by C. A. Rene
By half time, I can feel the repercussions of lack of sleep, and my body is becoming sluggish. We’re up but not by much and Coach is looking a bit tense. We’re used to losing and our initial reactions are to expect it, but with how hard we’re working this year, we can start to change that. It’s not changing yet because we all look defeated and tired, all except Dixon. He looks fucking livid. I want to ask him what the fuck is up but I don’t think I’d receive an answer.
Even behind the helmet, he looks murderous, and I can’t help when my dick twitches with appreciation.
Dixon
We can’t find Danny.
Ma says she’s called everyone but no one has seen him. He missed his weekly call in twice now and it looks like I’ll be heading back home after this to find him. It really pisses me off that I have to do this at all, he’s nearly grown now, and needs to start minding his responsibilities. At seventeen, he’s still a minor, and I’m having Ma sign the papers to put him in the program for troubled youth. He’ll have no choice and I can only hope he comes out of it a changed man, otherwise the consequences will be dire when he’s an adult.
This game has been a blur and even though we’re up, my spirits are so damn low. Football isn’t the same driving force it has been for me all these years and I know why, it was always a means to provide for my family. I can’t do that if I no longer have a family.
With half time over, we head back out to the field, and Zeal stands there with his hands on hips, ready to call the shots. I’ve been feeling Sebastian’s eyes on me constantly but I can’t deal with him and his warped mind right now. Same with Dani, she’s trying hard to be the understanding girlfriend, and I can’t help it that I don’t feel a strong connection with her. I jumped into something to avoid something else and that’s my mistake to fix. I just don’t know how to do it. Breaking up with her feels sudden, it’s only been a couple of weeks, and saying I’m just not that into her would be rude. I want to be into her. Without a connection forming and all this stress on my shoulders, it’s been hard to do that.
Zeal calls the play and it’s the same one we’ve been practicing all day, I could do this shit in my sleep. The whistle blows and I’m off, my feet digging into the grass. By now, the Cowboys defense tries to crowd me but it’s to no avail, I am either too fast, or our offense takes them out, and maybe I’ve grown slightly cocky about it. I lose my focus for one second, my eyes up on the ball sailing towards me, and just as I reach for it, a body slams into mine. The air rushes from my lungs in one fell swoop and I’m hitting the ground hard on my knee.
The pain that rips through my leg is intense and I scream as my vision blurs. It’s the same injury I had before and the pain is all too familiar. I wrap my hands around the knee, holding it at a bent angle. Straightening it out would be excruciating and the tremors wracking my leg muscles is agonizing. I can’t concentrate on what’s going on around me but I see two medics appear above me.
“Can you stand?” one asks and I grit my teeth.
“Yeah,” I can stand but putting any weight on it would be impossible.
I’m hoisted up and as soon as my toes touch the grass, the pain courses up my leg causing me to cry out. My arms are slung over each medic and I’m walked off the field to a roar of boos. I don’t care about anything else now, except for the fact that I am injured again, and a reinjury is always worse than the initial.
I’m laid out on a stretcher inside the locker room as the medics haul off my pants and shoes.
“It’s swelling fast,” one of them says, “get the ice pack.”
It’s like being transported in time, back to the beginning of third year at Clemson, when I laid on another table, ice sitting on my knee.
“Dixon?” Dani’s screech hits my ears and I can't decide what's more painful. “Oh my god, are you okay?”
The fuck does it look like? I continue to stare at the ceiling and the fluorescent lights, eerily reminiscent of when I fucked her on my kitchen table, only reversed. I can see how this can be distracting enough to imagine a whole new scenario as another reality plays out.
The ice pack is placed on my knee and I can hear Dani asking the medic if I hit my head, probably because I’m not answering her. I don’t really care right now and I’d be happier if she just went back to wherever it was she came from, permanently. That’s not nice, I know it’s not, and I’m in pain so I feel justified. I want to be left alone.
One of the medics appears over my face again, this time I get a good look at him. He’s got a thick beard on his face but it does nothing to cover the long scar stretching from the center of his top lip and over his nose, cleft palate.
“According to your file, this knee was injured fifteen months ago, correct?”
Before I can confirm it, Dani is whining to my right about needing me on the field and how pissed off her father was going to be. That pretty much sums up my usefulness to her and I can’t even be mad at it, hers is even less for me. Just pisses me off that I’m laying here again, my knee propped up to drain, and all for reasons I can’t seem to remember. My body goes through degradation and stress, all for dreams I see disappearing before my eyes.
I hear the crowd outside roaring in triumph and I know that means we won the game. I try to dig inside and feel something, pride, anything. But right now, I just want to go home to be with Ma, and to find Danny.
“Where is he?” I hear Sebastian say as the doors to the locker room bang off the walls. “Dixon!” His face appears over mine, he’s sweaty and streaks of dirt line his cheeks, “is it bad?” he looks to someone to his right.
“Looks like a strain, hopefully it’s not a tear,” the medic explains, “we won’t know more until the swelling is down.”
“Oh fuck, a tear? That means surgery, right?” Dani’s panicked voice soars, “that’s the end to him this season.”
“Will someone get this whore out of here?” Sebastian demands and I snort, the first thing I’ve reacted to. He looks down into my face and when he sees my smirk, he answers with one of his own, “you’re dating an annoying whore.”
I shrug and hiss the air through my teeth when the medic lifts my leg, “I think an x-ray would be better so we can determine the damage.” Coach says from somewhere down near my feet. He appears in the spot Sebastian was just in and lays his hand on my shoulder, “you need rest and we’ll check up on it in a few days.”
I give him a nod and then I’m being wheeled out through the double doors, depression hitting me hard in the gut. How the fuck can I find Danny if I’m stuck to a bed for days?
“Where are you taking him?” I hear Sebastian asking the medics. They tell him a hospital but I don’t care to hear it, I don’t have anyone here with me to care anyway.
It’s four hours later and the result of my x-ray is a sprain, I should be relieved but I’m simply happy to get my ass out of there. I’m prescribed anti-inflammatories and some pain meds, then wheeled out into the main area. I see Dani sitting in a chair, her hair dishevelled and her makeup a mess.
“Hey,” she gives me a tentative smile, “I’m here to take you home.” I can see she’s a bit nervous and looks slightly ashamed.
I give her a small smile and decide to forgive her, it was a stressful fucking moment for all of us. Plus, she’s here, right? She cares enough to be the only person here with me and make sure I get home. The doctor hands her a pair of crutches and tells me to lay on my back for a few days, doing the minimum. Then I need another check up.
I take the crutches from Dani - not at all a stranger to them - and let her lead me out to her car.
“I’m sorry for my behavior earlier,” she whispers into the silence of the car.
“It’s all good,” I shrug, “emotions were running high.”
My left knee begins to throb, the pain meds wearing off, and exhaustion rolling over me quickly. I need to get home and call Ma, then I need to figure out a way back to Baltimore. No matter my injury, Danny is still missing, and I can’
t shake the feeling he needs me.
Chapter twenty-four
Sebastian
I followed behind Dani to the hospital and watched as she went inside. I was expecting her to come out alone, having witnessed Dixon’s disregard of her, and I was surprised when they came out together. I watched as she tucked him into her car and then she took him back to his place. He let her inside with him and I knew I would have to go to extremes to show him the truth.
The sky darkens and when that bitch doesn’t come out as usual, I know she’s staying the night. That actually bothers me, more than I want it to given that I’m not planning anything serious with Dixon, I just really want to watch him suck my dick. I get out of the Hummer before I can fully think through my actions and approach the house. I know he’s not one for much security, so I head to the back door, and hope it’s open.
I stand in front of the glass door that doesn’t even have a curtain covering it, I can see straight through the house to his front door, and there isn’t even a light out here that turns on with movement. He’s a dumb fuck, I need to get all this rectified for him, and make sure he’s safe when my ass isn’t pulling all-nighters to do so. I grab the handle of the door and give it a tug, it slides a few inches open. I wait to hear an alarm or beeping and when I don’t, I curse the idiot under my breath.
I step into his kitchen and close the door behind me. I look around and see a few open cans of soup, screwing up my face. Sure, when I was dirt poor and begging on the streets, that shit was gold. I wouldn’t touch it now if I were starving. Leave it to Dani to make canned soup for him, useless damn female. At least she has nice tits.
I walk through the kitchen slowly and stand in the middle of his TV room. It looks nearly unused and for some reason that makes me snort. I creep up the stairs, one at a time, and thank the fact that the house is new because nothing creaks. I pause at the top of the landing and see that all doors are open except for one, Dixon’s bedroom. I wait and listen for any sounds, I really wouldn’t want to storm in while they are having sex, but I will. They should be having sex, sure his leg is injured but his dick isn’t, and I’m sure a girl like Dani has ridden more than a few in her day. Again, I’m hit with satisfaction knowing they aren’t fucking.
The door isn’t completely shut, so I ease it open with the toe of my boot, and step into the room. They’re laying in the same bed, both on their backs, and not even an inch of skin touching. I used to sleep in bed with my boys like this, there’s nothing intimate about it, and yet I can feel my body begin to vibrate with unrestrained emotion. Why does she even get to sleep beside him? And in his t-shirt as well. It’s pure instinct that makes me reach behind my back and grab the cool metal of my gun, I want to shoot her in the head. I walk around the end of the bed and up along her side, gently pulling my piece from my waistband. I stand over her head, her brown hair spread over the pillow, and her mouth open slightly. She looks like she’s at home, but she fucking isn’t.
I run the barrel of the gun along her forehead, brushing aside her hair, and grin when her brows crease in the center. That’s right Dani, enjoy it now while you have it, I look at the space between them and snort. If you actually have it. I put the gun back in my waistband and walk back to the end of the bed, giving them a final look over. I walk to the door, my footsteps slow and deliberate, not wanting to disturb the awkward couple.
“Seb,” my heart explodes and I stand completely still, sweat gathering at the base of my spine.
I don’t move for at least a minute and wait to hear what else he has to say, or how he’ll react to my being in his house in the middle of the night. When there’s no other sound, I turn and look at them over my shoulder, and exhale when I see they’re both still sleeping. Even in sleep, Dixon looks confused, and I slip out of his room. My heart is beating about a mile a minute as I hurry down the stairs and back outside.
He called me Seb.
The next morning at practice, it's quieter than usual, and even though Dixon is new to us, he quickly became family. The guys are missing him today and so am I. I head over to Coach’s office and I stop short when I hear Dani speaking about Dixon.
“He’s already left for Baltimore,” she huffs. “I tried to convince him to let me drive him but he’s taking the Greyhound.”
“That’s good he can spend some time with his family and recoup this week.” Coach grunts.
“I think something bad is happening with his mom.” Dani says like it’s the hottest gossip bit, “I tried to get it out of him but he wouldn’t budge.”
“Leave it be Dani. His family life is his business, not yours and stay out of his fucking bed. What did I tell you before?”
“It’s not serious,” she whines, “he’s a nice guy.”
“Yes, he is and I’d like him to stay that way. Stop fucking my team, Danielle.”
I press my fist to my mouth and flatten myself to the wall just as she thunders out of his office, her face a twisted mass of fury. She stalks down the hall without seeing me and I head back into the locker room, completely satisfied with Dixon’s lack of trust in her. He would’ve told her his family issues if they were dating and he would feel at ease with sharing his world.
I don’t like that he’s headed back to Baltimore, especially since his brother has a hit on his head, and maybe Dixon will be a fair trade if they can’t find little North. I want to warn him to watch his back but how can I do that without him knowing I’ve put feelers out? I could try to convince him that I did it because I care but then he’ll ask how I knew about his baby brother and then I’ll have to admit I was inside his house. Like a stalking psycho. Which I’m not, I just look after certain people, and I can’t do that if I don’t know everything about them.
Speaking of, now I have to get a few of my boys over to Baltimore, and I need to get them moving now.
Dixon
This bus is so cramped but I like the fact that I’m alone. Dani offered to drive me and I refused, I just didn’t want her around the shit that’s going on with my family. She wouldn’t understand and it’s nowhere near time to bring her home to Ma. Regardless, Dani is the furthest thing on my mind right now.
I had a dream last night.
Sebastian was in my room and he was lying beside me in bed, his hand linked with mine. I was content and I remember feeling complete, like nothing in life could bother me. Then I turned to look at him and instead his face morphed into Dani’s, the intense feeling of loss shattering my heart. I remember calling for him and begging him not to leave. It was weird and I knew I needed to get out of Buffalo. He’s somehow become an integral part of my day and my mind always gravitates back to thoughts of him, no matter how hard I try to stop it.
I called my mother this morning and told her about my injury, she was upset but calmed when I said I would be coming home for a few days. She wants to take care of me and I think the worry she has over Danny is worse when she’s alone. It’s going to be hell trying to find him while I’m on crutches but I’m hoping to find a few people to do the leg work for me. I have a few ideas of where he might be but I can’t figure out why he’s not checking in and I can’t contact any of his gang friends for fear that’s who he’s hiding from. I can only hope he’s trying to get out and laying low until they forget about him. I’m ready to bring him and Ma back with me. We could buy a new house and be a family again, I want nothing more.
Although, I feel a pit in the base of my stomach, and I know it’s my intuition telling me that something is wrong. It’s dredging up those feelings of being inadequate for my family and screwing up all the things I worked so hard to achieve. Leaving my brother behind and chasing a dream of wealth and fame was my first wrong move. I should’ve forced them to follow me, we could’ve made it work, and just maybe him seeing what real work ethic was like, would make him try to achieve it, too.
I pull out my phone and begin texting a few of the guys I know from the old hood, I need to know what they’ve heard. Then I need to convince th
em to look for him and to keep it quiet. I have a few season tickets up for bribes and I’m not too proud to use them. After sending the texts, I rest my head on the seat, and let my body relax, this will probably be the only time I will rest.
Chapter twenty-five
Sebastian
We lost another game and it’s been nearly a week without Dixon. The locker room is quiet as we sit here and listen to Coach berate us for not being focused. We really weren’t and this whole trip was a damn bust. The good news though? We just played the Baltimore Ravens.
So, instead of getting on that bus and going home with the team, I’ll be staying behind to search down Dixon.
“Why aren’t you coming back with us?” Jameson asks.
“Business.” I shrug. He and Ortiz know what that means and don’t question me further.
Coach doesn’t question me, he just barks for me to be at practice in two days, and I swallow down the need to flip him off. I get it, he’s salty about us losing, but I will still slap him like a bitch if he pushes me.
I leave the stadium and hop in the cab that will take me to my hotel. It didn’t take long to find the new home Dixon bought for his mom and I will head over there tomorrow. I would’ve done it tonight but I don’t want to come off as obsessed because I’m not.
I get inside my room and throw my bag on the bed, I should sleep but I’m too amped, and turn on the TV instead. Maybe I’ll order porn and veg out on room service. I open the menu on the screen for the porn titles and see It’s a man’s world, a gay porn. I keep it highlighted for a while and then curse, turning it off. I need to get the fuck out of this hotel and get some fresh air.
