by Ronica Black
Liz tried to lunge but Erin held her back. “Get the fuck out of my club.”
Patricia knew she should smile at her victory—Adams most definitely would have. But she didn’t feel victorious. Her intentions were no longer about vengeance with Adams, they were about something deeper. She wanted to get to the bottom of the murders, to see the absolute truth for herself.
She watched as the couple parted the crowd and headed up the stairs. She could see Erin talking to Liz, no doubt soothing her. Patricia was still fuming over the confrontation, trembling as she fought to contain her anger. Dealing with Adams always left her rattled and emotionally distraught. She let out a shaky sigh.
Just what the hell was it about Elizabeth Adams?
*
Erin stood by helplessly as Liz tore through the house in a panicked search for wiretapping. The calm indifference she’d been showing was suddenly gone, replaced by a quick-tempered paranoia.
“They wouldn’t bug the house,” Erin said as Liz shoved everything aside on the shelves in the sunken living room.
Liz turned on her, eyes wild. “How you can even say that? When you came in my house undercover, wired yourself?”
Erin felt the blood leave her face. She had no response.
“Besides,” Liz continued, refocusing on her task, “the cops may not be the only ones after me.”
“The house is secure, Liz. The alarm’s working, the security monitors show no signs of movement,” Erin said softly. “Why are you so worried all of a sudden?”
Liz stepped back to eye the room, searching for any last little corner she hadn’t touched. “You think I’m just now worrying?” She didn’t wait for a response. “The cops have questioned me, yet they’re still coming around my places of business. That means they have little to no other leads. The heat hasn’t let up. They can’t find Jay, so I’m their focus.”
“You’re afraid they’re going to try and nail this solely on you, just like before?”
Breathing hard, Liz ignored the question and stalked toward the master bedroom. A few moments later Erin crept a little ways down the long hall and heard Liz rummaging through the room. She moved closer, trying to decide what to say. There was no way someone could’ve snuck in and bugged the house. Not with all the cameras and security Liz had installed. That was one of the reasons Erin had gone undercover in the first place. Liz was so well guarded the cops couldn’t get to her.
Erin entered the room as Liz slammed something angrily in a drawer. “Honey, the house is safe.”
“Nothing is safe!” Liz’s face was contorted in anger.
“Calm down. Everything will be okay.”
Liz brushed past her. “Don’t tell me to calm down.”
“Why are you talking to me like this?” Erin was frustrated and hurt. Liz had done nothing but snap at her since they left the club.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Liz stormed down the hall and Erin chased after her.
When she reached the kitchen, Liz jerked open the fridge and twisted open a bottle of water. She sipped slowly, blue eyes as cold as artic ice, staring straight ahead.
“Liz!” Erin couldn’t believe what she was witnessing. “You snap at me, tell me what I can and can’t do, and then you say you don’t want to talk about it? What’s wrong with you? Why are you treating me this way?”
Liz turned on her, face set in stone. “What way?”
“Like some goddamned piece of property.”
“Is that how you feel?”
“It’s how you’re treating me. Telling me I can’t research Joe’s murder, and I can’t talk to Patricia.”
“I told you, I don’t want you involved.”
“I’m a cop, I can handle my own.”
“You were a cop. You’re not anymore.” Liz opened the fridge and shoved the bottle of water back inside, slamming the door shut.
“I don’t need anyone else reminding me of that.” Erin tried to keep the quiver from her voice.
“Really? Did Patricia tell you the same thing?”
Erin didn’t answer. Her throat was tight and burning.
“Why were you even talking to her? Whose side are you on?”
Erin could see the hurt and fear in Liz’s eyes. Tears ran down her own cheeks. “Yours.”
“It doesn’t sound like it.”
“Why won’t you talk to me? Every time I bring up Jay or the case you run or you try to distract me by making love.”
“There’s nothing to say,” Liz replied.
“There’s nothing to say, or there’s something you won’t say?”
“I see you’ve made your own assumptions, just like Patricia. I hope you know she’ll use you to get to me.”
“No, it’s not like that,” Erin said quickly. She didn’t want Liz to think Patricia would do something like that.
Liz glared at her. “Why do you keep defending her? Just what is it with you two?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re lying.”
Erin suddenly felt panicked, not expecting to have to defend her friendship with Patricia. “She’s my colleague…was my colleague. And she’s a friend.”
Liz’s eyes bored into her. “I don’t believe it,” she whispered fiercely. “All this time and I never would let the thought in. All this time it’s been right in my face.”
Erin shook her head, not liking the look in Liz’s eyes. She stepped backward as Liz moved toward her. “When was it?” Liz backed her to the wall but didn’t touch her.
Erin heard her hurried breathing, felt her racing pulse as she held on to her shoulders. “Liz, calm down.”
“Answer me.” The demand was low and firm.
Erin tried to embrace her but Liz stood erect, ice eyes ablaze.
“Answer me, Erin.”
“No.” Erin began to cry, unable to stop herself. Why was Liz doing this? Why was she attacking her? “She’s my friend. That’s all.”
Erin felt so lost at that moment. Torn. Her insides ripped. Liz pushed her hands away and stepped back, her eyes full of pain.
“You don’t have sex with someone who’s just a friend.” She turned and walked away.
Erin rushed after her. “Liz, wait, please! Don’t do this. We have to talk.”
Liz strode down the hallway and slammed the bedroom door. Erin slumped against it, her throat so tight she could hardly breathe. Suddenly, an intense anger surged through her. She was hurting and pained and now, the accused.
“You fucked her. You fucked complete strangers, how dare you preach to me.”
Liz’s opened the door and her upper lip trembled. Erin tried to reach out and touch it but Liz swatted her hand away.
“So it’s true.” She seemed barely able to speak. “You slept with Patricia.”
“It was a one-time thing,” Erin said. “I was confused. I don’t understand what the big deal is. You’ve been with her, with countless others—”
“Was it before or after me?”
Erin realized what she was asking, what she thought. “Oh no, honey. It happened before we—” She stopped herself. “It happened during the case.”
Liz swayed a little as if she were going to fall. “After the night at the club?”
Erin’s first intimate encounter with Liz. “I can’t remember,” Erin lied.
“Bullshit!”
“Liz, I—”
“You know exactly when it happened,” Liz seethed. “It was after me, wasn’t it? You fucked her while you two were hiding away at her house, didn’t you? Or did she fuck you? Or maybe you did each other. After she read to you from one of her mushy romances? The ones you told me you wrote?”
Erin could hardly speak. It was all coming out now. The issues she thought Liz would never want to talk about. The fact that Erin had lied to her, had been undercover in order to gain information to pin the murders on her. Liz was hurt by those acts, something she could no longer hide. Erin didn’t know how to even begin to make it right. “I was confused an
d—”
“Confused?”
“Yes.” Erin sucked in shaky breaths. “About you, and the way I felt and the way you made me feel.”
“So you fuck her to feel better? Did it help with your confusion, Erin?”
“Stop it!”
“Did it?”
“Yes!”
Liz looked taken a back for a split second as if she hadn’t expected Erin to answer at all.
“It made me realize my true feelings. That it was you that I wanted.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Why did I risk everything for you, then, Liz? My job, my life as I knew it. All of it. I did it for you.”
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have.”
“Why would you say that?” Erin cried.
“Because I’m bad, Erin. Just like Patricia says. Just like I’m sure she’s always told you.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I am. I don’t give a shit about anybody but myself.”
“That’s not true. You love me. You love Jay.”
“I’m not what you want me to be, Erin. I’m not Patricia. I’m not one of her perfect characters out of one of her books.”
“I never said I wanted you to be that.”
“You don’t have to.”
Erin looked away.
Liz continued. “I’m real. I’m flawed. I’m fucked up. And that’s not what you really want.”
“Yes, I—”
“No, you don’t,” Liz cut her off again.
“How can you say that? After all I sacrificed, after all the secrets and lies I had to swim through to find the real you?”
Liz dug through the drawer she’d slammed earlier and held up Patricia’s latest lesbian romance. She tossed it at Erin, looking as if she’d crumple to her knees at any moment.
“You had it hidden under the bed,” she whispered. “Who’s keeping secrets now, Erin?”
She walked away, leaving Erin all alone staring at their empty room, Patricia’s book clutched to her chest.
Chapter Nine
Liz awoke with a start, her heart racing in her chest. She sat up and blinked, convinced a killer stood in the darkness, staring her down. But no one was there. She turned and saw the emptiness beside her. She was alone. Erin hadn’t come to bed.
The dream had seemed real. A figure entering the room, laughing as bloody hands were held up before a featureless face. “I’m going to kill off everything that’s dear to you,” a voice had said.
It shook her to the core, but what unsettled her most was the sudden pang inside telling her that she knew the killer. Just like before.
Liz flung her legs over the side of the bed and stood. She hugged herself as the sweat that coated her body met the chill of the morning air. She glanced at the alarm panel and her heart sped up again as she realized it wasn’t set.
Hurriedly, she ran down the hall, a nervous ball in her throat. She’d been hurt and stubborn the night before, too caught up in her own pain to make sure Erin was safe inside with the alarm set. She slammed to a stop as she caught sight of Erin asleep on the largest couch, snuggled tight under a light throw blanket. It was the first night they’d slept apart. The reasons still tore at her insides.
She approached quietly and tugged the blanket up higher. Her worry for Erin’s safety ceased as a book fell to the floor. All she’d been doing was lying on the couch reading. Relieved, Liz picked up the paperback and glanced at the cover. Patricia’s book. It opened to a dog-eared page. Her chest tightened as she read. It was a love scene. One of the characters strongly resembled Erin. Feeling sick, Liz turned the book over to read the back blurb. Her stomach fell to her feet.
Erin. Patricia had written about Erin. It was plainly obvious. The character not only looked like Erin but she was a detective, a woman trapped in an unhappy marriage, who eventually fell for her lesbian colleague.
Liz dropped the book and stared at her lover, her fiancée. The woman who’d breezed into her life and turned it all upside down. The only woman she’d ever let into her heart. Erin.
She looked so peaceful when she slept. So beautiful.
Liz fought back the burning tears. Erin deserved better. Erin wanted different. Liz couldn’t offer her the pure life that Patricia could. She couldn’t even offer her safety. Or the truth.
Feeling like dying, Liz left her asleep on the couch and went to get ready for her day.
*
The breeze was warm, promising more than mild sunshine and big-rig fumes. Patricia turned into it, hoping whatever was promised would be a major clue. It was a quarter past nine and by the look of the crowd, everyone was present and ready. She was dressed similarly to the others, in worn jeans and sturdy boots, ready for a long day of searching through the dry desert. Her navy VLPD T-shirt was already threatening to stick to her if the breeze let up even for a few minutes. Summer was beginning to take over from spring.
Around her a dozen or so Corona County cruisers were parked together, facing off the Valle Luna PD cruisers. She could almost hear their engines revving, ready to attack each other like thick-necked lineman on a football field. Beyond them sat more vehicles, unmarked cruisers and numerous volunteer’s cars and trucks. The morning sun reflected off the mass of metal, bathing them all in equal light regardless of jurisdiction.
She headed toward the large crowd of people, wondering if like the cars, the positions had already been drawn in the sand. When she heard Sergeant Eric Ruiz barking out orders, she knew the answer right away. He was pointing at the enormous map spread out on the hood of a Valle Luna PD Ford Explorer. His short frame was stretched to reach the outer areas of the map and his voice was cracking from having to shout over the passing traffic. But he wasn’t about to let up. Ruiz had the heart of a lion and the tenacity of a pit bull. He was relentless when it came to getting the job done and vicious about guarding his territory. The man next to him wearing a Corona County vest didn’t stand a chance as he tried to offer his input. Ruiz simply didn’t have the patience to listen.
The search had been put together hurriedly, both departments anxious to get their hands on more remains, desperate for new evidence.
Patricia watched the uncomfortable exchange for a moment and then glanced over to the dog handlers. Some had SAR on their backs, others wore orange vests. The labs, shepherds, and bloodhounds were anxious to get started, barking in high pitch, tugging on their leashes. Overhead she heard the repetitive thump of an approaching helicopter.
“Henderson?”
Patricia shaded her brow as Gary Jacobs strolled toward her. She caught her breath at the sight of the woman next to him. The stranger walked with confidence, not arrogance, the difference being attitude. Her shoulders were back, her physique muscular and strong. She moved with ease but kept her gaze level and her posture open. She looked like she could handle any situation while remaining levelheaded in the process. Patricia’s heart rate kicked up as she studied the khakis that clung to her legs and the dark brown CCSD polo shirt that hugged her ample breasts.
She willed her face not to burn, and blamed Erin McKenzie for awakening her libido from its long hibernation. “Been looking for you,” Gary said.
Patricia tore her eyes away from the woman’s short, light brown hair, which was worn in tousled layers. She noticed that Gary sounded different. Guarded.
“I had to park way in the back,” she said.
Her partner nodded, his tie lifting in the breeze. Even though he would spend the better part of the day in the desert, he still wore a tie, this time with jeans and L.L.Bean boots. He captured the tie with an irritated sweep of his hand and looked nervously to the woman beside him. “This is—”
“Detective Audrey Sinclair.” She smiled slightly and extended her hand.
Patricia caught herself gazing into the reflection of her aviator sunglasses. She also noted the large-faced aviator watch. A pilot, perhaps? “Detective Patricia Henderson,” she responded, releasing Sinclair’s warm, strong
hand just as quickly as she had taken it.
Trying to fend off an instant reaction to the brush of the detective’s skin, she focused on Sinclair’s thick brown belt and strong-looking forearms. Her senses told her that it was very likely Sinclair was gay. She cleared her throat with unusual nervousness.
“Sinclair has been assigned to the Highway Murders for the CCSD.”
“Oh?”
Sinclair gave another small smile that showed a deep dimple on the right side of her face. Patricia wanted to look away but couldn’t.
“I was hoping to meet with you to go over the case,” Sinclair said. “I’m doing my best to play catch-up.”
Gary looked to Patricia. She knew he didn’t like the idea of sharing information, but it had to be done. Of course the real issue was claim. Sergeant Ruiz would have a fit if CCSD marched right in and solved the case when Valle Luna had put in all the hours. They also needed to work quickly before funding for the case began to dwindle, which often happened when cases went cold.
She knew this game and had played it a long time. She didn’t want to just give away all that they’d found thus far, and that included theories as well. Just how much should they share? Wondering if Sergeant Ruiz had been introduced to the attractive detective yet, Patricia chose her words carefully. “As long as we get credit where credit is due, I don’t see a problem.”
Sinclair’s face gave nothing away. “Glad to hear you aren’t territorial, Detective Henderson. After all, we are on the same team.”
Are we? Did that have a double meaning? Patricia fought off a blush and focused. “We may be on the same side of the fence, but we aren’t on the same team,” Patricia corrected.
Sinclair stood taller. “My mistake. I thought we were all out for the safety and well-being of our citizens.” She ran a hand through her short hair in a manner that suggested she did it often, when she was frustrated. “I’ll call you so we can set up a meeting.” She turned and walked off, headed back toward the army of people who were now walking through the desert brush at an arm’s length apart.
