“It’s not like that.”
“How do you not even know where he lives? Obviously you two aren’t as close as you thought you were.”
No joke. It surprised Kaitlyn how far apart they actually were, considering how well their relationship had been going along. She shifted uneasily in the recliner. The motion made her queasy. “He never took me there because the dean of the college lives on the same road. He said it wouldn’t be a good idea for us to be seen together.”
“Then he shouldn’t have been involved with you in the first place.” Sydney scowled. “And you—you’re too smart for this.”
Tears pressed against the back of Kaitlyn’s eyes. She lowered her head in shame. Of course Sydney was right. Her relationship with Colin was a bad idea from the start, but he’d won her over with those stupid, poorly delivered Shakespearean sonnets and abstract talks about the meaning of life. He’d seemed soulful and mature, the way guys her own age weren’t. They had a connection that went far deeper than anything she’d known before, and she hadn’t wanted to give up her chance to be with such an experienced, worldly man. In fact, she’d been more than a little surprised and flattered that he’d been so attracted to her in the first place.
Sydney crouched next to her. “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean all that.”
“You’re right. About everything.”
“I still think we ought to try to find him so you can talk. Can you call him?”
Kaitlyn fortified her shaky nerves before speaking. “He broke up with me, so he’s not returning my calls.”
“What a coincidence.” The set of Sydney’s mouth said she thought it was anything but.
“It really was.”
“Have you looked him up? I’m sure his address is somewhere on the web.”
“Already tried that.” Kaitlyn sighed, not sure if she felt relief for telling someone about her situation or if she felt worse because it was all the more real.
The phone on the kitchen counter rang, and Sydney popped up to grab it. “It’s your parents again.”
Not for the first time, Kaitlyn wished they hadn’t insisted on her having a landline. For safety, they’d said. In her mind, it was another way for them to control her from afar. Why was it that even though she was twenty-six, her parents had the power to make her feel like she was a naughty ten-year-old who just got caught stealing?
“Tell them I’m not here.”
Sydney shook her head. “I will not lie for you. You have to talk to them sometime … about everything.” She handed over the phone.
Kaitlyn closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She could handle this. She had to. Before she could change her mind, she pressed the button and started talking.
CHAPTER 8
Marissa
Still no coffeepot.” The breeze ruffled Tristan’s already floppy brown hair. The metal legs of the chair scraped against the concrete as he dragged it to the table outside The Bean.
I smiled sweetly. “I’ll put it on my to-do list.”
“I’m about to tattoo it on your forehead.”
“I’d like to see you try,” I challenged him with a smirk, which was infinitely better than confessing that no one talked to me until I arrived at The Bean, and I wasn’t about to give up my morning conversations. Friends or not, I didn’t really want to go there with Tristan. I tasted the latte, still too hot even with the lid off. “What I’m doing is keeping temptation away from our clients. We don’t really want them OD-ing on caffeine while they’re spending time with us, now do we?”
Tristan’s eyes glinted. “Always thinking of the greater good.”
More like survival—mine. Between Kaitlyn the barista and a few of the other regulars, I’d come to enjoy my routine.
While Tristan went inside to grab a cup, I fiddled around with the crossword that was left on the table by the customer before me. Some of the easiest clues had been left blank, and even though they weren’t challenging, filling them in gave me a sense of satisfaction. I’d take the satisfaction where I could get it.
Tristan returned, ready to dive into his notes.
He opened his folio and poised his pen at the top of his checklist. “When does our new person start?”
“We still only have Christina, but we adjusted her schedule so we might be okay.” I filled in a three-letter word for an Australian bird. Emu. “She’ll be working two to three hours every afternoon.”
“That doesn’t seem like enough help.”
“She’s a student, so fifteen hours a week is perfect for her. Besides, it’s all we can afford.”
He held his finger aloft. “Not true. Our grant came in.”
“What? That’s great.” I resisted the urge to jump up and hug him. “Wait. When did you find out?”
“Yesterday. I think you were with someone.” His brow furrowed.
“And you forgot to tell me.”
“Not sure how I could.”
“Seems to be a lot of that going around lately.” I stared languidly into my cup.
Tristan set down his pen. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I winced, annoyed with myself for not keeping my private life private. “Never mind—it’s not you.”
“Have you tried talking to him yet?” Tristan wasn’t going to let it slide.
“I followed your advice to a tee.” It hadn’t worked, but I’d followed it. And since talking hadn’t panned out, I regretted deleting Colin’s email account from my phone. Had PinkBunny91 written again, or had he agreed to meet her regarding her “urgent” request? Maybe there was someone sending even more nefarious messages than PinkBunny. Without access to his email, I’d never know. But I didn’t have the nerve to set up the account again.
“And he’s not opening up?”
I waved him off. “No biggie. Hey, how’d your date go last night?”
“It was two nights ago, and you’re changing the subject.”
“Doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear about it.” I flashed a grin over the rim of my cup.
Tristan drank his coffee before indulging me. “It was good. Sheryl is a nice lady.”
“That’s it?”
He offered a one-shoulder shrug. “Nothing else to tell. Do I think she’s the one?” He glanced around, as though any one of the people on the patio could be reporting back to his newest lady. “Not likely, but she’s good company. But nothing like you.” He winked.
“Don’t do that. It’s creepy.”
Tristan snorted and went back to his list. “So I think the grant will cover more than just fifteen hours a week. I’d love to see someone come in who can really get to know the clients and not just be there to answer the phones.”
“I agree. You know what I see? I see New Heights becoming even more of a community. We need more birthing and parenting classes.” Every time I saw the future of New Heights, something stirred inside me. We could actually make a difference in our town, caring for mothers and babies long after the birth.
But whenever I thought too hard about it, I always had to ignore the pang in my chest, wondering when it would be my turn. If Colin kept turning me down like last night, we’d never start a family.
For another ten minutes, Tristan and I focused on the business, talking about future funding and ideas for creating an environment that would encourage women not only to utilize our services, but also to give back when their lives were in a more secure position. We discussed adding parenting classes and a mentor program, and the logistics of each.
I glanced at my phone, once again wishing I’d left Colin’s email where I could read it. What did PinkBunny91 look like, and why did I feel so threatened by her in particular? My obsession was bordering on ridiculous, and I wished the looping thoughts circling in my mind would quiet down.
“If you’re not going to tell me what’s really going on with you, then you might be more discreet.” Tristan sat back and crossed his legs.
“What do you mean?”
“You—the pho
ne. The whole forlorn gaze thing.” He motioned in a circle with his pen as though cycling through the myriad things wrong with me.
“I hope you’re a little gentler with our clients,” I said to put him off. “And your private patients too, because they’re your bread and butter.”
He stared and said nothing, which had the uncomfortable effect of making me want to tell him everything. A bird chirped and a car honked, neither of which fazed him.
“Fine. I still don’t think he’s telling me the truth about everything.” Air whooshed out of my lungs, a relief after holding the truth so close. “Last week he told me he’s about to make tenure.”
“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”
“Then why is he so moody and distracted? I thought he’d be psyched. He’s worked for this for so many years. It’s all he’s ever wanted, so I thought it would make his mood better, not worse.” I finished the rest of my latte and fingered the cup. “It doesn’t add up.”
Tristan appeared thoughtful, studying me with intense eyes that seemed to see through me. Evaluating, as though trying to decide how much truth I could handle and how much he should hold back. Finally, he broke his gaze and spoke. “If it isn’t a done deal, he probably has a lot on his plate. If he blows it now, his dream is gone.”
“Is that what you really think?” My stomach knotted as I waited for his answer.
“I think …” He shifted in his seat and glanced at the people milling about. “I think you really ought to talk to him. You aren’t going to be satisfied until you have a heart-to-heart.”
“That’s just it—he won’t. I’ve tried everything.” I lowered my voice to a whisper. “I’ve had enough, and I think I need to see for myself.”
“What are you suggesting?”
“I want to follow him. See what he’s up to.” I could scarcely believe the words, and the shock on Tristan’s face confirmed my craziness. Yet I refused to take back my comment. It was time for me to take action or Colin and I could never move forward.
“Why not just spend more time together? You know, take him to lunch. Surprise him and show up at baseball. That kind of thing. We can build it into the schedule if you need time off.”
“You don’t get it.” I bit my lip, debating how much I wanted to reveal. At this point, I hadn’t much to lose. I leaned closer to avoid broadcasting my troubles to the ladies at the table next to us. “I don’t feel welcome to just show up. The college, the field—those are his places. It’s kind of an unspoken agreement that they’re off-limits.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“For most couples, yes. But for the last few months I get the feeling that we aren’t most couples.” Even saying it hurt. The times Colin practically ignored me stole my breath and my confidence, and caused me to prefer staying in bed to facing the world. I’d spent more than one Saturday hidden away with no one around to notice. If it wasn’t for the days when I went to help my mother with shopping or appointments, I’d never leave or talk to anyone outside of work.
God’s got this. Though I knew it in my head, I still needed to reassure my heart.
Tristan raised a quizzical brow. “Don’t you think he’ll notice you following him? You know, seeing as how he bought your car and all.” He loved pointing out the obvious.
“For your information, my car is acting up again.”
“Get to the point.”
“The point is, I need your help.” I matched his raised brows with my own.
“Oh no.” He motioned his hands back and forth as though swatting away a bad idea. “Do not involve me in this.”
“You don’t have to actually be there.” I kept my chin high despite Tristan’s initial rejection.
He rubbed his face and crossed his arms over his broad chest. “This is not going to end well.”
“Tell me about it.”
“You can borrow my car. That’s it.”
“That’s all I need.” And to know that someone would be rooting for me when I finally mustered the courage to do it.
Tristan’s phone rang. His expression lightened and a grin tinged his lips before he caught himself. “I need to take this.” He rose and walked to the corner of the building. “Sheryl, I was just thinking about you.”
I gave his new girlfriend a month. Tops. But I prayed that one day he’d find a keeper because he was a good guy. It was time for him to move forward, and if I could just figure out what my husband was up to, I could move forward too.
A woman could hope.
I turned my attention back to the crossword. A six-letter word for void of companionship. That one was easy.
Lonely.
CHAPTER 9
Kaitlyn
Kaitlyn dragged herself to work and clocked in two minutes late. Not bad, considering she’d hardly been able to pull herself out of bed. At least Jake didn’t seem to notice or mind—or ask questions about why her work habits had changed.
She tied the cheery baby blue apron around her waist and started helping the customers in the queue. The line snaked out the door, but no one seemed to mind, content to wait while listening to the light jazz and scanning the newspapers scattered throughout The Bean. A guy from her biology class tried to linger and flirt—and really, she gave him bonus points for effort—but she was not in the mood.
Breaking up with Colin—correction, being broken up with by Colin—sapped every ounce of her motivation. She’d had a few boyfriends in the past and gone through the string of breakups that most women had, but nothing like this. For months, Colin had lavished her with attention and made suggestions that led her to believe what they had together would last. He hadn’t made promises, and therefore he’d broken none, but those would come in time. At least that’s what she’d hoped.
None of that mattered now. She had more to worry about than a failed relationship, as the queasiness in her stomach attested.
If Colin only knew, he’d forget about breaking up, forget about protocol, and start helping. She couldn’t even count the number of times he’d mentioned wanting to have children—definitely not a topic of conversation to have with someone he wasn’t serious about. This would wake him up to see that his future happiness was with her.
And their baby.
He’d make a great father for their child. He coached Little League and occasionally, after a solid win, he’d let his guard down for her to see his playful side. The image of a baby in his arms made her wistful. If she didn’t get ahold of him soon, he’d miss out on all the important milestones.
“Jake, I need to take a quick break,” she said once the line finally dwindled.
“Sure thing. Check the bathrooms while you’re back there.”
She wrinkled her nose before heading toward the break room. She grabbed her phone from her book bag and checked for messages. Her heart sank a fraction when she saw there were none. Sure, she could go back to campus and force him to see her, but that would do nothing to win him back. It would only tick him off.
She pocketed her cell and opted instead for the wall-mounted phone obscured by an outdated vending machine. Before she could second-guess herself, she dialed the campus operator and asked to be connected to the Biology Department. Then she asked the student worker if she could speak to Dr. Kimball.
Her pulse jackhammered in her temples as she held her breath and waited. What would she say before he hung up? It had to be good to get his attention, but she couldn’t blurt the truth about being pregnant. It wouldn’t be right for him to find out that way. She had to see his face, note his expression, and figure out where they would go from there.
A full minute went by, and she willed the break room door to stay closed so her coworkers didn’t hear her desperation.
This was it. He wasn’t going to answer, and she’d have to leave a message with the student worker, which would anger Colin. Leave a message or hang up quietly?
She reached out her finger to disconnect, when the line went active again.
“Dr.
Kimball.” The sound of his voice sent shivers down her spine. The same understated tone that had wracked her mind for months. “Hello?”
“It’s me.” Her breathless words were so much less than she’d intended.
Silence bled over the line until he spoke. “Is there something I can help you with? The update to your grade should have been posted by now.”
She closed her eyes. The grade—the only people that mattered to right now were her parents. She gripped the phone tighter. “I understand what you said—” She paused to choose her words with care, in case he wasn’t alone in the room. “I understand what you said at our last meeting, but I need to talk to you again. It’s really important.”
“I offered to change your grade, and at this point that’s all I can do for you.”
“You don’t understand—”
“Hold on a moment.” His muffled words indicated that someone else was in the office. He said something to the effect that he’d chat later and to please close the door on the way out. A quiet response revealed a woman was in the room. A pang of jealousy shot through Kaitlyn and stole her breath. She steadied herself and waited until he uncovered the mouthpiece and spoke. “Now, as I said …” His words trailed, and she could imagine that he was scrubbing his hands through his hair, leaving it slightly mussed. How many times had she tried to smooth it down, only to see it come out at odd angles all over again?
“Just listen to me, please.”
“I’ve already said everything I can on … the subject.”
“I get it.” She squeezed her eyes against the tide of emotion. “I’m not trying to say otherwise, but there are a few things that … need to be resolved.”
“There’s nothing more.”
“Meet me. Please. Same spot, tonight after baseball practice.”
Colin blew out a gusty breath. “Fine. But my mind is made up.” He hung up without a goodbye, leaving Kaitlyn feeling uneasy and on edge, as though the slightest gesture would cause her to unravel.
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