by C. A. Rene
Dixon will be back in a week and I have a lot to prepare before then. I’m pissed he hasn’t replied to me and I have a punishment in mind for when he’s back in the city. After everything that’s happened between us, I won’t let him shut me out, and I can be the person that helps him grieve. But first, he needs to be punished and I love handing out punishments.
I run the same laps around the field that he used to, it makes me feel closer to him, and the ache that’s been sitting in my chest dissipates. There’s only one other person in this world that makes me feel this way and that’s my daughter Carla. She’s always been my ray of sunshine in the storm that’s my life and she knows just how to wrap me around her little princess finger. When I get back to Rochester to deal with business, I can pop in and see her too, and my soul can be recharged until the next time I can visit.
With the game coming up tonight and Dixon on my mind, concentrating on anything else feels impossible. Dani is an added nuisance but I’m dealing with it now before it gets any worse. Females can be nasty and a scorned one can be deadly.
That’s why her suspicions are bothersome.
Dixon
We buried Daniel last week in the same cemetery my father was laid to rest. I don’t remember much after recognizing him on that gurney and waiting for my mother to get to the hospital. It would’ve been more agonizing if Sebastian wasn’t there, but I didn’t get the chance to tell him that, and during the hectic events after, he disappeared.
Both mine and my Ma’s cellphones were confiscated for the investigation and the cops tore through our home, looking for clues as to Daniel’s affiliations. Even when I explained to them that this was a new home, they still insisted upon the search, and since we want to find out who did this, we complied.
We were told he was killed execution style and his body had been on that boat for at least a few days, until the owner discovered it. I have heard what they have in terms of theories but nothing is concrete. The cops have said they’ve seen this type of killing before and in that local area. Apparently, it’s done when someone has gone against the gang’s demands. Was Daniel trying to get out?
My mother has been a wreck and when I told her she was moving with me to Buffalo, she barely put up a fight. I know she feels like there’s nothing else here for her and that breaks my heart. I bought us a new home and it’s bigger than we ever could’ve dreamed about owning. I bought it in Daniel’s memory and I will still make sure there’s a room just for him. Sebastian was right, I need to carry on with my career, and I need to do it for Danny.
My knee has healed enough that I can once again put my weight on it, but running still hurts, and the pain seems to be localized at the knee cap. The doctor said that’s normal and I should be ready to go in a few more weeks. Coach has been incredibly supportive and he has been checking in, not only about my knee but my brother, too. I haven’t spoken to Dani and I really haven’t had the urge to, I’ll see her when I get back anyway. I don’t know if she has been trying to get a hold of me or not, I will know when the cops return our phones tomorrow.
It feels like time has been standing still and rushing forward all at once, sometimes I feel stuck in a moment only to pull out of it and realize hours have passed. Sometimes I’m taken back to a time when Danny and I were children and he didn’t avoid me as much, I can lose hours in those memories. I’ve tried to pinpoint the moment things changed, when we reached the point of no return, and when saving my little brother was impossible. I can’t see it and that makes me feel even worse. I was away too often and each time I came home, he was a little older. I didn’t see the change from a delinquent teen into a disgruntled man and that’s what saddens me the most. No one paid attention to Danny.
Chapter twenty-seven
Sebastian
I follow Delano to the basement of his house and he pauses at the door, looking around before opening it. He stayed true to his word and had the two guys picked up, keeping them here until I could come. I follow him down the stairs and crinkle my nose at the smell of mold, these old houses in Rochester are full of it. This basement is especially bad because Delano sometimes leaves things to decay too long inside these walls.
He reaches up to turn on a pull string light and the single bulb washes the room in a dull orange hue. Two guys are sitting back-to-back on the floor with rope around their middles and bandanas stuffed in their mouths. They can’t be any older than eighteen and yet they look hardened, like I did at that age. That’s what happens when you call the streets your home before maturity.
I crouch down in front of the first one and pull the gag out of his mouth, his eyes spit fire. “Do you know why you’re here?”
“You’ll die for this.” He grits out.
“You’re not in Baltimore anymore, you’re in my city, understand?” when he stays silent, I take that as an assent, “do you know why you’re here?”
“No.”
I stuff the bandana back in his mouth and he does little to fight it, knowing I’m not to be fucked with. I get up and move to the guy at his back, pulling the material out of his mouth next.
“Same question.”
“No.” He answers but I see something softer in his eyes. He may bend for me quicker than the other.
“Does Daniel North ring a bell to you?” The way his eyes round slightly and his jaw locks tell me it does indeed. “He was executed a few weeks ago.”
He keeps his mouth shut and I chuckle, liking that I get to take this to the next level.
“Take his boot off and get me the torch,” I tell Delano.
Delano grabs the kid’s boot and he begins to scream as he struggles but proving no match for my boy. No, we’ve been through this many times before and we’ve become a well-oiled machine. This is our niche and we are just so fucking good at it. Once the kid’s boot and sock are off, I stand towering over him, and we both watch as Delano grabs a plumber’s torch. He hands it to me and I make a point of pressing the ignitor, the sound loud in the soundproofed basement.
“Listen,” the kid begins, trying to buy himself some time, “I can tell you who you really want, we just follow orders.”
The guy tied at his back begins to squirm, screaming into his bandana, and snapping his head back and forth.
“Hold his leg,” I tell Delano and ignore the kid, I already gave him a chance. I don’t ever do second chances. “Did you eat today?” I ask Delano with a grin and he answers me with one back, an excited gleam in his eye. We’re so damn twisted.
“I love the smell of barbequed meat.” He chuckles.
I crouch down and grab his foot around the center while slowly moving the flame closer. “You’re probably going to piss your pants.” I say to the kid and he begins to plead.
“Looks like this little gang in Baltimore recruited pussies only.” Delano says with a sneer.
I hold up the foot and bring the tip of the flame to his big toe, watching as the skin bubbles and blackens. His screams are loud and his body shakes, but I’m too far lost in the bliss of torture. I move the flame down and start in on the next toe. The smell of ammonia hits my nostrils and I laugh as the kid pisses himself. I knew he would.
I finally get to the last toe and pull back the torch, they are a lovely shade of black. Some fluids ooze out of the busted blisters and I smirk at Delano. The kid passed out by the third toe and charred meat is potent in the small room. I drop the foot and it bounces off the concrete with a loud thud. His buddy tied at his back is panting loudly, sweat pouring down his face, and his body shaking. I stand in front of him and crouch down, bringing myself eye to eye.
“What was it you were telling people about killing Daniel North?” I ask him and he mumbles around the bandana, “oh, I remember, you were making an example out of him, right?”
His eyes squeeze shut like he knows there’s no point, they’re both never leaving this basement alive, and trying to fight that would be futile. I respect that. I respect it enough not to torture this one, but he st
ill must die. I stand up and pull the gun out of the back of my waistband and point it at his forehead, in the exact same spot they shot Little North. I pull the trigger and he slumps forward, jerking his partner into consciousness.
“Give me his phone,” I tell Delano, jerking my chin at the guy I just shot, “I want to take a video.”
Delano chuckles and searches the guy’s jacket pocket, pulling out the newest iPhone. “These little gangsters have it good.” I whistle and Delano nods. I use the dead kid’s thumb to open the screen and scroll through recent phone calls. Baby mama 1 and Baby mama 2 being the most used. But then I find Boss and fucking roll my eyes. The damn stupidity is astounding, but useful.
“Smile for your Boss, I’m sending him a gift.” I tell the kid as I record him moaning. “That hurts huh?” I prod at his foot and he screams again. “He pissed himself too,” I say while keeping the video on the kid writhing on the ground. “Your other soldier,” I get up and walk around, “got the same death he gave one of my little homies.” I zoom in on the hole in his forehead. “I think you get the message, right?”
I stop the recording and send the video to their boss, then smash the phone under my boot.
“Find his, too.” I tell Delano, “dump them somewhere. You got that one?” I point to the kid still moaning in pain. Delano gives me a quick nod and I start for the stairs, “I’ll see you in a couple weeks.” I call out to him.
“You smell like you were at a cookout,” Paola crinkles her nose, “but like the meat was bad.”
I snort and lean in to kiss her cheek, “nah, no cookout. I’m starving though.”
“I don’t know how you have an appetite after roasting someone.” She mutters and heads into the kitchen. “Mami was here earlier and dropped off some paella.”
My mouth salivates at the thought of her mother’s cooking and I follow her into the kitchen. I pull off my jacket and a wave of seared kid hits me, the smell making my stomach clench in hunger. Yeah, I’m fucked up.
“Carla is sleeping?” I ask her as she places a bowl in front of me.
“Si,” she replies and sits across from me, “I told her you were coming to see her and she’s excited for when she wakes up.”
“I’m excited to see the little mama, too.”
“You’re different,” she leans her head on her hand and watches me closely, “are you seeing someone?”
“Nope.”
“I’ve never seen you look like this before,” she reaches for her pack of smokes on the table and pulls out a pre rolled-spliff, “you have this glow.”
She lights the end and the sight of the flame makes my stomach flop. I push away the bowl of food and reach for it, my body craving the numbness it’ll provide.
“I’m not glowing, Paola,” I take a long pull on the spliff, “I’m sweating from torturing and killing two guys.”
“You know it would be okay if you found someone, you have kept your oath to my brother, and I am well taken care of.”
“Enough,” I snap, “there’s no one else.”
She sits back in her seat with a small smile on her mouth and I look away, not wanting her to see any further into my soul. She’s already seen too much.
“Papi!” a little squeal wakes me up and the dip in the mattress warns me I’m about to be attacked.
“Hi Mija,” I chuckle as I feel her little body curl around mine, her breath hitting my cheek.
“Did you bring me a present?” her bright green eyes stare into mine.
“Nada,” I shrug, “but we can go shopping.”
She squeals again and the sound rings against my eardrums, causing me to wince.
“Sorry Papi,” she covers her mouth with her hand.
“It’s okay, Mija,” I ruffle her hair, “let Papi get dressed and we will go.”
Dixon
Being back here in the stadium is bittersweet. My goals have changed and I don’t feel like the same person that first stepped foot inside these walls. No matter how hard I try, I can’t bring him back, and I know I must change my priorities. Yes, my mother is still important, but I’ve taken care of her, and Danny still means the world to me but he’s gone. I know I have to stop blaming myself for that but it’s going to take time. Every decision made has a consequence and my decision to pursue a career, brought my family to where we are today.
My mother’s decision to have children with our father, brought us to where we are today, and both of our decisions to just hope that Danny would come around, put him where he is today. I know once I face those realities, I will then begin to heal, and until then I have a lot of work to put in.
“Dixon?”
I turn at the sound of Dani’s hesitant voice and find her standing in front of her office.
“Hey.” I give her a smile and she runs into my arms.
“I tried calling and texting,” her words are muffled as she buries her face into my chest, “I’m so sorry about your brother.”
I stiffen at her words and try to relax, I need to start getting used to hearing that.
“Thank you,” I rest my chin on top of her head.
“How’s your knee?” she looks up at me.
“Stiff and a bit sore, but I need to start working with it.”
“I’m so happy you’re back.” She whispers, “when can I see you?”
Her words make my stomach flip and I try not to let the expression on my face change with it, “soon. My mother and I are just settling into our new house.”
The disappointment is clear on her face and I know I’ve disappointed this woman more than I’ve made her happy. That’s a sign that I’m not ready for where she wants this to go and I know I must tell her. Just not here inside the stadium, I’ll take her out for dinner, and break it to her over wine, chicks love that shit.
“Your mother will be living with you?” I can hear the judgement.
“Yeah, considering I’m her only family left.” I retort and step back.
“Sorry,” she chews into her lip, “I didn’t mean it like that.”
She did but I don’t care, “it’s all good, I’m going to head in the locker room and see the guys.” I step around her and ignore her huff of frustration, she’ll have to get over it.
I open the doors and the guys’ laughter fades as they turn to see who it is. Then slowly it picks back up as they rush forward, crushing me in the center of a large group hug, and telling me they missed me. This is family.
“North, we missed you.” Dex grabs my shoulder, “I’m sorry about your little brother.”
I give him a nod but I can’t seem to get the words to come out. My throat is closing with emotion and my heart is thumping wildly.
“Guys!” Sebastian shouts, “give him some space.”
The team parts in front of me and then I see Sebastian, he has his arms crossed along his bare chest. He doesn’t look pissed, he doesn’t look happy either, and I see he’s schooled his features to be indifferent. Disappointment flares in my chest and I can’t help but compare myself to Dani, so this is how she feels. It’s ridiculous, I can’t expect him to walk over to me, and then what? Kiss me? My heart thunders at the thought and his mouth curls up on the right side, like he knows what I’m thinking.
I walk through the center and see the guys, my throat still working to remove the lump. I start to walk by Sebastian but he reaches out and grabs my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. I swallow down and give him a small nod, avoiding his eyes. He was there when I lost it, when the mountain of pain crushed me at the sight of my brother, and he made sure I was okay. I don’t think I could ever repay him.
“North,” Zeal comes up to me as I open my locker, “how’s the knee?”
I’m grateful for the change of subject, “healing.”
“That was a nasty hit you took,” Ortiz chimes in. “Did you watch the playback?”
“Nah,” I chuckle, “that would be psychological torture.”
“My first concussion was my rookie year,” Jameson adds
, “and I watched that playback over and over again.”
“That’s because you have issues,” Sebastian snorts and the guys laugh.
“Coach said you’ll be joining us in the next few weeks.” Zeal says as he leans against the locker beside mine, “I can help you out with the rehab and weight training. Let’s strengthen that knee up again.”
“Thanks man.” I watch as he heads off to the field.
Today while the guys practice, I’ll run the field, and slowly bring up my endurance again. I follow behind Zeal and step out into the hallway, looking towards the large double doors, and suddenly feeling nervous. How will it look out there now that my brother is gone? What will it feel like to dig my toes into the field and run along its surface? Will I feel guilty that I can do it while he rots into the ground?
“It still looks the same,” Dani calls from her father’s doorway, “Dad is out there waiting for you.”
I hate that she seems to always be watching me and when I want to have a quiet personal moment, she appears. I give her a tight smile and slowly make my way to the doors. I need to get her out soon and really lay down the boundaries. She has to feel it too, that lack of connection, and no amount of forcing it will make it work. Her constant disappointment should be enough of a reason for her to dump me and I get the feeling she’s clinging on for other reasons. Maybe she wants to marry a footballer so badly that it doesn’t matter about anything else.
Sad fucking life.
Chapter twenty-eight
Sebastian
“Lucky guy,” I say and hold in my smirk when Dani’s eyes fly to mine, “he doesn’t know what he has.”
“He’s been through a lot,” she defends him and excuses his dismissal.
“He should lean on you more.” I walk across the hall and stand in front of her, “I remember how good it felt.”
