Mutant Bunny Island

by Obert Skye

  “You think?” Juliet said sarcastically. “I know something’s happening to you. You have fur all over, and your nose is shrinking.”

  “Not my nose,” Rain said touching it. “It’s one of my best features!”

  “That might be the least of your worries,” I finally spoke. “Look.”

  I pointed to the vegetation at the edge of the clearing. Sir Softy chirped and chattered.

  “Uh-oh,” I whispered.

  Something was coming from the bushes.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  THE LOST BUNNIES

  After one of us screamed, and it’s not important to say who, dozens of fluffy bunnies emerged from the bushes and moved toward us. They were standing on their hind legs, and even in the dim early morning light, I could see that they were oversize and . . . well, super-duper adorable.

  It probably wasn’t necessary for whoever screamed to have done so.

  The rabbits all looked a lot like Sir Softy. They had big wide eyes and round faces that were surrounded by thick, flowing fur and topped with long, soft-looking ears. Their whiskers twitched as they scrunched their noses and smiled.

  “I don’t know if I should be worried or delighted,” Juliet whispered.

  “Maybe you should look in an encyclopedia to find out how you feel,” I said. I was still a little annoyed with her for everything she’d said back at the juice shack, but it was hard to stay angry with someone who looked as ridiculous as she did.

  Juliet ignored my comment. Rain just twitched.

  Sir Softy stood on his back legs and stretched out his front paws. He motioned to the other bunnies, and all of them began to squeak and stumble closer to us.

  My first thought was to run. My second thought was to not run, because my legs were spent. My third thought was to prove my theory that the horrible newts were distracting everyone with the adorable bunnies. Amphibian evil was nearby. I could feel it in every bit of my cartilage.

  The animals shuffled forward until they were all directly in front of us. It looked like a gathering of every cute thing I had ever seen on the internet.

  The bunnies all began to hop and jump with excitement.

  “What are they trying to tell us?” Rain asked. “It would really help if they could talk.”

  “Wait a second!” I got out my notepad and flipped through the pages. When I found the one with the message I had copied from the dirt, I tore it out and handed it to Juliet. “The bunnies can’t talk, but I think they stamped this out. At first I thought it was newt tails, but under the circumstances, bunny feet seem more likely. I haven’t figured out what it says yet. It looks like it’s written using the newt amphibianabet.”

  “The amphibianabet?” Juliet asked.

  “It’s like the amphibian alphabet.”

  She took the torn page from me as the bunnies circled us and twitched their ears. She stared intently at the page.

  i2NU8 EH7 E3RF

  “I don’t know what it says,” she admitted. “It could be anything.”

  As Juliet was holding the message, I could see it from behind, and I realized the mistake I had made. I took the page back and stared at the writing. Flipping the paper over I looked at it from the back side.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “I was looking at it wrong.”

  I showed Juliet and Rain the back side of the page. The ink had bled through, and the words were upside down and reversed. I could clearly see that it said:

  FREE THE BUNS!

  “Whoa, that’s deep,” Rain said, confused. “Are they talking about buns like the ones we sit on? Free the butts? Are they against pants?”

  “No,” I said with excitement. “Buns means ‘bunnies.’ Don’t you see? The scratching rabbits, the carrots, the transformations, you being attacked in my backyard, that was just the rabbits trying to warn us about something. And why did my uncle send me a cry for help?”

  A glowfish lit up over my head.

  “Wait a fathom,” I said while looking at Sir Softy. “I don’t think these are regular bunnies.”

  Rain squeaked.

  “What I’m saying is that if a squid can be an admiral, then it’s not a stretch to think that carrots could be cursed or an uncle could become a rabbit . . . and look at that yellow one. The way it moves. I think it has bad legs and a bad back.”

  “Mrs. Ruth?” Juliet exclaimed.

  The yellow bunny shook its fur and chirped.

  I had no problem with people turning into bunnies. In Ocean Blasterzoids Issue #73, Admiral Uli was turned into a sea cucumber for the whole story. It was actually one of my least favorite issues because he just lay around on the bottom of the ocean floor the entire time.

  “Reeeeeeeeeeeech!”

  I looked down to see Sir Softy standing right in front of me. He was gazing up and keeping perfectly still. He blinked his big eyes, and for the first time I noticed that the fur over his mouth was brown and looked a little bit like a mustache. My heart pounded, and my palms got even sweatier than the run to the clearing had made them.

  It couldn’t be.

  I wiped my palms on the side of my green cargo pants and gulped. There was only one way to know for sure.

  I made a V on each hand with my two main fingers. I then stuck out my arms and crossed them at the wrists to make the sign of the squid. I held my breath as Sir Softy looked up at me.

  All eyes were on us.

  Sir Softy stretched his front legs and crossed them. Then with his furry paws, he took hold of my hands and shook them both sideways.

  “Ohhhhh,” Juliet and Rain said in unison.

  There was no mistaking the secret handshake of Admiral Uli.

  “Uncle Zeke?” I gasped.

  Sir Softy—I mean, Zeke—nodded and let go of my hands. I stepped back and looked at him.

  “It really is you?”

  He nodded again.

  I couldn’t help myself. I shouted “hooray” in Cephalopodian.

  “Zelt, Zelt, Pod!”

  I had found my uncle! Well, kind of. I picked him up and looked at him closely. “Are you okay?”

  “Don’t be crazy,” Rain said. “Rabbits can’t talk.”

  “Right,” Juliet said. “That’s the crazy part of all this.”

  I held my uncle in my right arm, and he began to nibble on my fingers. His fur was incredibly soft.

  “Ahhh,” Juliet said. “That’s darling.”

  “It is,” I agreed. “But how did this happen?”

  A brown rabbit with a wild tuft of hair on top of its head handed a purple carrot to Sir Softy. Sir Softy in turn reached out and tried to give it to me.

  “No, thanks,” I said.

  “I’ll take it,” Rain offered. “Waste not, want not.” He grabbed the carrot and took a big bite.

  All the bunnies shivered as Rain bit down. There was a popping noise followed by a bunny ear springing out of his bleached hair. The ear grew like a weed until it was six inches long and floppy. It hung in front of Rain’s left eye, making him look like a troubled bunny boy.

  “Of course,” I whispered.

  “That’s not a normal allergic reaction,” Juliet whispered.

  Rain reached up and grabbed his new ear. “Um . . . I don’t think that should be there.”

  The rabbits squeaked and stamped their little feet like an army of Easter mascots, chanting what sounded like, “Reets, reets, reets.”

  “Don’t you see what’s happening?” I said. “It’s the carreets! The carreets are turning the whole town into . . . something odd.”

  “So it’s just the carrots?” Juliet asked. “What about the ‘surrender, puny human’?”

  “It must have been some newts just messing with me.” I said angrily. “They’re like that. How could I be so stupid? Or I could have heard things wrong. Occasionally, that happens.”

  Rain raised his hand.

  “Do you have a question?” I asked.

  “Um, yes. I’ve eaten a lot of
those carrots, and Juliet has had a couple, too. Actually, by now most of the locals have probably drunk a bunch of them.”

  “That’s not a question,” I pointed out. “That’s a statement. But we’ve got to do something before you’re all permanently adorable. There has to be a cure or an antidote of some sort. We also need to stop people from eating any more of those carrots. We should warn the town.”

  “It’s really early,” Juliet said. “Do we wake everyone up?”

  Just then, a piercing alarm filled the air and began doing just that.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CALLED TO THE MALL

  The wailing alarm filled the air as people poured out of their homes, and frantic hordes of wild bunnies scattered in all directions. The megaphones on top of the streetlights continued screeching loudly.

  “What’s happening?” I yelled.

  “It’s the Emergency Bunny System,” Juliet yelled back. “It’s supposed to warn us of tidal waves.”

  “All I see is an avalanche of rabbits and strange-looking people! Should we . . .”

  The alarms abruptly stopped and a computer-generated voice began speaking through the megaphones.

  “This is the Emergency Bunny System. All Bunny Island locals should report to the mall immediately for instruction. Visitors go on about your business. That is all.”

  “This could help,” I said to Juliet and Rain. “If everyone’s at the mall, we can go there and warn them all about the carrots.”

  “Good,” Rain said, thumping one fur-covered foot as he spoke. He had lost his shoes somewhere along the way as his feet changed shape.

  Holding my uncle, I looked down at the other mutant bunnies in the clearing. They all stared up at me as if they were expecting me to say something wise. The bunny-people were right. It was time for an inspiring speech.

  “Hold on,” I told them.

  I motioned for Juliet and Rain to gather around me. I set my uncle on the ground, and the three of us huddled over him to have a private conversation. We put our arms over one another’s shoulders and looked down at Zeke.

  “Why are we doing this?” Rain asked, keeping his voice down.

  “It’s an Ocean Blasterzoids thing,” I explained. “It’s kind of like a bubble huddle, and yes, it would work better if we all had tentacles or fins and were underwater. But I’ve never been able to do one before because it was just me. So this is a good moment. Even though some of us are becoming giant bunnies. Now we’re a team.”

  “We’re a team?” Juliet asked. “What’s our name?”

  “I don’t think we need a name,” I explained. “We’re just in this together. Now, let’s get to the mall and see what we can do to save this island.”

  “How about Team Solution?” Juliet suggested.

  “Like I said, we don’t need a name,” I said. “Let’s just get to the mall and warn everyone about the carrots.”

  “Should we do something with the mutant bunnies?” Rain asked.

  “Not now. They should stay here,” I said. “It’s probably safer. Also, they might help us later. Admiral Uli always has a backup team in case of surprise danger. It’s like Issue #12 when he used a gang of flounders to defeat some rogue anemones. Now let’s do this. One, two, three . . . break!”

  Rain was the only one who clapped, but we broke up the bubble huddle and turned to face the lost bunnies.

  “You should all wait here,” I said loudly. “We’ll come for you as soon as possible. You should know, I’ve read a lot of comics, and if they’ve taught me anything, it’s that for every ink stain, there’s a stain remover, and for every messed-up carrot, there’s an antidote. We will find the answer and come back to save you all.”

  The mutant bunnies tried to clap, but their soft, furry paws just made a quiet, wispy noise.

  “Great speech,” Rain said. “Now, let’s get moving.”

  There was no way I was going to leave my uncle behind, so when we took off running, I picked him up and took him with us.

  Rabbit Road was filled with juiced-up locals. They all looked hairier and more bucktoothed than usual. Some had rabbit ears, and some had whiskers. All of them were clumsily hopping their way to the mall. I also saw some Bunny Mooners on Segways staring at the commotion in disgust and complaining about how out of shape and hairy everyone looked. Apparently, they didn’t care about the problems happening on the island.

  “I’m changing even more!” Juliet yelled as she ran. “Look at me!”

  Juliet had fur on her knees and forearms, and one of her ears was a full-on bunny ear now.

  “How bad is it?” she asked.

  “It’s not bad,” I lied. “You look like the rest of the locals.”

  “This is horrible,” she cried. “I don’t want to be a bunny. How will my headphones fit with bunny ears?”

  “Let’s just get to the mall and tell everyone to stop drinking purple juice.” I panted before continuing. “Then we can figure out how to change you guys back.”

  “Has anything like this ever happened in Ohio?” Juliet asked.

  “I wouldn’t know. I hardly ever leave my house.”

  “Weird,” Juliet said. “You seem to do well outdoors.”

  I wished my dad were here to hear that. I also wished he was here because I could use his help. Sure, The Old Farmer’s Almanac didn’t have a chapter on cursed carrots and rabbit people, but it would have helped just to have him around.

  When we got to the trees next to the Bunny Island mall, I stopped running. I looked behind me and saw that all the lost bunnies had followed us, even though I’d told them not to.

  They were now finding hiding spots in the trees and bushes. Their big fearful eyes told me they only wanted to help.

  “Hey, mutant bunnies,” I said. “Can you wait here? Once we know what’s happening, I promise we’ll come get you.”

  They seemed okay with that. I held on to my uncle, Sir Softy.

  Juliet, Rain, Sir Softy, and I walked out of the trees and into the mall parking lot. There were hundreds of people who looked like half rabbits entering through the front doors of the mall. Everyone was talking loudly and acting confused.

  A couple of men from the mayor’s staff, wearing red T-shirts that said BIRP, were ushering people into the mall, rushing the crowd along.

  My friends and my uncle and I fell into the line of half-bunny mutants moving through the doors.

  Inside, other staff members in red T-shirts were directing everyone into the food court. Since it was still early morning, all the restaurants were closed. In the middle of the seating area stood a large indoor fountain with a statue of a rabbit with angel wings, spitting water into the air.

  The mayor’s staff was directing people to sit at the metal tables and chairs around the fountain and handing out muffins and water.

  Mayor Lapin stood near the fountain, wearing a white apron. He was helping an old woman . . . actually, it might have been a half-bunny human . . . well, the important thing is that the mayor was helping some sort of creature sit down and have a muffin. He was bustling around, patting people on the ears and trying to make everyone feel comfortable despite this terrible situation.

  I looked around at the rest of the dark, empty mall—only the food court had any lights on.

  The muffins that the BIRP men were passing out must have been good, because everyone was going crazy over them. The room was full of the sounds of bucktoothed chewing. Obviously, the locals were all stress eaters.

  “Maybe we should eat something, too,” Juliet suggested.

  “No way,” I said. “I don’t like muffins. It’s too easy for grown-ups to hide healthy things inside them. Besides, there isn’t time to eat. We have to get to the mayor. He needs to know about the carrots.”

  Holding my uncle, I tried to push my way through the crowd. Before I got much closer, I heard a loud, metallic screech coming from a microphone. I plugged my normal ears while everyone else plugged their mutating ones. I looked up and s
aw that Mayor Lapin was holding a mic and standing on the edge of the angel rabbit fountain.

  “Attention,” he said. “Attention, please. This is a most trying time. By now you all know that there is something mysterious happening on our island. There seems to be a virus going around.”

  Some people were listening, but a lot of them were too busy chowing down on muffins to pay full attention. I looked at Juliet. She had a muffin in each hand. She stared at them lovingly and then took a big bite out of one of them.

  My tentacles began to tingle as my suction sense kicked in—something wasn’t right.

  “Don’t worry,” the mayor announced. “I will get everything under control, or my name isn’t Mayor Erwin Lapin.”

  Mayor Erwin Lapin? My uncle wasn’t trying to warn me against newts, he was warning me about MEL—Mayor Erwin Lapin!

  I glanced around quickly. The only normal-looking humans in sight were me, the mayor, and his staff. Everyone else was in various stages of mutation. He was playing everyone for a fool. I turned to Juliet.

  “These muffins smell amazing,” she cooed.

  My tentacles tingled like mad.

  “Give me that!” I ordered.

  Juliet reluctantly handed her muffin over. I stuck it under my nose and inhaled. There was no mistaking the intense, eggy smell. It was even stronger than it had been in the juice.

  “Purple carrots!”

  I had been right about muffins—adults can hide stuff in them. I had also forgotten there was such a thing as carrot cake—the worst of the cakes—and these were carrot cake muffins. Concentrated carrot cake muffins, judging from the smell. Mayor Lapin was stuffing the locals full of more carrots.

  “Don’t eat the muffins!” I yelled out to the crowd. “Put down your muffins! Nobody should—”

  Juliet screamed.

  My warning had come ten seconds too late.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  THE TAN MAN’S PLAN

  Everyone around us began to squeak and burp and gag like a bunch of guppies choking on bait. A large woman with long, red hair shrank to the size of an abnormal bunny right in front of me.