by Connie Mason
Julian started to rise but Lara wouldn’t allow it. “No, don’t move. You’ve lost a great deal of blood. Wait until the physician arrives.”
“How is Rondo?”
“Alive,” Stanhope said. “You’ll both be taken care of. That was some scene I walked into.”
Julian’s gaze settled on Lara. “Are you … all right? Tolliver didn’t … hurt you, did he?”
“I’m fine. I wouldn’t allow Tolliver to hurt me. Don’t talk, Julian, conserve your strength.”
“Lara’s right, Mansfield,” Stanhope concurred. “Everything is under control.”
Julian felt himself start to fade. Pain kept him from blacking out completely, but he knew it was only a matter of time before consciousness left him, and there was so much he wanted to say to Lara. If only he could think straight.
“I … we … need to talk,” he said weakly. “Something … you should know.”
“Can’t it wait?” Lara asked.
“No, I want … to say it … now. Our marriage …”
Her breath caught in her throat. “What about our marriage?”
He wanted to tell her he was sorry for refusing to accept the love she had so freely offered. For being such a fool about their Gypsy marriage. For believing a Gypsy not good enough for an earl. He needed to tell her that Diana was his past and she was his future.
“I’m sorry … about our … marriage. I was a … fool to think our marriage … Diana is … was … What I feel for you isn’t …” His words fell off, then stopped altogether.
Had Lara understood what he’d been trying to tell her? he wondered in his last moment of clarity. Diana was dead. What he and Lara had together transcended those feelings he’d felt for Diana. Words of explanation were trapped in his throat as his eyes fluttered shut.
Lara sat back on her heels, stunned by Julian’s words. Had be been about to say that he didn’t love her and never would? Is that what he meant?
“The physician will be here soon,” Stanhope said, placing a hand on Lara’s shoulder. “I’m sure your husband will be fine.”
“Did you hear, Papa?” she whispered. “Julian doesn’t love me. He still has feelings for his dead fiancée.”
“I’m sure you’re wrong,” Stanhope consoled. “Why, Mansfield told me himself that he loved you.”
Lara dropped her head, despair blinding her to all but her own heartache. “I heard him, Papa.”
“What you heard were the ravings of a wounded man. He came to your rescue, didn’t he? He was ready to sacrifice his life for yours.”
“That’s because Julian is an honorable man. He married me because it was the right thing to do. He would have honored his vows for that reason. I won’t accept those terms. He went to extraordinary lengths to bring the man responsible for his fiancée’s death to justice. That’s how much he loved her.”
“We’ll speak of this later, my dear. Things are often different from what they seem.”
The physician arrived soon afterward. He poked and prodded at Julian a few minutes, then went to examine Rondo. In an impervious voice he announced that he couldn’t possibly operate in such filthy surroundings.
“Is it safe to move them?” Randall asked.
“Better to move them than risk infection from God knows what,” the doctor said shortly. “Digging out bullets is risky business.”
“There’s room in my coach for both men,” Stanhope said.
“You can follow in your carriage, doctor.”
“Be careful,” Lara cautioned as dragoons carried Julian and Rondo out of the room.
Stanhope patted her shoulder. “Don’t worry, Lara, they’ll be very careful.”
As Lara followed the dragoons out the door, her mind was in a turmoil. She had a great deal to think about. Her entire future was at stake. Of one thing she was certain. If Julian had been trying to tell her he’d never love her, she wouldn’t force herself on him.
Chapter 19
Lara paced outside the bedroom door while the doctor worked on Julian. He’d already assured her that both Julian and Rondo were in no danger of dying, and that all they had to fear now was fever, but Lara was still edgy. Julian hadn’t regained consciousness in the coach and was still out when he was carried into a guest bedroom in her father’s house. Randall had sent word around to Julian’s staff so they wouldn’t worry, then he’d left to see to Tolliver’s interrogation.
“Rondo is conscious and would like to speak with you,” Lord Stanhope said as he stepped into the hall from Rondo’s room.
“Did he tell you why he was in London?”
“Aye, he told me everything. He’s sorry for what he did and wants to beg your forgiveness.”
Lara gazed longingly at Julian’s closed door and sighed resignedly. “Very well. I’ll go to Rondo now, but I won’t stay long. Call me when the doctor finishes with Julian.”
Lara hurried into Rondo’s room. A brace of candles burned on the bedside table. She made her way to the bed. Rondo’s eyes were closed and she debated whether to leave, but he took the decision from her when he opened his eyes.
“I’m glad you’ve come,” he said weakly. “I need your forgiveness.”
“You don’t have to talk now, Rondo. Wait until you’re feeling better.”
He clutched her hand. “Please, Lara, hear me out.”
“Very well,” Lara said, “I’ll listen.”
“I was mad with jealousy and reacted without thinking of the consequences. I never wanted anyone’s death. I didn’t know those men wanted to hurt you, nor did I realize the grave consequences of my jealousy would turn me into an outcast. I’m a man without a home. My own people revile me.”
His face contorted in pain and he sucked in his breath. Lara felt a surge of compassion. He had tried to make amends by coming to her aid and had nearly lost his life.
“How did you know where to find me?”
“I was in the inn in Coventry when you arrived with Crockett and his henchman. Don’t ask me how I ended up there. I had nowhere to go and was simply roaming the countryside without direction. I knew you were being held against your will so I waited, then followed when you were taken away the next day. Helping you was the only way to make amends for what I had done.”
“You did make amends, Rondo,” Lara assured him. “The Jackal’s thug was about to kill me when you intervened. You probably saved both my life and Julian’s.”
“Your father wasn’t home when I arrived to seek his aid. I didn’t know it then, but he was already on his way to the warehouse with help. When I found him gone, I returned to the waterfront to rescue you myself.”
“Thank you, Rondo. I’m sure you’ll be welcomed back into the fold once Pietro learns about your brave act.”
“I’ve always known you weren’t meant for me,” Rondo continued, “but I’ve always loved you.”
“You were always my friend, Rondo, and today you proved it. I loved you as a brother and protector throughout my childhood. But the moment Julian walked into my life, I wanted no other.”
The doctor rapped and entered the room, his black bag clutched in one hand. “His Lordship is resting, Lady Lara. You may see him now, but only for a moment. I dosed him with laudanum so he probably won’t respond to you.”
“How is he?” Lara asked anxiously.
“As well as can be expected, considering the gravity of the wound. Luck was with him. The bullet lodged in his chest but missed his lung by a hairs-breadth. He’s weak from loss of blood, but he’s young and healthy and should heal without complication, if he follows my directions,” he admonished.
“Thank you, Doctor,” Lara said with a note of relief. She hurried off.
Lara met her father in the hallway. “The doctor said Julian is going to be all right.”
Stanhope sent her a reassuring smile. “Didn’t I tell you as much? Your husband is a vigorous man. He wouldn’t let a little bullet do him in.”
“Of course not,” she said with a smile
. “I must go to him.”
She opened the door and crossed the room to his bedside. His complexion was waxen, and Lara stretched out her hand to touch his cheek. He was cool to the touch and seemed to be breathing easily. He was also sleeping deeply, and probably would for several hours. She kissed his forehead, pulled a chair beside the bed, and sat down to watch over him.
Her father arrived a few minutes later. “Go to bed, Lara, you must be exhausted. Most women would have been hysterical after the harrowing ordeal you’ve been through. I always knew you were strong and resilient, but I didn’t realize to what extent until today.”
“I’d like to sit with Julian a little longer, Father, then I’ll go to bed.”
“Let me sit with Julian.”
“No, Papa, I’ll be fine, really.”
Stanhope gave Lara a skeptical glance. “You don’t look fine. You’ve grown quite thin, and I don’t like those circles under your eyes.”
“Please, Papa, let me stay.”
“Very well. An hour, no longer.”
Lara curled up in the chair after her father left and stared at Julian. He’s so handsome, she thought, gazing lovingly at the strong slant of his jaw, his full lips and aristocratic nose. Why can’t he love me as much as he loved Diana? she silently lamented. She had his lust but not his love.
A thought whirled out of nowhere. Perhaps there was a way to learn once and for all how deeply Julian cared for her. She’d be taking a risk, but wasn’t life a risk? There was so much at stake in this marriage. She had a child to nurture, and that child needed a father who would love him or her.
Lara fell asleep in the chair. She never heard her father come into the room, or felt him lift her and carry her to bed. She slept soundly, deeply, dreamlessly.
Julian’s condition continued to improve. Thus far no signs of infection appeared, and the doctor assured Lara that her husband was out of danger. Since Julian had begun to think clearly, they had spoken little of personal matters. Many times Lara wanted to ask what he had meant when he’d spoken about their marriage the day he’d been wounded. But pride kept her from broaching the subject. She wondered if he even recalled those hurtful words.
Julian appeared pleased to have her with him in his sickroom. One day she entered his room and found him sitting up in bed, freshly shaven.
“Julian, should you be sitting up?”
“The doctor said it was all right to sit up for short periods of time. I can’t just lie here all day like a slug-abed. I was hoping to talk with you today about our future. It’s the first day I’ve felt well enough to concentrate.”
Lara’s heart plummeted to her feet. “Can’t it wait? You’re weak and—”
“No, we need to settle this between us. Or rather, there is something I wish to tell you. Something that should have been said weeks ago. This is difficult for me, Lara, so bear with me.”
Oh, God, he’s going to tell me he doesn’t want me, Lara thought. “Not now, Julian, it will have to wait. There’s … something I must do first.”
“Lara, I don’t want to put this off. The sooner ’tis said, the sooner we can get on with our lives. I want you to know exactly how I feel about you. In the past I’ve been reticent about—”
Lara clapped her hands over her ears. “Julian, please. I don’t want to hear this now.” Turning abruptly, she raced from the room.
Julian stared after her, wondering what in the devil he’d said to upset her. All he’d wanted to do was to apologize for being such an ass about their relationship. He knew he had hurt her in the past and wanted to set their marriage on the right path. He was finally ready to bare his heart to her. He wanted their future together to be a long and happy one, with children to brighten their lives. He’d tried to tell her while he lay wounded in the warehouse, but he wasn’t sure it had come out as he’d intended.
He sighed. The next time he saw Lara he was going to insist that she listen to him.
Lara found her father in his study. The door was open, so she walked inside unannounced. “Are you busy, Papa?”
Stanhope set his ledger aside and smiled at her. “Come in, my dear, come in. I’m never too busy to talk to my daughter.” He searched her face. “Are you all right? You look pale. You’ve worn yourself out nursing your husband. You must rest more. In fact, I insist upon it.”
“I’m fine, Papa,” Lara assured him. “I wish to ask a favor of you.”
Stanhope beamed. “Anything, daughter, within my power to grant, of course.”
Lara took a deep breath. “I’d like an escort to Kent. I want to spend some time with Ramona and Pietro.”
Stanhope looked thunderstruck. “Now? What does your husband say about this? He’s hardly up to traveling.”
“I … didn’t tell Julian, and I don’t intend to. I’m going alone.”
Stanhope frowned. “You’re still not worried about those words Mansfield spoke in the warehouse, are you? They were the ravings of a sick man. Has he brought them up again? Did he tell you what he meant?”
“He tried a little while ago but I wouldn’t listen.”
“You’re being foolish, Lara.”
“Perhaps,” Lara admitted. “But there’s one way for Julian to prove his love and I’m not settling for less.”
“You think running away will solve your problem?”
“Not exactly.”
“What am I to tell Mansfield?”
“Tell him I need time to evaluate our marriage. Don’t tell him where to find me. And … and tell him he’s free to divorce me if he wishes.”
“Lara, you’re talking nonsense. This isn’t like you.”
“I’m sorry, Papa, but this is something I have to do. You see, Julian spent the better part of our relationship denying his feelings for me. I have to be sure.”
“I can’t condone your behavior. Mansfield is your husband. He came to your rescue, didn’t he?”
Lara sighed. “We’ve been over this before. Julian is an honorable man. He’d rescue a dog in trouble. And it was important to him to capture the Jackal.”
“To avenge his fiancée, or so you’ve told me.”
“Exactly. She was his one true love.”
Stanhope sat back and stared at Lara. “You’re serious, aren’t you? ’Tis winter. A Gypsy wagon can’t be all that comfortable this time of year.”
“You’re wrong, Papa. I spent most of my childhood inside a Gypsy wagon. ’Tis most comfortable, and very cozy during the winter months. I’ll be fine. I can always take refuge at your country estate should I change my mind. The staff at Stanhope Manor is perfectly capable of seeing to my needs.”
Stanhope sighed resignedly. “Very well, if you’re sure this is what you want.”
“Very sure. Besides the reason I’ve already given, I want to clear the way for Rondo to return to the fold, and this will give me a chance to extol his bravery.”
“How soon do you want to leave?”
“Today. As soon as possible. I can pack and be ready in an hour.”
“Lara …”
“Please, Papa.”
“When have I ever been able to deny you anything? Let’s say two hours. It will take that long to prepare the coach and select the outriders. Does that suit you?”
“Perfectly. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have preparations to make.”
Two hours later Lara was on her way to Stanhope Manor in Kent.
Julian chafed restlessly. Lara hadn’t returned to his room all day. He couldn’t imagine what was keeping her away. When he’d hinted that he wished to talk about their future, she’d seemed frightened. What in bloody hell was wrong? Did she decide all of a sudden that she no longer loved him?
When a maid brought his dinner, Julian asked about Lara. The maid seemed suddenly tongue-tied and left without answering his question. When Jeevers came to prepare him for bed, he’d asked the same question of the stoic butler.
“I’ll tell Lord Stanhope you were asking for Lady Lara,” Jeevers said obli
quely.
“What’s going on, Jeevers? Has something happened to my wife?”
“To my knowledge, Lady Lara is well. Do you require a dose of laudanum tonight?”
“No, dammit! I don’t want to be drugged. Please tell Lara I want to see her.”
“As you wish, my lord.”
Julian waited. And waited. And waited some more. When Lara failed to arrive in a reasonable length of time, Julian slid to the edge of the bed and attempted to stand. If Lara wouldn’t come to him, by God he’d go to her.
Unfortunately his will was stronger than his legs. They crumpled beneath him the moment he put weight on them. He made a grab for the nightstand and succeeded only in bringing it down with him, as well as the candle resting atop it, which set the carpet on fire. Stanhope came rushing into the room, his nightshirt flapping around his legs. Jeevers was close on his heels. Together they stomped out the fire, until nothing remained but a charred section of carpet.
Stanhope righted the nightstand while Jeevers rescued the candle and relit it.
“What happened?” Stanhope asked. “Are you all right, Mansfield? Damn, man, you nearly set the house on fire.”
“No, I’m not all right,” Julian bit out. “Where’s my wife?”
“Help me get His Lordship back into bed, Jeevers,” Stanhope said, evading Julian’s question.
It took both men to maneuver Julian back into bed. “You shouldn’t have tried to rise by yourself,” Stanhope admonished. “You’ve lost a great deal of blood and are still weak.”
“You’re ducking my question, Stanhope,” Julian growled once he was settled back in bed. “Has everyone gone mad around here? What’s happened to Lara?”
“You may return to bed, Jeevers,” Stanhope said. “Lord Mansfield isn’t going anywhere tonight.”
Julian waited until Jeevers shuffled off down the hall before turning his angry gaze on Stanhope. “Are you ready to tell me what the bloody hell is going on? I want Lara, where is she?”
“I was hoping to wait until tomorrow but I can see you’re not going to give up.”
“What’s happened to Lara?” Julian roared, struggling to control his fear.
“Calm down, Mansfield. Nothing has happened to Lara. She was fine when she left.”
