The Social Media Murder Corp

by Stephen Signorelli

  “They have no desire to stay in this country any longer than they have to.”

  Camel lit another cigarette and thought. This sounded like a very bad idea, but he was stuck. Everything that had been tried had failed, and the public uproar was getting worse. What was scarier was the segment of the population cheering the SMMC on as they committed their crimes. It was because of THAT issue he relented.

  “They are to be on their way back to wherever the fuck they came from no more than 4 hours after they kill them. NO more than 4 hours. Understood?”

  “They will not even need that long.”

  “I swear to God, if this goes tits up you and your entire agency goes down in a holocaust of horror. Do I make myself clear?”

  Turtleneck smiled.

  “Perfectly.”

  Satisfied, Camel let himself grin.

  “Fine, approved. When will they arrive?”

  Turtleneck grinned and leaned in close to Camel.

  “They are already here,” he whispered.

  The Ghost and the Darkness

  This was not like home. The city stank, its urban jungle of concrete and glass was filled with the odors of multitudes. It overpowered the senses to those not used to it, yet the two men staring down from the top of a building stoically observed the throngs of the ant like people below them.

  “They are out there somewhere”

  “Yes, somewhere.”

  “No intel, nothing can be traced to them.”

  “It doesn’t matter. They will show themselves at the proper time.”

  “They are sloppy, amateurish. It speaks to this nation’s incompetence that they cannot catch these two.”

  “These people are soft. They are more concerned with fast food, video games, and reality television. Their government is made up of perverts, corrupt swindlers, and soulless decadents, yet the citizens of this place keep voting them in.”

  “This entire house of cards is going to fall within our lifetimes my brother.”

  “It will, on its own, not by anyone else’s hands.”

  “We will flush them out?”

  “Yes. Their so called set of beliefs betrays their actions. We will put out some bait, and they will bite on one of it. Then we will have them.”

  “Agreed. We should begin at once. I want to end this and go back to civilization.”

  “Me too brother, me too.”

  “I want to drink fresh spring water from their skulls.”

  “All in good time. We have much to prepare.”

  Early morning, SMMC house.

  Danger yawned and stretched as the alarm went off. She leaned over and pushed the button down, making her Hello Kitty alarm clock silent. She rubbed her eyes and rolled over to face her sister, who was still peacefully sleeping.

  “Hey, hey. Wake up. It’s time for school” Danger said as she poked her sister.

  Destruction yawned and stretched her arms, she buried her head into her sister’s chest and sighed.

  “I’m too tired” she yawned.

  Danger ran her fingers through Destruction’s hair.

  “Me too, but we have to go to school. C’mon, get up” she said as she poked her sister in the ribs.

  “Bah!” Destruction grumbled as she yawned again and stood up out of bed. She rubbed her eyes and looked at the clock. She rolled her eyes as she read the time of 6:45 AM and frowned. She didn’t mind school, she just hated getting up. She heard the shower already running as she bent down and touched her toes a few times to wake her muscles up. Yawning one last time, she walked to the bathroom and joined her sister in the shower.

  Danger chowed down on her Hello Kitty breakfast cereal as she read the morning news on her laptop. There was the usual stuff, the hunt for the twins was still front and center. She turned her attention to the twins secret email account to check for any fan mail.

  Destruction drank her orange juice and ate her Pop Tarts as she made some last minute changes to her math homework. She was actually looking forward to school today as they were going to dissect a frog in biology class. Danger hated frogs, and Destruction was certain this would provide much needed comic relief for the day.

  Biology Class

  “Miss Petersen!!!” Danger said while raising her hand.

  “Yes?”

  “I don’t like frogs!”

  “We all know you don’t like frogs, but this is part of your assignment.”

  “Ewww but Miss Petersen they are gross!”

  “Well it’s a dead frog so it can’t hurt you.”

  “But that makes it even grosser!”

  “Look, this is your chance to cut up a frog. Think of it as revenge for all the grossness it inflicts on your life.”

  “But I still have to touch it! It’s gross!”

  “Uh look, you have to do the dissection, you are being graded on it.”

  “Can’t I dissect a person? I am good at that-OUCH WHAT THE-“

  “I’ll kick your foot again if you make another slip like that sis, I don’t want to have to kill everyone in our school I like it here.”

  “Sorry,” Danger whispered.

  “Is there a problem?” the teacher asked.

  “No Miss Petersen, I will just hold my nose and try and do the best I can,” Danger sighed.

  “Good dear, that’s all I ask.”

  Destruction shook her head and sighed.

  “Be more careful ok?”

  “I’m sorry, it’s just frogs are icky and they make me nervous.”

  “This specific frog is dead, it cannot possibly pose a threat.”

  “How do you know it’s dead?”

  “What?”

  “How do you know it really is dead?”

  “It, look at it, it’s been brewing in formaldehyde for like ever. That frog is totally dead.”

  “Maybe he held his breath!”

  “Wait what, held his breath? Seriously sis?”

  “We need to make sure this frog is truly dead.”

  “It IS truly dead! Froggie here cannot possibly get anymore dead than he already is. If they gave out Nobel Prizes for dying, this frog would have a whole shelf full of em, THAT is how damn dead he is!”

  Danger stared at the frog for a moment.

  “ICKY!” she cried.

  Shaking her head, Destruction looked around to make sure no one was paying attention to them. Satisfied, she reached into her pocket. Almost too fast for the human eye to see she produced a butterfly knife, flipped it open, and stabbed the prone dead as hell frog right in his chest. She then pocketed the knife as fast as she drew it.

  “Better?” Destruction asked with a smile.

  “Yay!” Danger clapped, “now I am ok. I wanna see his guts!”

  Destruction laughed and put on her safety goggles.

  “Ok so like we are totally supposed to cut carefully along this line here, down his chest. See?”

  “Ohh, his skin is all rubbery,” Danger said as she poked the frog.

  “Yeah it is, ok, so watch, I will cut from here, under his chin, down to his, uh, ass I guess,” Destruction said with a grin.

  “Hey just like that cop from Cleveland that one time remember-OUCH WHY DID YOU STEP ON MY FOOT?”

  Destruction looked at her sister and rolled her eyes.

  “Really?” she asked.

  “Oh, yeah, sorry, I guess I am still leery of this frog,” Danger apologized.

  Destruction slowly and carefully cut the frog’s chest open. Using pins, she folded the skin out and secured it to the wooden base. The twins peered into the innards of the frog.

  “Still icky,” Danger remarked.

  “It’s kinda cool, to see all his organs. It’s amazing how all this stuff works together, like his heart and lungs and stuff.”

  “Dork!” Danger laughed

  “Oh my God I am not a dork, this stuff is cool,” Destruction replied.

  “Blah blah blah I’m Destruction I love science I wanna marry Bill Nye blah blah blah,”
Danger playfully mocked.

  “Oh my God stop it, you are the dorkiest!” Destruction shot back.

  “No way, you are the uber dork!”

  “You are the Queen of Dorkistan!”

  “Yeah well you are the Fairy Dorkmother!”

  Destruction looked at her sister confused.

  “That doesn’t even make sense!” she replied.

  Danger laughed and playfully poked her sister in the ribs.

  “Oh my God I know I couldn’t think of a good retort!” she laughed.

  The twins laughed and managed to get through their biology class without having to kill anyone or blow anything up.

  Gym Class.

  “Mandy you are the other captain. Ok, everyone line up and we will choose teams.”

  Danger and Destruction rolled their eyes. Mandy was a cheerleader, and the type of elitist snob you just want to kick in the teeth. The twins knew they would get picked on separate teams, the gym class had learned to split the sisters up because if they were together, the opposing team had no chance of winning.

  “God I hate Mandy,” Danger whispered.

  “Oh my God I totally do too, she is such a cunt,” Destruction replied.

  “I heard she blew Mr. Molinaro,” Danger said quietly.

  “Eww he is like 45, that’s like practically Stone Age,” Destruction noted.

  “That’s why she is passing her classes, she doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together so she spreads her legs or gets on her knees,” Danger laughed.

  “Oh fuck she picked me,” Destruction sighed.

  “Ha! Try not to catch her cooties!” Danger laughed as her sister sullenly walked onto Mandy’s team.

  After a few moments only one student was left, a girl from the Special Needs class named Rachel.

  “Oh my God do I HAVE to have cabbage head on my team?” Mandy complained.

  “Sigh, Mandy please do not call Rachel that and yes, you do have to have her on your team,” the gym teacher, Mr. Molinaro, replied.

  “Why is she even in our gym class? Isn’t she supposed to be with the other tards?”

  “Mandy, Rachel is not retarded. She has issues related to her injury, nothing more. Now please, show some respect,” Mr. Molinaro answered.

  “Ok like how am I supposed to respect a girl that wears a fedora to gym class? Whatever, look cabbage head just stand there and be a meat shield for dodge ball ok? And like don’t look at me, I might catch some of your like brain injury or something,” Mandy scoffed.

  “You know Mandy,” Destruction chimed in, “Rachel is actually pretty good at dodge ball, cut her some slack.”

  “Oh my God, look gamer girl, I picked you because we all know we have to keep you and your other half separated, but that doesn’t give you the clout to tell me anything? God and what’s with the Tri Force shirt, can’t you lose the gamer chick thing for a change? God, next year when we get to High School is going to be rough for you.”

  Destruction shot Danger a glance and shook her head, silently mouthing the word NO as she saw her sister on her heels ready to charge Mandy and break her neck.

  Mr. Molinaro blew his whistle.

  “Ok take your positions and get ready to play. Remember, ANY throws to the face result in an instant 3 day detention. Got it?”

  All the students nodded in agreement.

  “Ok, North Side gets the ball first, play fair. GO!”

  Mr. Molinaro handed the ball to Destruction. Smiling, she threw the ball full force at her sister, who caught the ball and then, before anyone could realize what was happening, she threw the ball with all her might at Mandy, hitting her flush in her crotch. Mandy screamed at the top of her lungs in pain and, grabbing her crotch, fell to the ground in spasms.

  “I guess you are eliminated,” Destruction said dryly.

  Mr. Molinaro began to blow his whistle furiously.

  “What the actual fuck was that?!?!” he screamed at Danger.

  “Mr. Molinaro we are 8th graders you shouldn’t be using profanity like that,” Danger replied.

  “Yeah, imagine if the Principal found out, I mean even if you are tenured it would still look bad,” Destruction said flatly.

  “You deliberately hurt her!” Mr. Molinaro said to Danger.

  “Mr. Molinaro I was only following the rules of the game. You said not to hit anyone in the face, and this IS dodge ball, so Mandy should have tried to, you know, like DODGE or something. I don’t think she is grasping the fundamentals of this sport,” Danger said with a touch of irony.

  “She is grasping her vag actually,” Destruction noted.

  “MY CUNT MY CUNT WHAT THE FUCK THE PAIN!” Mandy howled.

  “Maybe you should do put some ice on her cooch,” Danger laughed.

  “Mr. Molinaro everyone here knows she is blowing you so cut the shit already,” Rachel remarked.

  The entire class went quiet and turned to look at Rachel, who almost never spoke.

  “Awesome!” Destruction shouted.

  “I may be slow, but Ray fucking Charles could see what is going on with you two so either drag her off the floor so we can continue to play or let us go sit on the bleachers and talk the rest of the period,” Rachel continued.

  “YOU BROKE MY VAG!” Mandy continued to cry as she tried to stand up.

  “I am sure the football team will be so upset,” Danger laughed.

  “This is why gym class rules, there is always some entertainment to be found here,” Destruction stated.

  “Paul aren’t you going to give that little bitch detention!?!” Mandy screamed as she limped to the bleachers.

  “Paul?” Danger remarked.

  “Wow Mr. Molinaro it must be serious between you two if Mandy is using your first name,” Destruction said.

  “Yeah you guys are like practically married,” Danger stated.

  “What WOULD Mrs. Molinaro think?” Destruction wondered out loud.

  “OK ENOUGH!” Mr. Molinaro shouted.

  The entire class started to giggle.

  “YOU!” the now red faced gym teacher said as he pointed at Danger accusingly, “two days detention for that hit on Mandy!”

  “Oh my God what for? I didn’t hit her in the face!” Danger protested.

  “It was excessive use of force,” Mr. Molinaro replied.

  “What the actual hell, this is dodge ball not dodge pillow!” Danger complained.

  “I don’t care, I am the teacher, and you have two days detention!”

  “This sounds like selective punishment to me,” Danger sighed.

  After class the girls were changing in the locker room. Danger stood in the shower letting the hot water flow over her. Destruction had already finished and was now standing with a towel in her head consoling her twin.

  “I am actually proud of you sis,” she told Danger.

  “Why? I got detention,” Danger sighed.

  “Because you kept your cool and didn’t make a scene, which means no one died, nothing got blown up, and we don’t have to change schools because you burnt this one down.”

  Danger smiled, she knew her sister was right.

  “Yeah I guess, it’s just, we are going to be separated while I am at detention. You know I hate that, I get all like anxiety attacks if I am away from you for too long.”

  “I know sis,” Destruction replied, “but it will only be for two days and only for a few hours. Besides, it will be good practice for when one of us gets married.”

  The two girls stared at each other for a moment then broke out laughing.

  “Yeah ok, ha ha marriage,” Danger laughed.

  “Hey, made you laugh. How about that?” Destruction smiled.

  “I’d marry you,” Danger said quietly.

  Destruction smiled.

  “I’d marry you too,” she whispered.

  Danger finished showering and grabbed her towel. Drying off and changing, the twins got ready to leave the locker room to go back to class.

  “Hey, thanks,
” Rachel said as the twins passed by her locker.

  The girls stopped and smiled at her.

  “You are awesome and have value, never forget that,” Danger said smiling.

  “You are too good for this school,” Destruction added.

  The girls left the locker room and headed to the cafeteria.

  Lunch, school cafeteria.

  “Omg so like Dana has been texting Jordan behind Matt’s back.”

  “No way! Matt will find out!”

  “He so doesn’t care cause he likes Renee.”

  “Ewwww she is gross she had lice last year!”

  “I know right? He totally is gonna get lice!”

  “Oh my God did you hear Mandy had to go to the hospital?”

  “Good I hope she dies!”

  “I know right? She got hurt in dodge ball.”

  “What happened?”

  “She got hit in the vag by a dodge ball.”

  “Holy shit the baseball team is gonna be pissed.”

  Danger and Destruction sat at their lunch table doing their best to drown out the stupidity of the conversations around them. The people they always sat with were ok, but that was the extent of it. The tables around them were filled with the sort of people the girls would kill just for fun, and the fact that they had to sit there and listen to it was one of the daily headaches they had to deal with at school.

  “They never give us enough tater tots,” Danger complained.

  “I know right?” a girl named Liz replied, “We totally get ripped off.”

  “I count like 10 tots, 10! So unfair!” Danger added.

  “They should like give us at least 30,” Liz replied.

  “Then our lunches would be like four times as expensive,” Destruction stated.

  “I don’t care, I want tater tots,” Danger whined.

  “Hey are you guys going to the museum next week?” Liz asked.

  “Yeah, is your class coming with ours?” a girl named Andrea asked.

  “Oh damn, I totally forgot about that. Hellz yeah, the museum is gonna rock,” Danger said happily.

  “Did you turn in your permission slips?” Andrea asked.

  Danger and Destruction blinked.

  “Uh, yeah like, totally. We totally turned them in,” Destruction lied.

  “Yeah, totally turned in,” Danger agreed.

  “Hey did you guys try Titanfall yet?” a boy named Colin asked.