Mutant Bunny Island

by Obert Skye

  With a hiss and a whiz and a pop of goo she disappeared into her clothes.

  One by one, people popped and shook. Some knocked over tables and chairs as they struggled. Some just seemed to disappear. The entire crowd was transforming into piles of clothes with fat, furry, cute bunnies wiggling out from under them. I clung to my uncle with my left arm and held onto Juliet’s furry arm with my right.

  “What’s happening?” Rain cried.

  “It’s the muffins!” I hollered. “There must be a megadose of carrot juice in them. It’s changing everyone rapidly!”

  Rain threw his muffin across the food court like it had cooties. As soon as it landed, bunnies hopped over to it and started devouring the disgusting wad of cake.

  The crowd was alive with the sound of chairs clanking against the floor and high-pitched wailing.

  Everyone except Juliet, Rain, and I were now full-on mutant bunnies of every imaginable color. Fluffy fur was flying everywhere. It looked like the food court was a stuffed-animal farm that had just exploded on top of a pile of clothing.

  Towering over all the fully transformed bunnies, Juliet and Rain and I stood out like sore and confused thumbs. I saw Mayor Lapin standing on the edge of the fountain, still holding the microphone and gazing at the strange crowd. I couldn’t believe that he had done this intentionally to his own community. My tentacles wilted and my three squid hearts broke.

  “Perfect,” the mayor said into the microphone, addressing his staff. “Everything seems to be working out according to plan.”

  One of the staff pointed at us and yelled, “What about them, boss?”

  With my furry uncle in my arms and Juliet and Rain on both sides of me, I tried to look braver than I felt. I thought of Admiral Uli and Stacy Horse in “Mystery of the Withered Coral.” The two of them had gone up against a group of shady aquarium owners, and Admiral Uli only defeated them because he had multiple tentacles and a barnacle bomb. I only had a long-eared bunny uncle and two slowly mutating friends.

  “Perry Owens,” Mayor Lapin said into his microphone, staring at me with his dark eyes. “How is it that you are still you?”

  “I hate vegetables,” I yelled, loud enough so he could hear.

  “Well, no matter,” the mayor said. “You are a child, and in the history of all time, I don’t believe a child ever stopped a genius from doing what they needed to do.”

  “Should we run for it?” Juliet asked as we kept our eyes on the smiling mayor.

  “I don’t understand,” Rain said. “I thought mayors were supposed to be good.”

  “Not all of them,” I said in a hushed voice. “Once Admiral Uli was almost killed by Mayor Mollusk over a crooked clam deal.”

  Both of them stared at me.

  “He was the mayor of Coral City,” I explained.

  “Please focus, Perry,” Juliet said softly. “We need a plan.”

  “I’ve got this,” I whispered. “Don’t worry. I’ve read a ton of comic books.”

  Juliet looked worried.

  “So, children,” the Mayor said into the microphone. “Why don’t you just come here and have a delicious muffin?”

  “Okay,” I said. “But Juliet still doesn’t believe you planned all of this. She doesn’t think you’re smart enough.”

  If comics had taught me anything, it was that evil geniuses loved to give extended monologues about how brilliant their plans were. You just needed to get them talking.

  Mayor Lapin’s eyes lit up.

  “Not smart enough?” He held the microphone up to his dry lips. “Let me tell you about smart. You see, I want to bring Bunny Island into a new and better era. The locals want this place to be a free-spirited and run-down haven for lazybones and dirtbags. I want to build something remarkable: a lucrative tourist destination that no admirer of cuteness could possibly resist. Is that too much to ask? I think not. I have tried and tried to be fair, but they’re so stubborn. I gave them the opportunity to sell their homes and leave, but they refused. Nobody wanted change, so I made them change. That’s when I formed the Bunny Island Remodeling Project, or BIRP.”

  The dumb, red T-shirts now made sense—they were still dumb, but they made sense.

  I looked around at the staff and at all the large adorable mutant bunnies on the ground. The rabbits were hopping over each other and nibbling on muffin crumbs. Some were sitting on the tables and a few were perched on chairs. None of them was paying attention to what was happening.

  “These adorable rabbits will be kept in here until they sign over their land and houses,” the mayor blathered on. “Then, I will sell the land to a developer who has been waiting to do business with me. The island will be remodeled. Some of the less-than-desirable things will have to go. Once things are remodeled, Bunny Island will become the most sought-after vacation destination in the world!”

  Mayor Lapin laughed a wicked laugh, which caused him to cough violently. One of his burly staff members had to slap him on the back until he stopped choking. It was not very impressive.

  “Anyhow,” he finally continued. “There is one last detail. I’m sorry to say that it’s rather unsanitary to have quite so many real bunnies here. We’ll have to thin the herd a bit.”

  “You can’t do that,” Juliet yelled.

  “Oh, I’m afraid you are mistaken, Juliet. I’m already doing it. Of course, I won’t harm any of these good mutated bunnies here. No, I promise that if they sign over things to me, I will turn them all back into their old selves. A simple signature, and then they’re welcome to the antidote.”

  Mayor Lapin pulled a small, clear plastic bag from out of his sports coat. It was filled with something brown and yellow.

  “What is it?” I asked him.

  “Oh, wouldn’t you like to know. This is one of my best-kept secrets.”

  Mayor Lapin opened the bag and stuck his nose in it. He breathed in deeply.

  I looked around for ideas, but the mall was filled with useless stores that sold things like clothing and vitamins. I tried desperately to remember one single comic where Admiral Uli was trapped in a mall and had to steal an antidote from a mayor. I couldn’t. It was now all up to us.

  “I can help,” Rain whispered. “Let me distract the mayor while you grab the antidote. I owe you for some of the things I’ve done.”

  “That’s true,” I whispered.

  “What are you kids whispering about?” the mayor asked into the microphone. “It’s very rude. I’ve had the decency to address the whole group.”

  I looked at Rain—he was at least one-quarter rabbit, but he was 100 percent determined to help.

  “Okay,” I said. “You rush the mayor, and I’ll try to get the antidote. Then we all make a break for any door that’s not guarded.”

  “Again,” Mayor Lapin said. “Whispering is very unattractive and a really poor social behavior. I would think that after hearing a powerful plan like mine you would—”

  Without warning Rain lunged forward screaming, “Bunzai!”

  With Zeke under my arm and Juliet by my side, I ran around some tipped-over tables and dodged some fat rabbits, straight toward the fountain. The mayor was so shocked by the sudden attack that he slipped on the edge of the fountain and fell backward into the water.

  Zeke jumped out from under my arm and bit the mayor’s hand, hard. The bag of antidote flew high into the air. Red-shirted goons raced in to help their leader, but not before Rain jumped into the fountain and tackled the mayor. I reached out and grabbed the antidote as it fell.

  As Rain and the mayor thrashed around, water splashed up and soaked Juliet and me.

  “Perry!” Juliet yelled. “Over there!”

  I wiped my eyes and saw some staff members charging toward us.

  I grabbed Juliet’s hand, which, by the way, was really soft and furry, and pulled her away from the crowd of mutant bunnies surrounding us. Everything was happening so fast that the staff didn’t have time to react. We burst through a brown metal door at the fa
r end of the food court before anyone could stop us.

  “Run!” I ordered.

  Behind the door was a long, dark service hall that was filled with pipes and air ducts. There were also a bunch of boxes stacked up high, all along the back wall. I spotted a large air-conditioning duct above the boxes.

  “Come on!”

  I scurried up the boxes and right into the opening at the end of the vent, Juliet right behind me. As soon as we had scrambled in deep enough that Mayor Lapin’s cronies wouldn’t find us, we stopped. We were both cramped in the vent, but we kept still and tried to control our breathing. It was almost impossible to calm my nerves. What made it worse was that Zeke and Rain still hadn’t come through the doors.

  “Where are they?” I whispered.

  “The mayor had Zeke,” Juliet panicked. “I think they got Rain, too.”

  I heard the metal door open, and two of the staff members stepped into the dark hallway. They looked around and checked some of the boxes, but they never looked up.

  “They’re not here,” one said to the other.

  “Who cares? They’re kids. Besides, Erwin got the other two.”

  The men walked back out the door.

  Juliet and I kept perfectly still inside the air duct.

  “What do we do?” she asked. “I’m still turning into a mutant bunny, and they have your uncle and Rain. At least I still have my clothes but probably not for long. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you, Perry. Me turning into a rabbit is way less believable than a talking squid or human-sized newts.”

  “Thanks,” I said. “Admiral Uli would be impressed with everything you’ve been through and done so far.”

  I think Juliet smiled at that, but I couldn’t tell for sure because it was pretty dark.

  “This feels a little hopeless,” she said after a moment.

  “It’s always darkest before the prawn,” I said. “Besides, we have this.” I pulled the bag of antidote from my pocket.

  “You caught it?”

  I nodded.

  “Open it, quick!”

  I tore open the small, clear bag. Instantly, I could tell what the antidote was. My nose had experienced that smell a thousand times.

  “Crushed potato chips?” I said. “What the . . . ?” I took a pinch of the golden crumbs and held them up to my nose. They smelled like potato chips and looked like potato chips, but there was only one way to make sure. I put the pinch in my mouth and swirled it around.

  “Well?” Juliet asked.

  “They’re potato chips,” I said, disappointed.

  We had been duped. There was no antidote. The mayor had tricked the bunnies into believing there was, just so they would sign the papers.

  “I can’t believe it,” Juliet whispered. “What are we going to do now?”

  “Well, I’m not going to waste these.”

  I took a handful of the fake antidote and began chewing. It tasted amazing, but it wasn’t good enough to help me forget the trouble we were in.

  Juliet reached her hand into the bag and took a pawful.

  “It’s delicious,” she said as she cried and chewed.

  “I’m sorry I got mad at you,” I said, pouring the last bits of chips into my mouth.

  “It’s okay,” she said, sniffling. “I shouldn’t have said those things.”

  “It was my fault.”

  I don’t know what it was, but something about listening to Juliet cry and being squeezed inside an air duct while my life was falling apart made me a little emotional.

  “Do squids cry?” Juliet asked.

  “They do now.”

  The two of us sniffed and choked back tears until I heard a strange hissing noise coming from Juliet’s direction. I turned toward her, and even in the dark I could see what was happening. Her long ears were retracting, and her whiskers were gone. Her eyes were changing from huge to normal, while the hair on her arms and hands flew off and settled in the air duct. There was some popping and some clicking followed by a loud smacking noise. And in less than three seconds she was back to her old self. We both looked at each other with our jaws open and our eyes wide.

  “It worked,” she exclaimed. “It worked!”

  “I can’t believe it.”

  “The antidote is potato chips?”

  “That’s probably why the mayor’s banned junk food,” I said.

  Juliet started to cry harder.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “If the antidote’s potato chips, then for Salty’s sake, we’re doomed. This island has nothing like that.”

  “Actually,” I said. “That’s not completely true.”

  Juliet perked up.

  “What would you say if I told you that I not only know where some snacks are, but I also have a plan?”

  “You do?” she asked.

  I did, and there wasn’t a moment to spare.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  A CRUMBLE RUMBLE

  I quickly told Juliet my plan. It was pretty simple, but it would require the help of the mutant bunnies we’d left behind in the trees outside the mall. After I explained it, we climbed out of the air duct, and Juliet took off down the long storage hallway to find a way outside.

  “Cod speed,” I whispered.

  Juliet would take care of her part. Now I just needed to get into position. On tiptoes, I slipped out of the storage area and back into the mall. Just before it inched shut, I propped the storage door open with a trash can to make sure I could escape to the hallway again quickly if I needed to. I kept myself low to the ground and scurried from storefront to storefront. I paused in the shadowy entrance of a store called Nuts about Fiber.

  My three hearts were beating like crazy.

  Hiding by the fiber store, I saw that all the tables and chairs in the food court had been pushed away from the fountain. The mutant bunnies were no longer hopping around and disorganized. They were all lined up in rows. The red-shirted staffers were holding long metal pinchers—the kind that I’d seen my dad use to get things off high shelves. A staffer reached out and snapped the pinchers at a nervous-looking bunny to keep it in line.

  Quietly, I tiptoed over to the entrance of an exercise store called Fitness Bliss.

  “This mall has the worst stores,” I whispered to myself.

  I moved behind a tall potted fern. From where I was, I could see everything perfectly. Mayor Lapin was at the front of the bunny lines with a couple of his men. Seeing him standing there, all tan and smiley, made me sick. But, as disgusted as I was, I was even more upset by what I saw to the side of him. Just to the left of the fountain was a cage containing both Zeke Bunny and Rain Bunny.

  My ink boiled!

  Mayor Lapin began to address the neat lines of hostage bunnies.

  “Listen up,” he ordered. “We have all the necessary paperwork here. I know it’s not easy for a bunny to hold a pen, so we will assist you. I don’t want any excuses. You are simply mutated humans; you still know how to sign your names. So, sign away your land and your homes, and your lives can return to normal.”

  I knew I needed to buy some time so that Juliet could get back. I didn’t think she’d make it before any of the locals gave up their homes.

  “Get them signing,” the mayor commanded his men. “I want these deals locked up now.”

  The rabbits shook and squeaked in distress. The staff members cooed and said, “Aww.”

  “Knock it off!” the mayor yelled. “Don’t look at them.”

  Two men tried to make the first bunnies in line sign the papers, but the rabbits refused.

  “They’re not doing it, mayor.”

  “Do I have to do everything myself?” Mayor Lapin stormed over to Uncle Zeke’s cage and opened it up. He pulled my uncle out and held him, dangling by his back legs. My uncle squeaked twice, and the staff members had to look away for fear of being overwhelmed by cuteness.

  “Okay, bunny-people. See this rabbit?” the mayor seethed. “Well, if you don’t do as I say, I will
take you one by one and hold you in the water until you are no longer as cute. Or breathing.”

  A large orange rabbit at the front of the line started to sign.

  “Actually,” the mayor said, “maybe I’ll just drown this rabbit anyway.”

  Mayor Lapin held my uncle over the fountain and began to lower his adorable head toward the water.

  “Hurry up, Juliet,” I whispered, beginning to sweat.

  The mayor lowered Zeke even farther.

  I reached into my pocket and slipped on my mask.

  Zeke was getting close to the water now.

  I couldn’t wait a second longer. I jumped from behind the fern and walked directly toward the crowd.

  “Stop!” I shouted. I held one hand straight up in the air, imagining tentacles waving powerfully around me.

  All heads, eyes, and ears turned toward me. For a second it was quiet. Even the rabbits paid attention.

  “Stop what you’re doing!” I said again, loudly.

  The mayor smiled, his one crooked tooth peeking out from his lips.

  “Perry? You just can’t stay away. Such a harmless fool.”

  Cephalopods hate to be called harmless.

  “Let go of my uncle!” I ordered.

  “Oh,” the mayor smiled. “This is Zeke. Perfect. I never liked Zeke.”

  He continued to lower him until Zeke’s nose grazed the surface of the water.

  “Wait!” I yelled. “What if I give myself up, and you let him go instead?”

  “You’re hardly in a position to make deals. But I’m feeling kindhearted. I might let your uncle go if you take a sip of some superconcentrated carrot juice and become a bunny, too.”

  “You mean you want me to drink some juice?” I asked nervously.

  “Yes. Become a rabbit and your uncle lives.”

  I gazed at my uncle as he dangled.

  “How about this,” I reasoned. “No juice, but you can tie me up?”

  “No deal,” the mayor said.

  “Okay, what if I do a juice fast? I promise not to drink any juice for the rest of my life, and then you don’t hurt them.”

  The mayor reached into his sports coat and pulled out a small vial of something that was so purple it was almost black.