Chapter 6
Clara spent the rest of the afternoon milling about and trying not to be nervous at spending time with James. She shouldn’t let the idea of them having a conversation alone make her feel nervous.
It was just two people talking, right? Jack would be here too, she thought, and hesitated. Jack hadn’t stopped Phineas from being rude or uncouth towards her. Why was she so scared that James would end up being like Phineas?
Because… she liked him.
Wiping down the table, she set three place settings and smiled to herself. She missed having dinners with her family, and it had been nearly a month since her father passed. It was closer to four months since they had sat down at a table together. This was important to her because it would bring back a semblance of normalcy and she wanted things to go smoothly - needed it to. She’d had enough chaos in her life in the last few months that would break down anyone.
Jack was fidgeting and starting to whine a bit, a sure sign he was getting hungry. She didn’t want to make him wait for dinner and understood how he felt as her own stomach gave a painful growl in protest. Washing the toddler’s hands and face, she set him on a ladder-back chair in order to be able to reach the food safely. She was afraid if she set him on the bench, he’d flip it right over and injure himself.
A knock at the door startled her.
“Stay here, Jack.”
Opening the front door to the house, she fought back the urge to sigh dreamily as James stood there. He’d washed his hair and face before appearing at the door as droplets of water had splashed onto his shirt, leaving wet marks. He held his hat in his hand politely, reminding her of what it was like to have someone with manners visit as a guest at your home. Visitors had been few and far between when her mother had fallen so ill. People were frightened of the contagion.
“May I come in?”
“Certainly. You live here, remember?” Clara held open the door for him to enter. James hung his hat on a peg by the door she didn’t even realize was there, making her feel more like an intruder almost immediately.
“I wanted to give you privacy and time to settle in.”
“I think with the room you set up for me, I will have plenty of privacy. This is your home and you should be staying here in your room,” she hedged politely, feeling her cheeks flush as she looked away from his eyes that suddenly met hers in surprise. They were quiet for several moments and awkwardly took their seats at the table.
“I can add on another bedroom for Jack.”
“That would be much appreciated, but there’s no rush. He’s little and still gets up in the night sometimes. Having him close shouldn’t bother me to terribly much,” Clara explained easily, pouring two glasses of water.
She watched Jack shove a gravy laden vegetable into his mouth. Thank goodness both the turnips, potatoes, and the single carrot she’d found were all practically mush by the length of time she’d cooked the stew. It would be soft enough that he wouldn’t choke.
Clara rose to her feet and saw James do the same in reaction, making her smile softly. He certainly had much better manners than his brothers, she thought to herself.
“Have a seat while I serve our meal,” Clara instructed, seeing him sit back down on the bench again. Thankfully, everything smelled fragrant, and she hoped it tasted as good as it smelled. The rolls were a little darker than she’d intended, but they weren’t burnt and that was all that mattered.
“How old is he?”
“He has a name and will be two next month. Right, Jack? This many?” Clara asked holding up two fingers, only to see the little boy hold up a gravy covered hand, extending his own two fingers and smiling at James.
“Oh, he’s still quite little.”
“But growing fast,” she said with a warm smile, setting the plate down in front of James and taking her seat. “I’m constantly surprised by him and how much he’s changed in the last few months. He speaks quite well for a little fellow, but if he doesn’t know the word, he’ll ask or throw a tantrum.”
“I’d prefer he asked.”
“I would too but sometimes we don’t get what we want.”
“Speaking from experience?”
“Truthfully? Yes.”
“I’m sorry if you regret coming out all this way.”
“It’s not that,” she began, feeling self-conscious, and changing subjects quickly. “Jack, do you want another roll?”
Clara handed him a half of a roll, hoping to keep her brother occupied so she and James could continue talking. He seemed earnestly trying to be polite, and she wasn’t ready to have the conversation end or become painfully quiet again. Taking a deep breath, she stared down at her plate and answered James truthfully, knowing this would be the best start of any friendship between them.
Honesty.
“It was the reasons I had to leave my home that I would prefer be different,” Clara admitted quietly. “Arizona, from what I have seen, is beautiful in a raw, desert-like way. I’m surprised at how different it is from Kentucky.”
“Why did you leave your home?”
“My parents died from consumption, the wasting sickness, and I was suddenly being threatened and evicted by a neighbor that wanted nothing more than to…” Clara grew silent and flushed. She shouldn’t be telling him things like this, and it was in her past. “Nothing. It’s not important.”
“Did he offer for you?” James extended his hand towards hers and his fingertips touched hers. It was as if he wanted to hold her hand but was intimidated to do so. She relished the touch of his hand more than she wanted to admit, and the fact that he wasn’t aggressive about it. Friends tried to comfort other friends and that is all this was, wasn’t it?
“It wasn’t so much of an offer, but a threat.”
“He threatened you? Physically?”
“Close enough to make me jump at your advertisement. Now, what made you put an ad out for a mail-order bride? Why not marry someone in town?”
“You’ve met my brothers,” James muttered, looking away and drawing his hand back towards him. Clara quickly extended hers, palm upwards in a silent invitation to her new husband. Surprisingly, he laid his hand in hers, and she restrained another sigh of happiness.
Oh, my!
She liked the man—quite a bit!
His thumb caressed her knuckle innocently back and forth, almost without thought as he spoke. It was a subtle, comforting measure that reminded her of the way her father used to hold her mother’s hand.
“History like ours has a tendency to stay with you, tarnishing your name. The Clanton’s aren’t favored much in this area. Theft, lying, scheming, it all goes back a couple of generations. The only reason I’m not treated like a leper in town is because I refuse to be like them.”
“From what I can tell, you are not quite as uncivilized and rambunctious. Why do they call you ‘Mule’ all the time?”
“Ike said I was ‘as stubborn as a mule’ and it stuck.”
“Stubborn… I could see that,” she said lightly, nodding with a smile on her face. “Do you prefer Mule or James?”
“James.”
“So be it,” she whispered, pulling back on her hand. He held it for a moment before releasing it.
“I like that you can speak your mind and tell me how you feel. I hope you always feel that you can do that. I would like us to be friends someday.”
“I think we can be - since we aren’t concerned about this being a love match. Friendship is so much better, don’t you think?” Clara felt a pang of guilt as she saw him wince. She’d brought up his prior conversation, and admittedly, it had hurt her feelings.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I said it and I am the one who should be apologizing.”
“Please don’t though. I would rather have the truth between us.”
“Me too.”
“Shall we eat? Our meal is getting cold.”
They made light discussion between bites and Clara was happy to
see that he indeed seemed to enjoy the meal, helping himself to a second portion and another roll. She had thought it was bland, but he devoured it like it was ambrosia. Poor thing, she thought to herself as she realized he must not have been taking care of himself well at all.
“Do you mind terribly if I sleep in my room tonight?” James asked suddenly, his cheeks flushing as he looked embarrassed to be asking. “Coyotes kept me up with their howling and I kept getting poked by the straw I was trying to rest on.”
“Of course not,” Clara answered nervously. “We’ve set boundaries and I am amendable to it, so long as we don’t break the pledge between us.”
“I’ll not touch you until you ask.”
“I won’t be asking.”
“Then it’s settled.”
“Exactly. Now, I will put on a kettle, if you want to rest for a bit.”
“I’ll clean up.”
“I’ll get it; besides, it helps me learn where things are,” she explained easily. The thought of him helping her clean the plate made her antsy. Men just didn’t do that. Her father certainly had never helped her mother in the kitchen. She would always shoo him right out, claiming that was ‘her domain’.
Wetting a rag, Clara wiped down Jack’s hands and face before turning towards James with the rag. She almost placed it on his hands, distractedly, to scrub them down, when he burst out laughing.
“I promise I can wash my hands by myself,” he said grinning.
“Succotash! I am so sorry,” she apologized, yanking her hand away as if burned and slapping herself with the wet wash rag as she jerked it to her midsection away from where she was preparing to scrub the handsome adult in front of her.
“Clara, it’s okay. Honestly.”
“I feel like a fool.”
“Don’t. You seemed to have had something on your mind.”
“I was just thinking that I enjoyed us having dinner as a family. I miss my own family doing something as simple as this. It’s nice to feel like we belong somewhere, you know?”
“I did too, and I agree completely. Everyone should have a feeling that they belong somewhere and fit in,” he admitted with an easy smile that made her breath escape her lungs in an abrupt whoosh of relief. He took her hand in his and pulled it to his lips, kissing her knuckles politely.
“Do you feel better about a future here, now?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, and Clara?”
“Yes, James?”
“I think I’ve changed my mind,” he mumbled, watching her.
Clara’s eyes held his as her heart froze in her chest before painfully thudding with anxiety. Stunned, he got to his feet, holding her hand in his, and looked down at her. His bright blue eyes were soft with surprise, wonder, and hope.
“About what?”
“I think perhaps I would like to court my wife, after all.”
Chapter 7
Stunned, Clara stared up at James in complete shock. They were standing so close to each other that she felt like she couldn’t breathe in that moment and utterly positive he could hear her heartbeat from where he stood. He stood there, unmoving, his eyes holding hers as he waited for an answer.
“Would it be so bad?” he whispered softly.
His hand reached up to push a curl from her face. The intimacy of that single gesture made her melt, and she was certain that her legs would not hold her up much longer. This is why people have chaperones, she thought wildly as a little giggle of nervousness escaped her.
His smile widened.
Clara realized that he took her laugh as one of acceptance or acknowledgement, instead of the raging hysteria she felt inside. The idea of him courting her, pursuing her in a romantic fashion, made her blood sing and her heart soar with hesitant delight.
“Will you sit with me under the stars?”
“Really?”
“I’d like to keep talking with you, getting to know you.”
“I need to put Jack down to bed.”
“Your brother can come with us, so you don’t worry about him, and if he falls asleep I can carry him inside for you.”
“You don’t mind having Jack here? That I didn’t tell you about him?”
“I was a little taken aback at first that my bride was carrying a child with her when you arrived, but the fact that it’s your baby brother says a lot about who you are inside. You are loyal to your family and kind to the boy. It shows that you are willing to do what is needed to get by. Truthfully, I know little about children, but I feel that I should probably get to know my brother-in-law, even if he’s only two.”
“Almost two,” she corrected absently.
“Almost two,” James repeated softly with a kind smile. “So how does a little stargazing sound for my first attempt at courting my new bride?”
“It sounds wonderful.”
“I’ll get a blanket from the barn, if you want to get Jack, and I’ll meet you out by the mesquite over yonder.”
Clara happily nodded, not bothering to ask what a ‘mesquite’ was. She’d find him when she went outside somehow and had no intention of being left alone for too long in case he changed his mind again.
She felt like she’d been gifted a chance at happiness after so much tragedy in her small world. Possibly getting along with her new husband, and the fact that they might develop a fondness between them over time, was more than she could have ever wished for.
“Jack? Let’s go see the moon and stars, sweetie,” Clara urged, changing him into a dressing gown for bed. If she was lucky, her brother would fall asleep outside and they could just carry him to bed later.
“I don’t wanna go night-night!” Jack yelped, flopping bodily down onto the plank flooring just under her boots. Clara winced, expecting him to shriek in pain at hitting his head, but instead he began rolling and repeating ‘no, night-night!’, repeatedly.
“Jack! Shhh! We are going outside.”
“Outside?” he asked, perking up. Those bright eyes were suddenly free of tears and staring at her happily, as Clara realized that she’d just been fooled by the mock-theatrics.
“Yes, outside. Won’t that be fun? I just wanted to make you comfortable. It’s just not night-nighttime,”… yet! she thought slyly, hoping that this was the only temper tantrum he had tonight or anytime soon. There was no reason to wear out their welcome this early on into a brand-new marriage.
Stepping into the evening, she realized that it just seemed to be so much darker outside than what she remembered back home in Kentucky. The surrounding environment was overwhelmingly dark and dimly lit by the halfmoon that hung in the sky. Glancing up, she blinked in shock at the number of stars above her. She’d never seen such a clear sky. It resembled flecks of whitewash paint that had been sprinkled everywhere.
“You look surprised.”
Clara spun to see James’ shadow nearby, standing beside a large blanket that was spread on the trampled grasses. He held out his hand politely towards her in a silent invitation that she immediately accepted. Her fingertips touched his, causing her heart to lurch nervously as she set Jack down on the blanket and gingerly took her seat.
“Da’ moon! Look!” Jack announced, flipping onto his back with enthusiasm, his arms pointing at the sky above. “Picnic?”
“No picnic, buddy,” James said politely, looking at Clara before he glanced back at Jack. Her heart swelled in her chest at the awkwardness in the man before her that she’d taken for her husband. Bless his heart, he was trying for her sake. “We just ate the nice supper your sister made. Wasn’t it delicious?”
Instead of getting an answer as she expected, she watched as James gave Jack plenty of space on the blanket, sitting just above his head, towards where she was located, perched on the blanket with her dress covering her exposed ankles. It seemed almost silly to be worried about how she looked in the darkness, but worry - she did. Instinctively, she reached up to smooth her unruly hair.
“You look pretty.”
“You can�
�t see anything.”
“I can see that you’re nervous at being here with me.”
“And I can tell that this is unusual for you to be around… well, us.”
Clara saw his smile as her eyes adjusted to the dim light. He’s propped his arms behind his back, locking his elbows and sitting back. Jack lay there on the blanket between them, happily talking to himself about the stars, moon, and sounds he heard.
“Arizona is incredible,” Clara began nervously and wincing because she’d said that earlier, tugging at the collar of her gown nervously. This was an easy conversation starter. They could talk about the land or the weather, just something to break the nervous silence!
“It’s lovely in a wild way that is unexpected.”
“It can be wild and deadly if you aren’t careful. What do you mean by unexpected?”
“It’s beautiful in a raw, elemental way. The wide-open skies, the vast landscapes, even the trees are different here. What did you mean by deadly?”
“Everything here has acclimated to the way life is here. The weather is beautiful right now but during storms, we can have gully-washers that can flood. We have creatures that are venomous and different. Stay away from snakes, spiders, and…”
“You don’t have to worry about that,” Clara interrupted immediately, feeling a shiver run down her spine. “I despise snakes. We have them back home too.”
“I hope you like it here and don’t regret coming,” James admitted quietly, surprising her.
“Why would you say that?”
“My family can be difficult and things are rough here. I just don’t want them to create problems for you… for us.”
“I don’t either. Things were rough back home, which is why I left.”
“So, you’ve mentioned,” he started, and she heard his catch of breath. “I’m terribly anxious about this. Do you think me a fool for wanting you to like me?”
Mail Order Clara Page 4
