by Shelly Crane
“Yeah.” He nodded for a while as if convincing himself. “I’m sorry. I’m done feeling sorry for myself. You need me and I’m... Are you sure you’re ok? I thought you wouldn’t want me to...comfort you or touch you.”
“I don’t want you to stop touching me.” I grabbed his hand and put it on my cheek. “Merrick, you’re my life. There is nothing but you and me down here in this hole with the rest of the nonconformists.” I smiled a little bit of a smile.
“Sherry.” He grunted and closed his eyes like it was too much. His fingers roamed my lips and face, like he was memorizing me, then he opened his eyes. “I love you.” He said firmly. “I promise you something like this will never happen again. I’m not ever letting you out of my sight. I promise to take care of you from now on, for the rest of our lives, always together. I’m so glad you’re alright.”
“I am. I love you too. You’re completely and utterly stuck with me,” I joked and smiled a crooked smile, hoping he’d go with it and let the rest fall to the way side.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He smiled slightly so my heart could beat again.
He pulled me closer to him to kiss my lips, his fitting over mine perfectly. The only lips I would ever kiss again. I couldn’t imagine any more love could fit in my chest.
I wrapped my arms around his head, feeling the electric tingle on my bare back and waist where his hands were squeezing. His hot breath and tongue with warm lips were strong with possessiveness. He smelled of soap and sweet sweat but it wasn’t sensual, not right then.
I mean, it was but it felt like home. He felt like home.
I completely forget that I was stark naked but of course my Merrick pulled me back into reality. He also pulled the towel I brought in with me from the closed toilet seat lid and wrapped it around me, gently lifting us off the floor.
I couldn’t seem to let go of him. I didn’t want him to leave and he either recognized that or felt the same. So I said screw the shower, I was pretty clean and I got dressed quickly while my gentleman turned his back to me and waited.
I was very thankful to this group of people. Maybe they knew me better than I thought they did because no one acted weird around me or asked me awkward questions or stared at me with their sympathetic eyes.
Let me rephrase. Everyone tried with great effort not to do those things and that was more than I could have asked for.
My little bunker family that was growing quickly and that I was so grateful for. Funny, it was the most normal family I’d ever had.
I had been right. Mrs. Trudy was in the kitchen earlier and still was. The coffee was calling my name, and Merrick’s too, though he didn’t listen to it like I did.
Poor Merrick looked absolutely bushed. I had it on good authority he didn’t sleep very good at all. Even I slept through most of the night.
I tried to persuade him to lie down but he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t leave my side and I had no idea where he slept last night or for how long but I was determined that no matter what happened, we would sneak a nap.
Mrs. Trudy hugged me quickly and awkwardly before slipping out. It was still too hard for her to accept and look at me but I didn’t take it personally. I couldn’t imagine how hard this all was for her.
Through Merrick’s wall of protection I saw Danny slowly coming to greet me in the kitchen but Celeste wasn’t with him this time.
Being so tightly bound in a small space with so many other people was more than awkward, especially in times like this when I wanted to just burst into tears seeing him, his pained expression, him looking everywhere but my eyes.
Without stopping he lifted me a hug and held me there, being completely still and silent. Merrick was trying to fit a smile on behind Danny as he finally put me down slowly.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”
“Why does everyone keep saying that?” I said but I looked at Merrick. “It wasn’t your fault, either of you. I’m fine.”
“It could have been worse. It would have been if-”
“Danny, please, don’t do this. I am ok. Between you and Merrick, you’re not gonna leave alone for one second for the rest of my life, are you?”
“No,” they both answered together firmly.
Danny released me and turned to Merrick.
“Thank you for going after him.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I was wrong. I should’ve stayed with Sherry.”
“No, he shouldn’t get away with this. I’m glad you went to look for him. Thank you.”
He turned to go when he saw Celeste waiting for him in the doorway, squeezing my hand first.
By this time, it was almost lunch and I hadn’t seen Jeff all morning. Trudy’s coffee helped some but I still felt achy and tired, maybe from just looking at Merrick looking so tired.
When I finally saw Jeff coming through the commons room I took off running towards him, jostling a few bystanders.
He smiled as wide as his cheeks would allow as I jumped into his open arms. I felt the tears falling, though I could see some of the others watching us, I closed my eyes and gripped him tightly. They probably understood the need for such a reunion of two people that just saw each other yesterday. I wouldn’t care if the president himself was here watching.
He spun me once or twice and Merrick smiled sadly behind us.
“Jeff! I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t come when you did. You saved me. Thank you,” I whispered, crying again as he set me back down.
“You don’t have to thank me, I’m just sorry I didn’t come it sooner. How are you doing?” he asked, wiping a tear from my cheek.
I let out a shaky sigh before speaking.
“Good. Ok, I guess. I’ll be fine, I know that. I can’t say the same for Merrick though.”
“I know. I won’t tell you about last night, just that...he loves you. I know you know but, he feels so-” he stopped and looked behind me.
I did as well. Merrick was walking closer.
“Ugh. Did you sleep at all last night?” Jeff asked him.
“Sure, some. I’m fine. Thanks again, Jeff. I owe you.”
“Come on, guys, cut it out. How about we grab some grub? I’m famished!”
We laughed as he lead the way. Jeff could always be counted on to be the same old Jeff.
After lunch I finally persuaded Merrick to come nap with me. Not much persuasion was needed and he fell right into our sleeping bag like it was the most comfortable down mattress instead of a padded slippery bag on a concrete floor.
It made me ache when people suffered not only for me but because of me. I slipped in next to him, cuddling up in his warm arms protectively around me.
I was supposed to be making him feel better, not the other way around. It still took me by surprise how the warmth from his body wasn’t just warm, it was like a slow burning candle. I felt like I was slowly melting and the tension and whatever else I was feeling just melted away. Everything that couldn’t get washed away in my shower that morning was melting away with him now.
I thought he was finally asleep and I felt it coming myself but then he spoke to me in my mind. His voice a rumble of sleepiness and love.
We can postpone the wedding if you want to. I know you’re probably not up to it after everything that’s happened...
“What? Why? Because of Phillip? That would be just giving him what he wanted. I’m don’t want to wait.”
Sherry. I’m just saying, if you want to postpone it’s ok. I understand, it’s only two days away. Are you going to be ok with it?
“What’s not to be ok with? I am gonna be Mrs. Finch and I can’t wait.”
I heard him laugh in my mind. I’d never heard that before. This laugh was so much more softer and genuine than that body could pull off. I loved it. I wished he would talk to me more often this way, with his real voice. It was so much more natural and rich, more Merrick.
Ok, if you’re really sure but, we have got to come up with something other than F
inch. You were right, it’s just not working for me. He said and laughed in my mind again.
I lifted my face to press my nose to his.
“We will but please...sleep first.” I kissed his nose and started to hum a little.
It was weird and even I started at the noise. I hadn’t intended to do it, it just came out of me, very soft, like a whisper. It was me wanting to comfort him, like I had with Danny and Calvin.
“Hey. I’m supposed to be making you feel better,” he said drowsily and I wanted to laugh because I had thought the same thing.
“I’ll feel better when you get some sleep.”
“I’ll feel better and sleep when you start worrying about yourself a little bit. You are important no matter how much you try to sweep yourself under the rug.”
“Ok. Ok. How about you worry about me and I’ll worry about you, that way we’re both taken care of.”
I could feel Merrick’s smile against my cheek as he pulled me closer to him, kissing the side of my neck.
“Deal. Keep humming, I like it.”
Then he finally drifted off to sleep with my quiet humming to fill the silence.
Things were starting to be more normal the next day. It wasn’t so so tense and scripted feeling. As we convened in the commons room, Katie’s husband, Paul, had been telling jokes all morning as we laughed and spent some communal time together.
Katie sat rubbing her belly, now bulging more than I ever thought a belly could, with her feet in Paul’s lap, him rubbing them for her.
I thought she was about to pop when I first met her but apparently she wasn’t. Her due date was still 3 weeks away and everyone was a little worried.
We couldn’t take her to the hospital and no one here had ever delivered a baby, though Trudy assured us she’d seen enough baby and doctor shows on TV to manage. She said when she was born, her parents delivered her themselves in their bedroom so how hard could it be? Hmm.
However, I was not one to argue with Trudy logic.
Katie didn’t seem worried about it at all. She kept saying ‘God put him in there and God will get him out.’ I admired that. I wouldn’t be so cool headed about it.
She was sure it was a boy. I asked her once how she knew and she said she wanted a girl so badly that she convinced herself it was boy. Now if it was a boy, she wouldn’t be disappointed and if it was a girl that it would be a pleasant surprise. You couldn’t argue with that logic either.
The day dragged on but in a good way. Merrick had been diligent in his questions about how I felt. Was I ok? Did I need to talk? Was I sure about marrying him? I kept assuring him I was completely fine so, we spent the day with our family. After lots of questions, laughs, time together and getting to know each other more, we told stories about the people we used to be.
Marissa, the newbie’s, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and no one seemed focused on me and my blunders with mishap. Except Merrick, of course.
I tried to make sure I was constantly touching him because he seemed reluctant to touch me unless I instigated it. He was still waiting for me to freak out but it just wasn’t coming. I felt fine, more than fine because I’d already dealt with it once before, with Matt.
To be honest, Phillip was gone. He wasn’t just gone from this place, but gone from my thoughts too. Why worry about it? I felt safe with Merrick, that was all that should matter.
As I sat on Merrick’s lap with his hand on my thigh, where I put it, I couldn’t help but think about the clothes that needed to be washed. Merrick never finished his load yesterday and I certainly hadn’t done mine the past few days. I leaned over to whisper to Merrick.
“I’m going to go wash some clothes while the wash room is free.”
“I’ll come with you,” he said and started to get up but I pushed him back down.
It was subtle and no one saw.
“Honey. Baby steps. You have got to let me do some things by myself,” I whispered.
“No, I don’t,” he whispered back fiercely.
“Please, I need it. I almost freaked out in the shower. Baby steps for you, too. You’ve got to learn to let me be by myself a little now. I’ll be fine, it’s just laundry.”
“Nuhuh. I warned you yesterday you’d have a new shadow didn’t I? It’s too soon.” He shook his head in disagreement.
Before I could protest further, Mrs. Trudy came over quietly and whispered to us that she would come with me. I wondered how in the world she could have heard us talking but I looked at Merrick with raised eyebrows. I knew he wouldn’t refuse Mrs. Trudy.
“Ok. Since you don’t want my company, fine.” He laughed out loud quietly. “Thanks, Mrs. Trudy.”
“Sure thing, sugar.”
As I walked back through the corridor I heard him.
I’ll just be out here. Waiting, bored, and waiting some more... I heard him laugh in my mind again and I giggled into my hand so Mrs. Trudy didn’t think I was nuts.
Soap, scrub, dunk and rinse. So much we took for granted before all this. I never thought I’d be washing my clothes against the grate on a huge metal sink instead of a washing machine and with homemade lavender soap. I never thought I’d be sleeping on concrete, never thought I’d have to share a bathroom with twenty people, after college of course, but even after all that had happened, we still had so much to be thankful for.
We were safe in an underground bunker, had food, a perfect cover story in the form of a convenience store, and company, still have our bodies and lives. Lots of other people in this world didn’t have half of that.
This reminded me of the times we camped, which was a lot when I was a kid. My mom and dad were so ‘in tune’ to nature and wanted nothing more than for us to follow suit. We used to camp all the time when I was a little girl, all around the state and I hated it, absolutely loathed it. There were no sodas, no chips, no real food and the only company was our parents.
We washed our clothes in the river, yes, the river. We ate whatever fruits and berries we could find. Mom brought some necessities, I mean it was still against the law to starve your children right? Of course her reasoning for that was man ruined the earth and it was no longer plentiful with the things we needed.
I just thought it was because no one had gotten out there and planted anything, tending to the crops but hey, that was just me.
I remember seeing the sleeping bags when we first got there and remembering those camping trips. With only sleeping bags on the ground, not even a tent because it ruined the effect and blocked our stargazing view. And dad, poor dad. He just obeyed mom’s every whim and notion, every raised voice command, every time she verbally beat him down in front of us and anyone else who might be within earshot. The only time I ever remembered him ‘defying her authority’ was that one birthday.
Marriage should be a partnership, an understanding of compassion, love, submission and friendship on both parts.
I wondered what they were doing and where they were now. Maybe it was best not knowing.
Mrs. Trudy was quiet. I wasn’t sure why she wanted to come back here with me, but I was hoping it was to talk, if she wanted but, silent we stayed.
Silent, silent, silent.
I was done so I took my load over to the so clever drying racks. They placed the racks over drains in the floor and under the air conditioner vents in the ceiling from the store. It wasn’t terribly fast but it was good enough.
We started to venture out into the night some, not far but at least got out and smelled real air and saw real stars, which could be seen as bright as anything with no moon in the sky.
We only all went out together at night and only behind the store. The first time we took Calvin, it had been weeks since he’d seen the outside and he took advantage of it.
Him and Franklin ran and chased Merrick, Ryan, Paul and Danny with flashlights. Everyone played like we were kids. We kept a watch out for danger in the sky, but we couldn’t just stay cooped up. We might as well live a little while we could. We were ca
reful by not staying out too long at a time and never ever going out in the daytime.
Jeff and Merrick had become sort of the appointed leaders of our band. The others were constantly asking them questions about what they thought about this or that. They really trusted them and looked to them for guidance.
It made me very proud of my boys.
I felt like an original member with special privileges. The other Keepers helped too and still kept watch over everyone but, even found themselves looking to my two for leadership.
I’m just glad we could get along, most of us anyway. With the exception of me, no one else had run-ins with anyone else so far.
Later on that evening, I decided I would try to speak to Mrs. Trudy as she was most definitely playing tight lips with me.
“Mrs. Trudy?”
“Yes, sugar.”
For some reason those pet names only revolted me from Phillips mouth. From Mrs. Trudy, it was sweet and genuine and she did it to everybody.
“How are you doing?”
“I’m doing...better. How are you doing?” she asked, placing a hand on my arm.
“I’m fine. Really, fine. I wish everyone would stop worrying about me so much.”
“They just care about ya, honey. You’ve been through a lot lately, and you’re just so sweet. It’s just hard to think of someone hurting you.”
“Well. I’m fine. I hate feeling so fragile and breakable. Would everybody feel better if I took some karate lessons or something?”
Trudy laughed.
