The air whooshed from Alexa’s lungs and she stepped away as if to distance herself from the news. Dan moved closer and laid his hand on her lower back.
She glanced his way with wide eyes and then turned to the man who’d just taken her dream. “That’s…wonderful. May I…” She swallowed and stole a quick look at the couple. “May I ask who they are?” Her voice came out soft and small. “Does she know them?”
The man gave her a sympathetic smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes. “It is her mother’s cousin and her husband, Helene and Raymond. They moved to another village many years ago and only just made contact after someone told them we were looking. I doubt the girl would remember them, but they know her.”
Alexa’s gaze strayed to the pale curtain that hid Flore from view. “Can they…?” She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, but can they afford to take care of her?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, gently. “She and her husband work as domestics for a plantation owner who provides them health care, housing, and food. They have no children of their own, so they can devote their time and care to Flore.”
Something in Dan’s gut protested. This all seemed too easy, too pat, too sudden. And yet, what right did he have to interfere? What cause did he have to accuse the man of anything?
“And you have proof?” Alexa asked. “There’s no doubt?”
“Yes. There’s no doubt.”
She gave a jerky nod. “I’d like to meet them, if I may,” she said, her voice stronger now. “As her caregiver. To ensure that her new guardians understand her health issues.”
“Of course.” Armeaux inclined his head and gestured toward the couple.
She looked over her shoulder at Dan. “I’ll be right back.”
Dismissed. It shouldn’t matter. He had no dog in this fight. Nothing to do with Flore or her adoption or Alexa’s future. But it mattered to him. A lot. He wanted her to need him. Stupid. Irrational. Petty. And he couldn’t turn it off. Couldn’t turn away as she strode to the bench with her head held high and suffered through the introductions with perfect grace. How did she do that? How did she smile politely and keep her poise when she was dying inside?
Lord knew he was failing at it.
She spent several minutes with the couple, making sure they understood Flore’s condition and how to deal with it.
“She needs a clean environment, as dust-free as possible. She also needs to have a rescue inhaler with her at all times, and should be on a daily treatment to help control the asthma and reduce the number of attacks.”
Helene nodded. “She will be cared for.”
Not a very personal statement. Did they even want Flore? Was the girl a burden to them or a newfound joy? Maybe he was reading too much into her words. Maybe it was her accent.
Alexa paused and stared at the woman. She shot a glance at Armeaux and then turned back to the would-be mother. “Do you…” She cleared her throat. “Do you actually want Flore?”
The woman sent a wide-eyed look of panic to her husband, who had been tapping his thumb against his thigh, but halted mid-tap.
“I don’t know if Mr. Armeaux told you—” Alexa started.
“We want her,” Helene practically shouted. She cast her eyes downward and let out a shaky breath. “We want her,” she said softly, but with force.
Alexa nodded. “Okay.” She stood and rubbed her hands down the front of her thighs. “Okay. If you don’t mind, I’d like to say goodbye to her before you leave.”
“Of course,” Raymond finally spoke. The tapping resumed.
Across the room, Dr. Smithson emerged from behind the curtain that surrounded Flore’s bed. Armeaux urged Helene and Raymond forward and the trio left Alexa behind as they made introductions.
She watched the procession disappear into the space where she was denied entry, her arms wrapped around her body. Dan fought the urge to hold her. She was obviously struggling for control, and if he touched her she might lose it.
Finally, the curtain around Flore’s bed pulled back. The little girl stood between Smithson and Armeaux. As soon as she spotted Alexa, she ran.
The doctor clucked and shook her head, but didn’t move to stop her.
“Missalyssa!” Flore crammed the words together into one.
Alexa opened her arms and staggered back as she caught the determined child, smiling as she hugged Flore close. “Obviously, you’re feeling better.”
“Yes. Thank you.” She held tight for several more seconds, then lifted her head. “Are they really my family?” she asked, her voice soft and tremulous.
Alexa’s smile lost its beautiful spark. “Yes. It appears so.”
“But I want to live with you.” Tears streamed down the girl’s face.
Goddamn. Dan didn’t want to watch, but he couldn’t walk away either.
“I know, sweet girl. I wanted that too, but I can’t be selfish.” She smoothed a few stray hairs from Flore’s face. “You are an islander. You belong here with your family, your culture. I can’t take you away from that.”
Flore nodded, her face grim, and snuck a glance at her new guardians. Eyes downcast, she said, “I understand.”
Alexa swiped a tear from her cheek. “They’re going to take good care of you, okay? Helene and Raymond promised. They live in a nice house on a plantation and they’ll have your medicine and everything. You’re going to love it.” She slipped the girl a piece of paper. “My phone number and email address are on here. Please keep in touch. And contact me if you ever need anything.”
“Okay.” Flore stepped back and glanced at Dan, then whispered in Alexa’s ear, eliciting a smile that made Dan’s heart skip.
Alexa relinquished her hold on the girl and stood.
Flore walked toward him, her pretty face solemn, but her eyes alight. “Mr. Dan.”
He held out his hand, but she slipped inside his guard and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Thank you.”
“Any time.” His heart damn near broke.
The girl tugged on his shirt and he crouched down. “Do you love her?” Flore asked softly in his ear, her words only for him.
Fuckin’-A. Dan blinked and kept his gaze on the scuffed linoleum tile. If he looked at Alexa right now, he’d probably lose it. “Yeah, sweetheart, I do.”
Flore put her tiny hands on his shoulders and nodded, capturing his attention with her earnest, brown eyes. “I don’t want her to be sad and alone.”
“Neither do I, but it’s not up to me.”
“You will try?”
This girl was going to be the death of him. Jesus Christ. “My very best. You have my word.”
She squeezed him hard and graced him with a brilliant smile. “Thank you,” she said. Then she gave Alexa a lightning-quick embrace before shuffling toward her new family.
Helene and Raymond nodded at them and led Flore outside to a waiting car.
Armeaux glided over and took Alexa’s hand in both of his in a gesture that made Dan think of overzealous salesmen and insincere politicians. “I’m sorry this did not work out for you, but rest assured that Flore will be safe. I am grateful for your kindness to our country and our children. Thank you for bringing them all back to us.” He patted her hand, gave Dan a practiced smile, and walked out.
Dan made a mental note to talk to Jason at the airport. He might not have grounds to interfere with what was happening, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t check out Armeaux’s story.
Alexa watched until the man was gone, then turned and launched herself at Dan. Some kind of anguished sound came from deep within her chest, half words, half grief. Sobs racked her body as she buried her face in his chest and gripped his shirt.
When her legs gave out, he pulled her to a quiet corner next to a potted palm tree and shielded her from prying eyes with his body. She finally needed him, but he didn’t want it to be like this. “I have you, honey,” he whispered, stroking her back, her hair, her arms. “It’s gonna be okay.”
But they bot
h knew he was lying.
Alexa couldn’t stop crying. She didn’t want Dan or—God—the hospital staff to see her like this, but she had no control. The sorrow bubbled out of her like lava from a volcano, hot, painful, messy, and relentless.
She’d come so close to losing Flore this morning, and now she really had lost her. Of course she was happy the girl had found her family. That was what she had truly wanted for her all long. And if this was the price for Flore surviving her attack, she’d gladly pay it. But the idea of her and Flore becoming a small—if incomplete—family had taken hold in her heart.
The loss cut deep. Right down to Alexa’s core where her shame and remorse over Despina had burrowed in and made a permanent home.
She clung to Dan, unwilling to let go when she needed him so desperately. And yet, with him she faced another dagger to the heart, this one self-inflicted. And did she deserve any less for the way she had treated him?
He protected and soothed and aroused her with every glance, every touch, every word. She took everything he had and gave nothing back.
“I’m sorry,” she croaked between shaky breaths as she slowly gained control and the tears subsided.
“Don’t be.” He rubbed her back and kissed her hair, still holding her tightly to his granite chest.
She never wanted to leave his embrace. She focused on his steady heartbeat against her ear, and let her breathing even out as she calmed. “Let’s get out of here.”
He dropped his arms to her waist and leaned back enough to look at her. “Where to?”
She wiped her cheeks with her palms and studied the face she adored. What he’d said about finding a way to keep guilt from ruining her life—and the lives of those she loved—had been worming its way through her mind all morning.
She’d been so caught up in thinking that Flore needed her—needed someone to love and care for her—that she’d refused to consider any alternative. But now Flore had a family again, and Alexa had to give her the chance to be happy.
And maybe it was time she took a chance at happiness for herself. But she needed help.
As soon as she made sure the other children were settled and safe.
“You were right,” she said. “It’s time I went home.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ALEXA HELD DAN’S HAND AND rested against his shoulder during the Wednesday night flight from St. Lucia to Seattle. She intended to take advantage of every moment they had left together. Todd and Jason were taking a commercial flight out the next morning, so she and Dan had the plane to themselves.
Calm and motionless even in sleep, his soft breaths rustled her hair and his heart beat reassuringly beneath her ear. She closed her eyes and tried to succumb to sleep, but her mind hummed with anxiety over seeing her father and Thad again.
How many years had it been? She hadn’t been home since she walked away from Dan the last time.
And now she had to leave him again. Her reasons went beyond remorse over Despina. She had hurt him too many times already. She couldn’t give him hope for a lasting relationship without knowing if she could change. If he had a chance to move on, to find love with someone who wasn’t so screwed up, she wanted that for him. No matter how much it hurt to imagine him with another woman.
Her eyes burned and she shut them tight. Would she ever be able to consider a future with Dan without suffering the crushing weight of guilt? Without feeling like she was wrong for being rewarded with someone so spectacular while her sister lay six feet underground?
One night of teenage stupidity had imploded Alexa’s entire world, and she would give anything to undo it. But she had to live with her choices, and the only way she knew how was to fling herself into helping others. To focus on their needs instead of her own.
Maybe everything had worked out for the best. Flore was where she belonged, and now Alexa would go back to working in the field, following the disasters around the world.
And Dan could move on without her. But not yet. Not tonight.
She sighed and snuggled closer, content to inhale his clean, male scent. One she wished she could bottle and sprinkle on her pillow every night. A sense of peace like she hadn’t experienced in years settled on her like a soft, warm blanket. This was the first time she had been alone with him somewhere completely safe, and with all of her secrets out in the open.
And he loved her.
As long as she didn’t get greedy, she could push aside her guilt long enough to take comfort in his presence.
Eventually, she drifted off to sleep to the low rumble of the engines and woke several hours later as the plane descended into Sea-Tac Airport. It was nearly midnight.
Her dad had directed her to come straight to the house, but she’d declined. She needed to be fresh to face him and her brother. And she wanted to have Dan to herself for a few more hours, even if just to hold him while they slept.
He combed a hand through her hair and shifted in his seat, jostling her. “Hey. You awake?” he asked, his voice rough.
“Yeah.” She looked up at him. They hadn’t talked about what would happen tonight—or anything beyond his flight back to D.C. tomorrow—but he hadn’t pushed her away.
“How are you holding up?”
Her chest squeezed. “I don’t know. I miss Flore, but I’m happy for her. I’m glad she’s safe.” She idly played with the neck of his T-shirt, letting his nearness soothe her. “Finding her family is exactly what I’d hoped for in the beginning, you know, but then when I thought all leads were exhausted, I got my hopes up. I let her into my heart, and it hurts that she’s gone.”
Dan nodded and averted his eyes, and she suddenly realized how much this mission had cost him. How much she was hurting him.
“I’m sure she misses you too,” he said, meeting her gaze. “She has a big adjustment ahead of her, but knowing you care will go a long way. That’s a gift.”
Did he really believe that? If she told him she loved him, would he consider it a gift, or another twist of the knife? “You don’t think she’ll forget me?” Maybe it was selfish, but she desperately wanted a permanent place in Flore’s heart. God knew, Alexa’s own heart was getting crowded with shrines to lost loved ones.
“How could she forget?” He played with Alexa’s hair again. “You saved her. And the others.”
“Thank you.” She reached up and skimmed her hand over his stubbled cheek. “I’m not sure I could deal with this right now without you.”
His jaw tensed under her fingers. “You’re stronger than you think. You’d be fine.”
She pulled away. “I’m sorry.” She took comfort from his presence, but at what cost to him?
“For what?” He snagged her hand and tugged her close. “If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be.”
Her heart thumped, the pulse loud in her ears even over the high-pitched whine of the engines as the plane slowed. She lost herself in the golden green of his eyes.
“You’re incredible,” he said on a reverent breath, leaning in.
Then he kissed her.
Just a light brush of the lips, but it sent every nerve in her body haywire. If they hadn’t been moments from touching down, she might have climbed into his lap.
The plane bounced, jolting them apart. Dan let his head fall back with a sigh. Then he gave her hand a squeeze. “You ready for tomorrow?”
“I don’t know.” Never. She sat up and rubbed her face. “Ready as I can be, I guess.” She downed half a water bottle—flying always dried her out—then gave it to Dan and watched him finish it off. “You ready to be a best man?”
He released her hand and looked out the far window into the dark night. “Yeah. I’m glad Jenna and Mick are getting their happy ending. They deserve it.”
So do you. Her heart turned over. She didn’t want to keep hurting him, but she didn’t know how to let him go. Not if they could have this last night together. “About the hotel—”
His gaze skipped back to hers, his hazel eyes very green and
very dark as he studied her in the dim overhead light. “One room, one bed, Alexa,” he said, his voice a silken ribbon that curled around her body and drew her in. “I hope that’s not too much to ask if I only get one more night with you.”
Unable to look away, she touched his cheek and shook her head. I love you. The force of it struck her so hard she didn’t want to wait for a bed to show him what she couldn’t allow herself to say out loud.
She didn’t have to wait long, though the hour dragged like an eternity before they faced a king-sized mattress, safely ensconced at a moderately priced chain hotel near the airport.
“I could use a shower,” Dan said, kicking off his shoes. He raised an eyebrow and gave her a seductive smile. “Care to join me?”
As if she could resist. She sauntered toward him, whipping her shirt over her head as she approached. “I’m suddenly feeling quite…dirty.”
His cheeks reddened and she winked, then shucked her shoes and socks. “Come here,” he practically growled, dragging her against him so he could devour her mouth. “You don’t need this.” Deft fingers unhooked her bra. He slid it down her arms, careful not to drop her locket as he laid the lingerie on the dresser.
He walked backward, drawing her toward the bathroom, unbuttoning and unzipping her pants on the way. She happily stepped out of them—and her panties—so that by the time they reached the tiny bathroom she was naked.
“Your turn,” she said, shivering in the air-conditioned space when he stepped away.
She watched with open admiration as he shed his clothing, revealing his magnificent body one gloriously muscled limb at a time. Her mouth damn near watered with the need to taste him. Spinning away from the dazzling display, she started the shower and tested the temperature.
Dan pressed himself to her back and cupped her breast, nipping her ear with his teeth. “I can’t wait to get you wet.”
Her knees nearly buckled. “Too late.”
Blind Ambition Page 18
