked long. I have to mow for my parents. I’ll mow your grandma’s yard too. Want to help?”
“Wow,” I said sarcastically. “Can I really?” He grinned. “Actually, that sounds way better than what we’re doing. I’ll do anything to take my mind off things.”
♦ ♦ ♦
By the time we were finished, I was too exhausted to be sad. And everything looked so nice, I knew my grandma would be pleased and that made me happy.
“Hey, you two,” said Nolan’s mom. “I made some spaghetti. I bet you guys are starving.”
We thanked her then Nolan took the pan she was carrying. We went inside and I grabbed some Cokes from the fridge. They were the last two. I would need to go shopping if I was ever going to have Coke again. I needed to get my license as soon as I turned sixteen. I supposed I could drive Grandma’s car. How was I going to pay for the Coke? I needed to get a job. But where?
“Noelle?”
“Oh, sorry.” I closed the fridge and grabbed some plates and forks.
“What were you doing?”
“Panicking over Coke.” He gave me a funny look and I explained.
“Well, until you get your license, I can drive you wherever you need to go.”
I smiled and watched as he peeled back the aluminum foil. Steam rose from the pan. Spaghetti noodles covered in sauce and four huge meatballs filled one section, and another section held French-style green beans and two pieces of garlic bread. We didn’t say another word until we’d finished eating.
We cleaned up and watched TV. Having the TV on made me feel better. It felt like it did when Grandma was there. “I think I’m going to stay here tonight,” I said.
“OK,” said Nolan reluctantly. “I’m going to miss you.”
When I’d slept in Nolan’s den the past several nights, Nolan had sat on the floor next to the couch and held my hand. When he’d fall asleep, he would lay on the floor and continue holding my hand. “You need to get some sleep. Some real sleep.” I hesitated before saying what I wanted to tell him next. I had to work up my nerve. “I’m going to miss you too.” He looked down into my eyes in a way he hadn’t before.
17.
It took forever for us to say goodbye that night. I didn’t want to watch him walk away so I closed the door the second I went inside. A few short moments later, I was so overcome with loneliness that I flung the door open so I could r
un after him. I didn’t have to go far. He was still standing on my porch. He told me as he held me that he was waiting to see if I’d need him. I was so grateful, I slipped and said, “I love you.” It felt right though; I didn’t regret it. He kissed my forehead before letting me go, and this time we said good night for real.
I had a difficult time falling asleep. Between the funeral, the drama with my mom, and working in the yard, I was exhausted, but all I could think about was how much I missed my grandma.
