Destruction read the Tumblr as Danger ran her fingers softly through her hair.
“OMG this is wicked ass cool sis, we can interact with people more, get feedback on our activities, and write down our thoughts! This is great! Tumblr must be filled with blogs! I bet it’s a treasure trove of totally cool and interesting stuff!” Destruction stated.
“Why don’t we check some Tumblr blogs out,” Danger suggested.
The two girls began to do random searches of Tumblr blogs.
“Porn”
“Porn”
“More porn”
“Pics of people watching porn”
“Porn in written form”
“The Cock Blog? What the fuck!”
“Hungry for Cum MILFS? What the hell is a MILF?”
“Bondage….more bondage…..extreme bondage….”
“The Gaping Hole? What the hell does that mean..OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK!!!!”
“I CAN SEE HER WOMB!!! WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE DO THAT TO THEMSELVES!?!??!”
“I CAN’T UNSEE THAT!”
“Look for cat blogs look for cat blogs!!!!!”
“Ok..ok…settle down…here we go…cat Tumblr’s…”
“Awww kittens playing with yarn!”
“OMG OMG kittens yawning!!”
“(SQUEALS) kittens playing with bunnies!”
“What’s this one, Wet Kitten Playground?”
“Probably kittens getting a bath? Let’s see!”
“OH MY GOD THIS IS SO NOT KITTENS TAKING A BATH!!!!!!!!”
“THAT TITLE IS TOTALLY FALSE ADVERTISING!”
“Aaauugghh find something else!!!!”
“Ok ok ok…uh…here…candy…no way that can go wrong”
“Ok. Wow, Snickers has their own Tumblr, cool.”
“Look at this, ‘The History of the Candy bar’, see now this is useful!”
“HA! Those talking M&M’s have their own Tumblr!”
“Oh look, ‘Big Black Licorice Sticks’ I love licorice!”
“Cool open it!”
“……….uh……”
“OMG THIS IS SO NOT CANDY RELATED WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!”
“What the fuck does this mean, CIS?”
“Doesn’t that stand for The Commonwealth of Independent States?”
“There seems to be a lot of blogs about it.”
“What the fuck is white privilege?”
“According to these Tumblr blogs it means that anyone born white is evil no matter what because of their skin color.”
“Isn’t that, you know, like racist? It’s the same thing as believing that anyone born black is a criminal!”
“Not according to these people who identify themselves as SJW’s.”
“What is an SJW?”
“Social Justice Warrior.”
“Oh like Rosa Parks or Susan B Anthony or Mother Hale or Aung San Suu Kyi?”
“Apparently not, these SJW’s seem to glorify someone named Anita Sarkeesian.”
“Who the fuck is she?”
“It seems she believes that all men in the video gaming industry got their only because they are men and they should be punished.”
“Isn’t that the exact same thing as saying all women get their positions only because they sleep with men?”
“Yes but it seems double standards are a way of life for these SJW types.”
“This makes my head hurt, let’s do shots.”
Danger and Destruction sat at their kitchen table, each of them drinking coffee. A bottle of whisky stood in the middle of the table.
“You know we won’t be able to drink away what we saw,” Danger said.
“Ug, I know. People say WE are fucked up? They haven’t been on Tumblr!” Destruction said flatly.
“You can’t blame the service, Tumblr is a great idea. It’s the people, they are just messed up. Most of em anyways,” Danger replied.
“I guess. I keep forgetting what kind of world this has turned into. I keep forgetting that humans are, at their core, nothing more than animals that can talk and have opposable thumbs,” Destruction said as she drank her coffee.
“Do you think my thumbs are weird?” Danger asked.
“Oh my God no, they are perfect, just like you,” Destruction said with a smile.
“Aww, you are the perfect one!” Danger said happily.
“So what did you name our Tumblr anyway?” Destruction asked.
“Social Media Murder Corp,” Danger answered.
News article
Tumblr under pressure to remove SMMC page.
Popular blogging website Tumblr is under enormous pressure by law enforcement agencies to remove the blog for the Social Media Murder Corp. The terrorist SMMC recently created a Tumblr blog where the duo of Danger and Destruction talk about their lives, the people they kill, and share thoughts on fashion, movies, food, and the world in general. A spokesperson for Tumblr stated that “While vile and reprehensible in their actions, Freedom of Speech and the exchange of ideas is at Tumblr’s core and therefore, as long as the SMMC page does not violate our community standards, it will not be removed.”
It has not been confirmed, but is widely held that the SMMC accesses the Tumblr service through various anonymous re-routers, possibly the infamous TOR network, to hide their IP and location. Officials so far have had no luck in tracking the SMMC’s whereabouts, and the exact methods they employ to continuously access all forms of social media remain a mystery.
This is not a new controversy for the hugely popular blog site, as it has been roundly criticized for the amount of hard core pornography and drug themed blogs maintained by its user base. Internet freedom proponents hail Tumblr as a bastion of free speech, while critics condemn it for turning a blind eye to its more lurid blogs.
END ARTICLE
ONE YEAR EARLIER
You Tube Video Transcript.
Danger: Greetings fellow citizens of the Interwebz!!
Destruction: Hello out there in social media land!
Danger: My name is Danger!
Destruction: And my name is Destruction!
Danger: Collectively known as:
D/D: The Social Media Murder Corp!!
Danger: Now I know what you are thinking, just what the fuck is all this? Why are these two people wearing scary robes and weird uber cool masks?
Destruction: And why oh why have they interrupted our evening of cat videos and “What does the Fox say?”
Danger: By the way, the fox says “STOP WATCHING THAT GODDAMN VIDEO!”
Destruction: Allow me to explain. Picture this, if you will-
Danger: Oooo you sound like Rod Serling!
Destruction: OMG the Twilight Zone rocks! Anyway, picture this: Two mysterious masked harbingers of doom!
Danger: What’s a harbinger?
Destruction: It’s like someone who forecasts something.
Danger: Forecast? Like Al Roker?
Destruction: What? No! It’s like getting cramps before your period.
Danger: OMG I hate that. Gotcha.
Destruction: Now I lost my train of thought.
Danger: You were saying something about Al Roker.
Destruction: WHY are we here? It’s simple. The universe demands balance! Do you realize that for every good or evil action, there is a credit or debit in the stability of the universe?
Danger: And when that balance sheet is all out of whack, an imbalance in the universe occurs.
Destruction: See this is where I wave my arms all about and yell “DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!!!”
Danger: And when the universe is out of balance, all kinds of nasty shit occurs. REAL nasty stuff like..uh..plagues and storms and other things.
Destruction: It’ll rain frogs!!!
Danger: OMG it better not I hate frogs!!!
Destruction: And that is why we are here and YOU are watching this video. Because the universe is out of balance!
Danger: And somethi
ng really really nasty has happened!
Destruction: Can you guess what it is?
Danger: Go ahead we will give you 20 seconds or so.
Destruction: Time is up!
Danger: The nasty thing that happened because the universe is out of balance?
Destruction: It’s us.
Danger: We happened.
Destruction: From imbalance comes chaos, and from chaos were we born.
Danger: Good, evil, we are neither!
Destruction: We are forces of nature, you cannot reason with us so much as you can reason with a typhoon.
Danger: OMG THERE’S A FROG ON THE FLOOR!!!!!!!
Destruction: What the-
Danger: (screams) KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!!!
Destruction: Oh for fuck’s sake (squishing sound) Better?
Danger: Yay!
Destruction: We aren’t painting a very intimidating picture here.
Danger: It doesn’t matter, deeds speak louder than words. And do we have a deed for you all.
Destruction: In order to restore balance, debts must be paid. And we have someone here who owes a LOT to the universe.
Danger: Say hello to Mrs. Lana Romaine. Say hi Lana!
Destruction: Go ahead.
(figure tied to chair) Lana: SOMEONE HELP ME! SOMEONE-(WHACK)
Danger: I am sorry I had to hit you, you went off script.
Destruction: You were supposed to say HELLO.
Danger: But you didn’t so what the fuck lady.
Destruction: Why oh why is Mrs. Romaine tied to, what we call, the chair of ultimate judgment?
Danger: Mrs. Romaine is guilty of the most heinous crimes: arrogance, hypocrisy, envy, and fanaticism.
Destruction: Those are serious charges Danger!
Danger: Very serious! Want to hear specifics?
Destruction: Oh yes!
Danger: Ahem…Mrs. Romaine was a missionary to several Central American countries in her lifetime. She did good deeds and spread the Gospel of Jesus, which I personally think is wonderful by the way, and did her best to help others.
Destruction: Uh, that doesn’t sound quite right for our purposes. Are you sure we have the right person?
Danger: Oh yes, because here is where it gets really messed up! Mrs. Romaine had two daughters, twins, and 2 sons. At an early age she began to BEAT the word of God into her children over and over. Her children were never given a choice, never allowed to ask questions, never allowed to form their own thoughts or ideas. Everything was JESUS JESUS JESUS and if you dared to question or disobey then she let you know you were SINFUL and EVIL and were going straight to H E double hockey sticks!!! She even told her daughters that the reason they get periods is because God is punishing all women for Eve’s actions in the garden of fucking Eden!!! Can you believe that buffoonery!??!?!
Destruction: Jesus lady, you are fucked up.
Danger: Oh but it gets even worse! Despite the Bible specifically telling people to, you know, LOVE ONE ANOTHER, old church lady here pounded it into her kids’ brains that non-Christians were going to hell. She also hounded them day after day that homosexuality was the work of SATAN and that all homosexuals would burn in the eternal pit of fire!
Destruction: That is a truly intolerant attitude. Do you know what Jesus says about homosexuals in the Bible? NOTHING! You would think if God hated it so much he would have told his son to condemn it, but NOPE!
Danger: This story does not have a happy ending. One of Ms. Romaine’s daughters slowly began to discover her own sexual identity, and to her joy she found she was a lesbian. But, of course, she lived in constant fear of her mother finding out. Can you imagine that? Having to hide your true self from your own MOTHER because of the hate and intolerance she spewed at you every day of your life. To have to sit there, day after day, week after week, and listen to the nonstop spewing of vitriol and hatred and sleaze from your own mother wile silently dying inside because you knew she was really talking about you?
Destruction: Uh, calm down sis.
Danger: No, FUCK THIS. This bitch doesn’t deserve to speak.
Destruction: Danger, look, we are going to kill her but we have a script to follow.
Danger: Time to improvise. See this? This is a machete. I am going to cut your head off with it…slowly, painfully. And as your life slowly seeps out of you I want you to remember your daughter’s words to you right before she killed herself: “I thought mothers were supposed to always love their children”.
Lana: Jesus save me!!!!!!!!!!!
Danger: Jesus has turned his eyes from you. Now you have our attention.
Destruction: Pay attention folks, this is going to get nasty!
Danger: (singing) He’s got the whole world..in his hands….he’s got the whole world, in his hands….he’s got the whole wide world in his hands, he’s got the whole world in his hands.
Lana: JESUS AAAAARRGGHHHHHHH (she is decapitated)
Destruction: Well folks, that’s it for tonight. It didn’t go exactly as we rehearsed, but hey, that’s live TV for you.
Danger: Improv is a dying art form.
Destruction: We will see you next time!
Danger: I really need a Mountain Dew right about now.
End transcript
Present Day
The man sat at his desk in a grey room in a grey city. Inhaling smoke from his unfiltered Camel cigarette, he flipped through a folder marked “Top Secret”. He flipped through the pages as he smoked, flipping the ashes into a white ash tray. He finished reading the folder and set it down. He took a long drag on his cigarette and regarded the man sitting directly across from him. That man was wearing a black turtleneck, jeans, and a smile the man with the cigarette wanted to shoot off with his gun.
“I want to be clear,” the man with the Camel cigarette began, “that this is something neither I nor more than a few of my associates agree with.”
“It is out of your hands,” Turtleneck replied,” if you had taken care of the situation when it began we would not be at the point we are at now, would we?”
Camel grinned and took another drag.
“And you think your side can do better?”
“Exponentially,” Turtleneck smiled.
“They are phantoms, they come and go as they want. We have everything, and I mean everything hooked into tracking them and finding them, and we have nothing, not a goddamn thing. Nearly 300 million dollars in time, personnel, and resources devoted to that one objective, and not a damn thing. They are phantoms.”
Turtleneck shook his head.
“That is precisely the attitude and lack of vision that has aided their escapades so far.”
Camel clenched his teeth tight.
“I would caution you about making statements like that, we do not take questioning of our abilities lightly.”
Turtleneck waved his hand in dismissal.
“Your feelings and personal pride mean nothing to me or to us. You have failed, that is a fact. A new tactic, a new course of action is required if they are to be found and stopped.”
Camel finished his cigarette and reached under his desk. He produced a bottle of sake and two glasses. Setting up the glasses, he filled them both and slid one to Turtleneck.
“A taste I acquired in overseas, quite nice at room temperature.”
Camel downed his sake and poured another as Turtleneck sipped his.
“What do you plan to do?” Camel asked.
“Technology, resources, everything this agency and indeed this nation has, had failed. It is time to drop all pretenses and come at this from another angle.”
“And what is that?” Camel asked.
“In my village, in the nation I was born in, when you had a dangerous snake in your house, one too dangerous to try to catch, you let a different, just as deadly, but controllable animal after it.”
Camel frowned.
“I don’t like where this is going. You want to let loose more of them?”
Turtleneck shook
his head.
“Not in the way you think. Their only objective would be to hunt them down and kill them, nothing more.”
“And what guarantee, what assurance do we have that once they accomplish their mission, that they will not, in fact, take up the mantle of their prey?”
“Because what I have in mind, that is, the individuals I have in mind, do not think like that. As a matter of fact, they approached US.”
Camel downed another sake and poured himself more.
“They approached you? Really? How courteous of them.”
“I do not expect you to understand the world people like them live in. It is a world that the rest of the population of this planet never sees. It is a world of death, of violence, of carnage and mayhem. It is also a world of great beauty, of a code of honor, of relationships so tight they transcend life and death.”
“See now you just sound like some sort of Hollywood wanna be screen writer pitching an idea.”
“Think what you will, it matters not. I have been privileged to have the briefest of glimpses into their world, and I know, I KNOW, that for them to come to us, there is something going on bigger than anyone at State can even imagine.”
Camel regarded Turtleneck for a while before he finally spoke.
“You still haven’t told me WHY they came to you.”
“They feel a sense of challenge, to them it would be a great accomplishment, to take down our mutual problem. Remember, we are on the same side, we just do things differently, but we have the same goal: the destruction and end of the SMMC.”
“Hmm….what would you need from the State Department?”
“Total access, unlimited unhindered movement. They can do what they wish to bring the SMMC down short of weapons of mass destruction. Their actions cannot be challenged or questioned and when it is over, they want their skulls.”
“Skulls?”
“Yes, their skulls.”
“And how much is this going to cost the US taxpayer?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Not one cent.”
“Why?”
“Like I said, this is a challenge to them, they have no need for nor any desire for money or wealth.”
“And when they are done, they will leave?”
The Social Media Murder Corp Page 5
