by JL Davis
“Does that change how we feel about each other?” I turn toward him, but still in his arms.
“No. It makes me feel better knowing you feel that way too.” He clears his throat. I don’t have to see him to know he’s nervous, uncomfortable, or both.
“I do, Cole. I’ve been struggling with my feelings for you for a few weeks now. I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling was love or a crush because we’re limited in our time together and I always want more.” I sigh. I finally got it all off my shoulders.
“This conversation has made me realize that we need better communication between us. I could’ve saved myself a lot of sleepless nights thinking of you and how you feel about me.” Cole leans in and his nose bumps my cheek in search of my lips. “Let’s make this official. I love you, Brooke.”
Tears begin to fall. I’ve waited so long to hear those words come from the man I love. “I love you too.” My voice cracks at the end. There’s no hiding that the waterworks have started.
“Don’t cry, Brooke. Please. Be happy,” he begs and wipes the tears from my cheeks.
“I am happy.” I blubber and bury my face into his chest. I’m so glad he can’t see me crying. Everyone is ugly when they cry, some even more so than others, and I am one of those others. I’m where the ugly cry came from. Not really, but I should’ve been.
“Have you fallen asleep yet?” he asks, concerned.
I sigh. “No, I haven’t. My brain won’t turn off. It usually takes a while for me to fall asleep anyway.”
“What’s different about tonight?” He kisses the top of my head.
“Just thinking about everything.” I feel defeated in my own life, the life I gave myself, but wasn’t the life I truly wanted.
“Anything I can help with? I’m always here to listen, whether I can help solve the problem or not.” He squeezes me tighter against him.
“You’re doing it. Being here for me is everything. I have no idea what to do, so I have no idea how you can help. Just love me.”
“That’s easy enough.” He chuckles. “Roll over and I’ll rub your back until you fall asleep.”
I do as he says. “You’re just too good to me.”
His hands really are magical. Shortly after he started, I felt myself dozing off.
The next morning, I open my eyes, fighting the morning sun coming through the window. As I focus, I see Cole is still lying beside me and with a smile on his face.
“Good morning, beautiful. I love you.” He smiles, then his morning breath slowly catches up to my senses.
“Good morning. I love you too.” I crinkle my nose, trying not to breathe. “Let’s brush our teeth, shall we?”
“What? No morning sex?” He chuckles.
“Maybe after we brush our teeth.” I wink and my stomach grumbles loudly.
“I’d say your stomach has other ideas in mind. I’m kidding. Unfortunately, we don’t have time. We have to leave in thirty minutes.”
“You’re kidding right? It will take me that long to do my hair.” I eye him suspiciously. I have no idea where we’re going. “What should I even wear?”
“You’ll need your swim suit for sure. Maybe just a tank and shorts over it. We’ll be getting wet today. And don’t forget sunscreen.” He beams at me and it’s adorable. He’s like a kid on Christmas morning, he’s so excited.
I opted out of wearing makeup and tossed my hair into a messy bun. Since it will be getting wet, there’s no point in trying to fix it. That cut my time tremendously. Cole was shocked to see me ready to go just as he finished loading his truck.
About ten minutes later we arrive at the boat dock that will take us back to shore or on an excursion. There are many interesting things to choose from. I won’t even bother guessing what we’re doing. As long as I don’t have to swim in the deep water, I’m up for anything.
We’re escorted onto a spacious boat with a few other couples and one family with three kids. The oldest can’t be any older than five. “We’re going sightseeing. Get it?” Cole chuckles. “Hopefully we’ll see a dolphin or maybe even a whale if we’re lucky.”
The boat captain gives us instructions about the life jackets and goes over the rules of the boat with us. He even gave the kids on board little pirate hats. They were very happy to be considered his little co-captains.
I notice Cole watching the children from time to time and it makes me think about his thoughts on children. I know it’s way too soon to think about, but I want to be sure he wants what I do. Otherwise, this relationship is pointless to carry on if it goes nowhere in the end.
“Do you want any?” I ask, watching the children giggling.
“Want what?” He looks around confused.
I nod toward them. “Children. Do you want any someday?”
“I do, sometimes. I worry I won’t be good enough. I didn’t have the best guidance on the subject.” He looks out into the ocean.
I’m so relieved. “That doesn’t mean you can’t be a good father, Cole. That means you’ll try that much harder to be the best you can be. Be the father and the role model that you needed as a child.”
“Do you want kids?” he asks curiously. His eyes staring into mine.
“I do, someday. At this moment I’m not even sure which way is up.” I pout.
“It’s that way.” One of the little girls says to me, pointing in the air.
Children are nosy. I haven’t been around many to know, but from what I’ve observed, they are always listening, even when you think they aren’t.
“Thank you so much.” I give her a big smile.
She sits back and smiles at me as she clings to her mother’s arm. The mom smiles at me for acknowledging her daughter. I wouldn’t be rude to the little thing. She is a person after all, and ignorance is truly bliss as a child.
We saw three dolphins on our way back to the island and I was so glad that we did. I could see the disappointment setting in on Cole’s face with each passing minute that we didn’t see anything.
Once we were back on land, Cole and I decide to take a swim before we go back to the condo. There aren’t many people and it’s surprising for this time of year. It’s warm, and a beautiful day to spend by the water. I’m happy to have Cole all to myself.
“Think anyone could hear you out here?” His eyes penetrate mine and I can’t look away.
“Let’s find out,” I whisper, and rush into the cool water to adjust to it faster.
We’ve been in the water all of three minutes when the kids from the boat interrupt our alone time. I’m a bit irritated now. I wanted ocean sex. If someday I do get to have children, I need to get used to these types of situations.
I have my arms wrapped around his neck and we swim around a bit longer before we go back up to the condo to do what we wanted to do here. I’m hoping there will be more opportunities for this before we have to head home.
Each day we spend together, I find out so much more about her as a person and I fall more in love with her. At times when I look at her, my heart aches with how much I love her. She’s become my everything, my entire world. I wake thinking of her, go to sleep thinking of her, dream about her while I’m sleeping, and can’t wait to be with her when I’m away from her.
We’ve had so much fun; the trip has flown by. I have one more surprise for her before we make the long drive back. I pack everything up while Brooke’s in the shower and make sure the condo is how it was before we arrived. I don’t want to prolong the sadness that she’s sure to feel soon. I also feel it, but I try to be strong for her. One of us has to be, right?
I’ve rented a small boat to take us over to the lighthouse. They say it’s slowly sinking, and I thought it would be cool to check out and eat lunch there as well.
Brooke’s face lights up like the fourth of July when she realizes where we’re going. She can’t contain herself.
“This is so amazing, Cole. I’ve always wanted to visit a lighthouse. As a child, we had a portrait of one and you have no i
dea how many times I wished I could run away to that lighthouse.” She glances out the window toward the ocean.
“We’re definitely not running away today.” I nod, sure of myself, and flash her my best smile before I get out of the truck.
“I want to thank you for making this weekend so special, Cole. No one’s ever done anything like this for me. Ever.”
That hurts to hear. Brooke is worth this and so much more. “This is only the beginning.”
“I could get used to this.” She giggles.
“Please do. I plan on spoiling you every chance I get.” She deserves so much more than even I can give her, but I’m sure as hell going to try.
About an hour later, we’re finally reaching the lighthouse. The pictures I saw online while I researched things for us to do while we were here didn’t do it much justice. It’s truly a sight to be seen. Unfortunately, there isn’t a way to get off the boat and go inside with it being surrounded by rocks. The boat circles around it a couple times slowly before we head back to shore. It was a quick excursion but very educational. It was a peaceful ride together; even though we weren’t alone, it felt as if we were.
Back on shore, I take Brooke to the lighthouse bakery. It’s an old house with history about the island lining the walls. They’re known for their dinner plate sized cinnamon rolls.
Once inside, the sweet smell of cinnamon surrounds us. It’s quite busy, but it is lunch time and the options are limited when you’re on an island. “What would you like?” I ask.
Brooke looks through the glass at the many options to choose from. “There are so many choices. I don’t know.” She makes her way to the end. “There’s red velvet!” she says loudly, a bit too excited. She quickly covers her mouth and apologizes to the woman behind the counter as she looks around embarrassed.
“We’ll take two slices of red velvet, please.” I smile at the woman and she busies herself getting our order together.
A few minutes later, we’re sitting at a table with an ocean view while we enjoy our treats. Not the best lunch choice, but we can work it off later.
“This is the best I’ve ever had.” Brooke says between bites.
“I thought you said I was the best you’ve ever had?” I arch a brow, but only teasing. “It really is good.” I smile. “We may need to get one to bring home.” I wink.
“I don’t think that would be the best idea with the drive back.” She crinkles her nose at me.
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” I nod, disappointed as I take my last bite.
“Aww, you look like you might cry.” She giggles.
“I might. That was too good and now it’s gone.” I rub my stomach.
On the start of our drive back, Brooke and I are a bit quiet. I’m going over the weekend in my head and I’m sure she is too. It was nice to be away and not have to worry about being seen together. We were able to be ourselves and enjoy every moment together. I want every day to be like that.
“I’m having dinner with my parents this week and I plan to tell them that I’m quitting my job. I’m not truly happy in what I do and being with you has only helped me see that more. It’s not solely based on us, Cole.”
“I’ll support you no matter what you do, Brooke. You know that. My only concern is the resentment your father will have thinking that I’m the reason why you have decided to change your path.”
I’m sure her father won’t care for me either way once he finds out who I am and what I’ve done in my past, but it would just be something to add to the stack against me. Her father is a respectable man. He won’t respect a man like me. I hope he can learn to see that I am not that man and that I can be enough for his daughter.
I would love for him to approve of me and the love I have for his daughter, but I honestly care what Brooke Hartford thinks of me. I won’t force a relationship with him. I care that Brooke is proud of me and the man that I’ve become, the man who’s grown and learned from his past mistakes. I will do everything I can to be a better man for her and only her. If her father approves or doesn’t, I’m fine either way.
“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to get the job part out of the way before I mention that I’m in love with someone. My mother will have a heart attack and I can’t wait.” Brooke grins wickedly.
“I don’t like the idea of being a ploy against your mother, Brooke. They already won’t like me because I’m a felon. They’ll think the worst and you’d only be adding fuel to a fire that’s already going just fine.” I plead with her.
“I won’t say anything to make it worse. We can’t change your past, Cole. They will fall in love with you for the wonderful man you’ve become just as I have, or they can get over it.” Brooke leans in close to me and kisses my cheek.
“I hope it’s that simple.” I sigh. I have a feeling it will be anything but.
“My father will do a background check on you and he will then demand me to break up with you, which I will not do. I will have to remove myself from them for a while to let them calm down. That’s what I have to do when they think they can control my life.”
“You seem to already know what you have to do and how to approach the situation, so I’ll let you handle it. But please, if you want me there or need my help with them, let me be there for you.”
“Thank you, but my father has a tendency of overreacting and also has an anger problem.” She looks away quickly.
“Brooke, I’d never disrespect your father or allow him to sabotage my progress.” I assure her.
“That’s just it. He will already know how you tick, how to push your buttons, and he will provoke you.” She shakes her head, defeated.
“Well, I’ll just have to piss him off more when I don’t react to him.” I smile, reach for her hand, and squeeze it reassuringly.
“I like the sound of that. I like it a lot, actually. It will be good to prove him wrong for a change. He seems to predict my life for me and isn’t usually wrong. He said I wouldn’t enjoy being a parole officer, but it was the closest thing to pleasing us both. I realize how stupid that was now.” She sighs and looks out the window.
I pull into the parking lot. Brooke’s SUV sits in the corner by itself, the only vehicle here.
“I’m here no matter what you decide. Please let me know what’s happening, okay?” I search her eyes.
“I will. Thank you for this weekend. It opened my eyes to see what I really want. I love you.” She leans in but hesitates. “Cameras.” She sighs and opens the door.
“I love you too. Dream of me.” I beat her to it.
Brooke smiles softly because I beat her to it. “I will. Dream of me,” she whispers, and closes the door.
I wait for her to get inside safely. As I pull away, a part of me is left behind, a piece of my heart. Each time that we’re separated after spending so much time together it’s brutal being apart, being away from her, and being alone.
I will support Brooke no matter what she decides to do. I had no idea she allowed her father to influence her decisions to that extent. She needs to do what makes her happy, not her father. Jeffery doesn’t have to live her life and he seems to think his reputation is more important than his daughter’s happiness. He seems like an asshole to me, but that’s my opinion and I haven’t even met him yet. Oh joy.
Dream of me… I keep replaying the words I’ve said to him so many times, only this time he beat me to them. When those words rolled off his tongue, I wanted to cry. I want him beside me every night when I fall asleep and while dream of him, of us. I want him beside me, always. I have never been more certain of anything in my life. I can’t wait to start this new adventure with Cole by my side and for everyone to see. I’m proud of him, of the man he’s become, the man I love so much.
After I get home and unpack everything, I sit down with my laptop to see what I need to do to pursue my dreams. It won’t be as hard as I thought. I’ll have to go back to school for a bit and I expected that, but it won’t take years to get where I wan
t to be and I’m glad.
I have quite a bit saved and with the trust from my grandfather, I should be just fine until I start my new job. Classes will be opening up in about three weeks for new enrollments. I’ll also need to give a two-week notice at work, regardless, so it may work out perfectly. I’ll have enough time to get everything together for enrollment and finalize everything before leaving my current job.
The next morning, I wake feeling refreshed, ready to take on the day, and start the next chapter in my life. I haven’t been this sure about anything until this. I know I will be happier and that’s all that matters at this point. I shouldn’t have allowed my father to dictate my life and make my decisions for me. I thought at the time I was happy because I was making my father happy. There’s no trying to please my mother, though. I gave up on that a long time ago.
At lunch, I drag Mya from her office so I can tell her about my plans to quit. I will miss working with her and seeing her every day.
We’re in the elevator on the way to the cafeteria. Today is taco day and we never miss it. “I kind of have some big news,” I mumble.
Mya turns, giving me her full attention. “What is it? You’re not pregnant, are you?” She stares at me, mortified.
“No,” I blurt. “What the hell, Mya? I’m quitting my job and going back to school.” I feel extremely claustrophobic all of a sudden and want to vacate the elevator.
Mya considers what I’ve said. I appreciate that she hasn’t blurted the first thing that’s come to mind. “Where’s this coming from?” she asks, as we walk out of the elevator toward the cafeteria.
I glance behind me for prying ears. “I know you think it’s because of Cole,” I whisper. “He’s a small part, yes, but I’ve lived my entire life to please my father until this point. I am not happy being a parole officer, being two different people. I want to be me and help people. I want to go into social work, preferably with children.” I smile thinking about it.
