by LP Lovell
“Thank you.” I say before leaving the office. Theo is sitting in a waiting area near reception. His ankle is crossed over his knee seemingly casual, but the tension in his face is obvious.
He stands and falls in step beside me as I walk to the lift. Once inside he turns to me. “Is it even worth me asking?” He says quietly.
I shake my head. “It was nothing important. She just thought I might be happier talking about Harry without you there.” He nods, but I can see in his eyes that he doesn’t believe me. That’s just tough luck. I’m hoping he never has to know about me, but it feels as though the walls are slowly closing in on Harry and I, threatening this life that we’ve managed to build for ourselves. We climbed up out of the ashes of our shitty lives, and built something for ourselves. Now I feel as though I’m doused in petrol and just waiting for someone to throw a match at me. The problem is I don’t know which direction the match is coming from, or what the extent of the damage will be. I just have to keep ploughing forwards like I always do. There’s nothing I can do for Harry right now. Even I know that Claudia Weston is a pitbull of an attorney. If anyone can get Harry out it’s her. I also know that she charges more money per hour than I make in a week.
Theo opens the car door for me and I slide into the smooth leather of his Aston. He climbs in and starts the car.
“Shit.” I curse as I realise that I need to call Donny and let him know what’s going on.
“What?” Theo’s eyebrows draw together.
“I just need to call Donny. Hang on.” I find his name in my contacts.
“Donny?” His voice is flat. I look up at him and he doesn’t look happy.
“Yes Donny. He lives with Harry.” He grumbles something unintelligible but says nothing else as I call Donny.
He picks up after the second ring. “Hey Lilly. How are you?” He says brightly.
“Hey Don. I’ve been better. I have some bad news. Harry’s been arrested.” I say quickly.
“What for?” He asks slowly.
“Kidnapping…of me.” I whisper.
“Shit Lilly. Fuck. Is he okay?”
“Theo’s solicitor is trying to get him out. Hopefully it won’t take long.”
“Is my dad going to be implicated in this?” His voice drops. Donny’s dad took Harry on as an apprentice mechanic when we had nowhere to go. He let us live in the flat above the garage, and kept an eye on us. Harry and Donny had been friends since they were four. Donny’s mum lives back in Kent, where we grew up.
“I don’t know. Harry will protect him. He’ll say he lied about us. Give him a heads up though.”
“Yeah, sure. Just…go careful Lilly.” He pleads.
“I will. Bye Don.”
Chapter Twenty Three
Theo
She’s talking to that little fuck Donny, and he clearly knows quite a lot about the situation. “He’s in on it?” I ask slowly after she hangs up.
“No, he is not in on it. He’s Harry’s oldest friend. His dad helped us out when we needed it most.” She snaps. “Besides there’s no ‘it’ to be in on. Harry did nothing wrong.”
I drag my hand through my hair. “I know, it’s just…” It’s just that everyone seems to know her, to know about her, and yet she gives me nothing.
“Just what?” She frowns.
“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.” I start the car and reverse out of the space. “Where to?”
She shrugs. “Do you need to go to the office today?”
I turn to her and smirk. “Really?”
She smiles and rolls her eyes. “Of course not. You know work is good for the soul.”
“I did three times what any normal business owner does between the ages of twenty one and twenty seven, now I don’t have to.”
“Wow, six whole years. You’re a smug bastard, you know that?”
I laugh. “Yes I do.” I throw the car in gear and pull out of the underground car park. “You still didn’t answer my question. Where to?”
“Don’t care.” She says absently as she stares out the window. I decide to go to my house as it’s close and the traffic is terrible. It would take at least half an hour to get to her flat.
I pull into the garage and switch off the engine. Lilly doesn’t move, just stares at the dashboard. “You okay?” I ask.
She nods. “Yeah, just thinking.” She opens the door and steps out of the car. I guide her through the house as she silently makes her way to the living room.
“Do you want a drink?”
“Have you got any vodka?” She asks.
I check my watch. Ten in the morning, wow, even by my standards that’s early. “Uh, yeah sure.”
I pour her the vodka and hand it to her. “No, I’m not an alcoholic. I’m just…on edge.”
I hold my hands up. “I didn’t say anything.” I study her for a moment as she sips her drink. She looks thin, too thin. Her pencil skirt, once filled by her curvy body now hangs on her. Where she used to have an abundance of cleavage, I can see ribs on her chest. Her hair is loose, but has lost it’s shine. She looks so tired.
“Do you want some food?” I ask. She shakes her head. “Lilly…I don’t want to be a dick, but you really need to eat something. You look ill sugar.” She looks away from me. She almost looks embarrassed. “How long has this been going on? Have you seen a doctor?”
“No. I’m fine.” She says too quickly.
“Lilly…”
“I can’t eat when I’m stressed or upset okay? Just leave it Theo. I’m really not your concern.”
“Okay. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.” Fuck if she doesn’t know how to hit hard. I head downstairs and change into some gym clothes. All I seem to do at the moment is hammer myself in the gym, because if I didn’t I’d be drinking. A lot.
I go straight to the punching bag and I start hitting. My head is fucked. I don’t know if I’m coming or going with Lilly. I make some small progress and then she throws it in my face. I should walk the fuck away, but I can’t. I shouldn’t care but I do, and that’s the problem. She doesn’t want me to care. She doesn’t want me. I’m simply a convenience to her now, a convenience who isn’t good enough anymore because I no longer fit into her fucking box. I hit the bag harder and harder until my bare knuckles split and bleed. Until my lungs burn and my body aches.
I catch a small movement out of the corner of my eye. Lilly is sat on the bottom step of the stairs leading up into the main house. Our eyes meet in a silent exchange. I break eye contact and walk away from her with my hands folded behind my head.
“What do you want?” I ask with my back to her.
“I just…” She stammers. “I didn’t mean to be a bitch earlier.”
I spin around to face her and drop my arms to my sides. “I mean what do you want from me Lilly? Because I have no more to give, and I’m reaching my limit.”
“I don’t know.” Her small voice echoes around the enormous space of my basement. She lifts her hand and presses her fingers against her lips. Her hand shakes as she moves.
“Fucking hell woman. What do you want? I’ve been chasing you since day one. I accept your evasive shit. I don’t ask questions. I’ve been here for you one hundred percent, and yet you don’t know.”
Her expression becomes shuttered. “I didn’t ask you to be there for me…”
I stride across the room until I’m stood just feet away from her. “No, I do it because I want to. I do it because I want to be your everything.” I wait for a response but she says nothing. I shake my head. “You know what, I can’t do this anymore. It hurts too fucking much.” I move to step around her, but she stands and blocks my path. She’s on the step above me so our eyes are level.
“Please don’t. I…” She drags both her hands through her hair as tears well in her eyes. She looks like she’s in pain. “Fuck. I love you.” She whispers brokenly. “I love you but I don’t know how to be with you. You are everything to me, but I can’t be your everything.”
�
��Lilly…” I stroke her teary face.
“You’re having a baby Theo, and it hurts so fucking much!” She chokes. “I will never give you that, and I don’t know if I can deal with that. It’s selfish, but it’s the truth.”
“You are my everything. I know this is shit, but I can’t live without you. I can’t do this without you. I don’t want to cause you pain, but if that kid is mine, then I can’t abandon it.” Life always seems to be about choices.
“I wouldn’t want you to. If you did, you wouldn’t be the person I fell in love with.” She sniffs.
I can’t respond to that, so I lean in and I kiss her.
Chapter Twenty Four
Lilly
Theo’s kiss is smouldering. All the fire, the passion, the love between us is poured into this kiss. I don’t know what I’m doing. I just know that I’m done fighting him. I need him in a way that I’ve never needed anyone else.
He pulls me up against his body as my fingers trace his shirtless from. His sweat slicked muscles flex under my touch, and my womb practically convulses. Jesus, I’ve missed him. His hands press against the bare skin of my back, slowly dragging my cashmere sweater up my body. His lips move across my jaw and along my neck, kissing, sucking and nipping his way to my collar bone. My entire body is tingling in cold shivers, and I cling to him desperately. He completely overwhelms me as he dominates my body with his own. We break apart only for him to pull my top off.
“So fucking perfect.” He breathes before slowly unzipping my skirt and sliding it down my thighs. His fingers caress my skin in whisper soft touches that make me tremble. My nipples harden and press against the see through lace of my bra. I moan as he cups my right breast harshly. He smiles, and traces his tongue along the edge of the lace. His teeth graze my nipple and I hiss a string of expletives. He laughs a deep low rumble that makes every hormone in my body burst into flames and combust.
“Theo…” I gasp.
“Shhh. I know what you need sugar.” He grasps my thighs and lifts me, spreading my thighs around his waist. His biceps flex and pop effortlessly. He walks us over to the corner of the room where the floor is covered in exercise mats. He drops to his knees, but doesn’t let me go, instead he pulls me closer. I straddle his thighs as our chests are pressed together. His hands are on either side of my face as his eyes meet mine, and it’s a perfect unbreakable moment that says everything; ‘I love you.’ I turn my head and kiss his palm. His hands leave my face and grip my thighs, travelling higher until he cups my arse in his hands. He drops his head and flicks my left nipple with his tongue. Oh god, I can’t breathe.
His lips meet mine again, and I take the lead. I grip his hair as I plunge my tongue into his mouth. I grind my pelvis against his hard cock and he growls against my lips. “Lilly.” He moans breathlessly.
I move away from him and tug at his jogging bottoms. He flashes me that sexier than sin smile and stands up. I lay back on my elbows as I watch his movements. Damn he makes those jogging bottoms look good. They sit low on his hips, just below those beautiful ab’s and those deep guidelines. It’s when he takes them off that my pulse really races. Fuck!
“Your turn.” He says with a smirk, watching me watch him.
I smile and pull the scrap of lace that is my underwear down my legs. I then throw them at him. He catches them and cocks an eyebrow at me, that small smile on his face.
I teasingly spread my legs. “You just going to stand there?”
All humour fades from his expression. “Fuck no.”
He’s on me in a heartbeat. His bodyweight feels blissfully heavy as he moves over me. With no warning his fingers caress my pussy. I moan as he buries his face in my neck.
“Fuck me, now.” I beg. I’m beyond sane or rational thinking right now. I’m so tightly wound it’s ridiculous. “Theo!”
He kisses me hard enough to steal my breath. I feel the head of his cock press against my pussy. My nails dig into his back, urging him on. I graze my teeth over his neck and he shivers.
“Fuck.” With a roar he thrusts forward filling me to the hilt. I come instantly, my body spasming and trembling underneath him. “Oh god.” I scream, as he remains perfectly still. When I can breathe again I glance up at him. His eyes are scrunched shut and his teeth are gritted.
“Are you okay?” I ask breathlessly.
“Yep.”
“Theo what’s wrong?” I touch his face and he opens his eyes.
“Lilly, you just came in one thrust. I almost blew my load right there.” I snort a laugh.
“Oh you think it’s funny huh?” He smiles as he pulls back and then thrusts into me hard. Oh Jesus. He lays down a punishing rhythm, as I moan underneath him. With anyone but him I hate being dominated in any way, but with him, I love it. The harder and faster he takes me the better. I cling to his powerful body as he thrusts into me over and over. Then suddenly he flips me until he’s led on his back underneath me.
“Ride me sugar.” He says between heavy breaths.
I love having all that man underneath me. I love the feel of his hot skin pressed against the inside of my thighs, of his cock so deep inside me. I love watching his muscles bunch and flex underneath me, and mostly I love the way he watches me. I roll my hips and his cock nudges my g-spot so perfectly. I moan as I grind against him.
“Oh god you look so good up there. Baby I’m going to come.” He groans. He pinches my nipple with one hand whilst rubbing my clit with the other and I go off like a firework. I feel Theo’s hands clench down over my hips and his thrusts come up to meet mine frantically. Through my blurred vision I watch him throw his head back and the cords of muscle in his neck pop out and tighten. I hear him call my name like a prayer. It’s the most beautiful sight.
I fall forward onto his chest and he holds me close as his chest heaves. I slide off of his sweat slicked body and lay on my back next to him. The only sound is our mingled heavy breaths.
“I stand by you.” I manage to gasp out.
“What?” He sounds disorientated and it makes me smile.
“I stand by you.” I say again. I roll my head to the side and find him staring at me.
He meets my gaze and holds it. His face breaks into a smile
I take a deep breath as my heart rate starts to slow. “I’m not promising it will work, I still don’t know how it’s going to work. But I want to do it. One day at a time okay?”
His face turns serious. “I don’t want you to do anything that causes you pain sugar. This shit with Cassie, it’s messy, she’s messy. She’s a fucking car crash.”
“I know.” I smile and stare at the ceiling. “You know, I remember something my dad used to say to me before he died. He used to say; don’t miss the moon for watching the stars.” I smile at him. “I never appreciated it before, but he’s right. You’re the moon Theo. The stars don’t matter. I think I always knew that, but I was just hurt you know. I’ve spent years running from anything difficult. The thing is though, I’d rather walk the difficult road with you than take the easy route alone, because without you, nothing is easy.”
He rolls over so he’s hovering above me. “That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.” He gushes with an enormous grin on his face.
“Don’t get used to it.” I grumble
He laughs. “Just checking you’re still you.” He traces my lips with a finger. “I love you Lilly, so fucking much.”
“I love you too.”
“Look, about Cassie…” He starts.
I sigh. Here goes. “Before we get into that, I need to tell you some things.” His expression becomes serious. “The things I have to tell you…” I bite my lip. “They’re not easy, but I need you to listen to the whole story before you judge. I should have told you before, but well I didn’t think we were that serious, and it never came up. With the situation with Harry though, I think it’s time.” I glance over at him. He’s gone very still. “Nobody except Harry and I know the full story, but I’m going to trust you with
it.”
He nods as his beautiful eyes scan my face. “Okay.”
“It’s not a naked conversation.” I laugh.
He feigns a pout and then gets up. He takes my hand and pulls me off the mat. “Shower, then talk.”
I shower in the spare bathroom. If I get in a shower with Theo then this conversation will never happen. Fuck, what if he doesn’t want to know after this? I mean, shit, it’s a lot to deal with. I’ve spent the last month trying to avoid him and push him away by any means necessary. I’ve fought him at every turn. I’ve fought myself at every turn. My head and my heart have thrashed it out to death. And now, when I finally just allow myself to love him, and admit to myself that I need him…now I have to tell him something that will probably send him running in the opposite direction. It seems so cruel. If I don’t tell him though, then it will ruin us anyway because there are just too many secrets between us. I try to tell myself that if he really loves me, he’ll look past all of it. It’s not all that reassuring. I wish I could have more faith in him, in us. Time to face the music.
I step out of the shower and dry myself. I dress in my sweater and skirt and head back upstairs. Theo has a bottle of Grey Goose and two glasses in front of him on the coffee table. He’s reclining back on the sofa, his denim clad thighs spread slightly. His hair is damp from the shower, and he’s shirtless. He’s on the phone, but smiles wide when he sees me. He gestures me over and I move to sit next to him, but find myself pulled into his lap.
“Look, just deal with it okay. This is the shit I pay you for. I’ve got to go.” Then he hangs up and throws the phone on the sofa cushion next to him.
“Hey sugar.” He purrs against my neck as his arms wrap around me. I absorb his presence, his touch, his heat, like it’s the best kind of drug.
“Hey.” I whisper.
“You want a drink?” He asks. I nod stiffly and try to move out of his grasp. He tightens his hold. “Hey.” He says quietly. I meet his intense gaze, fixed on mine. “There is nothing you can tell me that will change anything, okay? I love you, and I always will. No matter what.” He strokes my face as his lips brush over mine in a kiss so tender it makes my heart throb. “Okay?” He whispers against my lips.
