The watching faeries gathered around the pit.
“No weapons,” Sadler said. “To make it fair.”
“They’re going to fight?” I blurted.
The soldier towered over the servant. A trained fighter against someone who cleaned out fires on a daily basis—how was that fair?
“Begin!” Sadler roared. “Only one leaves.”
The servant tried to rise to his feet, but the soldier kicked him hard in the abdomen, knocking the man backward. I winced. Anya knelt at my feet, pressing her face against my leg.
Sadler chortled as the soldier attacked again, kicking the servant in the face. Then, he walloped the smaller man across the head. Bleeding, the servant attempted to crawl away.
I looked at Sadler. “This isn’t fair at all.”
He was too busy rocking back and forth, unable to contain his mirth to pay any attention to me. The fight went on. Bloodied and bruised, the servant leaped at the soldier, biting and scratching. My stomach turned as the soldier began punching, punching, punching without stopping.
“Stop this!” I jumped to my feet. “Stop!”
Sadler grabbed my hair and pulled me toward him. “Quiet,” he said in my ear. “You’re ruining it.”
“I can’t watch this. Please, stop them.”
“You’ll watch, or I’ll gut you here and now.”
I didn’t recognise Sadler’s voice. The monstrous side of him was unleashed, and we were all in the way. He gripped my cheeks and turned my face toward the pit. I was too afraid to close my eyes.
Lightning sparked in the sky. Storm clouds rolled. The air turned grey.
Tears swam in my eyes as the servant crumpled to the ground. The soldier kept punching, desperate to live, to preserve what was left of his dignity. He pummelled, covered in the smaller man’s blood, and the servant stopped protecting himself.
“Already?” Sadler sniffed, still holding onto me. “Someone check.”
Two soldiers climbed into the pit and restrained the fighting soldier, who struggled to keep going.
Rumble went in and knelt next to the servant. “Dead,” he called out in an emotionless voice.
The fighter was still panting, his eyes wild with bloodlust.
“Pah.” Sadler flung me aside.
I fell heavily to the ground. Anya crawled to my side.
“I’m surrounded by weaklings.” Sadler swung out, knocking one of his soldiers off-balance. He stormed off, muttering to himself. A few soldiers followed at a distance.
Rumble carried the body away. I wanted to throw up, but I was hollow inside, as empty as everyone else. We had all watched a soldier batter a defenceless servant to death, and not one of us helped him.
Shaken, I climbed to my feet and walked unsteadily back to the castle. Rat was already in my room, sobbing. I wrapped my arms around her, wishing for comfort myself. At first, she flinched at the contact, then she clung to me and cried harder.
“He didn’t do anything wrong,” she cried. “He never hurt anybody.”
“I know,” I said. “He didn’t deserve that. Nobody does.” My breath hitched as I gave in to the grief. I wanted to cry for the realm, for those of us stuck in the court of chaos, for my daughter, who might grow up thinking that this life was normal. But my tears didn’t fall. I had run out.
I left Rat and walked back outside, feeling the eyes of Sadler’s subjects watching, judging my weakness. Sadler was losing his mind, and I had to get out of his way before he forgot that he wanted my child to be born alive.
***
The atmosphere only worsened in the Dark Court. Lughnasadh, a time for celebration and harvest, had begun, but the faeries seemed intent on drinking themselves into oblivion. Those that remained, at least. Some had left, claiming obligations elsewhere. There was no harvest in the Darkside. None at all.
The storm remained a constant, and fuelled by alcohol, fear, and Sadler’s influence, faeries turned on each other at a second’s notice, fighting even in the great hall. Sadler laughed like a mad man whenever blood was spilled, but mostly he brooded. Anya was a bag of nerves, anxiously waiting for the hammer to fall.
In my room, Rat cleaned out the fireplace, permanently close to tears.
“Enough!” Anya pounced on her, grabbing her hair. “I can’t stand your miserable face anymore!”
I separated them before anyone got hurt, but it was clear that Sadler’s mood had infiltrated the entire castle.
“Leave us for the day,” I said softly to Rat, brushing her hair back under her hat. “We’re all on edge.”
Rat scowled at the pixie before leaving. Once she was out of earshot, Anya cried her heart out. I just hugged her until she was ready to speak. Everyone thought of the pixies as less than nothing, but she was full to the brim with heart. She had love, had even found it in a place it shouldn’t have existed. She found friendship and had faith in something everyone else told her wasn’t real. She had given it all up for me, and there had to be a breaking point.
“I miss him,” she said when she calmed down. “I feel myself changing here. We all become the same without something to anchor us.”
“You’re not changing.”
“I am. The funny thing is that it was Arlen who first made me change. We were both born into that life, both knew what was expected of us, but he showed me a different way. And I fell for it all. If I could do anything, it would be to take him away and live in the human realm where this darkness couldn’t touch us. I feel the taint in us, Cara. I know it’s there, and it’s going to destroy us. The fae are so susceptible to it, so eager to dive into the madness. And we’ll drag you down with us. You should be desperate to leave.” She said the last part accusingly, as if I wasn’t trying hard enough.
“If it wasn’t for the baby, I would have nothing to go back to. I’ve always wanted to stay in the faery realm. I like the madness and the feeling we’re about to jump off a cliff. I love the magic and how everything makes me feel. If Sadler wasn’t around, I’d probably be happy in this place.”
“Then I’m sorry for you. We’ve already destroyed you.”
She pulled away and left me alone. Maybe she was right. Maybe I had become exactly the kind of person I didn’t want to be. And maybe I was doing something awful to one of my greatest friends by keeping her with me. According to the faery midwife, I was thirty-six weeks pregnant. My time would come soon. My last chances were slipping away. Whatever I did, I had to make sure Anya was okay.
I went to the stables, the last place I had seen Bekind go. I went to Dubh’s stall, and felt around under the saddle hanging next to him. He nudged me to the side and nosed a pile of dirty straw in the corner. Following his lead, I searched the straw until I found the piece of wood that seemed to be the key to the secrets in the Chaos court. I hid it within my clothes and went about the rest of my day as normal.
Sadler was his usual twitchy self, the rest of the court was still on edge, but I remained dead calm. I would soon take my chance.
***
I hadn’t slept. I couldn’t. My blood burned in my veins, my head filled with thoughts that ran unchecked. One of my most loyal friends was finding it hard to look me in the eye, a piece of wood was slowly sucking the never-ending taint clean from my soul, and I had almost become resigned to the fact that my child would be born like Fiadh’s—tainted on the inside.
When Anya’s breathing steadied, I got up and dressed. Nothing much fit me anymore, so I wore a loose dress under my cloak, the wooden stick hidden in one of my sleeves.
That day, Sadler had sent a good portion of his soldiers to hunt down a pureblood who had apparently made treasonous accusations against his king. I was pretty sure it was just another excuse to spill blood, a distraction from his withdrawal symptoms, perhaps. Of the soldiers who remained, most lounged in a drunken stupor as the Lughnasadh celebrations hit their peak.
As I passed Sadler’s hallway, I noticed only two guards were stationed outside his room. I moved on quickly. I
took one last look at the treasure room. The mirror was still gone.
I headed to Deorad’s tower, never hesitating despite an awful pressure building between my legs. I had felt the same thing for weeks, and the midwife kept telling me it was the baby moving into position, preparing for birth. She said it was normal, but it felt as though the child was about to fall out of me at any second.
The machinery in Deorad’s room wheezed. He lay in the same position as before, his eyes closed, his chest moving ever so slightly. I looked at him and saw what my child’s future might have been. He had never had a chance. Few in the faery realm ever had a real chance.
I touched his face, seeing Drake in the angles. I might never see Drake again. It was probably better if I didn’t. Nothing was worse for my confidence than that faery.
And Brendan… the man who tried to be better, the one ashamed by the crimes he had committed. But was that ever enough? Did anyone deserve another chance to right their wrongs? I had obviously thought so when I travelled across the realm to save him. I had brought him back to see if he could do better, but I would never know. If I stayed, I would die. If I managed to flee, I could never return, no matter how much pain it would cause me. All I could do was love my baby. That was the one gift I could give her.
The baby kicked, and a burst of pure love ran through me. Somehow, she was making me a better person, making me care about the impact I had on the world around me. I wasn’t scared to love her, and I indulged in the feeling for once. I could feel the child in there, feel her innocence touch my heart, embrace my soul. Another kick came, so painful that I gripped Deorad’s hand. As another pulse of love and pain ran through me, Deorad’s fingers twitched.
Horrified, I saw his eyes flutter open. Had I done that? Had… my baby? Deorad’s violet eyes were full of pain, full of an agony I hoped I would never comprehend.
“Kill me,” he whispered.
I leapt away from him, and his eyes closed as if they had never been open.
“What are you doing?” Bekind asked, terrifying me.
“Jesus,” I hissed.
She moved around the table and grabbed my shoulder. “Why are you here?”
“I have to do something,” I whispered, feeling the stick pulse in my sleeve. “I can’t just give up.”
“I thought you already had.” She smiled. “What do you plan?”
“I’m going home with my baby. I’m not leaving her here.”
“I told you not to return here,” Sadler said from the doorway. His voice was somehow hollow, empty and desolate. He gave Bekind a hard look. “One good deed, eh?”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I wish things were different.”
“I helped you,” he said. “And this is what I earn in return.”
“I haven’t done anything to you,” she said. “I would never intentionally hurt you.”
“And yet here you stand,” he replied. “Poised to destroy me.”
“Not I. And blood loyalties run far deeper than other debts. You were a decent man once. It doesn’t have to be this way.”
“I’m not even a man anymore,” he said with a laugh. He looked at me. “And you, my lovely wife, do you think you can kill him? Think you can hurt me? Try. I dare you to try.”
“I’ll do anything for my child,” I said. “And I don’t care who I hurt.”
“You can’t do a thing,” he scoffed. “And won’t the son be angry that he couldn’t claim the vengeance he so badly needed to move on? Are you really going to disappoint the Silver king?”
“He’ll never move on,” I said, knowing it was true. “This is the greatest gift I could ever give him.”
“And what happens then?” He stepped farther into the room. “Do you think this will end in a fairy tale? That true love will win the day?”
My heart hardened a little more. “I don’t believe in true love.”
“By the time I’m finished with you two, you won’t be aware enough to believe in your own names.” He reached out and grabbed Bekind’s hair. He pulled her to him and wrapped his other hand around her neck.
I whipped the stick out of my sleeve and thrust it into Deorad’s chest.
Sadler’s eyes widened. “No!”
Taking her chance, Bekind elbowed him and ran toward me. Black smoke and liquid tar seeped from Deorad’s skin. His eyes were black, his mouth, ears, nose, even fingertips. Whatever had been keeping him alive was dying.
Sadler sank to his knees. “No, no, no…”
“Get Anya,” I told Bekind. “Prepare Dubh. We’re leaving.”
She ran, leaving me alone with Drake’s father and his grandfather. Drake would have wanted to be the one to kill Deorad, but I had to be the one to end it all. I seized the stick and stabbed Deorad’s chest again. His body convulsed. Then, the machines stopped wheezing, and his chest stilled.
The taint ran from him as his body shrivelled into something from my nightmares. I slipped the stick back up my sleeve and moved to stand over Sadler, wondering what to do with him.
He gazed up at me, black running from the corners of his wrinkled lips. His hair had fallen out in tufts, leaving him with snow-white patches covering his shrivelling scalp. “You won’t escape,” he wheezed. “They’ll stop you before you even get close.”
“That’s a chance I’m willing to take.” A sharp lance of pain shot through my spine, doubling me over. The baby.
He let out a raspy laugh. “You won’t even make it down the stairs.”
“Watch me.” I turned and fled even as another sharp pain in my abdomen slowed me down.
Sadler roared obscenities after me, but his voice weakened with every word. I hoped he was dying.
As I descended the final set of stairs, I heard a shout of concern and footsteps racing upstairs. The pain had eased, so I kept going, but I was panting, my lungs working hard to keep up with the racing of my heart. I reached the front doors, pushed them open, and inhaled deeply.
A soldier stood in my way, all dressed in back. He held out a dagger, my dagger, handle first and offered it to me. “Good luck,” he rumbled, and sidestepped out of my way.
I could have cried. Instead, I clutched his hand for a second and squeezed. “Thank you, Comhaill.” I grabbed the dagger and rushed toward the stable.
A commotion erupted in the castle. I heard a shout, followed by someone mentioning the queen. Another pain ripped through me, and I stumbled and fell to my knees, ready to weep. I was so close, but I would never make it. It was too late. I had failed.
“Just go!” I screamed as Bekind, Anya, and Dubh raced toward me.
The soldiers were already piling out of the castle, more coming from the gates. Strong hands lifted me to my feet.
“Go,” Bart urged. “I’ll help you mount.”
“The baby’s coming,” I managed to say as Dubh reached me.
“You have time,” he said.
Dubh bowed, lowering the front of his body. With Bart and Anya’s help, I managed to get onto the horse. There was no saddle, but I preferred it that way. Anya mounted behind me.
Bart slapped Dubh’s rear. “Go!”
Dubh raced toward the oncoming gate soldiers, threatening to run them down. At the last second, they swerved out of his way, but he still kicked out with his back legs, knocking over some of them.
I glanced over my shoulder and saw some soldiers gathering around Bart. One swung a sword, and I faced front, unable to watch. Dubh burst through the gates and went into a full gallop, followed by some soldiers on foot. Soon, others would mount up and follow, but they would never catch Dubh. Still, half of Sadler’s army was already outside. Any one of his units could come across us. All I had was my dagger and the weird stick. I groaned as another pain shot through me.
“What’s wrong?” Anya whispered as Dubh trotted into the woods surrounding the castle. Bekind ran alongside us.
“I think the baby’s coming.”
“It’s too early! We won’t make it to Brendan in time.
”
“I know. Dubh, Bekind! Take me to the Miacha. The baby’s coming!”
“A woman’s first labour is usually her longest,” Anya said. “And even if we don’t quite make it to the Miacha, I can help you.”
“Four weeks early,” I said with a gasp. “It’s too soon.”
The horse’s movement seemed to make the labour pains worse. I prayed it wasn’t the real thing, that panic was causing it, but deep down, I knew. My body was ready to let my baby go. I wasn’t.
“You’ve been pregnant for over a year,” Anya said. “You were pregnant in the human realm. That could… help. You’ve been growing so quickly, and you’re healthy and strong. This baby will be, too. It won’t be for nothing.”
I cried as we rode, partly because of the pain, but mostly from fear. My baby wasn’t going to make it. I had screwed up everything, and I couldn’t stop or I would get us all killed. I was the worst mother of all time.
Every now and then, I caught a glimpse of Bekind jumping from one tree to another. It had taken days to get to the Hollows from the Miacha. We had been going slowly then, and we hadn’t known the quickest route, but still… days. My baby was probably going to be born in a great big germy faery forest.
“Please be around here somewhere,” Anya whispered.
“What are you talking about?” I demanded.
“The bridge,” she said. “The River Garbh. It has to be near.”
“It can’t be,” I said. “We’re not that close.”
“It’s the quickest way,” she murmured as if to herself. “Once we get across that bridge, we’ll be okay. I know we will.”
I laughed, and another pain stabbed me. “Last time I crossed that bridge, I got hit by an arrow and fell into the desert.”
“Not this time,” she said firmly. “Sadler’s army aren’t looking for a traitor, Cara. At least not all of them. Brendan’s had patrols coming through here, waiting for us. If anyone follows, Brendan’s men will stop them. I swear it.”
A huge sense of relief rushed through me. The pains had slowed, despite the roughness of the journey.
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