When they got outside and she’d lit her first cigarette of the day, he spoke up. “She told me to take care of you.”
Maiya glared at him and exhaled a plume of smoke. “My mother would never say something like that.”
Ryan sat on the bench. “Well she did. She said a few other things, but I think I’ll keep those to myself. For now.”
“That’s fucked up.” She took another draw on the filtered tip.
“Yeah, well. You’ll get over it.” He nudged her shoulder. “Contrary to what you believe, babe, your mother might love you.”
“What? Five minutes with her and suddenly you’re a Joanie expert?” She shook her head. “I’m sure she loves me, she just has a really fucked up way of showing it.”
“Maiya, come on. I’m saying she cares about you. She wants you happy.”
“She said this to you?”
He rubbed her back. “More or less.”
“Well,” she took another drag and exhaled, “I’m glad you see it, ’cause I don’t. But, whatever.” She stood and walked to the edge of the sidewalk. The urge to keep walking and not turn back thrummed in time with her heart. Everything about the conversation had Maiya gritting her teeth with annoyance. Words were cheap, after all.
Fuck it. Fuck everything.
“I’ll be back.” She walked off, determined to clear her head and expel some of her agitation. She’d gone from zero to pissed off in one hot nanosecond and she didn’t want or need him near her right now. Chewing on the inside of her cheek, Maiya shook her hands at her sides, trying to release some of the energy building inside her body.
She just needed to breathe.
Ryan watched while Maiya walked away from him. It was obvious she was annoyed—the stress of the situation getting to her. He wasn’t going to take any of her behavior to heart. She’d be bound to lash out, and if she lashed out at him, then so be it. He’d handle it.
After waiting on the metal bench for an hour—ass gone numb—Maiya returned. Reclaiming her seat beside him, she lit a cigarette. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” He stroked his fingers through her soft hair. “Feeling any better?”
“Yeah, I just needed to clear my head.” She leaned forward and tapped her cigarette, dropping ashes on to the pavement in front of them. “I need a shower.”
He rubbed her back. “I think that can be arranged.”
Nervous tension roiled off her in waves he could practically see and feel. How things would turn out with her mother, and the reality of powerlessness was enough to build his own barrel of nervous energy.
His sole focus was Maiya and being there to support her, and like her mother said, not allowing her to push him away. Though he knew he had no way of stopping her if that’s what she chose. Once Maiya set her mind on something, there was no arguing with her, no changing her mind. But Ryan was all in now. No going back. He’d just have to show her, and find a way to make her believe.
“Let’s go back upstairs.”
The sound of her soft, raspy voice pulled Ryan from his thoughts. “Sure, babe.”
Taking her hand in his, they made their way back to her mother’s room. Joanie appeared to be in a deep sleep, and while Maiya showered in the small stall in the attached bathroom, he spoke with the nurse. They’d given her a sedative to force her body to rest. Her lungs had gotten worse; apparently pneumonia was a common complication in situations like this.
Maiya emerged from the shower looking a whole hell of a lot better than when she went in. His heart ached as he relayed the information the nurse had given about Joanie’s decreasing condition. Her face fell and she turned on her heel and left the room.
Ryan gathered a fresh change of clothes and took his own shower. It was almost lunchtime, and although Maiya probably didn’t have much of an appetite, he intended on making sure she ate anyway. As he got under the warm spray, the only thing occupying his mind was Maiya. Visions of the last few weeks, and even prior to the start of their affair, played before his eyes, soothing the ache in his heart. Fighting with her, debating with her, and now, loving her was by far the best damn thing on the planet.
Ryan was in love with her, and he wouldn’t trade it for anything.
When he finished making himself presentable, he grabbed his cell and made a quick call home to check on Jacob. Of course, his son was doing fine with his Uncle Jimmy, and he didn’t even want to get on the phone with Ryan. Instead, his son yelled in the background, “I love you, Daddy. Kiss Maiya for me.”
Jimmy laughed and started to relay the message. Ryan chuckled and let him know he’d heard Jacob loud and clear and then thanked his brother for giving him the help he needed in order to be there for Maiya.
During the call, he remembered the picture Jacob had colored for Joanie. When Maiya came back in the room, looking on the verge of tears, he showed it to her. “Jacob colored it when I was packing for my flight. He wanted me to hang it where your mother could see it and feel better.”
She took the crayon-colored picture from his hands and stared at it. Then the tears came.
“Aw, my girl. It’s okay.”
She shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. “None of this is okay.”
When Maiya got the water works under control, she sent Ryan to get some tape from the nurse’s station. The child had to be the sweetest boy on the planet. She missed him and his bright, inquisitive eyes and gentle smile. A lot. And his hugs…she missed his endearing little hugs too.
Damn, she’d grown attached to Jacob fast. Maiya swiped away the wetness on her cheeks. Jesus, would she ever stop crying? She was already in too deep with Ryan, and now she’d fallen head over heels in love with his son.
Ryan returned with strips of tape stuck to two of his fingers—on each hand. “Those nurses are really protective over their tape. Seriously, they wouldn’t let me take the roll. This was their solution. Help, please?” He whimpered. “I think they did it just to see if I’d let them.”
“I think you’re right. Come here, sticky digits.” She waved him closer. “Don’t get any ideas there, dude. You just keep those fingers away from my pockets.” With a grin she pulled the first strip of tape free and taped one corner of the picture to the wall, and then followed with the other three.
Together they took a step back and admired Jacob’s artwork. Ryan snaked his arm around her waist and she let herself lean into him. “It’s adorable. He’s such a sweet boy.”
He rubbed her side. “You think she’ll like it?”
“With my mother? You never know, but she might. I’m wondering if she’ll get to see it.” Maiya glanced over her shoulder at her mother.
“She will, babe.” He pulled her into an embrace.
Wrapping her arms around him, she buried her face in his neck and took a deep breath. His scent flowed into her lungs, the special scent that was all Ryan. “I’m scared,” she mumbled against his skin.
“I know, baby. I know.” He stroked the back of her head. After a moment, he pulled away and kissed her cheek. “That’s from Jacob. He told me a bit ago on the phone to make sure I gave you a kiss from him. I almost forgot.” Cupping her face in his hands, Ryan tilted her head up and kissed her slow and tender on her lips. “That one’s from me.”
She sighed and rubbed her nose over his. The comfort of his kisses and words, and the strength of his arms grounded her. Made her believe she was being cared for. And though unfamiliar, the feelings settled within her heart and mind like they belonged there.
As she drifted off to sleep in the extended recliner, nestled in Ryan’s arms, she let herself imagine a perfect fantasy, one where Ryan had become a home for her and this soft haven, within his embrace, was her safe place.
The next morning things weren’t looking much better for her mother. Her lungs were getting worse and her liver function had decreased too. The
re were times throughout the day where she’d become conscious and engaged in brief conversation with Maiya and Ryan, but she wasn’t all there—more groggy and disoriented than anything else.
As the time for Ryan to leave grew nearer, panic rose at a steady pace in Maiya’s chest. Although she’d fought it at first, having him there had made the whole situation easier to take somehow. She would’ve been fine without him, but falling asleep in his arms the past two nights had been a balm to her soul.
And she didn’t want him to go.
Chapter Forty-One
Ryan found an outdoor patio attached to the cafeteria for them to eat lunch. He sipped his soda. “Has she always called you Emmie?”
“It’s what Jeremy called me when I was a baby. Easier to say than Maiya, I guess.” She shrugged. “After that, it stuck.”
“I like it, it’s cute.”
“Don’t even think about it.” She rolled her eyes. “My mother insists on calling me that. And really, I wish she didn’t. It’s a constant reminder of Jeremy.”
“It’s not wrong for you to remember him, Maiya.” Taking her hand, he nudged her shoulder with his. “I didn’t know him, obviously, but I can’t imagine he’d want you blaming yourself for an accident.”
“I loved my brother.” She traced the edge of her cup with her fingertip. The expression on her face was dark and a small crease formed between her brows from her frown. “When I was young, I used to go to sleep at night and wish it’d been me. Sometimes, I still feel that way.”
“Maiya, look at me.”
She didn’t look up. Her shame more obvious to him than if she had a thick, black blanket wrapped around her. One she could suffocate in. In his opinion, right now, she was suffocating. He could only assume her mother’s abrupt decline in health must feel like another thousand pounds added to the already heavy weight she carried daily. He reached around her waist. She startled, and he tugged her onto his lap.
“Ryan! Good God, there are other people out here.” She glanced around, a frantic look in her eyes.
“I don’t give a rat’s ass who’s around.” He gripped her chin and turned her face toward his. “Listen to me. Everything happens for a reason, babe.” She tried to avert her eyes and he was having none of it. “Maiya, look at me.” He kept his tone stern. He needed to get her attention.
She complied and raised her gaze to his.
“Everything happens for a reason and that means you were meant to be here. Would it be better to have not lost Jeremy? Yes. Absolutely. But he’s gone, baby. Look at all you’ve done with your life.” He shook her when she avoided his gaze again, but then she snapped her eyes right back to his. “I’m serious, dammit! If Jeremy had lived who knows if you would have fought so hard to make a life for yourself. Who’s to say you would’ve been the success you are. You’re here for a reason, baby.”
“Why are you pushing me on this?”
“Because it matters to me. You fucking matter to me, Maiya. Don’t you get that?”
“We’re friends, so yeah, I get it. You care. Just let it go, please?”
He recoiled in shock. “Is that what you think this is? That I merely just care and it’s tied to some sort of friendship?”
She frowned again and looked away. “I don’t know, Ryan. What I do know is—” she glanced back at him, “—I don’t want to spend the last few minutes I have with you arguing.”
“You have got to be one of the most frustrating woman I’ve ever met.”
She snorted. “Well, I guess it keeps things interesting, right?”
Ryan took a deep breath and reached for some calm. “Don’t lock me out, Maiya.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about, and yes, I agree, let’s not go there right now. I don’t want to argue with you, either.”
She put her arms around his neck. “Then how ’bout you shut up and kiss me.” She smiled. “Then let me off your lap because we’re scaring the children and old people.”
Ryan guffawed. Christ, it was just like her to make him laugh when he wanted to strangle her. One more time, she boiled his blood and then, in a matter of seconds, she calmed him. Complete craziness. So, he did what she asked and kissed her—caressing her mouth with his until her heart pounded against his chest and she gripped his hair in her fingers. Breaking the contact, he whispered against her lips, “If we don’t stop, I’ll really be scaring the children and old people. I’m harder than a steel rod right now.”
“I know. I am sitting on your lap. I can feel it against my ass, and damn if it doesn’t make me want to wiggle a little.” She giggled and nipped his bottom lip.
Letting out a groan, Ryan cupped her ass in his palm. “Don’t push it. I will find a broom closet somewhere in this damn facility and fuck you senseless.”
She pulled back and looked at him, one eyebrow raised. “That’s not exactly a threat, Ryan.”
“I know.” He patted her thigh. “Believe me I know.”
She slid off his lap slow as molasses, dragging her hips over his strangled dick in his jeans. He cleared his throat and she giggled again. Ryan checked his watch. “Time to go, baby.”
“I figured. Time does fly when you’re having fun.”
“This is true.” Standing, he held out his hand and she took it.
Joanie glanced at them when they entered her room. An oxygen mask covered her mouth and nose, steam billowing from the vents.
Maiya walked over to Joanie’s side. “Ah, a breathing treatment. It should help open her lungs a bit. I hope.”
Ryan nodded and set to gathering his things. When he finished he stepped over to Joanie and took her hand in his. Turning her face toward him, she managed a weak smile.
“I won’t forget.” He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. “You focus on getting better and I’ll see you soon.”
“Thank you.” She exhaled a rattled breath behind the mask.
When he turned, Maiya was waiting for him at the door. “Stay here with her, babe. She’s awake and that’s a good thing.” Pulling her close, he kissed her forehead. “I’ll call you when I land, okay?”
“Sure.” She glanced at her mother, and then back to him and smiled. But it lacked its normal brightness. “Thanks again.”
Leaning forward, he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “Talk soon.” He turned and left the room.
Ryan needed to get home to his son, but at the same time, he wanted to be there with Maiya. Nothing like having your heart torn right down the middle. He couldn’t be in two places at once, and Jacob had school. This was the only option, and taking it one day at a time would be the only way to get through it.
As he boarded his flight, his chest ached with a physical pain, and he rubbed it, praying he’d be able to be there for her again soon.
Maiya pulled the small chair over to her mother’s bed and waited while Joanie finished the breathing medicine. The nurse came in and replaced the treatment mask with the oxygen tubing, and then added a syringe of additional medicine into her IV tube.
When the nurse left the room, Joanie reached through the metal side bar and grabbed Maiya’s hand.
She stood and leaned over her mother. “How’re you doing, Mommy?”
“Not so good, Emmie. It hurts when I cough, and I can’t get a deep breath.” Joanie closed her eyes.
“Just rest. We’re going to get through this.” Maiya smoothed her palm over the crown of her mother’s head. “How about I braid your hair for you?”
Joanie nodded and then coughed. “That’d be nice.”
Maiya cringed at the crackle in her mother’s cough, almost louder than the cough itself. Getting up, she grabbed a brush and moved to the head of her mother’s bed. “Turn your head to the side, okay?”
Joanie did and then Maiya ran the brush through the long l
engths of hair with a gentle stroke. Her mother relaxed further each time Maiya pulled through the length from crown to ends. After Maiya finished brushing the tangles out, she retrieved an elastic hair tie from her bag and returned.
“Cute picture on the wall.”
“You noticed.” Maiya turned her mother’s head to the side again and began folding the length into a braid. “Ryan’s son, Jacob, colored that for you.”
“He has a son, huh? How old?”
“He’s five. Sweet little boy. I’ll get Ryan to send me a pic so you can see him.”
Joanie coughed. “Where’s the mom?”
“She passed a while ago.”
“Huh.”
Her mother didn’t say anything else, and by the time Maiya finished the braid, she’d drifted to sleep. She’d most likely be out for the night; at least Maiya hoped she would.
Fatigue hit hard, blanketing Maiya’s body like a second skin. She settled on the makeshift bed and pulled the pillow she and Ryan had shared to her chest. Pressing it to her face, she breathed in deep, taking in his scent. She dozed off with the rough cotton against her cheek.
A while later, a text came in from Ryan letting her know he’d landed and was on his way home. He asked if she wanted him to call once Jacob was settled and she let him know she was half asleep. He asked her to call him in the morning and let him know how things were going. In his last message, he said he already missed her and was sorry he had to leave.
She stared at the message for a long while before exhaustion won out and sleep pulled her under.
When she opened her eyes again, her mother was yelling at a nurse. Awesome. Rubbing her eyes, she sat up and watched the exchange in silence. Her mother must be feeling more like herself if she was hollering at the people trying to help her.
The flustered nurse left. Maiya stood, ran her fingers through her tangled hair and headed toward the bathroom. “They’re just doing their job, Mom.”
Unworthy Heart: The Donnellys, Book 1 Page 31
