by John Locke
And it looked like something out of a magazine.
Alison said, “Jessie, my God! Your room didn’t look this good the day we moved in!”
Jessie beamed, but gave credit where credit was due: “It was Nicki’s vision,” she said.
“Well, whatever inspired it,” Alison said, “we’ve got our daughter back.”
And that was just the first weekend!
4.
Breakups, Makeups, and
Special Occasions
I LOVE MY son, but watching him and Nicki together I always got the sense they were mismatched, as if she was the parent, and he was the child. Unlike most young lovers, they didn’t appear to be overly sexual. While always attentive, I never saw Nicki initiate the caressing. What I did notice, she seemed to slightly stiffen whenever he put his arm around her or drew her in for a kiss. Michael has never spoken to me about their relationship, but according to Alison, they’d been having problems.
“Like what?” I asked.
“He says she’s moody, cold, and emotionally unavailable.”
“What does that mean: emotionally unavailable?”
“I think it’s his way of saying she’s asexual.”
“A sexual what?”
She gave me a look. “Are you trying to make a joke?”
“Oh. You mean—”
“Michael didn’t say it, but I get the impression she has no interest in sex.”
“That’s awfully hard to believe!”
“It is?” she said. “Why?”
“I just meant—”
“Don’t bother,” she said. “I know exactly what you meant.”
That afternoon the old Jessie showed up sullen, angry, and unkempt. When I asked what was wrong she said, “Michael’s an asshole.”
“He called?”
“She did.”
“Nicki called you?”
Jessie showed me an ugly look. “Why is that so hard to believe? We talk all the time.”
“You do?” Alison said. “About what?”
Jessie suddenly looked defensive. “I didn’t mean we talk all the time. I don’t bother her, or anything like that. We probably talk a few minutes every other week.”
I said, “Why’s Michael being an asshole?”
“They had another fight. She left him.”
Alison said, “I wouldn’t worry. From what I gather it happens all the time. And she always comes back.”
“One day she won’t,” Jessie said. “And we’ll never see her again.”
“You sound more upset about it than Michael.”
Jessie gave her mom a withering look, then stormed out of the room.
“Maybe it’s best they finally break up for good,” Alison said. “She’s affecting both our kids.”
I said, “Personally, I like Jessie better when Nicki and Michael are getting along.”
“Me too.”
Of course, Michael turned out to be right: Nicki came back. We didn’t see her on Labor Day, due to the breakup, but she was back in time for Alison’s birthday in October, and she and Michael spent Thanksgiving with us, and Christmas, and then—surprise—another breakup, but—bigger surprise, Nicki showed up for Jessie’s birthday anyway, which delighted Jessie more than all her gifts combined. That was late January. By Valentine’s Day she and Michael were back together, and visited us the following week. And every time she showed up, it had a positive impact on our family, especially Jessie. Our inside joke was as long as Michael and Nicki are together, Alison and I get to live with Good Jessie.
5.
First Move
IF I HAD to pick the exact date and time Nicki made her first move on me I’d say Christmas morning, as the family opened presents. She bought Jessie some sort of miniature Bluetooth music player and pre-loaded it with all sorts of dreadful music that turned out to be Jessie’s favorite artists. When Nicki named some of the people, I was the only one in the room who didn’t know them. Naturally, this gave the whole family the opportunity to make fun of Old David and my “ancient” taste in music. As they ribbed me I noticed Nicki was smiling politely, but didn’t join in. And when Alison made a snide remark about my favorite band: “You’ll have to forgive him, Nicki. David’s idea of great music is Rush, which happens to be the number one most hated band in the history of music!” —Nicki’s smile faded, and she said: “Actually, I like Rush.” Then she looked directly into my eyes and said, “Especially Double Agent.”
To most people, that remark wouldn’t remotely be considered “making a move on David.” But the fact she publicly stood up for me after my wife’s insult…well, that got my attention.
Had it stopped there, I wouldn’t have considered it excessive flirtation. But the next night while waiting for everyone to get dressed to go out to dinner, I was sitting alone in the den, enjoying a drink. To my utter shock Nicki came up behind me, kissed my cheek and whispered, “You look amazing, David!”
Her words and kiss played in my mind day and night for weeks. That night at dinner I tried to avoid looking at her, but couldn’t help myself. At one point she and Jessie got up to use the bathroom and when they reentered the room Nicki gave me a perfect wink. In other words, when she closed her right eye nothing else moved. Not her jaw, her nose, her cheek…it was practiced, perfect, and it conveyed a distinct message.
That night, lying in bed, I replayed it over and over in my mind. She stuck up for me against Alison. She kissed my cheek. She said I looked amazing. She winked at me. It was enough on its own, but when I replayed it the tenth or twelfth time, it hit me: she loved the song Double Agent.
Leaving nothing to chance, I grabbed my phone, looked up the definition, and came up with this:
Double Agent: a person who pretends to work for one side,
while secretly working for the other.
I wondered if Nicki was smart enough to pass me a message based on her knowledge of my musical taste, and decided she probably was. That’s what double agents do: they pass messages to the side they’re truly working for. She knew back in August my all-time favorite band was Rush. Favorite groups was one of the first questions she asked me. So she had plenty of time to come up with the song.
But was I reading too much into this? Could the song have been a coincidence? I hoped not, because I didn’t have to work too hard to read between the lines and deduce she was really saying as a double agent she was pretending to be with Michael while secretly wanting to be with me.
6.
Second Move
IF CHRISTMAS WAS her first move, her second came in late January, at Jessie’s birthday party. Jessie reveled in showing off Nicki to her friends, and once again Nicki came up with the perfect gift: Taylor Swift concert tickets. Jessie asked Nicki to take her.
“Are you sure?” Nicki said.
“Yes! One hundred percent! Please say yes. Please!”
“Okay, then: yes!”
After giving her a big hug, Jessie said, “Come with us to the theater room. We’re gonna watch Kardashian reruns!”
“I really didn’t come here to crash your party,” Nicki said, “but if you’re seriously inviting me—”
“I am! You have to! It’ll be so much fun!”
“In that case…absolutely!”
“Alison said, “Jess, I need to talk to Nicki a second.”
Jessie gave her a look, but Nicki said, “I’ll be right there.”
As Jess and her friends raced to claim their seats, Alison said, “Michael’s on his way.”
Nicki’s face fell. “I should go. I don’t want to cause any drama.”
“I know he’d love to see you.”
“Last time we talked, he said he wasn’t coming.”
“I think the only reason he’s coming is to see you.”
“How did he even know I’m here?”
“Jessie told him. He called to wish her happy birthday and she told him to hurry if he wanted to see you. She said she’d keep you here till he arrives.”
<
br /> Nicki smiled. “That little scamp!”
Alison said, “I thought you should know. I didn’t want to put you in an awkward situation.”
“I wouldn’t want it to take away from Jess’s party.”
“It was her idea. She’s afraid if you and Michael break up she’ll never see you again.”
“That’s so sweet.”
“She loves you. We all do.”
“Well, okay then. I’ll stay. Thanks for telling me.”
I watched all this take place while clearing the dining room table as Alison rinsed the dishes. Then Alison asked me to cut the cookie cake, so I started that task and Nicki began arranging the pieces on a giant platter. Alison grabbed a bunch of plates and forks and said, “How many pieces are you up to?”
Nicki did a quick count. “Twenty.”
“That’s plenty. Can you bring the platter on your way to the theater room?”
“Of course.”
When Alison left the room Nicki picked up the platter, looked me dead in the eyes and said, “How about you, David? Do you want a piece?”
My first thought was: Omigod! She has no idea what she just said! But her knowing smile implied she knew exactly what she said.
“Um…are we talking about the cookie cake?”
“Is that what you want to talk about? The cookie cake?”
“Not necessarily.”
“You know what I think?”
“Tell me.”
“We need to talk. Bigtime.”
“I’d like that.”
“Yes,” she said. “I’m positive you will.”
Then she sighed, gave me a wistful look, and took the tray downstairs.
7.
Third Move
NICKI AND MICHAEL were back together again in February, and he brought her to see us for an overnight visit. I couldn’t help notice she was avoiding me, acting quite cold toward me. We only got one chance alone, and that lasted 30 seconds.
I said, “Is everything all right?”
“Is it?” she said.
“You seem upset.”
“You think?”
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m with Michael.”
“I noticed that.”
“You never called.”
“What?”
She turned and walked away.
8.
Fourth Move
NICKI SPENT MOST of her March visit hanging out with Jessie. They went shopping, went to a movie, worked on a music project together, and Nicki even let her practice driving her car up and down our driveway. Meanwhile, Michael and I played golf on Saturday and Sunday and he and his mom spent the evenings chatting while waiting for Nicki to get tired of hanging out with Jessie.
Although Nicki barely spoke to me Saturday and Sunday, on Friday night she caught me alone, gave me a thumbs up and whispered, “If we ever go out on a date, that’s the outfit I want you to wear, okay?”
I smiled.
“Don’t forget,” she said.
9.
April 15th
The Phone Call
NICKI’S APRIL BREAKUP with Michael appeared to be far more serious than previous ones. She not only moved out of his apartment, but took all her things with her and rented a small old house in Shelbyville, Kentucky, which is about 30 miles closer to Lexington. After three days of not hearing from her, Michael panicked and began calling. When Nicki failed to answer he realized he had no idea where she had moved. So he called Jessie and asked if she’d heard from Nicki.
She hadn’t.
He asked her to call Nicki to make sure she was okay. When Jessie did, Nicki answered and seemed perfectly normal, laughing and joking. At one point Nicki asked: “Does he honestly think I can’t survive without him?” And Jessie said, “That’s how he made it sound.”
“Tell him I’m fine.”
“He wants to know where you’re staying.”
“I’m sure he does. But I’d prefer not to see him.”
“Can I at least tell him what state you’re in?”
“Colorado.”
“Omigod! Is that true?”
“Not even!”
They laughed like nothing had changed.
But Michael wasn’t laughing. He couldn’t believe she’d finally moved on, and wasn’t ready to accept it. He asked Alison to intervene, and so she called Nicki to see if she’d come to the house to talk about it. Nicki surprised her by showing up, and after what Alison considered a “very promising talk” Nicki spent the better part of the afternoon hanging out with Jessie, and reassuring her that no matter what happened between her and Michael, they’d remain friends. As proof, Nicki pointed out she hadn’t forgotten her promise to take Jessie to the concert which was still months away.
Since I wasn’t home when Nicki spoke to Alison she asked if she could call me, to get my perspective on how Michael might view their future. Alison thought that was a good idea, and that evening she sat me down and explained that Nicki had serious psycho-sexual issues resulting from horrendous childhood experiences with foster fathers, and apparently certain foster kids as well.
“You should convince her to get counseling,” Alison said.
“I’ll try.”
“That girl’s got serious issues, David. I wonder if I did the right thing, encouraging her to get back together with Michael. All afternoon I worried about it and wondered if maybe this breakup could be the best thing that ever happened to him.”
“It would break his heart,” I said.
“True, but…she’s never going to want children and they’re always going to have bedroom issues. I’m not sure she’s right for Michael.”
Several days passed before Nicki finally called, and when she did, I almost didn’t answer because I didn’t recognize the number.
“David?”
“Yes?”
“It’s Nicki.”
“Nicki!” I said, with far too much enthusiasm. “How are you?”
“Dazed.” She made a small laugh. “Are you confused?” She added, “By the way, that’s a movie reference.”
“Right.”
“You have no clue which movie I’m talking about, do you?”
“Uh…no. Sorry.”
“Never mind. It was a stupid reference. Are you at work?”
“I am.”
“In the middle of something, or is this a good time to talk?”
“No. I mean, yes, I can talk. Absolutely!”
She laughed. “You sound unsure of what to say. Can I make a suggestion?”
“Please do.”
“Relax. To answer your question truthfully, I’m fine. In fact, I’ve never been better.”
“That’s…”
“Yes?”
“I was getting ready to say that’s great, but I’m not sure where things stand with you and Michael. According to Alison, you’re considering getting back together.”
She paused. “Is that what you want?”
I paused.
She said, “David? Is that what you hope happens? That Michael and I get back together?”
“I…I guess I want what’s best for everyone.”
“Well, that could be a problem, because in my experience it’s impossible to please everyone.”
“That’s true.”
“I’d like to tell you about a decision I’ve made: for the first time ever, I want to do what’s best for me. Does that sound selfish?”
“No, of course not,” I said. “You deserve to be happy.”
“I agree. Do you remember what I said to you at Jessie’s birthday party? I said we needed to talk. Do you remember what you said?”
“I said I’d like that.”
“Exactly. And I was hoping you’d call me.”
“I realized that much later.”
“I know. I brought it to your attention. And yet you still didn’t call.”
“You’d gone back with Michael. I wasn’t sure the offer still applied.”
&nb
sp; “It did. And…it still does. Would it put you in an awkward situation or make you feel uncomfortable if I asked you to meet me someplace so we can finally have that talk in person?”
The angel on my shoulder said: Absolutely not! It wouldn’t be appropriate.
But the devil on my other shoulder said: This is Nicki Hill, the goddess you’ve blistered your dick fantasizing about for the past eight months.
The angel said: Your son loves this woman with all his heart and whatever you say next will have major implications on your future and everyone you love. Do the right thing, David: don’t disappoint God.
After weighing both sides of the argument I said, “I’d be thrilled to meet you, Nicki. When and where?”
Scum that I am, my mind was in overdrive, hoping she’d name a hotel. On the one hand, that would be the most exciting thing that’s happened to me in a decade. On the other, I’d probably explode in my pants before I got past the lobby, and wouldn’t that be emasculating! As it turned out, she named a little sandwich shop on the other side of town and asked, “Have you ever been there?”
I hadn’t.
“It’s near the Griffin Gate Marriott, by the Interstate.”
“Right. That should be easy to find.”
“I don’t know if the food’s any good,” she said. “I was just thinking of a safe place we could meet where you’re not likely to run into anyone you know.”
“It’s a good choice. When do you want to meet?”
“I know it’s awfully short notice, but…would today work? Around noon?”
“Actually, yes. That’s perfect.” I checked my watch. “Can you get there that quickly?”
“If not, will you wait for me?”
“Of course.”
“How long?”
“As long as it takes.”
“Thanks, David. Because that’s how long I’ve been waiting for you.”
Wow! Did she just say that?
