Before going upstairs, she used the head and washed her face. In the mirror, her purple bruises looked even worse than before, but they were in stiff competition with her hair. It had partially dried while she slept and now stuck out in all directions.
The toiletry kit on the small counter included a ponytail holder which she quickly put to good use. Thank you, Tara, whoever you are. Then she went up on deck.
Dan sat at the helm, lit only by a small lamp and the dock lights. He wore a fresh but wrinkled T-shirt and cargo pants paired with running shoes, and he bent over a map, his face intense. Until he glanced up at her. “Hey,” he said. “I thought you’d sleep longer.”
She shrugged, the moist air soft and thick on her skin. “I need to do something.”
He straightened and faced her, his outdoor-fresh scent wrapping around her like a cloak. “Kurt has a plane lined up, as well as two more guys to help with the raid. They’ll come out to the marina when they get here. He’s also trying to round up a van or something. Things are moving forward, but there’s nothing to do for a couple of hours.”
Their gazes locked and her throat went dry. She could think of one thing they could do to pass the time. She craved the heat and taste of him, and the passion that lurked beneath his calm exterior. But she also knew they’d both be hurt again if they gave in to this attraction.
She nodded and broke eye contact. “I know, I’m just having trouble being patient.” Images of Flore, listless and pale, kept invading her mind, and she wished once again for Dan’s sweet distraction.
“Tell me something,” he said, leaning his back against the captain’s chair and crossing his arms.
She gripped her elbows as the breeze sent goose bumps rippling along her skin. “What?”
“Why’d you become a nurse?”
Thank you. She’d happily go along with his distraction. Up to a point. Staring out over the dark ocean at the glittering waves, she let the strains of steel drums from shore wash over her. “The same as anyone, I guess. To help people.”
She lifted a sore shoulder, not sure she could fully articulate her reasons. “My dad wanted me to major in business and then go to law school.” A path she would have hated. “But I never wanted to work for Palaimon like my brother Thad.”
“Why?” Dan prompted.
A heavy weight settled on her chest, but she pushed on. After all they’d been through, she wanted him to know something important about her. Something genuine. “My twin sister Despina committed suicide when we were fifteen. Slit her wrists in the bathtub. I found her, but I was too late.” Alexa’s throat tightened. “She’d lost too much blood and she just… She died in my arms while I waited for the ambulance and I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it.” And it was my fault.
She tried to hold back the tears, but several escaped and rolled down her cheeks.
“Jesus, Lys.” Dan pulled her into his warm embrace. “I’m sorry.” He stroked her head and held her tight, his large hands soothing away the pain. “I had no idea.”
Of course he didn’t. She hadn’t talked about her sister in years. She hardly allowed herself to think about Des, except to remind herself why her work had to take precedence over a long-term relationship. And yet here she was in Dan’s embrace.
She wanted to sink into his body and never leave.
Instead, she pulled away and wiped her eyes, taking a deep, shuddering breath to regain her balance. “I thought if I became a nurse, if I could help others who were hurt… I don’t know, I guess I thought it might make up for Des. That I would never have to feel that helpless again.”
He nodded and looked at his hands. “But we can’t save everyone, no matter how much training we have.” His expression darkened and he looked past her toward the beach.
She put her hand on his biceps and rubbed the impressive muscle with her thumb. “Who did you lose?” she asked softly.
His gaze met hers, hazel eyes full of pain. “My little sister was the first. Leukemia,” he said, his voice rough. “She was nine, I was twelve.”
She inhaled sharply. “Oh, no.” Had they ever talked about anything truly significant, or had they merely kissed and joked and made love as much as possible?
The latter. It was supposed to have been a fling and she’d deliberately kept things light, not wanting to ask him questions that would encourage him to pry into her own secrets.
“Olszewski was the last.” His tone was flat now. Like he’d turned off his emotions the way one turned off a faucet. She wished she knew that trick. “IED in Afghanistan three months ago. Part of that whole Claymore clusterfuck I mentioned earlier.”
He stepped away from her touch and looked out over the stern, gripping the back of the rear-facing bench. “All I could do was give him morphine and hold his insides together while he bled out.”
Alexa covered her mouth. Oh, God. She knew down to her soul what that did to a person. The utter impotence of watching someone you cared about fade away like smoke in the wind.
She started toward him, but he faced her, his jaw hard. “There have been too many others in between.” He held out his hands, palms up. “All on me.”
“Could you have done anything more to save them?” she asked, grasping his shoulders.
He stared at her for a moment, his muscles hard knots of steel beneath her fingers. “No,” he whispered.
“Then they were lucky to have you there at the end. To know that they didn’t die alone.” She swallowed to ease her tight throat. “That someone cared.” Being with Despina at the end was the only thing she’d done right.
His gaze strayed over her shoulder, unfocused, as if he were looking back in time. “Maybe.”
“Definitely,” she said, her voice firm. She wanted to shake him. “And I know you’ve helped more people than you’ve lost. I’ve seen you in action, remember?” Somehow she needed him to understand how amazing he was, how important. “You can’t keep score like a football game. All you can do is keep showing up and doing your best. That’s it. Every day. And you do, Dan. You always do.”
He looked at her then, rested his forearms on her shoulders and cradled her head in his large palms, caressing above her ears with his thumbs. A little shiver ran through her as he watched her with those beautiful eyes as if trying to figure her out.
Then he kissed her.
Not just a quick meeting of the lips. This was a kiss for the ages. A kiss to sustain her for the rest of her life. A devouring kiss that awakened every cell in her body and aligned them all toward Dan.
God, she had missed him so much. Missed his lips, his masterful tongue, his warm, solid body against hers. She curled her arms around his neck and kissed him back with everything she had.
He was more than she deserved, and all she had ever wanted. She couldn’t have him forever but she wanted, needed this moment. Needed something good when the world around her was crumbling. Needed one more time with him to hold within her heart and bring out on the dark, lonely nights that were sure to come later.
She abandoned herself to his kiss, her heart stuttering as his hands roamed along her collarbone and down over her breasts. A hum of delight escaped as she arched into his touch.
Dan broke away and trailed his mouth down her neck and along the edge of her shirt. “Lys…” He gently pressed her breasts together and up, tugging the shirt lower with his thumbs, tracing patterns on her bared flesh with the tip of his tongue.
Heat shot through her veins like a drug, making her nearly delirious. She swiveled her hips, rubbing against his growing erection until he groaned.
He raised his head and caught her gaze, his eyes liquid with desire. His broad chest rose and fell with quick, shallow breaths. “If you don’t want this,” he said, “please tell me now.”
“I want this.” She pressed her palms to his freshly shaven jaw. “I want you.”
Time hung between them for a second before he gestured toward the hatch that led below decks. “Downstairs.”
&nb
sp; CHAPTER TEN
DAN WANTED TO INHALE ALEXA. He wanted to put his mouth on every inch of her, taste her, touch her, own her. At the bottom of the steps, she turned to face him and he hoisted her onto his hips, wrapping her legs around his waist. She rubbed herself against him and he nipped at her neck until she squirmed deliciously.
Some small part of his brain sent up a warning, but he ignored it. He knew what he was doing. Knew that he was running headlong toward another crushing hurt, but he no longer cared.
If he could only have her for tonight, he’d take it.
She had known exactly what to say to ease his pain, and for a moment he felt understood in a way he never had before. She gets me. And with her words and touches, he couldn’t help but think maybe she had been telling the truth earlier. Maybe it really wasn’t about him.
Maybe her reasons for leaving him three years ago really had been all about her.
He was a sucker for letting in even a sliver of hope that he could change her mind about them, but hope he did. And even if she walked away again—
No. He was going to live in the now.
Right here, striding through the dim cabin with her clinging to him, was exactly where he wanted to be.
He stopped at the foot of the raised mattress and sat her on the edge, gently unwrapping her legs and letting them fall to his side. He reached back and whipped his shirt over his head.
Hers went next, but slowly, as he peeled it up to reveal her glowing skin one inch at a time in the shadowy light from the marina that entered through the portholes. The pace was torture, but he wanted to savor, not rush.
He feathered his fingers over the dark bruises that marred her ribs and hip, and shoved aside the anger at the men who’d hurt her. He’d take care of those assholes later. Right now, he stared, trying to catch his breath, awestruck by her presence.
Damn, she was beautiful.
Her brows lowered and she crossed her arms over her chest. “What’s wrong?”
He shook his head and tugged at her hands. “Not a goddamned thing.” Holding her arms wide as her face flushed, he asked, “Don’t you know how gorgeous you are?”
She frowned. “I’m a mess—”
His kiss cut off her denial and he silenced her with enthusiasm. She responded instantly, their tongues engaged in sensual battle. He filled his palms with the soft weight of her breasts, caressing and teasing, dipping his fingers beneath the satiny fabric that bound them.
Deep in the cup of the bra, he brushed against something hard and smooth. He pulled back and looked at her. “What’s that?”
Alexa stilled and clasped her hand over the object. “A locket. It belonged to my sister.” She slid a finger into the bra and removed an oval pendant about an inch long, inscribed with a flowery letter D. “Gold attracts the wrong kind of attention, so I keep it hidden when I’m working for Hygiea.” She made a fist around the shiny pendant and then leaned forward to set it gently on the nightstand.
When she sat back up, he met her gaze. Did she still want to be here, or was the moment lost? “What other treasures do you have in there?” he asked, skimming his fingers across the top of the bra.
She gave him a sexy smile and arched her back, offering herself up to him. “There’s only one way to find out.”
Hell, yeah. An hour ago he wouldn’t have imagined he’d get to touch the lingerie again, let alone remove it from her. Now it was time to do just that. He reached behind her and released the clasp before sliding the straps down her arms. Then he dipped his head for a taste, cupping both breasts as he alternated his attention between them, unable to choose.
Alexa hooked her ankles around his hips, pulling him against her body with a lusty moan as she caressed his back. “Dan…”
The sound of his name on her lips whipped a shot of satisfaction through his blood. This was how he remembered her. Hot and passionate and willing. From full stop to full throttle in half a breath.
He was the same, already hard and aching to fill her. “Yeah, baby?” he whispered, rising up to kiss her mouth again. “What do you want?” He was pretty sure he knew and he stroked his palms down her sides in anticipation.
“Lower,” she murmured against his lips, caressing his buttocks and driving him wild.
Heat zinged through him at her request, and he grinned. “I thought you’d never ask.” He gave her one last, thorough kiss and started a path down her body, pressing her back onto the mattress.
How many times had he dreamed of being with her again, exactly like this? Too many to count.
She smelled like soap and the sea and Lys, and he took a deep breath as emotion swamped him. Jesus, he was in so far over his head with this woman. And he suddenly knew without a doubt that watching her walk away a second time was going to destroy him.
But he was half destroyed already, so he might as well enjoy the death spiral.
He rode a hard edge as he yanked her jeans and panties to the floor, spread her legs, and propped her feet on his shoulders. He gave her no quarter, no playing around, before he put his mouth where they both wanted it. And licked.
She gasped and jerked, raising her arms above her head to clutch the bedspread. Her hips undulated beneath him and he gripped her thighs, holding her down as he played, intoxicated by her familiar scent and taste.
He hummed against her skin and she sucked in a breath, her hands moving to grasp his head.
“Dan,” she pleaded.
“Mmm hmmm.” He released her hips, freeing his hands to roam up to her breasts. Then down her silky stomach. Then around her hips. Then along her inner thighs.
A yearning, pleading kind of moan escaped her lips on a long breath.
He’d been waiting for it. Concentrating his tongue on the magic spot that made her writhe, he slid his fingers into her hot core.
Her breath came harder and faster and she trembled from head to toe.
He kept his eyes open so he wouldn’t miss a minute of the show. A few more strokes and she arched off the bed and froze, no longer breathing. So close.
And then she broke, crashing back to the bed with a shuddering cry as he slowed his pace and eased her down with gentle caresses.
He’d never seen a more beautiful sight, and thank God she was still lost in her orgasm because he didn’t want her to see the tears in his eyes. Fucking tears. Christ.
Reaching with his foot, he snagged his duffle bag and pulled it toward him. He crouched down and placed a kiss on Alexa’s inner thigh, then found his toiletry kit and grabbed a condom. He hadn’t been expecting to use any on this trip, but he was always prepared.
He stood and set the small package on the bedspread and toed off his shoes with an urgency that made him clumsy.
Alexa sat up with a gleam in her eye, her face flushed and damp. “Need some help, airman?”
“I wouldn’t turn it down.” He smiled and kissed her, unable to resist.
She removed his belt and slid her warm fingers into his waistband to undo the button, brushing his erection. His heart jackhammered and he gripped the back of her neck, bringing her in for another kiss as she relieved him of his pants and skivvies, her soft hands caressing the length of him until he nearly lost his mind.
“Now, Lys,” he rasped, reaching for protection.
She got there first, ripping open the wrapper and tossing it aside before rolling on the condom with gentle fingers. He surged forward, placing one knee on the bed as she scooted toward the headboard and lay down.
She lifted her hips and he slid inside her, groaning at the feel of her soft, hot grip. He’d missed this so damn much. Missed her. Her scent, her soft skin, the little noises she made as he thrust deep.
Holding her tight, he rolled to his back. “Sit up,” he said, punctuating his words with a thorough kiss.
She obliged, straddling him, and he just lay there for a second, not moving, drinking in her beauty and this moment, connected in the most intimate way. Then he rose and swung his legs over the side of
the bed, placing his feet on the platform.
Alexa threw her arms around his neck and wrapped her legs around his hips with a lusty smile. “I love this one.”
“I love any position where I’m inside you,” he said, his voice like gravel. He could live here, right here, for the rest of his life. He’d happily die here, intimately entwined with this fantastic woman.
Her lighthearted laughter—hell, everything about this moment—made his heart stammer. Bodies pressed close, he held her waist as he rolled his hips up, getting a deeper connection. She gasped and tightened her hold, kneading the muscles in his back as she gazed at him with those mesmerizing blue eyes.
He lost himself in her body as his own took charge and he drove into her over and over, never wanting to stop. He suckled at her breast, nipping and teasing until she cried out, her breath coming fast and hard as she crested her peak.
His own orgasm raced closer, like a freight train without brakes, slamming into him before he could slow it down. He tried to fight it, tried to hold onto the moment for a little longer, but he went flying over the edge, stars lighting behind his eyes as pleasure streaked along his limbs.
Wrapping Alexa in his arms, he hugged her close, reveling in the feel of her skin everywhere they touched.
Their mingled breaths slowed as they both cooled, but he wasn’t ready to let go. Didn’t ever want to let go.
Finally, Dan pulled away to look into her eyes. A jolt kicked his heart as their gazes locked. The truth gutted him, but he couldn’t deny it any longer.
Somehow he had to find a way to keep her this time.
Alexa was lost in Dan’s gaze, her body still humming from their lovemaking, still connected to him, still wrapped around him. Over time she’d convinced herself that the memories were better than the real thing.
Oh boy, had she been wrong.
She kissed him. “I don’t want to move.”
He grinned. “Not even like this?” He pumped his hips once.
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