Plays Pleasant

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Plays Pleasant Page 7

by George Bernard Shaw


  RAINA [rising with marked stateliness] Your life in the camp has made you coarse, Sergius. I did not think you would have repeated such a story before me. [She turns away coldly].

  CATHERINE [also rising] She is right, Sergius. If such women exist, we should be spared the knowledge of them.

  PETKOFF. Pooh! nonsense! what does it matter ?

  SERGIUS [ashamed] No, Petkoff: I was wrong. [To Raina, with earnest humility] I beg your pardon. I have behaved abominably. Forgive me, Raina. [She bows reservedly]. And you too, madam. [Catherine bows graciously and sits down. He proceeds solemnly, again addressing Raina] The glimpses I have had of the seamy side of life during the last few months have made me cynical; but I should not have brought my cynicism here: least of all into your presence, Raina. I – [Here, turning to the others, he is evidently going to begin a long speech when the Major interrupts him].

  PETKOFF. Stuff and nonsense, Sergius! Thats quite enough fuss about nothing: a soldier’s daughter should be able to stand up without flinching to a little strong conversation. [He rises]. Come: it’s time for us to get to business. We have to make up our minds how those three regiments are to get back to Philippopolis: theres no forage for them on the Sofia route. [He goes towards the house]. Come along. [Sergius is about to follow him when Catherine rises and intervenes].

  CATHERINE. Oh, Paul, cant you spare Sergius for a few moments ? Raina has hardly seen him yet. Perhaps I can help you to settle about the regiments.

  SERGIUS [protesting] My dear madam, impossible: you –

  CATHERINE [stopping him playfully] You stay here, my dear Sergius: theres no hurry. I have a word or two to say to Paul. [Sergius instantly bows and steps back]. Now, dear [taking Petkoff’s arm] : come and see the electric bell.

  PETKOFF. Oh, very well, very well.

  They go into the house together affectionately, Sergius, left alone with Raina, looks anxiously at her, fearing that she is still offended. She smiles, and stretches out her arms to him.

  SERGIUS [hastening to her] Am I forgiven ?

  RAINA [placing her hands on his shoulders as she looks up at him with admiration and worship] My hero! My king!

  SERGIUS. My queen! [He kisses her on the forehead].

  RAINA. How I have envied you, Sergius! You have been out in the world, on the field of battle, able to prove yourself there worthy of any woman in the world; whilst I have had to sit at home inactive – dreaming – useless – doing nothing that could give me the right to call myself worthy of any man.

  SERGIUS. Dearest: all my deeds have been yours. You inspired me. I have gone through the war like a knight in a tournament with his lady looking down at him!

  RAINA. And you have never been absent from my thoughts for a moment. [Very solemnly] Sergius: I think we two have found the higher love. When I think of you, I feel that I could never do a base deed, or think an ignoble thought.

  SERGIUS. My lady and my saint! [He clasps her reverently].

  RAINA [returning his embrace] My lord and my –

  SERGIUS. Sh – sh! Let me be the worshipper, dear. You little know how unworthy even the best man is of a girl’s pure passion!

  RAINA. I trust you. I love you. You will never disappoint me, Sergius. [Louka is heard singing within the house. They quickly release each other]. I cant pretend to talk indifferently before her: my heart is too full. [Louka comes from the house with her tray. She goes to the table, and begins to clear it, with her back turned to them]. I will get my hat; and then we can go out until lunch time. Wouldnt you like that ?

  SERGIUS. Be quick. If you are away five minutes, it will seem five hours. [Raina runs to the top of the steps, and turns there to exchange looks with him and wave him a kiss with both hands. He looks after her with emotion for a moment; then turns slowly away, his face radiant with the loftiest exaltation. The movement shifts his field of vision, into the corner of which there now comes the tail of Louka’s double apron. His attention is arrested at once. He takes a stealthy look at her, and begins to twirl his moustache mischievously, with his left hand akimbo on his hip. Finally, striking the ground with his heels in something of a cavalry swagger, he strolls over to the other side of the table, opposite her, and says] Louka: do you know what the higher love is ?

  LOUKA [astonished] No, sir.

  SERGIUS. Very fatiguing thing to keep up for any length of time, Louka. One feels the need of some relief after it.

  LOUKA [innocently] Perhaps you would like some coffee, sir ? [She stretches her hand across the table for the coffee pot].

  SERGIUS [taking her hand] Thank you, Louka.

  LOUKA [pretending to pull] Oh, sir, you know I didnt mean that. I’m surprised at you!

  SERGIUS [coming clear of the table and drawing her with him] I am surprised at myself, Louka. What would Sergius, the hero of Slivnitza, say if he saw me now ? What would Sergius, the apostle of the higher love, say if he saw me now ? What would the half dozen Sergiuses who keep popping in and out of this handsome figure of mine say if they caught us here ? [Letting go her hand and slipping his arm dexterously round her waist] Do you consider my figure handsome, Louka ?

  LOUKA. Let me go, sir. I shall be disgraced. [She struggles: he holds her inexorably]. Oh, will you let go ?

  SERGIUS [looking straight into her eyes] No.

  LOUKA. Then stand back where we cant be seen. Have you no common sense ?

  SERGIUS. Ah! thats reasonable. [He takes her into the stable yard gateway, where they are hidden from the house].

  LOUKA [plaintively] I may have been seen from the windows: Miss Raina is sure to be spying about after you.

  SERGIUS [stung: letting her go] Take care, Louka. I may be worthless enough to betray the higher love; but do not you insult it.

  LOUKA [demurely] Not for the world, sir, I’m sure. May I go on with my work, please, now ?

  SERGIUS [again putting his arm round her] You are a provoking little witch, Louka. If you were in love with me, would you spy out of windows on me ?

  LOUKA. Well, you see, sir, since you say you are half a dozen different gentlemen all at once, I should have a great deal to look after.

  SERGIUS [charmed] Witty as well as pretty. [He tries to kiss her].

  LOUKA [avoiding him] No: I dont want your kisses. Gentlefolk are all alike: you making love to me behind Miss Raina’s back; and she doing the same behind yours.

  SERGIUS [recoiling a step] Louka!

  LOUKA. It shews how little you really care.

  SERGIUS [dropping his familiarity, and speaking with freezing politeness] If our conversation is to continue, Louka, you will please remember that a gentleman does not discuss the conduct of the lady he is engaged to with her maid.

  LOUKA. It’s so hard to know what a gentleman considers right. I thought from your trying to kiss me that you had given up being so particular.

  SERGIUS [turning from her and striking his forehead as he comes back into the garden from the gateway] Devil! devil!

  LOUKA. Ha! ha! I expect one of the six of you is very like me, sir; though I am only Miss Raina’s maid. [She goes back to her work at the table, taking no further notice of him].

  SERGIUS [speaking to himself] Which of the six is the real man ? Thats the question that torments me. One of them is a hero, another a buffoon, another a humbug, another perhaps a bit of a blackguard. [He pauses, and looks furtively at Louka as he adds, with deep bitterness] And one, at least, is a coward: jealous, like all cowards. [He goes to the table]. Louka.

  LOUKA. Yes ?

  SERGIUS. Who is my rival ?

  LOUKA. You shall never get that out of me, for love or money.

  SERGIUS. Why ?

  LOUKA. Never mind why. Besides, you would tell that I told you; and I should lose my place.

  SERGIUS [holding out his right hand in affirmation] No! on the honor of a – [He checks himself; and his hand drops, nerveless, as he concludes sardonically] – of a man capable of behaving as I have been behaving for the last five minutes. Who is he
?

  LOUKA. I dont know. I never saw him. I only heard his voice through the door of her room.

  SERGIUS. Damnation! How dare you ?

  LOUKA [retreating] Oh, I mean no harm; youve no right to take up my words like that. The mistress knows all about it. And I tell you that if that gentleman ever comes here again, Miss Raina will marry him, whether he likes it or not. I know the difference between the sort of manner you and she put on before one another and the real manner.

  Sergius shivers as if she had stabbed him. Then, setting his face like iron, he strides grimly to her, and grips her above the elbows with both hands.

  SERGIUS. Now listen you to me.

  LOUKA [wincing] Not so tight: youre hurting me.

  SERGIUS. That doesnt matter. You have stained my honor by making me a party to your eavesdropping. And you have betrayed your mistress.

  LOUKA [writhing] Please –

  SERGIUS. That shews that you are an abominable little clod of common clay, with the soul of a servant. [He lets her goas if she were an unclean thing, and turns away, dusting his hands of her, to the bench by the wall, where he sits down with averted head, meditating gloomily].

  LOUKA [whimpering angrily with her hands up her sleeves, feeling her bruised arms] You know how to hurt with your tongue as well as with your hands. But I dont care, now Ive found out that whatever clay I’m made of, youre made of the same. As for her, she’s a liar; and her fine airs are a cheat; and I’m worth six of her. [She shakes the pain off hardily; tosses her head; and sets to work to put the things on the tray].

  He looks doubtfully at her. She finishes packing the tray, and laps the cloth over the edges, so as to carry all out together. As she stoops to lift it, he rises.

  SERGIUS. Louka! [She stops and looks defiantly at him]. A gentleman has no right to hurt a woman under any circumstances. [With profound humility, uncovering his head] I beg your pardon.

  LOUKA. That sort of apology may satisfy a lady. Of what use is it to a servant ?

  SERGIUS [rudely crossed in his chivalry, throws it off with a bitter laugh, and says slightingly] Oh! you wish to be paid for the hurt ? [He puts on his shako, and takes some money from his pocket].

  LOUKA [her eyes filling with tears in spite of herself] No: I want my hurt made well.

  SERGIUS [sobered by her tone] How ?

  She rolls up her left sleeve; clasps her arm with the thumb and fingers of her right hand; and looks down at the bruise. Then she raises her head and looks straight at him. Finally, with a superb gesture, she presents her arm to be kissed. Amazed, he looks at her; at the arm; at her again; hesitates; and then, with shuddering intensity, exclaims Never! and gets away as far as possible from her.

  Her arm drops. Without a word, and with unaffected dignity, she takes her tray, and is approaching the house when Raina returns, wearing a hat and jacket in the height of the Vienna fashion of the previous year, 1885. Louka makes way proudly for her, and then goes into the house.

  RAINA. I’m ready. Whats the matter ? [Gaily] Have you been flirting with Louka ?

  SERGIUS [hastily] No, no. How can you think such a thing ?

  RAINA [ashamed of herself] Forgive me, dear: it was only a jest. I am so happy today.

  He goes quickly to her, and kisses her hand remorsefully. Catherine comes out and calls to them from the top of the steps.

  CATHERINE [coming down to them] I am sorry to disturb you, children; but Paul is distracted over those three regiments. He doesnt know how to send them to Philippopolis; and he objects to every suggestion of mine. You must go and help him, Sergius. He is in the library.

  RAINA [disappointed] But we are just going out for a walk.

  SERGIUS. I shall not be long. Wait for me just five minutes. [He runs up the steps to the door].

  RAINA [following him to the foot of the steps and looking up at him with timid coquetry] I shall go round and wait in full view of the library windows. Be sure you draw father’s attention to me. If you are a moment longer than five minutes, I shall go in and fetch you, regiments or no regiments.

  SERGIUS [laughing] Very well. [He goes in].

  Raina watches him until he is out of her sight. Then, with a perceptible relaxation of manner, she begins to pace up and down the garden in a brown study.

  CATHERINE. Imagine their meeting that Swiss and hearing the whole story! The very first thing your father asked for was the old coat we sent him off in. A nice mess you have got us into!

  RAINA [gazing thoughtfully at the gravel as she walks] The little beast!

  CATHERINE. Little beast! What little beast ?

  RAINA. To go and tell! Oh, if I had him here, I’d cram him with chocolate creams til he couldnt ever speak again!

  CATHERINE. Dont talk such stuff. Tell me the truth, Raina. How long was he in your room before you came to me ?

  RAINA [whisking round and recommencing her march in the opposite direction] Oh, I forget.

  CATHERINE. You cannot forget! Did he really climb up after the soldiers were gone; or was he there when that officer searched the room ?

  RAINA. No. Yes: I think he must have been there then.

  CATHERINE. You think! Oh, Raina! Raina! Will anything ever make you straightforward ? If Sergius finds out, it will be all over between you.

  RAINA [with cool impertinence] Oh, I know Sergius is your pet. I sometimes wish you could marry him instead of me. You would just suit him. You would pet him, and spoil him, and mother him to perfection.

  CATHERINE [opening her eyes very widely indeed] Well, upon my word!

  RAINA [capriciously: half to herself] I always feel a longing to do or say something dreadful to him – to shock his propriety – to scandalize the five senses out of him. [To Catherine, perversely] I dont care whether he finds out about the chocolate cream soldier or not. I half hope he may. [She again turns and strolls flippantly away up the path to the corner of the house].

  CATHERINE. And what should I be able to say to your father, pray ?

  RAINA [over her shoulder, from the top of the two steps] Oh, poor father! As if he could help himself! [She turns the corner and passes out of sight].

  CATHERINE [looking after her, her fingers itching] Oh, if you were only ten years younger! [Louka comes from the house with a salver, which she carries hanging down by her side]. Well ?

  LOUKA. Theres a gentleman just called, madam. A Serbian officer.

  CATHERINE [flaming] A Serb! And how dare he – [checking herself bitterly] Oh, I forgot. We are at peace now. I suppose we shall have them calling every day to pay their compliments. Well: if he is an officer why dont you tell your master ? He is in the library with Major Saranoff. Why do you come to me ?

  LOUKA. But he asks for you, madam. And I dont think he knows who you are: he said the lady of the house. He gave me this little ticket for you. [She takes a card out of her bosom; puts in on the salver; and offers it to Catherine].

  CATHERINE [reading] ‘Captain Bluntschli’ ? Thats a German name.

  LOUKA. Swiss, madam, I think.

  CATHERINE [with a bound that makes Louka jump back] Swiss! What is he like ?

  LOUKA [timidly] He has a big carpet bag, madam.

  CATHERINE. Oh Heavens! he’s come to return the coat. Send him away: say we’re not at home: ask him to leave his address and I’ll write to him. Oh stop: that will never do. Wait! [She throws herself into a chair to think it out. Louka waits]. The master and Major Saranoff are busy in the library, arnt they ?

  LOUKA. Yes, madam.

  CATHERINE [decisively] Bring the gentleman out here at once. [Peremptorily] And be very polite to him. Dont delay. Here [impatiently snatching the salver from her] : leave that here; and go straight back to him.

  LOUKA. Yes, madam [going].

  CATHERINE. Louka!

  LOUKA [stopping] Yes, madam.

  CATHERINE. Is the library door shut ?

  LOUKA. I think so, madam.

  CATHERINE. If not, shut it as you pass through.

  LOUKA. Y
es, madam [going].

  CATHERINE. Stop! [Louka stops]. He will have to go that way [indicating the gate of the stable yard]. Tell Nicola to bring his bag here after him. Dont forget.

  LOUKA [surprised] His bag ?

  CATHERINE. Yes: here: as soon as possible. [Vehemently] Be quick! [Louka runs into the house. Catherine snatches her apron off and throws it behind a bush. She then takes up the salver and uses it as a mirror, with the result that the handkerchief tied round her head follows the apron. A touch to her hair and a shake to her dressing gown make her presentable]. Oh, how ? how ? how can a man be such a fool! Such a moment to select! [Louka appears at the door of the house, announcing Captain Bluntschli. She stands aside at the top of the steps to let him pass before she goes in again. He is the man of the midnight adventure in Raina’s room, clean, well brushed, smartly uniformed, and out of trouble, but still unmistakably the same man. The moment Louka’s back is turned, Catherine swoops on him with impetuous, urgent, coaxing appeal]. Captain Bluntschli: I am very glad to see you; but you must leave this house at once. [He raises his eyebrows]. My husband has just returned with my future son-in-law; and they know nothing. If they did, the consequences would be terrible. You are a foreigner: you do not feel our national animosities as we do. We still hate the Serbs: the effect of the peace on my husband has been to make him feel like a lion baulked of his prey. If he discovers our secret, he will never forgive me; and my daughter’s life will hardly be safe. Will you, like the chivalrous gentleman and soldier you are, leave at once before he finds you here ?

  BLUNTSCHLI [disappointed, but philosophical] At once, gracious lady. I only came to thank you and return the coat you lent me. If you will allow me to take it out of my bag and leave it with your servant as I pass out, I need detain you no further. [He turns to go into the house].

 

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