The Social Media Murder Corp
Page 4
(Takes drink of water)
As of this moment, we have no suspects or motive for this event. We are interviewing all witnesses who are able to give testimony, and we are scrutinizing any and all security footage from both inside and outside the mall. We ask any member of the public, who by chance happened to be filming anything around the mall at the time of the explosion, to please contact local police. Any footage, no matter how short or trivial, could be of extreme importance to the investigation into this event. I have time to answer a few questions….yes….go ahead....At this time no, we have no reason to suspect this……….there is always a possibility but no, so far we have nothing to point to that. It’s too early to be making guesses….yes….you……….We don’t know, but the structural integrity of the entire mall has been damaged so your guess is as good as mine. The entire area is a crime scene and I don’t foresee that changing anytime soon….yes…go ahead…..The FBI and the Department of Homeland Security are already here……..no……I can’t comment on that for obvious reasons……you……please repeat that…………….It is my understanding there is none but again, as events play out we could see that……go ahead…….that is speculation and I will not comment on that. Thank you for your time, we will have another briefing in the morning, in the meantime various officials will be available for short interviews if you move to the press area we have set up, thank you.
END TRANSCRIPT
REDDIT THREAD “MALL EXPLODES LULZ IS HAD”
Lolcattington
So what do joo guise think of the Arctic Mall going boom? I heard dat dere was some sorta brony convention or some shit going on there.
RadicalDan
Nah, I remember reading on Comicnet that it was a comic book show.
JKBalling
So instead of bronies, neckbeards got killed lawl
WestboroFred
I BET THEY WERE ALL FAGS!!!! GOD HATES FAGS AND BRONIES AND FURRIES AND THE FRENCH!!!!!
Kneelift
Whats the last thing that went through their heads? SHARDS OF GLASS LOLOLOLOL
JKBalling
LOL marry me!
IPFreely
He can’t case he is a fag lawl
WestboroFred
GOD HATES FAGS AND FAG ENABLERS!!!
DelveEve
This does kinda suck that means every comic show I wanted to go to this year will probably be fucking cancelled.
Lolcattington
Suck to be you! You think this was the work of filthy Mooslim terrorists?
OsamaBinFooking
I DELCARE A JIHAD ON JOO!!! LOL
IPFreely
Nah why the fuq would Al Qaeda wanna blow up some bronies?
WestboroFred
BECAUSE ALLAH HATES FAGS DERKA DERKA JIHAD!!!
Kneelift
OMFG wat if this was the SMMC?
WestboroFred
GOD HATES WHEN I TOUCH MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!
RadicalDan
There is nothing on the newz saying it was the SMMC
DelveEve
Do the SMC hate bronies? Cause if they do then they deserve a medal!
JKBalling
I can fit a lot of stuff in your MOM’S cooch!!!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHAHA FAG!
Lolcattington
LOL wat da fuq.
OsamaBinFooking
COVER YOUR MOM UP BEFORE I JIHAD HER WITH MY SCUD MISSILE!!
WestboroFred
GOD HATES SCUD MISSILES!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kneelift
OMFG I would so fuck Wolf Blitzer with my vag
RadicalDan
????
DelveEve
Da fuq?
WestboroFred
Uh……
JKBalling
……….
Lolcatington
Well this thread went off the rails rather quick.
END THREAD
TRANSCRIPT SMMC VIDEO ARCTIC MALL EXPLOSION
Danger: Hey hey hey fellow followers of the lulz! It’s me, Danger!
Destrution: and me, Destruction!
Danger: and we are…
Destruction: the SOCIAL MEDIA MURDER CORP!
Danger: This week’s murder death kill
Destruction: and explosion!
Danger: is brought to you by those fine fine folks at Mountain Dew!
Destruction: Disclaimer time, the folks at the PepsiCo Corporation, the owners of Mountain Dew, have expressed displeasure at our patronage of their fine product.
Danger: Right so we, the SMMC wish to state right now, that we acknowledge that the PepsiCo Corporation in NO WAY sponsors supports, agrees with, or otherwise endorses the SMMC.
Destruction: We hereby testify that we drink Mountain Dew of our own desire and we receive no support or acknowledgement from PepsiCo for doing so.
Danger: In fact, we know they wish we would stop mentioning cool refreshing energizing Mountain Dew at all!
Destruction: But we aren’t going to! And if they further press the issue-
Danger: We will blow up PepsiCo headquarters and kill everyone inside!
Destruction: So drink LOTS of Mountain Dew bitches!
Danger: So anyway, time for this week’s murder death kill. This week we have a special treat in store for you all. We have to announce, yes, the rumors are true!
Destruction: We did in fact blow up the Arctic Mall!
Danger: Guilty as charged!
Destruction: Not only that, we did in fact shoot a LOT of people afterwards!
Danger: Oh my God like a lot of people, you have no idea how much my hands hurt from all that shooting.
Destruction: It was quite noisy too Danger, it hurt my ears.
Danger: Oh my God are you ok?
Destruction: Yes it was just quite noisy.
Danger: You need to be careful, hearing loss is nothing to joke about. Wear ear plugs next time we shoot up a mall or something.
Destruction: I will I promise.
Danger: Anway bitches, I am sure you want to see the video. So here it is, in living color!
Destruction: OH MY GOD I loved that show! Fire Marshall Bill!
Danger: Oh my God and Handi-man! And Men on Film!
Destruction: Let’s roll the tape and finish this so we can go home and watch In Living Color re-runs.
Danger: Yay!
Video footage of the initial explosion of the mall.
Danger: There you go. I wish we had footage from inside of us shooting people.
Destruction: We can get some of those Go Pro cameras to do that.
Danger: We can? Sweet! That would rock!
Destruction: So, I am sure you are all asking: WHY?
Danger: Oh yes, I am sure everyone is wondering why we did this.
Destruction: It’s quite simple really.
Danger: We do it because we can.
Destruction: Uh, well yeah that’s A reason but it isn’t not THE reason.
Danger: The real reason is because the universe demands balance. Every time something happens, a reaction needs to happen.
Destruction: This is what the universe demands.
Danger: What we do is a reaction to what YOU all do. YOUR crimes, YOUR sins, YOUR immorality forces us to balance things out.
Destruction: If YOU changed your ways, if YOU smarten up, we would not need to do the things we do.
Danger: But you refuse to change, you refuse to modify your behavior, you refuse to take the needed steps to put an end to this.
Destruction: You cannot push the universe so much and not expect it to push back. You cannot create a monstrous society without monsters being born into it.
Danger: The day we arrived on the scene was the day the Gods descended from Olympus!
Destruction: You cannot deal with a force of nature, you can only hide your head and pray that it passes over you!
Danger: We ARE forces of nature you foolish people, and we are here to restore balance to the Universe!
Destruction: COME AT US BRO!!!!
Danger: This concludes this evenings broadcast. We wish you all good health and prosperous times!
Destruction: Goodnight bitches!!!!
END TRANSCRIPT
END OF PART ONE
PART TWO
And God brought forth the Leviathan and said unto it; “Behold, the Earth is wicked and corrupt! Man has taken the gift I hath bestowed upon him and cast it to the ground! Go forth and cleanse the Earth through death!” And so the Leviathan went forth and lay a wicked path did he! For in doing the divine bidding of the almighty, the Earth was cleansed of sin!”
Pastor Ron Belckin
Righteous Sword of God Baptist Church
His righteous sword shall light the way
In darkness so we may see
His righteous words shall give us strength
And lead us to victory
We praise him for all the fruit
He feeds us from his tree
We gladly lay down our lives for him
On the Hills of Cavalry
Surrounded by the darkest night
We know he lights our way
We sit and wait for his judgment
Upon that final day
We will be saved if we believe
And follow faithfully
We gladly lay down our lives for him
On the Hills of Cavalry
The truth is written in his words
His glory is risen high
His Kingdom awaits for the faithful
In our mansions in the sky
In his loving eternal embrace
Is where we all shall be
We gladly lay down our lives for him
On the Hills of Cavalry
TRANSCRIPT OF SERMON OF PASTOR RON BELCKIN
When God wants to give us a sign, he can do so in many ways. Some signs are subtle, barely noticeable, but yet they permeate into our subconscious. Other signs, like AIDS, natural disasters, war, these are more ‘in your face’ sort of signs. God is the eternal creator and destroyer. We humans, we forget sometimes that we are at HIS whims. We are at HIS whims to do whatever HE pleases. When he sees fit to punish us for our sins, he PUNISHES us.
And now folks, he is punishing us yet again. Do you really think it is a mere coincidence that this Social Media Murder Corp has reared its Satanic head at the EXACT time this nation has granted marriage rights to homosexuals? Do you really think that in this day and age where we celebrate debauchery and promiscuity and sexual openness, that we could have AVOIDED something like the SMMC? 14 year old girls dressed like WHORES all over our schools and streets! Same gender parents being allowed to ADOPT???? Transgender bathrooms and scores of other examples of filth and sin accepted as NORMAL in our society AND WE ARE SURPRISED THAT GOD HAS SET TWO ANGELS OF DEATH LOOSE UPON THIS EARTH!?!??! At least when the two angels visited Sodom and Gomorrah they found a righteous man in Lot, WHERE ARE THE RIGHTEOUS NOW????
I will tell you where they are folks. They are RIGHT HERE!!! In this Church, this holy blessed house of our LORD! And they are in many MANY other TRUE churches all across this nation that teach the TRUE Bible, read the TRUE SCRIPTURE, hear THE TRUE WORD OF JESUS!!!! They do NOT exist in a Catholic Church that worships a man in Rome! They do NOT exist in a Mosque where they worship a maniac! They exist HERE, in a TRUE CHURCH of our LORD! The one and only true RISEN God!!!
There are MORE of us than there are of them. WE, the righteous Christians of this nation, WE are the majority, NOT them! It is time we rise UP and let our collective voices be HEARD! The SMMC demands we change our ways, the SMMC were sent from God to punish us, so we need to heed their warning!!!
We need to tear down the sinful and immoral things in our society. The movies, the tv shows, the music, the books that all promote immorality, sexual debauchery, and sinfulness! We need to not just boycott or protest, we need to DESTROY THEM, physically tear them apart and cast their immoral shells to the ground and make them repent their ways!
We should not be condemning the SMMC, we should be praising them! For they ARE doing GOD’s holy work upon this Earth! Lo though thoust shall be vilified and cursed thou hath done the work of the Lord and eternal paradise shall await thee!!!
End transcript
TRANSCRIPT FOX NEWS
Good evening, I’m Katherine Hernandez, welcome to special report. Tonight, my guest is former National Security advisor Dr. Alan Goldman. We will be discussing the SMMC and the recent events transpiring around them. Dr. Goldman, welcome to the show.
Dr. Goldman: Thank you, it’s a pleasure to be here.
Hernandez: The Social Media Murder Corp, this is a situation that is just getting worse and worse as time goes on, is it not?
Dr. Goldman: Oh yes, very much so. To be honest, I am surprised it hasn’t been worse.
Hernandez: How so Dr.?
Dr. Goldman: Many reasons, the unexplained lockdown of information from the government for one thing, the silence from the White House or the Justice Department giving us any specifics is rather puzzling.
Hernandez: Why do you think that is?
Dr. Goldman: I don’t think they fully grasp what is going on here. I think, and this is just my opinion so take it as that, uh I think that for the first time in our nation’s history, our intelligence services are faced with an enemy that they either do not understand, or are incapable of dealing with, or worse yet, a combination of the two.
Hernandez: You think they are outmatched?
Dr. Goldman: I THINK that something is going on here that we fully do not understand. Look at the facts, as we see them, not as we surmise, look at what is visible to us: two individuals can seemingly appear and disappear without a trace anywhere in the country at any time, these two individuals can commit horrendous acts of terrorism and leave NO trace whatsoever behind, and can somehow, without any logical explanation, they can somehow upload video of their crimes undetected and totally anonymously to the Internet. These two individuals managed to find the specific stress points of the Arctic Mall and were able to plant Semtex at each of these points, undetected and then, for whatever reason, detonated the devices while THEY were standing in the middle of the blast zone, survived the explosion somehow, then shot their way out of the Arctic Mall and disappeared without a trace. And let us not forget, they managed to get information on four individuals, personal information, which enabled them to kidnap these individuals, again without a trace, and murder them on camera. It is almost like we are dealing with supernatural beings, as crazy and implausible as that sounds, because that is what we are presented with IF we take things as they appear on the surface.
Hernandez: So what exactly are you suggesting?
Dr. Goldman: I have a theory, one that hasn’t been openly discussed, that the two individuals calling themselves Danger and Destruction, are in fact just for show. I believe that they are the intended ‘face’ of the SMMC, to give the public and Law Enforcement a visual identity to the true hidden nature of the SMMC.
Hernandez: And what would that be?
Dr. Goldman: I believe the SMMC is actually an entire terrorist organization that has embedded itself undetected and unnoticed into the United States of America. I believe that they have been here for years, if not decades, preparing and planning for their reign of terror. It’s the only way I can see to explain how they can move around seemingly so fast and unseen. I believe there could be hundreds, if not thousands of members of the SMMC in this country. It explains the access to such specialized equipment and explosives, it explains the ability to anonymously upload to the Internet, and it explains the expertise of the Arctic Mall incident. It explains everything, because I cannot see any other way for what is happening to logically exist.
Hernandez: So what you are saying is that an entire James Bond type of super terrorist organization exists inside the United States?
Dr. Goldman: In a manner of speaking, that is the simplest way to summarize it, yes.
Hernandez: So why now? If what you are sayi
ng is somehow true, why did they wait until now to reveal themselves?
Dr. Goldman: We, as a society, are at a tipping point. Race relations, race relations in this country are at their worst since the Civil War. The income inequality in this country grows yearly, there really is no more middle class left, the wealth this nation is held by a very few number of people and corporations. Every day, the Government, under the guise of protection, strips more and more of our freedoms and rights away. The bureaucracy in this nation is like throat cancer, suffocating any hope of getting anything done from repairing a road to opening a lemonade stand. Religious intolerance and hypocrisy are pushed by those with an agenda to make people who would normally get along, to hate one another. We are on a knife edge as a society, and we are losing our balance. So of course, something like the SMMC is born of conditions like what we have now. They feed off the chaos and anarchy and strife.
Hernandez: You make it sound like we are on the verge of a revolution. That’s not a true picture of what is happening!
Dr. Goldman: A revolution is an idea that has found its bayonets. The SMMC are the bayonets.
Hernandez: If that is true, then what is ‘the idea’?
Dr. Goldman: Balance.
END TRANSCRIPT
Danger sat crossed legged on her bed peering into her laptop. She typed away on a few keys and smiled.
“Hey sis come check it out!”
Destruction walked into the bedroom while drying her hair with a towel.
“Whatcha doing?” she asked.
“Look, I made us a Tumblr page!” Danger said happily.
“No way! Let me see!” Destruction cried as she flopped down on the bed next to her sister, resting her head in Danger’s lap.
“Look, I got us this awesome theme for the page. I set us up an ‘Ask us anything’ button, I even wrote our first entry!” Danger exclaimed.